Neatness
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“If I ever went missing someone would look for me”
You had held this sort of mindset for awhile. Even with all the evil in the world your brain seemed to be hardwired to believe that the good in others would still shine through, that against all the odds if you somehow disappeared, that someone would come to save you. Your knight in shining armor you could say.
From a very young age you found yourself to be quite desensitized to the horrors of the world around you. You weren’t protected to the point of feigning ignorance of just how bad Gotham could be, you were simply sheltered just enough to believe that you were somewhat untouchable.
Maybe if you followed all the rules, covered yourself up, didn’t walk alone at night or talk to strange men, you could beat the odds.
That kind of thinking really seemed to catch up to you eventually
“If I ever went missing someone would look for me” changed to “When I go missing would you look for me?”
The realization that Gotham would never be safe for someone like you became too much of a set in stone reality for you to comprehend. So your survival switch turned on.