not_a_functioning_human_being



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Sanders Sides One Shots by

    Fandom Sanders Sides (Web Series)

    06 Dec 2020

    Words:
    25,895
    Works:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark 3

    Locked by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    21 Jan 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    Eli…had a lot of feelings about Jacob coming to work at TRU as Jordan. The most worrying being that that quiet song in the back of Eli's mind, the one that sang out for Jacob since they were teens, started to get louder again.

    OR, Eli Reyes has had a...thing for Jacob Kane for longer than he'd like to admit. That thing presences itself as a problem on their latest case, where they're investigating a series of lover's leaps.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,611
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    49
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    257
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    13 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 3

    Patch Up by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    27 Jan 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    When his vision cleared, all he saw was the concerned eyes of Jacob staring at him. “Eli– uh– Reynes, are you okay? You’re not… doing too hot.”

    If he was a bit more conscious, Eli would’ve had the balls to pipe up, “No. I’m currently suffering from a likely concussion, you’re holding me in your lap bridal style, and I think I’m going to throw up.”

    -
    or; Eli was a bit more injured than he thought he was initially. Jacob insists on taking care of him, and Eli? Well. He doesn't know what to feel.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,896
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    239
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    12 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 2

    Whatever You Need by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    24 Jun 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    Jacob stops shaving and Eli doesn't know how to react.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,069
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    75
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    09 Jul 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 1

    I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    22 Jun 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    3 times Jacob kisses Lucas for an aberrant case + 1 time he did it just because. (Technically +2, because I couldn't help myself.)

     

    [I do not actually ship them but I listened to #20 and... What's a girl to do when faced with something that blatantly gay?]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,984
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    68
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    29 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark 1

    What Your Favourite [REDACTED] Ship Says About You! by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    23 Jun 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    Exactly as it says on the packet: What does your favourite [REDACTED] ship say about you?

    I've covered every single ship I think anyone could ship, not including poly ships because i love them but they exhaust me.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    260
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    48
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    24 Jun 2026