Lemonator
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Summary
"I hope you die screaming" were the last words Astarion said to his companions. He never imagined they'd come true.
Six months later, drowning in guilt and armed with a stolen Wish spell, he tries to bring them back. Instead, he wakes up at his own funeral in a world he doesn't recognise where everyone he lost is alive, and the woman he loved and abandoned is calling him "partner."
Now he must learn to navigate a life that isn't his, a world whose technology baffles him, trauma that follows him across timelines, and a love he hasn't earned—all while deciding whether to fix the past or fight for a future he doesn't deserve.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,581
- Chapters:
- 4/15
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 92
- Kudos:
- 82
- Bookmarks:
- 15
- Hits:
- 809
Bookmarked by Lemonator
13 Jun 2026
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Something other than a giant, alien brain festers in the city of Baldur's Gate. From dead men wandering the sewers, to soulless patriars scheming from their gilded palaces, something vile has taken root to consume all it touches.
To save a city that's deemed them criminals (and to save their own asses), these two losers must cheat, stab, and flirt their way to the heart of the rot and carve it out, piece by festering piece. And figure out what, exactly, they mean to each other.
Series
- Part 4 of these two shitheads
Bookmarked by Lemonator
01 Apr 2026
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“My lovely darling. Why do you look down upon being mine? Think of it.” His lips hover over hers. “I will never leave you. I’ll cherish you forever, every single day.” He kisses the corner of her mouth, and his rosemary and bergamot scent amplified. It muddles her senses. “I will pamper you, my sweet thing. You wouldn’t need to lift a finger. Only to open your mouth.” He kisses her again, “for blood.” Another kiss. “Wine.” Another kiss, deeper this time. “And for my cock.”
My take on if Astarion ascended, and if Tav can fight the temptation of the one thing she always wanted: eternal devotion.
Bookmarked by Lemonator
22 Jan 2026
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Summary
After leaving Szarr Entertainment in the wake of a tumultuous - deliberately engineered - scandal, Astarion Ancunín has rebuilt his acting career, from the blacklisted ground up. Through a heavily doctored narrative of queer reclamation, he's finally making a name for himself, and hoping to claim prestige (and maybe a few awards) through the leading role in a historical biopic about the openly gay elven oracle, Aerthwyn Capaxath.
The only problem is, Aerthwyn Capaxath is the worst person that ever lived (or died). Just ask Dr. Rosalie Frostsong, a thoroughly unwilling expert on the subject.
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(A celebrity/academic, reluctant workplace allies turned friends-to-lovers, modern AU... a.k.a. the silliest thing i've ever written. I hope people enjoy!)
Series
- Part 6 of Rat Bastard Boi (BG3)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 255,657
- Chapters:
- 32/37
- Comments:
- 3,076
- Kudos:
- 1,189
- Bookmarks:
- 212
- Hits:
- 48,476
Bookmarked by Lemonator
13 Jan 2026
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Summary
The wooden box is small and nondescript. Tied shut with a plain, blue ribbon. The both of them stare at it for a long, long moment sitting innocuously on the desk by their door.
“I’m opening it,” Astarion says and gives the ribbon a gentle tug.
It’s made of silk, judging from the texture and easy slide, and he lifts the tiny, metal latch holding it shut.
The inside is filled with more silk, the same, early-dawn blue. He admires the sooth glide of it even as he plucks that up to reveal the item nestled within.
“Huh,” his darling says. Which is her way to say many things, but in this case likely means, “That’s a tiny, metal cock.”
These two losers finally get their hands on a Greater Magic Phallus; Astarion intends to break that in. Thoroughly.
Series
- Part 13 of these two shitheads
Bookmarked by Lemonator
13 Nov 2025