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  1. Public Bookmark 66

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    Summary

    Married life with the Ottawa Centaurs is supposed to be stable.

    Instead, Ilya Rozanov is losing sleep, reliving old trauma, and quietly unraveling while insisting he’s fine. Shane sees it in the small moments: the missed beats, the nodding head, the way Ilya sleeps anywhere he feels safe.

    A hurt/comfort fic about nightmares, exhaustion, and the people who refuse to let Ilya disappear.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,632
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    253
    Bookmarks:
    66
    Hits:
    5,131

    07 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    "What was she like?" He says it in a whisper, a kiss pressed against Ilya's skull when Hayden isn't looking. His hair stinks of alcohol and sick but Shane does it anyway.

    "Mama?" Ilya pulls back, swaying slightly as he looks up at Shane.

    "Yeah."

    "She..." He blinks, dazed. "Kind."

    Shane brushes the damp curls out of Ilya's face once more, praying Hayden's back is still turned as he leans into the touch. "What else?"

    "She..." he pauses again, blinking as if the action will bring the words back to his mouth. "She would have loved you."
    ----
    Or: Ilya gets spiked while out clubbing, and who else would he call but Shane Hollander
    ft a very confused Hayden, Scott, Svetlana, and the Admirals team medic

    (oh, and it's the anniversary of his mothers death)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,950
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    113
    Kudos:
    4,727
    Bookmarks:
    766
    Hits:
    35,722

    07 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Following a near-fatal suicide attempt, Ilya Rozanov is admitted to Calder Ward. He speaks almost exclusively Russian, refuses interpreters, and answers most questions with shrugs or silence. Staff struggle to establish even the most basic details of his life. Why he attempted suicide, who he left a note for, and what he has lost remain mysteries.

    Across the ward, Shane Hollander is fighting a different battle. Intelligent, anxious, and trapped by an eating disorder, he attempts to maintain rigid control over food, exercise, and his body even as his health deteriorates. Despite increasing concern from staff, he struggles to recognise the severity of his illness.
    As clinicians search for answers, the story reveals that recovery is rarely driven by dramatic breakthroughs. Instead, it emerges through trust, routine, patience, and human connection.

    Told entirely through clinical documentation, ward notes, emails, assessments, and multidisciplinary discussions.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,430
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    93
    Kudos:
    342
    Bookmarks:
    117
    Hits:
    5,914

    29 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya's stepmother dies during Shane's second year in Ottawa. That's when the nightmares start. And in the nightmares, there's something heavy and tight sitting on his chest. Something cold, something he's felt before. In the nightmares, he's thirteen and shivering and willing himself to fall asleep, to teleport one day further away from everything. He’s thirteen and someone’s lips are wet and cold on the shell of his ear. He’s thirteen and he's completely frozen. Someone’s standing over him and he needs to move, needs to get away, needs to hit and kick and scream, but his pants are coming off and he can’t hit her, can’t kick her, and the scream is dead in his throat. His mother raised him to never hit a woman, and so in his nightmares he closes his eyes, grimaces at the light that seeps through anyways, and waits.
    ________________________________________________
    A death brings unwanted memories back. Ilya struggles to remember, then struggles to forget. Shane struggles to get through to Ilya before it's too late.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,740
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    84
    Kudos:
    1,044
    Bookmarks:
    209
    Hits:
    11,552

    28 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Galina makes it a point to remind Ilya that people aren’t mind readers, and unfortunately, if there’s something wrong, he has to actually communicate this. He's aware of this. He is. Even though it's always been so much easier said than done, even on a good day.

    But when the unthinkable happens, Shane ends up seriously injured, and Ilya can't bring himself to reckon with his role in it all, or how they'll move forward.

    Now it's all the more impossible to communicate the weight of his guilt, the feelings of inadequacy, and the all-consuming fear that Shane might not survive.

    Alternatively, life as everyone knows it falls apart when Shane takes a bullet that was meant for Ilya. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    76,267
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Comments:
    159
    Kudos:
    781
    Bookmarks:
    270
    Hits:
    28,083

    27 Jun 2026