guaaaaards
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Summary
"Her name is...Hermione," Lucius pronounces the name very carefully, watching Voldemort as if for some reaction. He has none to offer. "She's in my son's year. And she claims to be your daughter."
Crack!AU where Lord Voldemort thinks Hermione Granger is his daughter.
Series
- Part 2 of and several bad jokes later
- Part 2 of all plates are cracked by mr nobody
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,757
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 31
- Comments:
- 790
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- 13,282
- Bookmarks:
- 3,576
- Hits:
- 150,487
Bookmarked by guaaaaards
13 Mar 2026
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Summary
Harry Potter has never been normal. Even before he was born, he was a child of prophecy. So no part of his life could be called normal in the slightest. When given the chance to have a 'normal' life, does he even know what that means? No, he's gone through too much to even try, and he's too tired to care. It's too bad everyone expects him to be the upstanding son and heir of the Potter family when he's never had family before in his life though.
Also, the baby is a little difficult to explain. The baby who may eventually turn into Lord Voldemort...no, nature vs. nurture and all, and Harry plans to nurture the hell out of this kid.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 230,297
- Chapters:
- 34/34
- Collections:
- 46
- Comments:
- 4,502
- Kudos:
- 10,143
- Bookmarks:
- 3,331
- Hits:
- 300,165
Bookmarked by guaaaaards
03 Feb 2026
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Summary
One would think traveling 52 years into the past would allow Harry some much desired anonymity, but unfortunately the malfunctioning Triwizard Cup spat Harry out on the quidditch pitch in the middle of a game. There's no lying about his provenance while a shiny plaque on the base of the Cup announces to everyone he is 'Harry Potter, Hogwarts Champion, 1994.'
Swept up by the ministry and sworn to secrecy by the Unspeakables, Harry is left to navigate the past on his own. Good thing his great-grandparents are willing to take him in - even if they're a little more into blood purity than Harry had expected - and Hogwarts is willing to welcome him back - even if he's a novelty to everyone as the time traveling Champion.
At least Harry will have the familiarity of Gryffindor Tower to ease his homesickness. Or he would, if the sorting hat hadn't put him in Slytherin, where he's forced to share a dorm with none other than Tom Riddle.
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In which Harry is determined to prevent Voldemort's rise, even if he has to stalk, bribe, threaten, and marry Tom Riddle to do it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 90,346
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Comments:
- 1,417
- Kudos:
- 14,318
- Bookmarks:
- 4,422
- Hits:
- 289,466
Bookmarked by guaaaaards
11 May 2025
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Summary
Jimin imagines his first feeding contract with a vampire will be uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing, and a little dangerous. Vampires, he knows well, expect nothing less than extravagance, elitism, and a fix for their insatiable appetites in exchange for their riches—but the vampire who bids on Jimin lives on a lonely manor. He's intimidatingly serious, private by nature, and difficult to read.
Maybe Jimin's presence around the manor can convince him to indulge.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,802
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 322
- Kudos:
- 2,693
- Bookmarks:
- 746
- Hits:
- 49,456
Bookmarked by guaaaaards
27 Jan 2025
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Summary
James meets Regulus in juvie.
Nine years later, James has a new life entirely separate from his past. His friends have no idea he has a criminal record or spent time in foster care. He means to keep it this way.
When Sirius finally decides it's time for James to meet his little brother, they're all in for a shock.
The past is a little harder to leave behind than James bargained for. It follows.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 75,759
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 14
- Comments:
- 1,196
- Kudos:
- 12,521
- Bookmarks:
- 3,108
- Hits:
- 238,418
Bookmarked by guaaaaards
07 Dec 2024