sometimesanne
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Summary
Shane’s brain cycled rapidly through a half-dozen celebrities, porn actors, Grindr profiles, every attractive bartender who’d ever served him a beer, trying to find a comparison for this level of outrageously concentrated beauty in one person, but he was drawing a blank.
The man—Ilya Rozanov, Facilities Attendant, his badge read—gestured around the supply closet. “I help you find something?”
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Canon-divergent AU set during the 2017-18 MLH season. Shane Hollander doesn’t have a single Cup to his name when he meets a very hot and very annoying janitor who works at the Metros stadium. -
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Post-S1. Shane wants to come without anyone touching him. Ilya wants to help.
Or: Ilya tries to take on Shane's tendency to deprive himself by using ancient Chinese military strategy.
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The beginning of the process was fairly easy. Ilya turned on the new phone and followed the directions to start the transfer, but it stalled out at the same step as it had for the genius person. Ilya spent some time scrolling through Reddit and checking if it was his photos, or maybe his contacts, until he saw a post from BigPapi27: my problem was with my voicemail lolll never checked it and it was full as hell. had to clear it out and then everything was fine.
Well. That was probably it. Ilya didn’t think he’d checked his voicemail since he’d played for Boston. He wasn’t even sure where it lived on the phone, so he googled that too, and found out that not all the notifications on the phone call app were from missed calls. A lot of them were, but just as many were voicemails he hadn’t known were taking up all this space, causing him problems.
And, he realized as he scrolled, so many of them were from Shane.
(or, shane starts leaving ilya voicemails. years later, ilya finds them all)
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Ilya was good at noticing things about people, and he was good at understanding them. Shane was not. That was okay. Shane had developed his own way of getting to know Ilya. It involved a lot of inane questions and, more importantly, no longer involved condoms.
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Shane leaves that Vegas penthouse suite feeling wretched, and like an idiot, and like he never wants to see Ilya Rozanov again.
Except, well. Then there are zombies.