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I’m with you, okay? Always. Garak read that last line over and over again. He would have thought he was just being hopeful, wishing that Julian could ever feel the same way about him as he did. But the way the letter ended had shattered that. Love, Julian
Garak found himself reading the entire letter again:
My dear, Garak
That comma placement alone had gotten Garak’s heart beating rapidly. Surely it was a grammatical error, although out of character for Julian Bashir, it wasn't unlikely. Furthermore, it could be a simple show of platonic affection. After exchanging letter after letter, even Garak had to realize he was indeed held dear in the doctor’s heart.
My heart ached reading your last letter, as it has for every letter prior.
The details of Cardassia being rebuilt were not easy to swallow, so it was no surprise Julian found them upsetting. Still, this was the first time he admitted it instead of offering suggestions and words of encouragement.
I won’t come to Cardassia if you don’t want me to and since you haven’t asked me to join you, I’ve stayed put, but please let me do something for you.
The idea that Julian would even consider moving to Cardassia hadn’t even crossed Garak’s mind. It had been a fantasy, that Starfleet would send him to Cardassia as a part of a goodwill project or something, but Garak had never thought it could be a reality. And yet here Julian was, saying he would join him if Garak asked.
I don’t know what I can send you, what I can say, what I need to do to help you. And I’m talking about you Garak, not Cardassia.
That had made Garak confused. Why would Garak, one man, get special consideration over an entire suffering population. Sure, Julian actually knew Garak, but familiarity was hardly necessary when it came to that young man’s bleeding heart.
Just ask me for anything and it’s yours. You’re working so hard to take care of all of Cardassia, you’ve neglected to take care of yourself. Let me take care of you then, please, I’m begging you.
Did Julian know that was essentially a proposal in Cardassian culture?
Being there for you never has been and never could be an imposition or a burden, since my heart’s always with you no matter what.
I’m with you, okay? Always.
Love,
Julian
The young man had somehow rendered Garak, who was never at a loss for words, speechless. How could he respond to this letter? Admit that he ached for Julian every day? Or simply ask that he join him as a friend? He could decline but thank Julian for his offer of assistance, that would be the wisest way for Garak to keep himself from getting hurt.
Still, the entire world that Garak loved had fallen apart. He had essentially no one to truly depend on and he had grown so tired and so hopeless. Would it be so wrong for him to want something nice for himself? To dream again? To desire?
My dearest, Julian
I await your arrival with baited breath.
Love,
Garak