Chapter Text
Shit. Shit, fuck, ass, balls, damnit. FUUUUUUUUCK. Motherfucking. Bitchtits.
Lance waxed poetic in his head as a barrage of lasers narrowly zipped over him and Blue, landing a magnificent nut-shot on Voltron. Zarkon was definitely keeping that one for a slo-mo replay later. Hell, Lance was keeping that for the highlight reel.
Focus, Paladin, Blue chided in his head, forcing him back to the fight.
“Haha holy shit,” Pidge’s voice crackled over the comms. “That’d be hilarious literally any other time except now.”
“You’re still laughing,” Hunk pointed out, awkwardly maneuvering The Leg Squad into a pseudo-splits position.
“Knock it off, you two,” Shiro cut in, “We need to focus on the-”
“Lance, dodge right!” Pidge interrupted. As much as Lance would have loved to, he was, unfortunately, still connected to a hip joint, which meant that in their current experiment with contortionism, there was nowhere to go. Lance grunted as something solid collided with the back of Blue. She hissed in pain, filling Lance with a horrible, buzzing energy. Everyone yelped a little as Voltron skidded a few feet back, tumbling end over end, and landing, as said by the epic poet of the 21st century, Pitbull, face down, ass up.
“Nice one, hot-shot,” Keith muttered sarcastically.
“Hey, shut up, mullet!” Lance retorted. “You try being a leg, it’s not like I can just shoot lasers from my toes like-”
“Look out!” Keith had the nerve to interrupt his snappy-as-fuck comeback as another volley of projectiles honed in on Blue. Voltron executed a very sassy high-kick, and Lance nearly asked Keith and Pidge to clap under him and Blue, for style points. Saving the universe is useless without some flair, after all.
“They must think you’re our weak point,” Shiro said. “Stay alert!”
“Woohoo! I’m not the bad leg!” Hunk cheered. Keith and Pidge snickered over the comms.
“Well, these Galra better get ready for the biggest literal ass-kicking of their lives,” Lance growled. “Let me see your moves, Hunk!”
“My what-?” Hunk squeaked, but Voltron was already bolting forward, rushing the Galra warship. Surprisingly, it worked, and the paladins managed to get past the small fleet of fighter pilots that were buzzing around the main ship, like a swarm of pissed off laser-bees. Lance whooped triumphantly as Keith swung along the hull of the warship with his bayard, slicing it in two.
“Let’s see that strut, bitches!” Lance cackled. Shiro made a disapproving dad-noise at Lance’s language, but Hunk and Pidge cheered with him. Over the comms, Allura and Coran congratulated them on a job well done.
“We should be able to warp you back to the castle, just hang on a tick!” Coran told them. They all managed to do an awkward pirouette, wheeling around to face the wormhole opening, back to the castle.
A familiar flash of light engulfed Voltron as the lions split apart, followed by a second flash as the team entered the wormhole.
“Wait- Paladins! Look out-!” Allura’s panicked voice just barely made it to Laces ears before a deafening screech and a third, blinding flash of light slammed into him and Blue. It pushed him forward, and subsequently, straight into Red and Keith.
“The wormhole-! It’s collapsing-! The castle- Attack!” Allura’s voice cut in and out through the staticky comm, but it was too late. All five paladins were swallowed by the tunnel, and spat out god-knows-where in the middle of fucking space. Lance desperately tried to move Blue, to get her turned around, something, but the blast had rendered her temporarily paralyzed. He could feel her usual, buzzing presence dim. Frantically, Lance pushed buttons and flipped switches, wishing he knew anything about engineering, like Hunk.
“Brace for an impact!” Keith, whose lion was still tangled up with Blue, barked at Lance. He stopped flipping random switches, and looked up, startled by the proximity of an approaching atmosphere.
“Gah, Blue, it’d be great if you could wake up now,” Lance pleaded, stroking his chair in a sign of desperate comfort. “Like, so awesome of you.”
“About thirty seconds! If you could get off me, Lance-”
“I’m working on it!” Lance snapped, rubbing harder at Blue’s chair.
“Ten seconds!”
“Blue, please-!”
“Five, Four, Three-”
“Please don’t curbstomp Keith to death, he’s really cute,” Lance whispered to Blue, closing his eyes.
-
“Well fuck me sideways and call me Shirley, what in tarnation do we have here?”
“Please only speak English over the comms units.”
“That was English, sunshine.”
“Anata wa machigatte imasuga, watashi wa mada anata o aishiteimasu.”
“Oh my god stop flirting, it’s gross! Pharah, you’re in charge, what do we do?”
Jesse grinned for a second, before holstering his gun and leaning back, surveying the open desert with a stony expression, masking the panic he felt stir in his chest. A gentle thump next to him announced Hanzo’s presence, along with a small puff of desert dust around his ankles. It gave Jesse some small satisfaction to see Hanzo have to squint in the harsh sunlight, but outwardly, he quietly lowered the brim of his hat.
“Rendezvous at the checkpoint, we must stay together,” Pharah barked over the comms, making Hana groan and mutter something obscene in Korean. What happened to English only over comms? He shook his head, sighing. Hanzo’s head turned to regard him, his stare too harsh for when they were alone.
“What’s eatin’ at you, darlin’?” Jesse mused, not turning away from the vague, robotic form on the horizon. Hanzo tsked, and crossed his arms.
“We should not be compromising the mission for this…” He gestured off into the distance. Jesse hummed noncommittally. Hanzo was right, of course, but he was curious, and there was no harm in a little investigation. Usually.
“I s’pose you’re right, but I’m itchin’ to see what all this is. No way it’s Talon, and no Omnium for miles could spit out a monster that big.”
“Indeed, I am right,” Hanzo sniffed. Jesse chuckled, far too used to the archer’s callous sense of humor. He caught the faintest traces of a grin outlined on Hanzo’s features, and his heart fluttered in a way too undignified for a thirty-seven year old man.
“What are you two standing around for? Let’s go!” Hana’s comm buzzed just as heavy footsteps fast approached the pair. Sure enough, a hulking pink meka trundled towards them, skidding to a stop barely two feet behind them. Behind her, Pharah hovered in the air like a silent sentry. It was amusing, how different she was as a captain. Jesse could still remember watching Disney movies with her as a teenager.
“We will move with caution. Jesse, Hanzo, you will go ahead to investigate. Hana and I will provide cover. Clear?”
“Crystal,” Jesse rumbled. Hanzo nodded curtly. The group took off, surprisingly stealthy for three soldiers and a giant robot. Hanzo disappeared, Jesse wasn’t sure when, but at some point he disappeared in the few decrepit buildings and shrubs along Route 666.
They reached the giant metallic figures, and Jesse paused, unsure. He glanced behind him at Pharah and Hana for guidance. Pharah remained unreadable, while Hana gave him a little, ‘go on’ motion in her mech. Suddenly, Hanzo was beside him again, tugging Jesse along, toward the twisted robots.
“I do not believe they are omnics,” Hanzo murmured, keeping hold of Jesse’s sleeve as he ran. “My dragons are responding… violently, towards them.”
“I’m gettin’ a bad feelin’ too,” Jesse replied. A thrill of energy was thrumming down his spine, setting his teeth on edge, and making the backs of his eyes ache. Hanzo nodded, stopping abruptly.
“These appear to be… Animals,” He grunted, looking around in confusion. Jesse glanced up as well, raising an eyebrow. But, sure enough, two metallic faces peered down at the two of them, Dull eyes sending a strange electricity down McCree’s spine. He instinctively shifted closer to Hanzo, his hand grazing the handle of Peacekeeper. “Lionesses,” Hanzo whispered, peering tensely up at the faces.
“Agent Hanzo, Agent McCree, come in. What do you see?” Pharah’s voice startled Jesse, and from the look of it, Hanzo as well. Jesse shook his head, and lowered peacekeeper, which he hadn’t noticed he’d drawn.
“Agent McCree, reporting. These don’t look like any Omnics I’ve ever seen before.”
“Agent McCree, plea-” Suddenly, Pharah’s voice cut out, and the strange buzzing feeling manifested itself, shorting out the comm units. Hanzo hissed in pain, and plucked the comm from his ear, and after a moment, Jesse did the same.
“We should return to the others,” Hanzo said lowly, his voice steady but holding an undercurrent of urgency. This time, Jesse was inclined to agree. He instinctively reached out for Hanzo’s hand, and followed him as he slowly backed away, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the lions.
It was like walking alone at night, with no light and nothing but the feeling of something watching you when you can’t quite watch it back. A feeling Jesse McCree knew a little too well, and knew that it meant disaster. The buzzing feeling began to pulse, sending shoots of static up and down his spine. Beside him, Hanzo gasped, quietly.
“What?” Jesse murmured, his eyes darting away from the lion faces for a split second, just in time to catch Hanzo wince. He turned his head away, and spat onto the ground.
“It is nothing.” He winced again, and his hand tightened around Jesse’s. “It feels… Burning…”
Jesse bit his lip. Hanzo’s dragons seemed to convulse on his arm. Not good; they were a time bomb ready to explode like this. Screw his bad feeling, the only danger they were in was from themselves. Jesse pulled Hanzo to him, and began to hurry away from the lions.
“Ah!” Hanzo grunted, because Hanzo Shimada, heir to the Shimada Clan, did not yelp, and suddenly, a huge metal hull shifted, and the two were trapped between a pair of robotic bodies. The electricity began to sting McCree’s skin, like sparks of oil from a pan.
“Well now,” Jesse muttered, raising peacekeeper slightly. “Ain’t that dandy.”
“We must get out,” Hanzo growled. “They must get out.”
“This is- fuck.” Jesse sighed, looking between Hanzo and the two lions, searching for a plan. His mind seemed too hazy, too full of the infernal buzzing feeling that he couldn’t quite place.
“I agree wholeheartedly,” Hanzo huffed. “My dragons… They do not like this, and they grow irritated.”
“Y’know, I’m not seein’ a much better option. Maybe we oughta let ‘em poke around?” Jesse recommended. He felt helpless, trapped between the metal monsters and unable to think, while the sparks of electricity singed his skin. Hanzo’s breathing was growing heavier, and Jesse could see sweat beginning to beat along his hairline. He and Hanzo appeared to be up the same river in the same boat.
“No. The shrapnel will cause us too much damage,” Hanzo decided, shaking his head. “This heat is insufferable.”
“Don’t need to tell me twice, darlin’, it’s eatin’ at me too,” Jesse replied. He took a step over to one of the robots, and reached out a hand to touch it, but as he moved, something around the lion began to glow a soft blue color.
“What in god’s name-” He gasped, but suddenly the lion head shifted, and his feet filled with static, rooting him to the ground. Hanzo shouted his name, but he sounded miles away, and all Jesse could do was stand helplessly, quaking in his boots, as blue light engulfed him and the lion. It’s head bowed before him, and the jaw opened, extending a ramp for him. Slowly, the light faded away, and Jesse still couldn’t move, the static filling him entirely.
“What happened?” Hanzo demanded, suddenly at his side once again. Jesse just blinked, lightheaded from all of the energy leaving him in a great big whoosh. He swayed, and Hanzo’s hand steadied him at the small of his back.
“I dunno, I went to touch it and-” He made a sweeping gesture, to all of the lion. “Should we… go in?”
Hanzo paused, and slowly, his hand snaked around Jesse’s waist. “That appears to be our only option.”
“I dunno, I don’t so much mind stayin’ here alone with you,” Jesse winked, but the effect was slightly dulled by the way his weight slumped onto Hanzo’s shoulder. Hanzo didn’t reply, just started walking up the ramp from the lion’s mouth, dragging Jesse along with him.
They entered into what looked like a cockpit, cramped and flashing. Jesse stood up, and took a few steps towards the pilot’s seat, Peacekeeper close to his side.
“There’s a kid,” Jesse groaned, running a hand over his face. This complicated things.
“What?” Hanzo was over in a flash, and stared down at the child slumped over the control panel with a tight jaw and furrowed brows. Jesse gently turned the kid over onto his back, to see him better. His face was partially obscured by his helmet, blue like his robot, but there was no mistaking that he was hispanic, and no older than 18. Fuck.
“We gotta get him outta here,” Jesse moaned. He didn’t even know how they were going to get out of there.
“How do we know he will not compromise us?” Hanzo shot back, instantly.
“He’s obviously gonna compromise us, but we can’t just leave him here to die,” Jesse grunted, pulling the kid over his shoulder.
“How do we know he is not working with the omnics in Null Sector, or Talon?” Hanzo demanded. “We still do not know if these omnics are friendly, and he is undoubtedly working with them.”
“He’s also just a kid,” Jesse pointed out. “C’mon, sweetheart, he’s out cold on his control panel, if we don’t take him in, he may not get up.”
“We may not want him to get up,” Hanzo hissed. Jesse rolled his eyes; So dramatic, all the time. He ignored Hanzo as he pulled the kid up, shouldering his weight. His legs were almost steady again, and he could definitely take this kids pathetic weight (What, did he live off of tap water and saltines?) but Hanzo took half as well, grumbling his disapproval as he did.
“Wait,” Hanzo snapped suddenly, dumping the kid onto Jesse’s shoulders. He staggered under the weight, but said nothing as Hanzo adopted a defensive stance. Someone else was here, because with Hanzo, there were never any false alarms.
“Show yourself,” Hanzo demanded, slyly slipping stormbow from his shoulder. He was greeted with nothing but silence and the gentle flash of the cockpit. Jesse stayed stock still, eyes sweeping the seemingly empty area from under the brim of his hat. Suddenly, he saw it. A dim shadow, just this side of too dark, hidden beneath a ledge by the chair.
“Howdy, partner,” McCree drawled, sliding the unconscious kid to one arm and looping the other through a belt loop. Presentation was key, after all. “I reckon you think yourself pretty sneaky there, huh?”
Again, silence, but it didn’t matter this time. Hanzo watched McCree intently out of the corner of his eye, awaiting a signal. Slowly, McCree jutted his chin towards the desk, and the moment Hanzo saw it his face darkened. Adorable, how childishly competitive he got sometimes.
“Callin’ my bluff won’t getcha anywhere, partner,” Jesse continued, ambling slowly towards the ledge. In one swift move, he snapped his leg out, and hit something distinctly human shaped that made a delicate groan when he hit it.
“‘Cuz I don’t bluff,” McCree finished, pulling Peacekeeper free. “Get up, I know you’re there and I’ve got your buddy and Hanzo’s liable to kill ya if you don’t move.”
“Do not think me so brash,” Hanzo grumbled, quiet enough that only McCree would hear. “We do not have time for your silly god-cop bad-cop routine.”
“Aw, really, sugar? But that’s my favorite part!” Jesse pouted, idly spinning peacekeeper around his index finger. “Alright, enough playin’, get up.” He nudged the body under the ledge again, and in a flash, a hand wrapped around his ankle, and pulled, hard. Luckily for McCree, and unluckily for the hand, it caught a handful of spur, and yelped as it pulled back.
“And y’all say my spurs are useless,” Jesse chuckled, taking a step back. “Alright, sunshine, he’s all yours. But don’t hurt him too much, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“We do not have time for this,” Hanzo growled, and reached down, coming back up with two armfuls of squirming, angry teenager. He was injured, badly, but he still managed to elbow Hanzo in the face, hard enough to bruise.
“Cease,” Hanzo snarled, seizing the boy’s arm and twisting. He yelped, but didn’t give up. McCree watched with mild interest, admiring the mullet the kid had going for him.
“I wouldn’t test him too much, he’ll break your fingers for talkin’ back too much,” McCree said as Hanzo finally managed to shove the kid’s face into a chokehold.
“We have no time for this,” Hanzo repeated. “We must return to D.Va and Pharah.”
“Gotcha, darlin’. Just follow me,” He grinned, sliding the unconscious kid onto his back, and leading out of the lion. Hanzo practically dragged his kid by the scruff of his neck, silently bearing the half-hearted struggling.
When they reached the ground again, the lions once again turned to face them, but this time, they parted, stepping aside to allow Jesse and Hanzo past. From his pocket, Jesse heard Pharah yelling into the comm, and Hana muttering korean profanities. Shit, they’d been gone for too long. Hanzo was right; they had no time.
“Agent McCree and Agent Shimada, second one, reporting in!” Jesse shouted once they were within eyesight of the team. “And we found some friends!”
“Jesse! Hanzo! What- where- nevermind,” Pharah sighed, taking in the sight of her agents and their captives. “We should get to the airship, high levels deadlock activity in the area reported. Do the omnics look dangerous?”
“Omnics…?” The boy in Hanzo’s headlock mumbled, but a swift flex of the forearm made him quiet again. Pharah spared him a confused glance, and continued,
“Well? Dangerous or safe to leave here, for the time being?”
“Well, it looks like they do need a pilot, but it doesn’t look like they’re in workin’ order right now,” Jesse sighed. “And honestly, I don’t think Deadlock would care much for ‘em. Not really too excited about omnics, if ya catch my meanin’.”
“Alright. Return to the airship, and then, I want to know what the hell happened in there,” Pharah grumbled, and took off, leading the way back to the airship.
“Leave it to you two to bring back civilians on a stakeout,” Hana sighed, and charged after Pharah, leaving Jesse and Hanzo alone. Jesse grinned, and adjusted his load, shooting Hanzo a smug look.
“Race you back.”