Traaasssshhhh



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    He only realizes he’s doing it when it’s too late to stop.

    He’s standing in the drink aisle of the grocery store, checking the expiration dates on the cans of Coke, mentally cross-checking them with Boston’s away game schedule, and the reality hits him like someone shook one of those cans and popped it open. A snap. A fizz. A mess.

    Shane is making space for Ilya.

     

    (or, lessons in budget-friendly shopping, home decor, and resisting the urge to neatly combine all your situationship’s shit into a drawer in your bedroom because you might be falling in love with him: a seven-ish step guide by shane hollander, who is so, so fucked)

    Language:
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    1/1
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    25 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “Hi Milana,” he murmured, voice gentle. “I’m Ilya, your father’s brother. Did your mama tell you I was coming over?”

    Milana nodded and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, gaze contemplative as Ilya held out a hand to her. He didn’t touch her, didn’t broach the barrier of the doorframe, just held his palm out, a gesture of vulnerability, exposing soft skin. When he’d been a child, listening out for the sound of his father’s footfalls down the hall, trying to guess at what mood the man was in that day, if today was a day he would likely be hit, those gestures of vulnerability–upturned palms, tears on cheeks–had been the only thing he’d trusted. The wounded animal in his sternum reaching out for comfort, seeking safety in the fragility of others. Proof that he wasn’t the weakest one.

    Or: After spending Christmas with the Hollanders Ilya realises he has unfinished business in Moscow; namely, saying goodbye to his mother's grave and recovering the pieces of his history. Before meeting Shane at the cottage for their second summer together - and before upending his life and moving to another country once again - Ilya decides to return to his home city and attempt to lay his past to rest.

    Series
    Language:
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    Words:
    117,071
    Chapters:
    10/10
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    1,054
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    16 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya takes every chance available to show his love for Shane. Sometimes it's loud. Sometimes it's subtle.

    And Shane is learning to do the same.

    ----

    A collection of moments where Shane is getting more comfortable being with Ilya in public, especially in front of their team.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,969
    Chapters:
    2/?
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    1
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    142
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    4,473
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    553
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    04 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya had Shane only in fleeting moments for nearly ten years. Rushed hookups and greedy hands grabbing at anything and everything he could to savor every second of the limited time he knew he was running out of.

    And then they got married.

    Now, at night, Ilya slips into a bed that’s already warm with his husband.

    Or, all the ways Shane and Ilya say I love you without actually saying it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,921
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    288
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    2,525
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    650
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    21,557

    30 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

    The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

    “I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

    Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

    “Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

    Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

    -
    Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,785
    Chapters:
    12/12
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    3
    Comments:
    1,736
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    152,255

    26 Mar 2026