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ford can’t stop thinking about old yeller that night, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on their ceiling. he couldn’t do it, he thinks. he couldn’t ever shoot his own dog, no matter what.
“well,” stanley says pragmatically the next morning, pretending like he doesn’t care as much as ford knows he does, “since he was sufferin’ and all, it was really better for him to be dead, wasn’t it? not much point in being alive if your whole life is terrible and you’re a danger to everybody you ever loved.”
something cold and sharp takes up residence in ford’s stomach. he doesn’t like hearing stanley say stuff like that. he doesn’t like it at all.
“i wouldn’t do it,” ford insists. “no matter what, i wouldn’t. there’s always another way.”
“heh. yeah, i bet you’d find another way, brainiac,” stanley teases, reaching over to muss ford’s hair. ford swats him away. stanley can make fun all he wants—ford still spends all night thinking about cures for rabies.
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11 Jun 2026
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Ford shoots the dog
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In which Stan’s life feels like a one-way mission doomed from the start.
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“It don't line up the exact same, but my mama told me stories.” Fiddleford caged himself with his arms, looking away. “About Blue Ridge travellers ran off by ghostly black dogs with big red eyes. In some stories, the dog's a protector. But in others, it's an omen.”
A tale Ford had dismissed as a child, convinced that the varied and vague reports indicated this particular oddity was only fictional. Perhaps his child self had been hasty. He tilted his head. “An omen of?”
Fiddleford uncurled himself and looked Ford in the eye. “Death.”
(Ford Pines is intrigued by a new anomaly.
Stan Pines, as the unwitting new anomaly, is having a bad time.)
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Stan Pines and good decisions go together like oil and water. His latest bad decision? Going home for Hanukkah. Blame it on a phone call, a guilty conscience, or just plain stupidity. Whatever the reason, Stan's rusty El Diablo is pointed towards Jersey, and there's no turning back now.
Snow's falling, tempers are rising, and Stan's stuck in the middle. Happy freaking Hanukkah.
(NOT ABANDONED. IK IT LOOKS LIKE THAT BUT IT ISNT)
- Language:
- English
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- 30,216
- Chapters:
- 8/?
- Comments:
- 529
- Kudos:
- 1,316
- Bookmarks:
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Bookmarked by VolumePushSelect
11 Jun 2026
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Mullet stan goes home for hannukah
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When Ford starts receiving completely silent phone calls for no clear reason, he sees it not as an annoyance, but as an opportunity. Who better to use as a sounding board for all your complaints than someone who never talks back?
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Stan gets an unexpected phone call from his mother who has surprising news about Shermie. (takes place about five years after Ford gets lost to the portal)
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11 Jun 2026
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Shermie got someone pregnant
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during his nightly routine as a sex worker in florida, twenty-one year old stanley pines is kidnapped by an eerie, clean-cut man with a perfect life.
this work contains dark and disturbing content surrounding prostitution, drug addiction, kidnapping, assualt, and torture. read the tags carefully, please!
Series
- Part 35 of Dumb Ways To (Almost) Die
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11 Jun 2026
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Proper payhone usage
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Sequel/companion to my other work, A Love of Learning, which is a college aged Fiddauthor kink exploration/relationship building. In this, Stanley joins them and the relationship goes from 2 people to 3.
Most of this is gonna be porn. Kinky porn. Some of the porn will involve both twins boinking with Fiddleford at the same time. If that’s not your thing, no worries, you’ll be able to skip those chapters. Or you can scroll past this whole story. Totally chill, bruh.
Series
- Part 2 of Love in College
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09 Jun 2026
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Portal Trio -being happy in 1982
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It was 30 years ago, when Stanley became a new man. A tougher man, a colder man. Not that he would know. He doesn't remember how long a year is. Why remember the time of a place you'll never return too?
He misses home. But he cannot return. The person they knew was dead. And if he ever caught sight of his own Ford?
That man would sign a death warrant the moment their eyes met.
Disclaimer: This fic is discontinued! It is currently being rebuilt and rewritten from the ground up! Apologies for any inconvenience
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03 Jun 2026
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Stan is from the Portal. Badass with a tragic history. Ford locked himself in the protected Mystery Shack the whole time.
my folks thought i caught a cold after i cried so hard with this fic.
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During Weirdmageddon, Stan fears the worst for his family. Then McGucket shows up with a pack of refugees and somehow makes him feel even worse.
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31 May 2026
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Stan and Mcgucket, Weirdmageddon fck yeahhh
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Wherever he goes, it follows.
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29 May 2026
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stan pines, pre-canon life, with a grim dog
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stan takes care of a sick ford, pre-weirdmaggedon, then gets some unexpected comfort from his nephew
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29 May 2026
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Stan and Dipper, Ford is sick, pre-weirdmageddon
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The [Censored] House and The Mystery [Bleep] by Cartoon_Idiot_59
Fandoms: The Owl House (Cartoon), Gravity Falls
04 Feb 2021
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Some of the smut missing from "The Owl House and The Mystery Shack"
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28 May 2026
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stan and eda sexy reunion post-GF canon, and within TOH, good stuff
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“Of all the gift shops in all the towns in all the world, she had to walk into mine.”
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27 May 2026
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Eda accidentally visits the Mystery Shack
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Forty-Eight Hours in Sin City by pr1m4rchive
Fandoms: Gravity Falls, The Owl House (Cartoon)
06 Jan 2025
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Eda was smirking again, her lips slightly swollen. “Still think I have a soft spot?” she teased, her voice a little breathless.
Stan grinned, his hands still on her waist. “I think I’m in trouble.”
“You have no idea,” she said again, pulling him up from the couch.
Stan Pines tells the story of his ex-wife like this: they were married in Vegas for six hours, and she tried to steal his car and money.
Yeah, well, there's a lot more to it than that.
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The marriage of Stanford and Marilyn Pines was brief, and not exactly happy, but it was far more important to the both of them than either would ever admit.
Series
- Part 4 of 4 Corners Crossover Verse
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26 May 2026
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Stan and Eda, awwww, eda leaves the morning after
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Not In The Cards by Obvious_Eponym_Placeholder
Fandoms: The Owl House (Cartoon), Gravity Falls
04 Mar 2026
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Edalyn Clawthorne, alias Marilyn Rosenstein, is a witch from another world who finds herself needing to spend a few weeks on Earth. It always helps to disappear for a while after pulling off something big, and it wouldn't hurt to use the time to explore a little bit, would it? It's not like humans know anything about magic.
Stanley Pines, aliases ad infinitum, is a man who deals in lies of every description, and he's been telling one lie to pay for all the rest for twenty years and counting. This week, though? He's on vacation to a glorious city where other people's money can be his for free, completely legally! Mostly because the state of Nevada doesn't have any laws about using cursed amulets to cheat at poker. It's not like anyone would be able to tell.
Alone and adrift in the world, two legendary con artists arrive in Sin City, and instead of passing like ships in the night, they collide like oil tankers with their navigational lights off in a busy shipping channel. It's going to be an interesting weekend.
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26 May 2026
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Eda and Stan, Las Vegas
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He stared at himself for a moment, shell shocked by the memory, before the numbness cracked, then splintered, and completely shattered. Stanley sobbed, loud, ugly, and heartbroken in the back of his car.
He was alone, completely and utterly alone.
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Just a little drabble about the Grunkles visiting shore and doing something kinda-sorta cathartic while visiting a gift shop.
Series
- Part 10 of Twangst Stories
- Part 14 of Old Man Angst
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23 May 2026
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Twin Pines in a souvenir shop, trying on some shades
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You're barely out of your teens when you're told that your father is gone for good, but you've known it for a lot longer.