callitwhatitis
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Summary
Regulus Black has two obsessions.
1) Hating his older brother’s best friend, James Potter. Has Regulus met the man before now? No. But he has deemed James Potter his mortal enemy since he was ten years old.
2) A certain voice actor by the pseudonym Jay, who makes “spicy” audios.
Regulus has always known the universe to have a sick sense of humour but he didn’t know it was this cruel. He’d recognize that voice anywhere. To Regulus’s shock and abject horror, James Potter is Jay, there’s no doubt about it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 83,009
- Chapters:
- 14/20
- Comments:
- 3,176
- Kudos:
- 7,457
- Bookmarks:
- 1,745
- Hits:
- 247,453
Bookmarked by callitwhatitis
25 Sep 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
honored to be here for this experience, chief. 14
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“As for your earlier question. You’re a pureblood—”
“Yes, so you’ve said.”
Regulus scowls. “Don’t interrupt me. Apart from that, you’re also healthy, athletic, and magically gifted. These are all the genetic qualities I’m looking for in the father of my child.”
“I also have all of my teeth and no cavities if you want to check,” James scoffs.
“What? Why would I want to check that?”
“Isn’t that what you do with a breeding stud?”***
To exact vengeance on his parents, Regulus decides to conceive a child with James Potter. It’s a brilliant plan that’s bound to succeed; surely, nothing can possibly go wrong there except for one thing. Regulus doesn’t count on gaining a co-parent with benefits. Or falling in love.
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For the first sixteen years of a wizard's life, their soulmate mark develops one line at a time. A line for every year, a new detail every birthday. Most are able to tell what the mark is years before it reaches its finished form.
Remus is sixteen.
Yet...
Years of repeated scratches, haphazard healing, and scarring has rendered his mark illegible.
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Sirius inherits his uncle's farm, but finding the right farmhand isn't as simple as he'd hoped:
Sirius just couldn’t help but wonder if fantasising about his straight farm assistant was maybe one boundary breach too far. On the other hand, perhaps Remus shouldn’t suck on the end of his pen while lost in thought.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,026
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 534
- Kudos:
- 2,147
- Bookmarks:
- 711
- Hits:
- 60,229
Bookmarked by callitwhatitis
04 Jul 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
this fic made me learn about australia real fast bc i wasn't getting any references and it made me so mad that i did an australian history crash course
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Summary
He lets the slow drag work him through it, and sighs in bliss. Coming untouched twice feels great for a first run, and the overstimulation on his prostate is getting to be a bit much. He thinks he’ll take a break, make dinner before going another round. He pats the bed for his wand, and watches in horror as it rolls off the side and clatters to the floor.
Okay, not ideal. It’s fine.
Series
- Part 8 of Happy Kinktober
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,868
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 10
- Kudos:
- 180
- Bookmarks:
- 17
- Hits:
- 4,052
Bookmarked by callitwhatitis
30 Jun 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
i don't usually bookmark smut, if that tells you anything