Chapter Text
Well.
If you read my first fic you know what kind of bullshit to expect
Let's get on with it.
So ya open to this successful, smart highschool senior Veronica Sawyer, a furious ball of sass and dorkiness wrapped in like three scarves and a sweater but she still slays like Veronica could roast me and I'd thank her
And she attends just the shiTTIEST SCHOOL YOUVE EVER HEARD OF
WESTERBURG HIGH
THIS SCHOOL FUCKING SUCKS ALL THE KIDS GOT A BIG OL STICK UP THEIR ASS LIKE JESUS CALM YOUR TITS AND DONT BE SUCH A DICK GOD
Even the teachers are fucking suicidal oh my god
Apparently in this school if you ain't hot you ain't shit, it's a classic popular-hot-kids-versus-ugly-nerds thing
So Veronica wishes she could be popular and hot so life wouldn't suck ass
We meet Ram Sweeney, a linebacker with a lunch-tray-slapping kink whose gay for his quarterback/husbando
Veronica roasts him and it's fucking great oh my god
Then we meet Martha Dunnstock
Where do I begin with this girl
She's the living breathing embodiment of a freshly baked cinnamon roll with Pom-pom earrings, a pink unicorn sweater and loves The Princess Bride oh my god bless her beautiful pure soul
Veronica and Martha have been friends since they were babies, and they're so pure oh my god
So they're talking when suddenly,, GASPU !! Kurt Kelly, Ram's quarterback/husbando, apPEARS !!
And he fucking knocks Martha's tray out of her hand and calls her a Dumptruck what the fuck welcome to your tape bitch
Apparently, Martha is bullied a lot because of her weight and nerdiness my babY N O
But Sass™ is noT HAVING THAT SHIT AND FUCKING ROASTS KURT TO A CRISP FUCKING GOD DAMN
But Kurt just laughs at her because of a pimple and everyone sides with him because people are fucking stupid this generation smh
Suddenly,,, GASPU !! The most popular girls in school, the Heathers !!
All three girls are coincidentally named Heather as a popular girl stereotype and it's fucking hilarious
They're also color coded with their clothes and signature hair scrunchies so it's like a rainbow cult jfc
There's yellow, Heather McNamara, who's rich af because her dad sells wedding rings and honestly ?? She's the least shittiest of the Heathers you'll see
Green, Heather Duke, who's only popular cause she got implants and now she has big tits lmao
And then the red mythic bitch herself, HeatheR "CORN NUTS" CHANDLER, WHOS A BITCH
And Veronica thinks
"Wow I wish I was hot like them damn they look hot af I mean what I'm not gay"
Sure sweaty, sure you aren't
McNamara and Chandler are waiting in the bathroom while Duke is throwing up because she has,,,bulimia
Sweaty,, are you okay ??
Chandler calls Duke a bitch and says bulimia isn't hot what the fuck but McNamara suggests Duke should see a doctor see what I mean yes you go hun
Ms.Fleming, a teacher and friendly neighborhood queen™ at Westerburg, catches them there past the bell and is immediately gonna write them up you slay girl
But then Veronica walks in on the scene and, seeing an opportunity to become popular, quickly forges a pass for the four of them on a piece of paper
She's also insanely good at forgery ?? So Ms.Fleming lets them go
"Whoa who tf are you" asks Chandler
"I'm Veronica Sawyer the sass queen™" replies Veronica
Veronica wants to sit at the Heathers table just for day so kids would leave her alone, but they notice that underneath all her scarves and sweaters that,,, holy fuCK SHE COULD BE HOT
So the Heathers decide to take Veronica under their wing and give her new clothes and makeup like what were the Heathers just carrying a full extra outfit around a school
So after her makeover, everyone at school realizes Veronica is hot, so she officially becomes the blue Heather and becomes popular af in like 7 seconds
This definitely won't end well