CertifiedPissWizard
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Recent works
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Stanley Pines dies at seventeen. Nine years later Stanford Pines goes to a mailbox in the woods and asks a question.
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Or: Billnivorine
Stanley Pines is summoned up to Oregon by his brother for mysterious reasons in the dead of winter. When he gets there, something is obviously wrong- the clearing the house is in is sunny and warm and green while the surrounding woods are laden with ice and snow, and when Ford opens the door, he doesn’t even see Stanley, rather talking to some nonexistent figure and mentioning some mysterious Bill.
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“Cats. Aren’t real.” Terrible job! Time to commit! “You clearly haven’t been doing well if you’re just making up animals like that.” Stan shakes his head, head tilted down, somber expression.
“What are you- I have- had one! Named Nikola! Which you exploded! Somehow!”
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Stan is cursed, when his brother calls him up to Gravity Falls. His inability to lie (and inability to know what he’s saying) leads to a better world (for a given definition of better.)
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and avenge this wicked deed by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandoms: Rappaccini's Daughter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
22 Jul 2023
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“Wouldst thou, then, have preferred the condition of a weak woman, exposed to all evil and capable of none?”
If such is the rule of the world, then the world must be changed and the rules broken. Or: men will literally become obsessed with poison and making a daughter who breathes poison instead of getting therapy to cope with their mother's death, and only one of those things could be vaguely justified.
Series
- Part 3 of gothic lit fics
Recent series
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wardens trying and failing to have a normal one by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
28 Feb 2023
- Words:
- 2,705
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 6
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gothic lit fics by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom Dracula - Bram Stoker (Novel 1897), Rappaccini's Daughter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
22 Jul 2023
- Words:
- 1,463
- Works:
- 3
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JarJangObi fics by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
21 Sep 2020
- Words:
- 1,801
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 6
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Max Rebo, his friends, his space boyfriend, and his ex-jedi son by CertifiedPissWizard
Fandom Star Wars - All Media Types
08 Sep 2020
- Words:
- 2,412
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 62
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- Words:
- 1,365
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 9
Recent bookmarks
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No Less Than Nothing: A Ryland Grace Classroom Series by cloudberryyy
Fandom Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir
15 Apr 2026
Summary
Best read in order <3
Slice-of-life classroom days with Ryland Grace.
A rotating cast of kids (Emma, Mia, Malik, Luis, Leila) + one meteorite labeled UNKNOWN as the moral center. Science shenanigans, found family vibes.( I probably should add a “don’t try this at home” tagline for all the science )
- Words:
- 41,108
- Works:
- 10
- Bookmarks:
- 90
Bookmarked by CertifiedPissWizard
17 Jun 2026
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Starman by fangirlsovertoomanythings
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary (2026)
17 Jun 2026
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After 51 years, the sole survivor of the Petrova mission returns to Erid. It is not alone, and its strange companion is dying.
Bookmarked by CertifiedPissWizard
17 Jun 2026
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a scientific poke with a very scientific stick by presumenothing (justjoy)
Fandom Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir
26 May 2026
- Words:
- 17,107
- Works:
- 11
- Bookmarks:
- 18
Bookmarked by CertifiedPissWizard
17 Jun 2026
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aren't we the same? by Anonymous
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir
14 May 2026
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‘To be fair,’ Adrian began, the chords tinged with amusement, ‘you can’t even win against either of us at regular chess, so I don’t see why this would have been any different.’
‘Shut up,’ Grace shot back cleverly.
‘You even had an advisor this time,’ Rocky said, still snickering. ‘You had Adrian as an advisor. And you still lost.’
Grace swivelled to glare daggers at him. ‘It’s 5D Chess with Multiverse Time Travel! Each game lasts, like, a million hours, and my brain checks out after the first ten!’
‘Yeah, we could tell.’
Adrian and Rocky are over at Grace's house for the night, and Adrian loves their idiots to death, even if they are idiots.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,511
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 28
- Kudos:
- 472
- Bookmarks:
- 105
- Hits:
- 1,710
Bookmarked by CertifiedPissWizard
17 Jun 2026
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Grace spent the rest of his life on Erid surrounded by the family he never expected to find.
After his death, Rocky thinks the cemetery has become unbearably empty.
Until a tiny note was heard from behind the tombstone.
Bookmarked by CertifiedPissWizard
17 Jun 2026