Twirlilocks
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Summary
Harry Potter was the Chosen One, and Neville Longbottom was the boy no one chose. Then Neville defied Voldemort, killed Nagini, and took down Greyback. Neville came out of the war different: You won’t get a rise out of him but you will get a reaction.
After a tumultuous trauma bond with Luna Lovegood and a failed engagement to Hannah Abbott, Neville has sworn off relationships—only to be paired with Pansy Parkinson under the Reconciliation Act. Neville’s running a nursery, guest lecturing in the Hogwarts Herbology Department, and hunting down Death Eaters with Seamus Finnigan, Alicia Spinnet, George Weasley, and the mercenaries Bill Weasley befriended while raiding tombs for Gringotts. He doesn’t need a Slytherin wife whose best mates are Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Or does he? When he and Pansy prove extremely sexually compatible, Neville must confront his own questions about love, trust, and vulnerability—just as the revival of blood supremacy and a renewed veneration of Bellatrix have strange new bedfellows seeking him out.
Featuring sex, violence, and poisonous plants, DIRTY, FLIRTY, AND VINDICTIVE takes place during BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC with flashbacks to Neville’s life between 1998 and 2003.
Series
- Part 2 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 172,892
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Comments:
- 5,735
- Kudos:
- 3,990
- Bookmarks:
- 1,272
- Hits:
- 189,134
Bookmarked by Twirlilocks
14 Jan 2026
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Summary
Ever since she’d been small, Hermione’s reward for good marks had been a rampage through a bookshop, so the day she tore open her O.W.L.s results and triumphantly brandished the eleven Outstandings, her beaming mother said, “We’ll go to Foyles tomorrow,” without any discussion required.
Series
- Part 13 of Harry Potter works
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,337
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 550
- Kudos:
- 4,375
- Bookmarks:
- 1,340
- Hits:
- 38,011
Bookmarked by Twirlilocks
31 Dec 2025
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,505
- Kudos:
- 31,575
- Bookmarks:
- 12,518
- Hits:
- 1,922,941
Bookmarked by Twirlilocks
09 Feb 2025
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The Truth About Love by waterwings for agentmoppet
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
01 Dec 2021
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In which Draco is a high-powered magical divorce lawyer and Harry is the Unspeakable assigned to seduce him. It goes as well as one might expect.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 52,714
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 571
- Kudos:
- 1,669
- Bookmarks:
- 550
- Hits:
- 32,139
Bookmarked by Twirlilocks
26 Feb 2023
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Summary
Something happened in the hours after the final battle, after the evacuation of the living and the dead. As the last of the survivors left the castle, and as the castle itself turned its wounded back on them all. The loss of Hogwarts has been felt by their entire community. And it’s something that needs to be put right.
Harry knows there’s nothing he can do to stop Hermione (war hero, historian, author of the reissued “Hogwarts: A History”) once she sets her mind to something. Even an extremely risky last-ditch effort to restore the ancient castle and lay its newest ghosts to rest. What he wasn’t counting on was her insistence that Draco Malfoy be part of the plan.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,774
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 400
- Kudos:
- 3,784
- Bookmarks:
- 1,104
- Hits:
- 44,111
Bookmarked by Twirlilocks
29 Nov 2022