Chapter Text
“Connie… I-… I think I’m gay…” I couldn’t meet my best friend’s eyes. The shame and terror behind what I had just confessed was too overwhelming. If I saw any sign of disgust in those eyes, the person I trusted most in the world. If he looked at me as anything less than he did before, anything other than Jean Kirschtein… I knew it would break me.
As soon as the words left my mouth I wished I could reach out stuff them back in. But It didn’t feel right holding them in any longer. It has been eating away at my thoughts for far too long and I am so sick of hiding myself! I’m normally the honest one damn it! So why is this so fucking hard get out?!
“Uh, dude. I just asked if you preferred pizza or burgers but, alright? Haha What is there some joke about gays and pizzas that I’m supposed to get?” Connie just laughed it off. Laughed. Like it was a fucking joke! Like I hadn’t just spilled my deepest darkest secret to him! Jackass!
Feeling a little offended at having my confession brushed off so easily I shot him with a deathly serious glare.
“What I meant -Connie-“ I spit his name out angrily, so he’d know I wasn’t fucking around. “Is I can’t go on this stupid double blind date anymore. I can’t Connie! I can’t do it. I can’t pretend to be straight anymore! It’s fucking killing me!”
The other finally stopped shuffling through restaurant pamphlets to look up at me with wide confused eyes. “Uh, What? You’re serious?” He quickly dropped the contents within his hands and came around to sit next to me. “For how long? I never even-, I mean I never noticed you might be-… How long have you been holding this in? Does anyone else know?”
I could feel myself subconsciously trying pull away, sinking down as far as I could into the couch. Maybe if I tried hard enough it’ll swallow me up and away from the current conversation. His focused eyes were making me self conscious. Damn it, I’m not a fuckin puss so why is this so hard for me to discuss.
“I-uh-“ With a shrug I slide my hands over my bare arms, hoping it’ll help me feel less exposed. I need to swallow hard before I can manage to get any more words out. “I haven’t told anyone else. I-I started having these strange thoughts our freshman year of high school… and I-I knew it was wrong so I tried to ignore it.” It was getting harder to breath. “But o-over the past few years I’ve just gotten worse, a-and I can’t bring myself to stop. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I-I-“
“Jean! Stop!” Before I can say any more he takes one of my shaking hands within both of his. “Breathe. It’s alright. If you’re gay, you’re gay. You shouldn’t have to hide yourself, especially not from me. There is nothing wrong with you, heh well there is a lot wrong with you heheh but, being gay isn’t one of them.”
I shoot him a glassy eyed glare at his stupid joke, but I know he’s just trying to lighten my mood. That’s how we both handle tense situations like these, by cracking jokes. And his words do ease some of the anxiety swirling around in my stomach.
Exhaling a shaky breath I run my free hand over the back of my head, fidgeting with the longer hairs that lay there. “I just, feel like I’m not supposed to fucking be this way. Like, I’ll freak out my friends and disappoint my family…”
Connie smiled and scooted even closer. “Jean. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Do you understand?”
I look away. “I know that’s supposed to be true but I’ve heard enough contradictory statements from people I care about to know not everyone feels that way. It would be so much easier if I could just fucking be normal.”
“Jean, I’m serious now. Look at me.” He sits on the little coffee table in front of me, maneuvering himself until he has my attention again. “There is nothing wrong with being gay so don’t you dare think otherwise. If one of your friends treats you any different, then they aren’t worth being friends with. If your family gives you any grief, well, fuck em. They’ll come around once they realize you’re happier this way. And if they don’t, I’m your family. And you’ll always have me.”
“Thanks man.” I allow myself a small smile. I don’t know why I expected anything other than complete support from someone I’ve been close friends with since we were in diapers. Why did I let this confessing thing become so difficult? And why have I been waiting so long to tell anyone?
So many years wasted when I could have gotten it over with and started living my life more freely a lot sooner. Connie’s encouragement helped doused the majority of the doubt flames I’ve had swirling around my head for the last 7 years. “That was like, the gayest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Again, joking away the seriousness in the air. He laughed and let go of my hand.
“Gayer than the time I got drunk and black mailed you into going skinny dipping with me?” I couldn’t help the laugh that forced its way out.
“Eh, maybe not that gay heh.”
“Gayer than the time I suggested we get all the guys together for a mud wrestling contest and who ever got unclothed first was the loser?”
I definitely laughed at that memory. We did a lot of stupidly weird things at parties last summer. Everyone in our group of friends was finally old enough to drink legally and we took full advantage of that fact every weekend. Good times. Soon it’ll be summer again and we’ll all be able to reunite with everyone from high school again. Sometimes I miss hanging out with them, even Jaeger the jackass.
“Yeah, Reiner was the champion at that game. Poor Bertholdt and Thomas didn’t stand a chance! He even beat me and Eren when we tag teamed him.”
“You know, Reiner and Bert are dating now.” I raised an eyebrow at him, not fully believing the little runt.
“Huh? Since when?”
“I donno, but I ran into them last week and I saw it for myself. ”
“Whaaat? No shit?”
“Yeah man. We chatted quick and agreed to hang out sometime soon. I didn’t notice it until they started walking way but, they were holding hands. I just thought, ‘hey that’s new!’ and watched them for a bit. Then they kissed. And you know what, they looked really happy. They were in the open, being who they are, not hiding,” He gave my stomach a playful poke, eliciting a squirm and another small smile. “not feeling shamed. Just being themselves, and being proud of it. They’re even Facebook official. I checked.”
“Maybe I could talk with them about this too. Do you think that’ll help?”
“I think it’ll be a good start.” He checked his watch. “It’s almost 7 I should probably call Sash and tell her what’s up. Her friend thought you were so hot too, you heartbreaker.”
I start to feel nervous again, what if Sasha wasn’t as open as Connie was? “Connie- I don’t know if I want her to know yet.”
“Don’t worry, what kind of friend do you think I am!? I won’t tell her that, I’ll just say we have to cancel the date because you shat your pants or something.”
“Connie!” He hopped back as I directed a few kicks towards his ankles.
“I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Seriously though, until you’re comfortable enough to scream it out the window for all the word to hear, I think you’ve got to be the one to tell them.” The little man takes out his phone starts texting away, probably to his food addict of a girlfriend. “She won’t care, Sasha I mean. She won’t care that you’re gay. Well, she’ll care, but in a good way. You’ll see. I promise. She thinks Reiner and Bert are adorable. We’ll both help you through this Jean. You should be proud of who you are, you’ll be happier that way.”
That’s true, isn’t it? Sasha has never said anything negative when it comes to gay people. Last week she was even talking up a storm about this new gay friend she made and how much she loved him. You could tell Connie was jealous after the seventh time she brought up the guy’s cooking, and something about adorable freckles?
Hm, anyway, what was I so afraid of in the first place!? My friends and family are relatively open minded people, save the occasional gay joke. But they were mostly all in good fun right? Plus, what the fuck do I care!? I never let assholes get to me before! And I’ll be damned if I let anyone stop me from being who I am any longer!
“Yeah. You know what. You’re right. You’re fucking right Springer!” I stand and take a deep breath. “I’m Jean Kirschtein, and I’m gay.”
Connie smiles and ignores his phone for this. “That’s the spirit Kirschtein!”
“It’s a part of who I am and if anyone has a problem with it they can go fuck themselves! I’m an honest man, so why have I been hiding this for so long!? You know what?! I don’t care who knows anymore. I’m gay, and I’m gonna start living my life the way I wanna live it!” It felt so freeing to say it out loud again, and with such confidence. Yeah. It felt great! More than great. AMAZING!
“Yeah! Say it loud! Say it proud!” He fist pumped encouragingly. And you know where that encouragement took me!? Right to the window, setting Connie’s previous idea into motion. I open it right up, swiftly stick my head out, and shout at the top of my lungs.
“I’m Jean motherfuckin Kirschtein! I’m gay and I don’t give a damn who knows it!” The boulevard below was a little busier than I had expected. There were a few encouraging woots, along with one long drawn our ‘Queer!’. And I was pleased to know, it didn’t bother me. At least not the way it normally would have. There was no shame! No shame and it felt so fucking good! “Ey! Fuck you buddy!” I quickly look in the direction the homophobic yell spawned from. “Ugh, Not literally though! Since you fuckin ugly as sin!”
“Ey Jean!” Connie grabbed my hood and pulled me away before I could start a fight with any more pedestrians. “Um, good effort. But maybe we should avoid cursing out into the street.”
“That felt amazing Springer!” I grab him by the arms and give him a good excited shake. “I’m out and I’m never going back!”
“So much for baby steps.” He laughs and good heartedly punches my arm. “I’m proud of you Kirschtein, this is a whole new beginning for you.”
“And uh, just so you know, I’m not going to hit on you or anything. I don’t want you to think this could change anything between us.” He only laughs and starts texting again.
“Don’t worry Kirschtein, you’re the same old loser who pissed their pants watching Final Destination 3 in high school to me.”
“Hey fuck you Baldie! I blame you for that! I said I didn’t want to go! It was hot as shit that day! I drank a fuck ton of water and no one would let me out of my seat and the fuckin movie made me jump!”
“Yeah, yeah, sure. Look, I told you not to worry about being gay, so don’t worry about it. As long as you don’t go grabbin at my dick more than you usually do its all cool.”
“You mean like this?” I promptly knuckle tap his junk, dodge the blow back in retaliation and run off out the door. That’s what he gets for bring up the most traumatic movie experience of my life!
“Ah! Fuck! Jean! You ass! Get back here!” He gradually recovers before locking up the apartment and running after me!
____________________________________
The next few days go over pretty well. I decide it would be best to wait until I can see my family in person to inform them of my sexuality. And if they happen to find out before that…well, I’ll deal with that if the time comes.
Every friend I told had nothing but supportive words to say. Sasha was actually too excited, and trying to plan blind dates for me already. Luckily Connie was quick to come to my aid, Sasha can be a little too much to handle sometimes especially when her eccentric moods kick in. But I could physically feel the relief lift off my shoulders with each passing confession. Why in the hell was I so afraid again?! This is great! I am so excited to start living as a gay man!… To start dating guys?... Oh God. How does that even work?
What if I think a guy’s cute but he’s not gay? How will I know if he’s gay or not. My best friend didn’t even know I was until I told him. If I’m unsure should I go for it anyway? Would that be inappropriate? What if I do meet a guy who likes me back? Should I get him flowers? Would that be weird or offensive? Do they kiss the same way girls do? What if things get hot n heavy and I wind up with a dick in my hand? Would I know what to do? Would it taste bad? Would I care? What if it goes farther and I wind up with a dick in my ass!? What then!? That can’t be comfortable. How do I move? What if it hurts? Do I tell them to stop? Do I just deal with it until it’s over? Oh God this is scary… I really have no idea what I’m doing now. I have always kind of avoided doing any research on anything even remotely gay out of fear.
Which is why I asked by two big gay friends, literally they are two of the biggest dudes I have ever seen, to meet with me. And Connie was right; they walked into the café holding hands with their heads held high, looking the happiest I’ve ever seen them.
We exchange greeting and place our lunch orders in before I feel comfortable enough to bring these topics up. I told Reiner I was gay over the phone and asked if he wouldn’t mind answering some questions for me since I’m new to the whole thing. I thought it’d be best if he was prepared for this conversation beforehand. Reiner, of course, was more than happy to help. He has always been like that. Everyone in our group considered him a big brother of sorts. He was even kind enough to volunteer bring Bert along to help.
I chose a spot towards a secluded corner where no would over hear all the embarrassing things we might be saying. Because something tells me the old couple and the family of five on the other side of the café wouldn’t want to hear about dick for the better half of their meal.
“I have to say, I was a little surprised when I heard the news. So, how long have you two been a thing?” They looked at one another before turning back to me, Bertholdt with the slightest hint of a blush across his cheeks. They really were, for lack of a more accurate manly word, cute. They were still holding hands and you could see the love in their eyes every time they looked at each other.
Jealousy pulls at my heart strings and I feel guilty for it. I’ve wanted to be in an open gay relationship for so long now and seeing it here right before my eyes made me crave it that much more.
“ Actually, it’ll be our five year anniversary in a few days.” Reiner beamed. It took me an extra second to process this information. “We’re going to throw a party and officially put it out there for all our friends then.”
“Wait. Five years? That means…” I counted on my fingers, we were 22 now, which meant… minus 5, is 17… But that means?... “You two were dating all this time?! Even in high school? And you never told us? You never told me?” It was hard to hide the hurt in my voice. We had all been through so much together already, how could they not tell me?!
Reiner only grinned back “You never told us you were gay. Not until you found out we were first. So why didn’t you tell us sooner?” They were already using ‘us’ and ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘me’.
“hmm, touche. That’s a good point. But, did you think we wouldn’t accept you? I mean, if you guys were in a relationship wouldn’t that make you want to come out more?”
This time it was Bert who spoke. He was clearly pushing through some discomfort as he lean over the table towards me. “That was my fault. We were both scared and uncertain of how our friends and family would take or relationship. Reiner was willing to put it all out there and take any hate. He wanted to be out with me whether we were accepted or not. But I was too scared. So he kept our secret for me. My parents are very homophobic… and I was too scared to tell them. I’m still not ready to tell them but if they find out that’s fine. I don’t want to hide myself, because I’m not embarrassed of being in love with Reiner.”
I just stared at Bertholdt after that. I have never heard him be so open and in so many words. I could tell he was doing this to help me, it much be hard for someone so shy. I smiled at him, really appreciating how much he was opening up for me. “Thank you for telling me that. I’m sorry you both had to keep it hidden. I don’t even know what my parents would say. My dad will probably be ashamed…” I resist the urge to fidget with the table cloth. “But I don’t want that to matter anymore. I want to be out too. I just- hmm… How would I know if I’m gay or not? I mean, what if I’m not gay? What if I don’t like dick?”
Reiner gave a hardy laugh when Bert suddenly leaned back in his chair flushed and looking a little uneasy. I guess Bert time was over. Talking openly about dick probably wasn’t high on his list of ‘comfortable conversation topics’. Reiner would have to take over from here, and he did so gladly. “First, why don’t you answer this. What turns Jean Kirschtein on? Hm? What do you normally fantasize about?”
The waiter sets our lunches down in front of us. He obviously caught the last part of what Reiner just said having been on his way to our table. And he was now trying his best to not look any of us in the eye. Once he was gone I tried my best to answer. “I-I don’t know. Um, someone, sexy? Uh dark hair?” Reiner raised an eyebrow. Not pleased with any of my answers. “I don’t know Reiner. What do you want me to say? Dicks or something? I don’t know if I would even like that yet…”
“Ok, Let’s approach this another way. You’ve had sex with a few girls right? What were you thinking about when that happened?”
“To be honest I guess it wasn’t bad. At least not the first few times. But after a while I couldn’t even get it up without thinking of-of-“ I look up only to see Reiner’s Smile widen.
“Go on.”
“Of broad shoulders, rippling abs and firm butts. I’d open my eyes and not see anything like I was envisioning and the disappointment made me lose my drive almost instantly. It was embarrassing. I had to keep telling the last girl I tried hooking up with that it wasn’t her fault. I felt bad for her. She was actually pretty cute but I couldn’t do it.” Maybe that’s why I had such a big crush on Mikasa our freshman year. She has better abs then most guys I know, and her hair always looks great too. But her coldness was a big turn off after a while. She rarely gave me the time of day and when she did there was no spark, no chemistry. I enjoyed being around her a lot more as her friend than I did when I was trying to hit on her anyway.
“Come out with us tonight.”
“Huh?”
“It’s Friday night. Let Bertl and I take you to one of our favorite gay bars. You’ll meet a lot of single men there.”
“Will I be ready for that? I’ve never flirted with a guy before, not seriously.”
“That’s up to you. If you’d like to try it we’ll be right there for support.”
I take a few bites of my sandwich, thinking over all the possibilities. It’s not like I’ll be alone. If I feel uncomfortable I know Reiner and Bertholdt will come to my rescue. Plus all the support I’ve been receiving after coming out to some of my friends is making me surprisingly comfortable with the idea of being openly gay. And ya know what?! I’ve been waiting long enough as it is! I might as well stop pussy footing around the door frame and break out of my closet! Start living it up the way I was meant to!
“Yeah, Alright! That sounds great! I’d love to go. Now, I have lots of other questions-“ I pop some fries into my mouth, giving my friends a few more moments before I dive right into my other pressing questions. “Um, how does gay sexy work? I mean is there still foreplay? Or do you just put it in? Do you have to do it from the back? That just seems so impersonal.”
From there Reiner’s smile only grew, and I swear I saw a twinkle in his eye. Bert only sunk down in his chair more, a hand over his red face as he desperately tried to preoccupy himself with his food. The big Blonde spent the next hour explaining all the basics in great detail. Even going as far as showing me some, thankfully muted, videos as reference. There really was a lot I didn’t know about this. Thank God Reiner was here to help.
With the promise of more future tutoring lessons and hang outs I parted ways with the tall couple after planning a time for Reiner and Bert to pick me up later that day. I could not wait to go to that gay club! It was going to be amazing! Those men won’t be able to handle Jean Kirschtein! Not tonight! I was going to be free!
____________________________________
I was terrified…. What the fuck was I doing here again? Was I supposed to mingle? Flirt? Should I just jump in and kiss one of them?
There must have been well over a hundred men in the room. Half of them were dancing to the loud bumping music, the base was booming throughout the whole bar. Bar, tch, more like a night club. This place was definitely too upbeat for the word bar. Flashing lights of color waltzed across the dance floor where both men and woman were in various stages of dress having the time of their lives. Some same sexed pairs were dancing really close, grinding to the beat. Was I supposed to do that? Just go up and dance with these strangers?
I could feel my body tense up at the thought. Maybe I wasn’t ready after all. I wouldn’t feel comfortable dancing with or kissing any of these strangers. It was only ten o’clock and I was already thinking about leaving. Reiner lead us all to a booth as soon as we got in but three men had still spotted me, flirted, and asked to buy me a drink. I wasn’t sure how to react, and it made me uneasy. I was flattered of course. And happy that I was at least attractive to some of these guys, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to give any of them a shot.
I’m feeling overwhelmed to say the least.
“Relax Kirschtein!” Reiner stopped texting to smile at me. “Don’t take it so seriously at this point in the game. It’s not like you have to commit to any of these guys tonight. Just hang out and talk to them. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit it off with one.”
I shrug, trying my best to hide the anxiety under a cool grin. “Yeah yeah, I know. I just didn’t like any of them. They weren’t my type.”
“And what is your type?”
I bat my eyes while coyly twirl a strand of my bangs, and to add to the smartassery I talk in a dreamy voice.
“Someone kiiiind n funny, smart n talented. Someone driveeen, who likes long walks on the beeeach. Oh! And has silky dark hair and a great ass.” Reiner laughs and gently, that’s gently by Reiner’s standards, pushes me towards the bar.
“Alright, Mr.Romantic, why don’t you work that stick out of your ass with a few drinks. Sit at the bar, buy some alcohol and talk to some men. I’m the designated driver tonight so go have fun!” Grumbling I did just that, I walked around the bar looking for a free seat. I was in luck, one of the stools at the very end was open and the man sitting next to said empty seat looks nice enough. Actually, he looks really cute too.
The bartender pours me a beer as I further check out my surrounding, mainly the cute dude currently sitting to my left. Like myself, he wore a nice button up, much simpler than what the majority of these other guys had on. The shirt compliments his body well. I couldn’t look at it enough. He’s slightly thicker than my own with broad shoulders and good sized biceps under those maroon sleeves. And as an added bonus his black hair is really nice, I find myself wanting to run my fingers through it more and more with each passing second. His face is strong yet still possesses a soft quality, and with the added freckles he looks really sweet and approachable.
The freckled stranger peeks over his shoulder at the crowd; I could almost see those muscled shifting under that shirt, just begging to have my fingers all over them. Freckles then turned back to his phone, texting away with a gentle scowl. It’s so cute.
Taking in a deep breath I drank my whole glass of beer and ordered another before turning to the side and slapping on my most charming smile. “This place is pretty busy tonight, do you come here often?” Was that lame? I feel like that sounded lame?
He turned to me in surprise. It took him a minute of stunned silence and a few shifty glances to realize I was in fact talking to him. “Oh! Yeah!- um-No. I mean, I never come to places like this. It’s my first time.” His eyes and dazzling smile are the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. Now it’s my turn to sit in stunned silence, admiring his face in all its glory. Wow. He shifted, almost awkwardly under my gaze. “Do you?”
“What?” I snap myself out of the little zone I had fallen into. Keep it cool Jean! We don’t want this guy thinking we’re a creep and scare him off already. “Do I what?”
“Do you come here often?” He chuckled. And oh was it beautiful, rich and soft just like his sweet voice. I have to hear it again. Come on Jean, step up your game! Be nice! Get him to smile! Get him to laugh!
“Nope, it’s my first time too. I’m actually newly gay. I just hope this shirt I took with me out of the closet looks nice enough.” Really?! That was the joke my brain went with? Bringing a shirt with me out of the closet?! Ugh! I am so lame! I doubt he’ll even registered it was a joke let alone think it was funny.
He laughed anyway, it was loud and hard and beautiful. Oh God, this guy genuinely liked my stupid joke! What an angel! I sipped my beer and scooted closer, deciding the foot of space between us is way too far for my liking. Then he gently pinched my collar, his thumb skimming against my clavicle and up my neck as he felt the material.
“I think you picked out a really nice shirt. It fits you very well.” That was a flirty touch! I know it!
“I’m glad you like it. I think it goes nicely with this fancy bracelet I spent far too much money on.”
“Oh yeah, so fancy, It really compliments your wrist.” He chuckles and finishes the rest of his, I assume, fruity drink.
“I’m Jean by the way.” I couldn’t keep my eyes off him, and noticing that he left his newly chimed in text message unread he couldn’t keep his eyes off me either. And the flirtatious smile let me know he likes what he sees.
“Marco.” I like that name, I repeated it silently to myself testing it on my lips. It felt good. And it sounded familiar, Marco. Marco. Where have I heard that recently? He tilts his head, his gaze drifting to my lips before settling back on my eyes. “So, Jean,” I love the way he says my name, I love it so fucking much! “why did you come here of all places to spread your new gay wings?”
“Well, I was talking with some friends of mine about being gay. I had just found out they were dating each other and since they’re the only gay people I’m close with I figured they’d be able to help me out. They suggested I give this place a try and brought me here. What about you? Are you here alone? Wont your boyfriend be jealous if you’re talking with me?” I might as well find this stuff out now before it punches me in the face, literally.
“No no, I’m not seeing anyone. Actually, my Friend invited me here but she ditched me about 20 minutes ago. She said she’d be right back but she hasn’t answered my last couple texts. Um, I guess you could say I went through a bad break up a while ago. He cheated and then insisted he wasn’t gay, blah blah blah, he’s an asshole. So my friend from work called me up a few hours ago insisting I get back out there. So, here I am.” A wave of anger swept through me at hearing this. Someone had been given a chance to date this angel and they hurt him?! What?! Who is this idiot because I need to introduce my first to his face!
“Man, that sucks. But it’s his lose. You don’t need a loser like that anyway. And fuck your friend! I’m your friend now so you can just ditch them right back and hang out with me!”
He chuckled again, shaking his head. “I’m considering it.” He picks the skewer out of his glass and slides the fruit off one by one. “How’s your night going so far? Have you seen anyone who’s-“ He stops, reaches over, and wiggles the tips of his fingers against my expensive bracelet. “tickled your fancy?”
I couldn’t hold it in even if I tried. I laughed harder than I had in months! His jokes were worse than mine! But they were so fucking funny! Ah, I could kiss him! I casually lean against the bar, recomposing myself and trying to look cool again. “I was terrified at first, buuut I think I might have found at least one guy who’s tickling I don’t mind. He’s really cute, you should meet him.”
Marco’s face instantly fell and I could tell he was resisting the urge to scowl, but it just came out as the cutest pout of all time. “Really? Did you meet him earlier?” The disappointment in his voice stabbed me in the gut, making me feel like an asshole.
“About five minutes ago, he has dark hair, freckles, a great body. He’s a real catch. Oh and his name’s Marco.” I drank more of my beer, trying to not choke on it as I watched his face contort with different emotions. It settled on another silly pout, which was also quite adorable. He poked my side causing me to spit the beer in mouth back into the glass, or else I would have actually choked on it. I bet that looked really sexy Kirschtein... Smooth…
“You little-“ he blushes a little. “Well he can’t be as cute as this guy Jean I met. He has gorgeous hazel eyes, a sexy smirk, really cool hair and a nice ass that I totally wasn’t checking out as he walked in.”
“Aww, you think my eyes are gorgeous?!” I lean in a little closer, batting my eyelashes playfully. Please kiss me. Pleeeeease! I want to know what you taste like, I need to know! That’s what I was making my eyes tell him. Hopefully he spoke the language.
“Maybe.” Marco leaned in so close I could feel his breath on my lips. I was already turned on. His body, his voice, and even his personality are greatly affecting the way I’m feeling right now. It would be so easy to lean in that extra inch myself and just-
He bit his lip and leaned back with a sigh. “I-I should probably respond to this, um, it might be important.” Flicking open the little keyboard he started texting away. I asked the bartender to make another of whatever Marco just drank. “I should probably call her, but I’ll be back Jean. As soon as I find out where she is I’ll come find you. If that’s alright?”
“You better, I’ll hold you to it. Here, have another one on me.” I pushed the glass closer to him. He smiled sweetly at me.
“Thank you.” He takes his new drink, gets up, hesitates, and then kissed the corner of my mouth. “I’ll see you later.” As soon as he and that marvelous ass of his were out of sight I huff. Fuck that friend. Seriously. Bitch. Ruining my game. I make my way back to my buddies, glaring at any who approach me on my journey.
Reiner and Bertholdt were both huddled close together looking at Reiner’s cell phone screen, big smiles on their faces. Bert’s lying heavily on the blonde’s shoulder; arms wrapped snuggly around one of the other’s bigger arms. There were a few empty glasses in front of the taller male’s spot. Reiner must be getting him drunk, so that’s why he volunteered to drive. Sly bastard.
“Did you two see that!?” Reiner quickly closes his phone and gives me one of his biggest smiles.
“See what Jean?” Thinking about the freckled man already started calming my soured mood. Feeling too antsy to sit down I grabbed the back of the chair in front of me and lean over it excitedly.
“That-That-That game I had! Did you not see me flirting with that wicked cute dude!? He was like, all over me!”
“Yeah, I saw. Did you scare him away with that sour puss face of yours?”
“No! He really likes my face! And his name is Marco! And he said he’ll be right back. He just has to find his friend first.”
“The old, ‘My friend needs me, I’ll be right back, promise!’ line. Sorry man. I guess your face really did run him off.” I wave off his stupid words and the stupid girly voiced imitation he did to mock Marco’s excuse.
“Eh, what do you know!”
“Jean!” Bert giggled and pointed at me. “You really do have a sour puss face hehe.” I raised a surprised eyebrow at him. “You scared the crap out of me in high school. I thought you hated me until I realized your face was just stuck that way.” Reiner laughed with Bert and my furrowed brow rose up to meet the first. I have never seen Bertholdt act this way before, he must either be a lot more comfortable with me now or Reiner must have gotten him more drunk than I’ve ever seen him.
“I’m- gonna go dance now. See you jerk wads later.” With that I finished off my beer, left the glass on their table and headed out onto the dance floor. Hands up and giving no fucks! With a loud ‘WOOO!’ I bounced around the sweaty bodies, busting moves, and feeling quite comfortable after Marco broke in my nerves. Maybe the two tall glasses of alcohol helped a bit but who could say for sure?
Five shots and 3 Kesha songs later I was indeed ready to take it off, blow, and make dirty love! Where’s that sweet freckled hunny when I need him!?
“Hey Jean, You didn’t find any other ticklers while I was away did you?” That all too familiar voice ghosted over my ear in an enticing hot breath, sending shivers up and down my spine. When that hard chest brushed against my upper back I leaned back confidently against it. It’s so warm, it’s burning, and I need more. The vocals of the next song pumped through the room as a big hand gently rubbing down my arm, It’s not enough. Come on Enrique Eglesias, set the mood! I need some lovin!
Reaching my left hand up behind our heads I rub at the back of his neck, massaging my fingers along his shoulder and neck muscles. The motion rewards me with another hot breath, closer this time. “Of course not babe, I’ve just been passing the time until you showed up again.” I ground my ass back just as he pressed his hips forwards. It’s so exciting. The growing bulge now grinding between my cheeks felt really reeeaaly nice; it made my stomach sparkle with anticipation. Who knew this ass thing would feel so good? Mmm. It’s a very pleasant surprise.
He chuckled deeply into my ear as his hands slid around my thighs, that strong grip groped its way up to my hips before descending back to my upper thighs. Talented fingers messaged their way to the inner muscles, working kinks out just inches below my groin. I’m already half hard the next time he speaks. “Hmm, Good. I’ve been wondering how you taste since you walking through that door.” A groaned against my skin. “I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t have you.” Lips latched onto my neck, kissing as the skin there.
‘Now rock your body!’ The lyrics fueled his movements, our bodies pressed together so hard they couldn’t pry us apart with a crowbar. He swayed in time to the beat and I gladly fell into step with him. My ass rocked along his hard cock, craving the fiction and needing to hear him groan against my skin again. With one hand still busily carding through thick black locks, I bring my free hand back, grabbing that fine ass, pulling him as close to me as I can.
A tongue expertly worked its way down my neck, kissing and sucking a sweet bruising path. Fingers push my shirt up to explore the skin underneath. Running along the indents of my abs and sensually rubbing the defined muscles of my sides. My body‘s becoming hyper sensitive. Everywhere this man touches feels so fucking good! Fluttering sparks tingle straight down to the pit of my stomach, pumping more blood too my painful tight hard on. UgH! Damn these tight ass skinny jeans! Come on Marco! Touch me more! I need it! Please!
Marco plays with the hem of my pants before slipping his palm over my clothed dick. I can’t take the sensation an longer, ah-FUCK! I feel weak in the knees, dropping my head back against his shoulder and moaning into that wonderfully musky smell, that man smell, Marco’s smell.
I bite at his neck with another needy moan and use my hand to guide his head. Lips meet in a frantic frenzy of kisses. Breaths become more ragged, hands tug at clothes with urgency. Our lips never leave each other, only parting enough to let out moans and suck in deep lungs full of air.
I need him naked and I need it now. I have never been this turned on in my entire life! Even being balls deep in some girl while fantasizing about men hadn’t once made me feel as hot as I am right now. I never thought I’d be thinking this but, I wanna get fucked tonight!
“P-please tell me you wanna take this, mmm someplace more private.”
I receive a husky moan and a “Hnnagh, private aaugh yes, please”
“My place of yours?”
“Yours. Please yours!” My place it is! Let’s go! One more kiss and I pull him through the crowd to the booth where Reiner and Bert and Sa-… and Sasha?! When the fuck did she get here?! Ya know what!? I don’t care! I’m on a mission and I’m not about to stop now!
Bert has draped himself even further over Reiner, snuggling against his boyfriend’s face while the two chat away with Sasha. Her mischievous grin widens the closer Marco and I get, she’s obviously up to something. I choose to ignore her for now. Marco and I are glued at the hip, neither one of us ready to break the contact. From the side he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close as I lean heavily against him.
“Reiner! I’m leaving!”
He smiles looking between me and my mate of choice. “And just where do you think you’re going?”
“Home! I’m having a sleep over! And I need it now!” He laughs at me while the other two whisper and side eye me. Gossiping bastards.
“You need a sleep over now?”
“Yes!” I fumble with my phone- “Whats a cab number? I need them to get me asap!” He stands and helps a giggling clingy Bertholdt out of the booth.
“It’ll be faster if I drive you. I think we’re ready to leave anyway, right Bertl?”
Bert hugs Reiner’s arm for support and whisper’s a little too loudly in his eyes. “Can we have chocolate pudding and sexy twister?!”
“Of course my wittle Bertl Turtle!” Reiner kisses Bert’s head and quickly shoos us to the exit. “Come on! Let’s get moving! Hurry hurry! We’re all busy men!”
I barely register Sasha’s cat call with a “Woo Woo! Gets some! I knew you’d like him! Hey! Hey Marco! Don’t go too wild on em! He’s fresh meat! You gotta break Horseface in nice and easy! Woooo!”
The drive goes by in a blur, all my brain cares to pick up from the trip are roaming hands, urgent lips, a distinctly delicious man smell and Bert singing along with Heart’s Crazy On You as it bumps through the speakers. Speaking of bumps my palm is telling me that Marco is very horny and also very well endowed. It’s almost as terrifying as it is thrilling! I’m so fucking excited! And I make sure he knows it by the way I continuously grope between his legs.
We get dropped off at the apartment and the two of us skitter up the stairs as fast as our legs can carry us in our inebriated state. I fight with my keys, growling angrily at them as I struggle to slide them in. Sliding in. Yes. Sliding in and out, and in, and out, and in out, in out, IN OUT AHH! I NEED IT! “Open up you cruel bastard! For the love of all that is good and sexy let me IN!!!”
Suddenly the door is unlocked and opening and I waste no time pushing Marco up against it as it swings back with a thud. Somewhere in the back of my mind I register Connie’s undignified squawks in the near vicinity, and he may or may not be trapped behind the door I’m currently pinning Marco’s fine ass to. I’m clearly too busy to check or care.
I moan against Marco’s neck as I palm his ass, reveling in the way it feels within my grasp. With hard, purposeful, movements I grind my still clothed cock against his thigh and snake my own leg between his to return the favor. He gasps and I catch his breath with another intense kiss. My body moves on its own, I hump him against the hard wood, taking a weird sort of pride in the banging sound the old creaking door makes each time I press this man’s body to it.
It takes Connie yelping while squeaking out “Oh God! Make it stop! I’m back here! Let me out! AhaaaAA God! Don’t do that against meee!! AHH! I can feel it! I can feel it vibrating through the woo-hoo-hooood!! WHYYY!?!” a couple dozen times and Marco guiding us back a few paces for me to realize I did in fact trapped my now traumatized roommate in the corner behind the front door.
But I don’t care, not now. I’ve had to deal with plenty of his weird inside conversations with Sasha, conversations that have recently turned into make out sessions, as I just sit there trying to not feel awkward and out of the loop. Connie can be a bro and deal with a night of me getting all pent up, gay, sexual frustrations out!
Marco mutters a breathless “Sorry-” his flushed face turning a few shades darker when Connie closes the door and tries to blend into the outskirts of the room. Probably wishing the sight before him would disappear. Luckily he won’t have to wait too long before I grant that wish.
I aggressively kiss Marco, growling while my body pushes him across the living area and into my room. So close! So fucking close!
I waste no time pushing him onto the bed, attacking his neck with bared teeth, grazing across sweet freckled skin. Unified gasps spill into the air when my hips collide with his, grinding down as we shift ourselves further back onto the bed. Marco murmurs my name in a needy voice, his hands work their way down the back of my jeans until he has enough ass beneath his finger tips to knead deeply into the flesh there.
Connie’s distressed cries now enter my room, bitching about indecency and the noise and whatever, I dunno. The sounds of my radio circulate the open space drowning him out before my door is quickly shut, leaving my mind focusing once again on Marco’s body.
I lean back, sitting on the hips beneath me, straddling them. Quickly I unbutton my shirt just enough to pull over my head and fling across the room. I then unfasten the front of my pants, allowing my dick some much needed breathing room. Inhaling harshly, I grab at the other’s shirt and tear it open, taking in the sight before me. On the equally harsh exhale my hands grab at his abs, swirling over and around each muscle. They work their way up his hard, perfect body. His hips move jerkily, and the gloriously intimating bulge under me promises many wonderful things.
One of the hands cupping my ass makes its way over to our groins; he undoes his pants, letting out a long groan of relief. That same hand slides up, reaching past the zipper of my jeans to stroke my briefs covered cock. Allowing my eyes to meet his, we simply grind together, watching each other’s faces contort with pleasure.
Running off the high of the moment, the lust and alcohol have clouded my fears and uncertainty. I feel confident enough to reach into his underwear and grasp his long shaft. As I stroke along the hot sweat slick member only one thought crosses my mind. I wonder how it would feel inside me. Our hands struggle to stroke each other between our bodies, hips growing needier by the second. Fuck! It has to happen! And it has to be tonight, with Marco. Sweet, hot, gorgeous Marco. I know this is moving fast, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I need this!
“I want you to fuck me, Marco. I want you to fuck me right fucking now!” For a second he goes still, then a deep feral growl escapes him and I’m flipped over onto my back. Marco leans over me, his mouth latches onto my neck as we fight to free ourselves from the rest of our clothing. “Hnngg, Marco, Hnnmmhmm”
“Mmmhaa- Jean, ah, protection, lube, p-please, now.” I lean over and pull my bottom drawer open with such haste it pops right out of the stand. After a moment of groping around, Marco groping me while I search the corners of the drawer, the elusive small bottle and a condom are finally retrieved. I lay back and hand them off to Marco.
He takes them and starts coating his fingers right away. Our lips lock again as his finger reach down. His knuckles drag across my stomach, then lower, over my hip, down my thigh. My breath hicks as the cold liquid touches skin, long fingers circle my entrance before trying to work their way in.
It’s definitely a new feeling. I tried doing it a few times since Reiner’s gay talk earlier but I ended up freaking out after half a finger, unsure if I was doing it right and doubting that it would even feel good if I pressed on. It was starting to make me nervous again, body tensing up before the first finger was even in all the way.
After a few moments the second finger tries to work its way in. This is all suddenly terrifying. My body started trembling and trying to curl in on its self. Like a shy virgin I hide my face in Marco’s shoulder and let out a strangled whine… I am so angry at myself! Why am I becoming scared now!? It was going so well! I am so fucking frustrated with myself I could cry! Augh! How embarrassing. He’s going to think I’m a loser! Come on Jean! Suck it up! We can do this!
“Shhh, shh, Relax Jean.” Those soft lips press kiss all along my face even at the tears starting to form at the corners of my eyes. A strong arm wraps curls itself under and around my shoulders, holding me close. “I want to make you feel good Jean.” Kiss travel down my neck and over my ear to lightly nibble the lobe. “Let me know if you want to stop.”
NO! That was not going to happen! I’ve already come too far and I know I want this. If I can only get past the uncertainty I’ll be fine. And if I’m to be honest I really like the man holding and tenderly kiss me, I want this to be with him.
“K-keep going. P-please don’t stop.” I take a few shaky breaths in an attempt to relax. Marco pulls away to look at me, his eyes studying my face. Another kiss is planted firmly on my lips then he removes his fingers and gently turns me on my belly. “H-hey, I said d-don’t stop!”
He chuckles at my grumbling and goes back to kissing me, all down my neck and shoulders. “Relax Jean.” One of my pillows is shifted under my hips and belly, angling my ass upwards. Those thick fingers return and one works its way inside again. I can feel it wriggling around, as if it’s searching for something. And if the memory of Reiner’s talk serves me right, I know exactly what it’s looking for. I breathe in deeply, moaning softly as that wonderful mouth continuously kisses and sucks the sensitive skin around my neck.
Once two fingers are able to wiggle around comfortably I’m starting to feel pretty good and relax completely. But I’m a little disappointed. Wasn’t there supposed to be like, how did Reiner try to describe it? Like, a button or something? A spot that, when hit, was supposed to make you feel really goo- “AHhAA! AH! Marco! AH! Wha?!” OH Fuck what the hell was THAT!? It felt so- so- so good! Fucking, amazing!
A cocky chuckle filled my ears. I feel his fingers pull back then rub back at that same spot. Sparks traveled through my body, tingling up my spin and making my hairs stand on end. I close my eyes fully enjoying the feeling and moan out again.
I can feel his cock, hot on my thigh, grinding against the muscle. My hips move against his fingers trying to match the pace of his dick. His fingers scissor and a third one makes its way inside to wiggle around with the others. He keeps gently touching that sensitive spot inside me and it is driving me absolutely insane!
“More! M-Marco! More! Now! Do it! Aaah, put it in me!” My body spasms, I turns my head back to catch his lips in mine. We kiss as he shifts his position. The excitement starts building up again.
Marco leans back, spreads my legs with his knees as he settle between them. I can hear him tearing the condom wrapper, the anticipation is killing me! I whine angrily.
“Fuck! Hurry up Marco. C’mon. I can’t wait anymore!” A firm hand grips and massages my left cheek, spreading them open. I can feel the weight of his body as he lays over me, chest pressed against my back so he can kiss and whisper in my ear.
“Are you ready Jean?” He growls and moans over my ear. Something hot and hard presses against my ass and the air catches in my throat.
“F-fuck-“
“Do you want it Jean?” The tip of his cock circles around my entrance, his tongue doing the same to my ear. “Tell me. Do you?”
“HaaAH- Marco! You fucking tease! Now! Fucking fuck me right now! Aaahauh” I wiggle my ass and shift my hips back hoping to impale myself on him. But he’s much stronger than he looks and easily holds me down.
“Oou, so impatient. Alright, Jean. Here I come.” Final-fucking-ly! Ever so slowly Marco slides himself in, inch by wonderful fucking inch. The kisses and lightly scrapping teeth help distract from the odd feeling of fullness, it’s a little uncomfortable at first but not unpleasant. His hand grabs my cock, stroking it softly. He simply rocks his hips and all uncomfortable feelings melt away into a warm burn, my insides are on fire in the best way.
Panting I rock my hips back trying to encourage things along. “More, please, Marco. Hngghaa- More.”
I can feel his hips pull away from mine before they start a slow pace, sliding that magnificent hot cock in and out. His arms shake and hold me closer. “Oh Jean, you feel amazing.” His breath ghosts across my neck in shallow pants. We moan together, desperate and harsh.
My legs tremble as our speed picks up. I shift myself until I’m on my knees, allowing me to slam my hips back to meet his even harder. White hot light floods my vision. I cry out at the intense feeling. Ecstasy fueled fireworks shoot through my entire body with each deep thrust, fizzling along my spine and to my groin. “Oh God! MmmnhaaAAHH! JESUS MARCO! Hnau! FUCK yeah! ”
Marco pulls out all the way just long enough to flip me on my back again. I eagerly pull him down for more hungry kisses, wrapping my legs tightly around his hips. He pushes me up to the headboard, easily sliding right back into fucking me again. “J-Jean, aahhaaann. You- oh my- ahh. Jean- Jean. You feel so hot. I- haa- Jean-”
The bed creeks wildly, it’s headboard banging against the wall with each jolt of our bodies. My panting has turned to gasping screams; I’ve never felt anything so incredible! It’s almost too much. “M-Marco, I’m ah-I’m gonna-“ I can feel myself tense and cling to his body, nails painfully scratching the freckled skin of his back. “I’m so f-fucking close!”
He grunts loudly, his thrusts become more sporadic. I can tell he’s close too. “Come for me Jean.” With those words I give in to the hot building pressure deep in my gut. I focus on meeting his thrusts, three, four more times before I reach my limit and let it go. We clutch onto one another and I can hear him coming just seconds afterward, moaning my name as we ride out our orgasms.
We steadily catch our breath between loving kisses. Mmmm Marco’s so warm, so sweet, so sexy. He rolls off of me but we keep our arms and legs locked around each other’s bodies. Everything tingles, and my body feels like its being consumed by gentle pulsing waves.
It’s bliss. Pure bliss. This is how it’s supposed to feel. This is how sex is supposed to feel. How love is supposed to feel. Hmm? Love? Did I really just think that? Mm. Whatever. I can think about that later. Right now I’ll just enjoy the feeling of being wrapped up in Marco’s warmth. And happily bask in the afterglow of the best sex of my life.
He sits up for a moment to lean over me. I hear him Shift around, drop something into the trash and switches off the music coming from the small stereo I forgot about. The sheet is pulled up over us as we continue cuddling. My eyelids are too heavy to keep open, and those big comforting hands rubbing deep circles into my back.
I sigh in content as gentle kisses are placed all over my face. I can feel his heart pounding against my chest and wonder if he can feel mine too. I snuggle as close as I can, nuzzling his face. Sleep quickly closes in.
“Goodnight Jean.”
“Mm, nigh’, Marco…” His lips press one last kiss to mine before he rests our foreheads together. And I’m lulled to sleep by the sound of our mingling breaths.