Chapter Text
This place smelled disgusting.
Correction; this place smelled fresh. It smelled alive, and new and clean in comparison to Liberio. The grass was far greener than in Liberio and the air was cooler. The trees towered much taller, the treetops spreading farther and wider than any tree they’d seen in Marley at all. The ocean here was a deep blue unlike the oil-fested oceans along the coast of Marley, and the sky was clear and blue. It was apparent that this area was not a place humans frequented, and aside from the few remains of old docks built hundreds of years prior, there was no sign of human interference at all. There were no planes, trains, cars, or zeppelins to drown out the nature. It was silent. Calm.
The sun gently warmed the faces of the children, observing the strange surroundings of their new home for the next couple of years. Hopefully the towns here were as elegant as this open plain. Perhaps that was wishful thinking. These parts seemed calm for now but they had been told that Titans roamed the open areas. Until they made it to one of the towns, they wouldn’t be safe.
The large ship they had been on pulled into shore, and soon the children were being packed up and pushed towards the emergency raft, the small compilation of wood, tar, and nails that would seal their fates. Each time the raft was lowered another few feet, Bertholdt trembled more and more. Annie peered over the edge and gazed at the water. The reflection of the sun left little streaks in her vision temporarily. Porco stared straight at the shore where he’d step on stable ground for the first time in nearly two weeks, and Marcel stared at the floor of the raft, his hand tightly gripping his brother’s.
None of this felt real to them, at least not at first. Despite how much they’re prepared and trained for the day they would come here, they still couldn’t fully process the situation, at least until they wandered on shore and the ship began to back out and head home. Home to Marley. The place they wouldn’t see for a long, long time. Bertholdt stared after the ship as long as he was able to see it. Come back. It wouldn’t come back. They couldn’t leave until the job was done. Five years; that was their time limit.
Five years to find the Titans.
Five years to find the Coordinate.
Five years until this ship would return to shore.
Five years until they could go home.
He felt a tug on his arm. “Come on.” Marcel spoke softly and urged Bertholdt to begin walking. They had to attempt to make some headway with the remaining sunlight they had left, which could last a couple hours at best. It would take them a while to find the city they needed, and with the extra weight of their provisions hanging on their backs, the trek wouldn’t be easy. They had to make the most of their first night, the night they would have most provisions available. Walk as far as they can. Walk throughout the night if they have to and only stop when absolutely necessary. They would allot themselves time to sleep, two asleep for an hour and a half, the other two kept watch, and vice versa. Wake up, then keep walking.
Night time was easy. They could relax at night, they could afford to sit for a few extra minutes and rest, whereas daytime was more complicated. They’d yet to see Pure Titans but they knew they were around. Some were faster than others, but all were relentless and wouldn’t hesitate to gobble one of the children up as a snack. They had to be strategic; fast but cautious. If worse came to worse one could always transform and fight a Titan, but transforming wasted energy they needed to save for when they arrived.
Their third night of their second week on the island was standard, mostly. They burned a fire to keep warm and roasted small portions of canned food over it. Marcel was the one manning the fire and cooking the food, the tiny travel sized cast iron pot being their single cooking vessel unless they wanted to cook their food in the coffee pot. “What do you think it’s like there?” Bertholdt was the first to speak, and threw the others off with the impromptu question.
“What? The towns?” Annie responded. Her eyes never left the pot that was sitting over the fire, but her attention was completely on Bertholdt.
“What do you think they’re like?” Porco asked. “That’s where the devil spawn live. If anything it’s probably crawling with drunks and thieves, and I bet they pickpocket anyone they cross. That’s the daytime situation I bet. Night time is probably when the demons come out. The murderers, drug addicts, whores. It’ll probably smell if they’ve been confined behind walls like we’ve been told.”
Marcel grimaced as he pulled the food off the fire and rationed it out in the four small bowls packed with them. He really didn’t want to think of alcoholics, murderers, and whores while he ate. “It’s probably not that bad.” He hoped. “Honestly, they’re probably weak and frail, not having the balls to venture out into the unknown and face the world. Crushing them and taking what’s ours will be easy.”
Porco pursed his lips as he gazed into the whatever-the-hell that was in the bowl passed to him. It was incredible how organized the army was with sending four preteens out into the unknown wielding astronomical powers, pinpointing exactly where they needed to go and how long the mission should take but they couldn’t label the damn food cans. What were they eating tonight? Each time they opened a can it was a guessing game. Last night they had accidentally opened a can of peaches. Peaches. For dinner. The night before it was some type of assorted meat packaged into a gross meat clump that kept the shape of the can when it slid out. Tonight it was...was this chowder?
“Still, I wouldn’t worry about it.” Marcel continued. “The people there won’t be worth a passing thought.”
Bertl exhaled as if it were his response, and spooned the unidentified food into his mouth. It was incredibly bland but at least he was relieved. At least it wasn’t as bad as those peaches. He still couldn’t pry his mind from what the town was going to be like. It could be as horrifying as Porco had thought, or maybe it would be underwhelming like Marcel’s thought. Maybe it was neither. Maybe the people here have survived through a method the Marleyans hadn’t thought of, and maybe killing them would be harder than killing Titans. Titans, in their pure form, were only a threat if they caught you and killing Titans was easy. They didn’t typically have consciousness at all. Humans were different. Humans, in a sense, were more dangerous than any Titan could be, and all they would have to do is speak. Bertl shuttered.
Porco tossed his bowl aside and flopped down on the hard ground beneath him, ready to take the first hour of sleep. Annie soon followed suit as she set her bowl aside and lay down too. “I guess we’re taking first shift, huh?” Marcel smiled. “Seriously, Bert, it’ll be ok. We’re the best, that’s why they chose us. No matter what the people are like, we’ll complete our mission together. We’ll become true Marleyans.”
Bertl smiled weakly. At least Marcel was trying to make him feel better despite the nausea that was kicked up from the nerves. Truth be told, it wasn’t the only thing that made Bertholdt nervous. He was nervous about the fact that he’d have to become a Titan. He’d have to break the walls. He’d have to subject thousands of people the the terrors they fought so hard to hide from. He was going to be the game changer. Whether or not they would succeed in their mission to retake the Coordinate, whether or not they would live or die, it all starts with him .
That was a lot for a twelve-year-old to take in and thinking about it more right now didn’t help at all. He thought about his training, he thought about his mission, and he thought about how it felt to control the Titan body. It hurt. It hurt a lot. It was so hot, and so draining, and so painful. He thought about home, and about his mom and dad. He thought about his friends. He thought about Reiner. He thought about boarding the ship four weeks ago and he thought about the ship as it sailed away without them. Bertholdt was nervous, scared, terrified . “Marcel, when you transform, does it hurt?”
“Yeah. It does. It’s like it constricts me. It’s warm. The only plus side is that when I’m a Titan, I feel...free?”
“Free?”
Marcel smiled. “Yeah, and powerful. Like nothing can hurt me.”
“Thoughts like that can be dangerous.” Bertholdt murmured.
“Heh, you’re right. You better keep me in check.” Marcel nudged the taller boy.
“Shut the hell up!” Porco snapped, throwing his empty bowl at the boys. “I’m trying to sleep!”
Marcel grinned. “Hey, hey, calm down Pokko. You can take an extra half hour off my sleep schedule tonight, ok?” Porco frowned at the use of that nickname, the one that was ever so graciously given to him by Pieck.
“Forty-five minutes. An extra fifteen as payment for using that name on me.”
“Aww, sorry, did I hurt Pokko’s feelings?” Marcel teased.
“An hour!”
Bertholdt curled his knees to his chest. Listening to the brothers bicker like this was comforting in a sense, as if no matter what they did or what they would do, at least they would keep those little bits inside them that made them human.
They were human.
Their victims were human.
The following morning began calm. The sky was clear, and the dew had dusted the grass. Birds chirped in the morning air. It was refreshing; one of the best mornings the kids had while staying on Paradis. Before Marcel and Bertl woke, Annie had begun preparing the coffee and Porco began cooking the mystery breakfast-in-a-can (it was more chowder). “Smells like sadness.” Annie joked.
“Tastes like sadness.” Porco smirked in reply as he filled the bowls with the sadness chowder. He handed one bowl to Annie, and after shaking the two sleeping boys awake, he handed one to each of them. Marcel struggled with his breakfast, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. A half hour of sleep after running for a full day didn’t do a boy well at all. Annie passed each boy a cup of coffee hoping it would get them pumped for the second-to-last morning of running. Despite the heat, Bertholdt drank it quickly. It didn’t bother him. The coffee wouldn’t be as hot as…
A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his focus. “Hey. How’re you feeling?” Marcel asked. Bertholdt smiled.
“Fine.”
“Fine?”
Bertholdt nodded. He did feel a little better after sleep, and the piping hot coffee helped too. It took some attention away from his mind. He wasn’t sure how Marcel knew something had been bothering him; he hadn’t mentioned anything to his recollection. Marcel was just like that though. He could always tell if something was up. It must have been a big-brother trait passed down by Big-Brother Cherub Man from whatever the fuck that ancient religion was, the one that made people fall in love, except the Brotherly Love Cherub man.
As Annie poured the final cup of coffee, the ground shook beneath them. There was a loud rumble, louder than any thunder they’d heard and the ground broke apart. They scrambled to get away from the ever-growing cracks that they soon discovered to be a Titan emerging from the ground. “R-run…” Marcel’s voice came out as barely a whisper, but that’s all that needed to happen before the four turned and sprinted.
Bertl wasn’t sure how fast he was running. He wasn’t sure if his legs were still there; he couldn’t feel them but he was still moving forward. That must mean his legs were there. How far was the Titan? He couldn’t look. Porco could. He looked. It was fast. This Titan… “Damnit.” He muttered and heel-turned towards the TItan. Marcel screamed after him, but Porco didn’t care. He was distracted. Without hesitation he sank his teeth into his hand.
He in his Titan form couldn’t kill the Titan but he was able to disable it for a while by tearing off its leg. Sure Titans could heal, but this one would have to be pretty special to heal fast enough to catch up to them. Porco scooped the others up in his hands and sprinted as far as he could away from the scene. He prayed to any god that might exist that they wouldn’t encounter any more, especially not right now.
As the gang rested among the trunks of the large trees, they all trembled hard. Porco was on all fours breathing heavy and completely exhausted. He was the most shaken out of all of them. “Thank you.” Annie hummed and sat next to him. “We owe you.”
Porco laughed between huffs. “W-we left half our rations back there. Heh, s-shit.”
“We’re almost there.” Marcel patted his brother’s back, cringing a bit at the fact his shirt was drenched with sweat.
“Yeah.”
╠╬╣
The wall was so much bigger than they had thought. They were told how tall it was but actually seeing it up close was a completely different story. The three boys gaped at the sight. It was definitely overwhelming, but it wasn’t anything that they, he , couldn’t manage, and Porco nudged Bertholdt closer to the wall. “Ok so Annie’s on her way. She’s leading that pack of Titans we passed over here. The wall has to be open by the time she gets here.” He reiterated. I know. Bertholdt thought. They had just gone over the plan this morning. Annie would lead a horde of Titans to the wall. Bertholdt would break the exterior wall and Porco would destroy any other barriers that may impede them. Marcel would hang back, as there’d be no use for the Jaw Titan this early on, unless the situation became dire. Porco handed Bertl a small paring knife they’d brought with them and pushed him closer to the wall. “Come on.”
Bertholdt scanned the wall one more time and inhaled. This was it. If the wall was as sturdy as they said, the only point he could break would be the gates that were positioned a little south of their current position. He could see the gate. Bertholdt pressed the knife against the palm of -his hand. He inhaled again. This was it. He had to break the wall and allow countless man-eaters into this unsuspecting town. This was it. He had to transform and break in. He had to do it. He can do it. I can do it. I can do it...I can...do it...I...I…
The knife was still pressed to the skin, but despite penetrating a couple layers, it didn’t draw blood and he didn’t transform. It shook in Bertholdt’s hand. No, Bertholdt was the one who was shaking. His eyes were wide as he stared at the wall. He could imagine the people screaming and bleeding and dying. They were dying. They would all die, die , thanks to him. Women, children, babies...dying. He felt sick.
“What are you waiting for?” Marcel asked. “Do it.”
Bertholdt pressed harder, hoping that maybe he could accidentally draw blood. That’s all he needed. He’d done this plenty of times before, why wasn’t he able to break the skin? It was the screaming. He could still hear the screaming. It hadn’t happened yet but it’s all that could play in his mind. “Hey!” Porco called. “What are you doing?”
Bertl turned to them. “I-I can’t do it.”
“What?”
“I can’t...I can’t do it!”
Marcel opened his mouth to speak, but Porco persisted. “You can’t do it?”
Bertl swallowed hard, hoping that he could find justification for not being able to carry out his duties as the Colossal Titan. “I’m scared.” It’s true. He was terrified. He didn’t want to transform. It hurt. He didn’t want to break the wall. He’d be a murderer. He couldn’t enter the town. He’d be a liar.
“It’s ok, Bert!” Marcel gave him a nervous smile. “We’re all scared. But it’ll be ok. If you just do it that’s all you’ll have to do for a while. The dirty work can be on us.”
“Come on, Hoover, just do it!”
“I cant! I can’t do it!” He backed away from the wall and tossed the knife to the ground. “I can’t do it!” Bertl’s breathing became labored as he thought of it all again; the screaming, the pain, the death. So much death. What they had experienced yesterday morning was what the devils in the interior would experience today, and it was going to be because of him. Bertholdt’s heart pounded and he broke out into a sweat. “No! I can’t! No, no!”
Marcel grabbed Bertholdt’s shoulder. “Come on, man. Annie’s almost here!” He gestured to the far away silhouette of Annie’s Titan form and the silhouette of the Titan horde behind her. “Come on, Bert! You got this!”
Bertholdt recoiled from his touch and his eyes pricked with tears.. “No! No, I can’t!”
“ Can’t or won’t? ” Porco growled.
“I can’t, I’m scared!” His heart beat faster, and his stomach turned. His eyes poured tears and his stomach turned. “I’m scared, I’m scared!” He sobbed.
Porco glowered. “Just do it! Do it, before she gets here!” Bertholdt shook his head violently, images of bodies and the sounds of screaming still in his head. The images, the sounds, the stress was far too much and before he could catch himself Bertl found himself vomiting the nervousness mid-sob.
“For fuck’s sake!”
Bertholdt kept sobbing. “No! No! No, I can’t! I can’t do it! Please don’t make me!”
“Bertholdt!” Marcel shouted. The horde was getting closer and the wall still wasn’t broken. If they stayed here they’d be eaten. If they broke the wall at least they had a chance.
“Come the hell on, Hoover!” Porco yelled as he picked up the knife and shoved it to Bertl. “You have one job! As a warrior, pledge your loyalty to the country that took one look at you and thought you might be worth a damn!”
Marcel himself was panicking at this point as the horde was close enough that they could see the details on their faces. “Hurry!”
“If you don’t fucking do this we’re all going to die here!”
Bertholdt gulped, his vision still blurry. No, he couldn’t die here. He couldn’t let them die here. That’s right. It’s us or them. He took a deep shaky breath. I want to go home. Bertholdt slid the knife across his hand, and his body engulfed in that painful heat.