Teggeroni



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    Shane Hollander is a UFA on July 1, 2019 at 12pm Eastern. An Unrestricted Free Agent, or UFA for short, is a player of a certain tenure whose contract has ended and can sign with any team of their choosing. If it were anyone else, a player walking to his UFA day would strike fear into the fans and managers hearts. They could lose a player for nothing.

    On the morning of July 1, 2019, with Shane Hollander set to test free agency, the Montreal Metros and their fanbase aren't worried. It's well documented that Shane Hollander has always held out for the best deal, and being a free agent is his leverage. Everyone knows that he’ll sign another deal with the Metros.

    But maybe everyone is wrong.

    (Alternatively: the one where Shane Hollander finds out ahead of schedule that Ilya Rozanov is lonely.)

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    05 Jul 2026

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    "Hi, solnyshko.”
    The Russian pet name set a firework off inside Shane's mind as he heard it cooed from behind him. The intonation was just as he remembered, but the voice was much deeper.

    He turned and felt himself short circuit. It took every ounce of willpower to not let his jaw drop cartoonishly to the floor. Shane would recognize his individual features anywhere, even after 5 years. But it was as if someone had snapped their fingers and the smug, silly Russian boy who had been attached to Shane's hip for 3 summers was transformed into some sort of fucking Adonis right before his eyes.

    “Ilya-” was all Shane managed before strong arms were wrapped around his waist and lifting him off the ground in a greeting all too familiar from years ago.

     

    OR
    When Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov spent their summers as teens in an elite hockey camp, they quickly became inseparable friends. But they lose touch when Shane moves on as a prospect for the NHL and Ilya for the KHL.

    Years later, Montreal makes a bold move to take the hottest player in the KHL. After hearing of the Russian's reputation, the Montreal Captain is tasked with keeping his old best friend and new teammate out of trouble.

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    05 Jul 2026

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    Ilya frowned slightly. He felt oddly wrong-footed and no closer to understanding the in-joke everyone else at the table seemed to be sharing. It brought back latent feelings of inadequacy, from years of wading through a language that still didn’t feel like his own.

    “So what then?”

    “What do you mean?” Dykstra looked even more confused than Ilya by now, both Wyatt and Bood seemingly content to sit back and watch this exchange happen, Hazy looking slightly wry and Boodram openly grinning.

    “Like, what makes it special?” Ilya clarified.

    OR

    Ilya learns about the concept of a birthday blowjob and, consequently, how tragically under-blown his teammates are.

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    02 Jul 2026

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    “Uh,” he says, looking up from his screen and feeling his ears go hot, realizing for the first time that this habit of his hasn’t actually come up before until this exact moment.

    “What?” Rozanov asks, sounding more amused than anything else. “You are one of the people who does Instagram for food now?”

    “No,” Shane says, stalling between answering and finishing his Snap so he can send it to Melissa, “one sec.” He finishes typing out 'Tuna melt. Chips. Pickles. It smells really good. Swiss cheese, I think.' before he looks back to Rozanov, putting his phone facedown on the coffee table. “Just sending it to someone on the staff. She likes knowing what I’m eating.”

    He doesn’t know if Melissa likes knowing what he’s eating, per se, but she also seems pleased when he talks about enjoying food for things beyond how many grams of protein it has in it.

    “Ah,” Rozanov says, in a tone Shane can’t quite read. “You always send her your food then, this girl?”

    (shane has a habit of sending his team's dietician his meals for approval) (the problem with this habit? he forgets to tell ilya exactly what it is that melissa does) (how the tuna meltdown is AVERTED through the power of miscommunication)

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    30 Jun 2026

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    “So we meet again,” Ilya shouts, a lazy grin on his face as he peers at Shane from the Ottawa penalty box.

    Shane glares back from Montreal’s penalty box, deadpan look on his face. He’s still fuming—angry that he got called for a practically non-existent penalty, angry that Ilya called for the same stupid penalty, and angrier that they’re both sitting out for the next two minutes of play because of it.

    At least Ilya doesn’t seem too phased by it. In fact, he seems to be enjoying himself.

    “You come here often?” Ilya asks in a flirtatious tone.

    Shane snorts, shaking his head. “Not that often. But I heard you’re here a lot.”

    Ilya spreads his arms. “Ah, but the penalty box is always better when you’re in yours, too. You always look so cute in there. Like a wet kitten.”

    or: five times Shane and Ilya end up in their respective penalty boxes at the same time while playing against each other, plus one time they end up sharing one as teammates.

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    26 Jun 2026