PaintedMagpie

My black and white cat wearing a purple party hat while yawning



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

    He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.


    +16319607169

    See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
    This is Ilya Rozanov

    Yuna

    This is a fucking joke, right?

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    English
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    13,908
    Chapters:
    2/2
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    12 Apr 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “I mean it,” she said. “Don’t kill anyone, Astarion. You’ve gotten what you wanted. Seven thousand lives was enough.”

    “I don’t take orders from you anymore. You just said so, yourself.”

    “The moment you kill someone,” Rose replied, “is the moment I'll know that my next task is to stop you.”

    “Darling,” Astarion grinned, “I would sincerely like to see you try.”

    --

    The Vampire Ascendent has crossed a line. Eleven years after making the biggest mistake of her life and losing the man she loved, tiefling wizard (now Archmage) Rosalie decides it’s time to put this Astarion in the ground for good. Hopefully, both her head and her heart are strong enough to see this awful task through to its end.

    (A lovers-to-enemies, ‘we’re divorced and going to make it everyone else’s problem’, Vampire-Ascendent-aesthetic-but-make- it “I can STILL fix him’ fic)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    188,878
    Chapters:
    27/27
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    2
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    5,108
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    1,140
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    23 Nov 2025

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Gale Dekarios is a four-time Formula 1 World Champion at the top of his game, until he's involved in a crash that nearly ends his life as well as his career. Two years later, he's invited back to the sport by his old race engineer Aumar Elminster, now the Team Principal of the newly reformed Weave Racing. The only catch? His new teammate is a rich, spoiled daddy's boy who represents everything Gale hates about the sport.

    Astarion Ancunin is an F1 rookie, with only one season under his belt. As one of the sport's most promising talents, he's thrilled when he's invited to be part of the renowned Weave Racing team. The only catch? His new teammate is a failed relic who expects Astarion to be his Number 2 driver.

    Now, the two unwilling colleagues will need to learn to work together or watch both their careers go up in flames.

    Language:
    English
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    Chapters:
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    18 Aug 2025

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    "You want to go down this road?" asked Shadowheart. "At least do it well. If you need a fake date who’s pretty, charming, and distracting for both yourself and others? Who won’t take it too seriously, but also won’t fuck it up by being embarrassed the entire time? You don’t ask me. You ask Astarion.”

    --

    A year after their adventuring party officially disbanded to enjoy their fame and immense wealth to the full, tiefling wizard Rosalie (reluctantly) asks Astarion for some help with a large, fake-date, ex-girlfriend sized problem.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,803
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    545
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    09 Aug 2025

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    In which Astarion is an ex-olympic figure skater and Gale is a famous musician. They get paired together as Dancing on Ice's first ever same sex couple. Shenanigans ensue.

    -

    “How did you even get in? I very definitely remember locking up.”

    “Ah,” Gale looks ever-so-slightly abashed. Only slightly, though. Mostly he looks a little proud of himself. “You know how the receptionist is always asleep?”

    Astarion's eyebrows shoot up.

    “Gale Dekarios, you shady thing.”

    “I only borrowed it! He's never been awake enough to ask about spares, so. It was easier to just sort it out myself.”

    “It would have been easier to ask me,” Astarion points out.

    “Mmmm,” Gale hums, doubtfully. “I don't know if I'd ever consider you the ‘easier’ option, Astarion, I feel that would be doing your commitment to cantankerousness a great disservice.”

    I'd be extremely easy if you weren't so fucking annoying, Astarion thinks.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    487,601
    Chapters:
    38/42
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    09 Aug 2025