CalicoKitty402
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Recent works
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One Night in Riften Makes a Hard Man Humble by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
07 Jun 2026
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Summary
“We was fordin’ a river Murr, hip deep.” Xantos explained, a little chortle in his chest. “Wearin’ a lot of metal, Alinor was also buck ass naked.” Xantos smiled, looking at Osprey.
“Do not bring up the grandmother tits theory, Ashborne.” Franc growled, pointing at Xantos firmly. “Do. Not. Bring. It. Up.”
“But Alinor being naked, that’s–that’s different,” Osprey argued, her face heating up. “I grew up hanging ‘round whores! Tits n’ Bits weren’t an issue, gran’s or no! I mean–was a bit surprised, at the time, but…!” She nodded emphatically, gesturing at Alinor–before whipping her hand around to jab Xantos in the chest with a finger. “But you! You, with your damn–”
“Wine bottle,” Murray offered dryly, staring at nothing. “Bludgeoning weapon. Log of uncut firewood.” this caused Franc to snort his drink, accidentally squeezing his waterskin and spraying himself–and by the gods, Murray completely ignored it, and kept on much to Serana’s dismay. “Overgrown banana. The farmer’s prize-winning squash. The morrowind palm tree. Tel Dickryn.”
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The gang heads to Riften to catch Mercer unawares, and Xantos' past comes back to bite him in the ass.Series
- Part 26 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
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The Ashmoore Family Reunion by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
25 May 2026
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Murray ducked down on instinct, yelping in alarm and shielding the package of fish like it was his child. The righthand wall of Vilemyr Inn blasted open, Xantos bouncing not once, but thrice down the road. He rolled a little, ending up face down against the stones. Murray stared after him with wide eyes, then jumped, his head snapping around when he heard the crack of thunder and saw a bright flash of light out of the corner of his eye.
Something was following the dunmer out.
A veritable stormfront preceded the Telvanni wizard, billowing clouds and zaps of stray lightning shooting out, scorching the ground and building alike. Aremi staggered out of the hole, almost stumbling on debris–but never looking away from Xantos, her face contorted in a furious snarl–or… What Murray could see of it, anyway. She was clutching the side of her face with one hand, and swaying a touch.
“You thick-skulled ingrate,” she growled, her voice ragged. Lightning was pouring out of her hands, skittering across the ground. “How dare you?!”
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The Gang catches up with the Winterhold School Kids. Wilhelm's Inn might not survive the encounter.Series
- Part 25 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
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Xantos Gets Yammed by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
03 May 2026
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Summary
It had hit her just after she’d gone to patch up Franc in his room–when she’d gone to see how Alinor was faring with Xantos, and the old bandit had been looking so gods-be-damned pleased with himself and his latest row with his ex-second. She didn’t know how she’d missed it before: the wide smile, the devil-may-care countenance, the relaxed slouch in the way he held himself… These damn fights were Xan’s way of blowing off steam. Of fucking course that’s how he’d go about it. Wouldn’t want to put more on her or the lad, right? Trouble them with his issues? Assuming he was thinking that much about it in the first place.
But it wasn’t working, was it?
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In which Xantos and Osprey get down and dirty, at least Alinor put them in the room with the thickest walls.Series
- Part 24 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
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All Good Roadtrips End In Assault. by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
17 Apr 2026
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Summary
"She bROKE my HAND!” Ancano pointed, emphatically, at Osprey.
“AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN!” Osprey yelled again, ever more emphatically, almost stepping out from behind Xan.
“And y’ put your hands on my damn son!” Xantos snarled, taking another step forward. This time all of the Thalmor took a step back. “Of course m’ damn wife defended him!” Xantos roared.
That distracted Osprey for a moment. Wife? …Right. The cover. …Seemed like an odd time to be sticking to it, but, sure.
The whispering amongst the faculty did not go unnoticed, and Osprey could feel judgemental eyes on them. “Of course that would be the woman who raised Sybil.” Faralda whispered to another man. “I don’t know why I was surprised.”
“Step back, or get thrown!” Xantos said, voice tight.
“Now, Ashborne” The Archmage started, but one of the thalmor stepped forward, as if he thought the mages would be on their side. Osprey hardly even heard the intake of breath before the words rang out, echoing off the walls of the chamber:
“FUS RO DAH”
-The Gang touches on some quests that may become relevant later while looking for Sybil.
(last chapter updated with new ending, see note for details)Series
- Part 23 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
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Draugr Don't Make Good Tour Guides (A Winterhold School Kids Adventure) by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
14 Mar 2026
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Summary
The ruined city of Saarthal was an archaeological marvel, if one was into that sort of thing. It was the site of the first city built by Atmorans on the whole of Tamriel. That had to count for something, right? Sure, nowadays it was little more than the stones peeking out of the metric fuck ton of snow and the ruins of a city that had been burned out of spite, but… The history. The gods-be-damned history. Carved into every fucking stone, or whatever. Oh, all the pieces and shards of pottery, oh the old rusted cutlery, oh the... really old rocks.
Unfortunately, Murray couldn’t really appreciate all that history at the moment; he was too busy freezing his testicles off.
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Sybil and Aremi drag Murray and Lydia on an adventure.Series
- Part 22 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
Recent series
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You're Gonna Go Far, Kid by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandom Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
07 Jun 2026
Summary
The great doors of Dragons Reach swung open, pillars lining a massive mead hall with great arching ceilings and balconies above. Once upon a time, in Skyrim’s more peaceful days, it would be host to every Jarl in the province, great moots held to determine the fate of Skyrim’s people.
As it was, the hall was empty save a single older man sitting upon a carved wooden throne and the court wizard in sleep clothes who went to stand behind him. His eyes had drifted closed, his breathing gentle and soft as he leaned hard against his palm. Ireleth took the steps up the dais two at a time, coming over.
“So the dragon has been driven off?” he asked quietly as the guards pulled Xantos up the last flight of stairs. One pattered up further, moving behind the throne while holding Xantos’ sword.
“Killed, my jarl, and I have brought the ones responsible- you’re... you’re not going to like it, my jarl.” Irileth looked over her shoulder to where the collected misfits were standing. "One of the heroes is a companion, the other is a dunmer girl, and a small breton mage-”
“And the last one is Xantos Ashborne.” Balgruuf finished. “How in oblivion did he end up fighting the dragon?”
- Words:
- 1,075,568
- Works:
- 26
- Bookmarks:
- 7
Recent bookmarks
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a word for 'bad miracle' by shingekicorn
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
01 Jun 2026
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Twenty years ago, Midoriya Hisashi walked out on his wife and Quirkless child. Three days ago, Midoriya Inko received a phone call informing her of his demise and when his funeral would take place.
Sometimes you're a 25 year old war veteran, making a difference one day at a time in a post-All For One Japan that's still feeling the repercussions of your high school days. Other times you're simply the forgotten child of a deadbeat, left to clean up your father's messes because he was too much of a coward to take any responsibility.
And now, you're a full time big brother, because the biggest mess left behind was the child your father replaced you with.
Now with a TV Tropes page!
Series
- Part 1 of the Bad Miracles universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 226,577
- Chapters:
- 16/?
- Comments:
- 1,133
- Kudos:
- 1,146
- Bookmarks:
- 493
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- 47,976
Bookmarked by CalicoKitty402
24 Apr 2026
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Whatever Can Die is Beautiful by UrieNanashi
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Elden Ring (Video Game)
21 Jun 2024
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Summary
Jaskier is finally free. After so long trapped in a form not his own he had begun to doubt which was his true self. But here he is, unshackled. The betrayals, violence, abandonment- the destruction his family wrought upon themselves and others, all of it left far behind. Jaskier is determined to enjoy this second chance. To bask in the beauty of life and ignore what horrors linger. Then he meets Geralt and things become complicated.
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“They don’t exist.”
“Pardon?” The bard’s brown hair flops as he tilts his head.
Geralt bravely doesn’t sigh again. “The monsters in your songs. They don’t exist.”
For some reason that gets him a grin, “How do you know?”
Geralt stares at him.
“I’m a Witcher.”
The bard laughs, “So just because you’ve never seen them that means they don’t exist?”
“Yes.” Geralt says flatly.
“Agree to disagree.” The man says flippantly, “But I would love to hear more about the monsters you’ve fought.”
“No.” Geralt takes a drink desperately and finds he is almost at the bottom of his tankard. He contemplates whether it’s worth the coin for another. Probably not.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,618
- Chapters:
- 22/22
- Comments:
- 437
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- 3,007
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- 771
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Bookmarked by CalicoKitty402
20 Apr 2026
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Behind the shadows lies the truth by masterlokisev159 for migraine_Sky
Fandoms: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
19 Aug 2024
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Summary
“But sire, he’s your-“
“SILENCE!”
In the events leading up to Radovids demise, Jaskier readies himself for the time he will be given to the White Wolf of the north. The famous Warlord known for his brutality. He prepares himself for the worst.
Little does he know, Geralt is nothing like he seems.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,136
- Chapters:
- 5/?
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 224
- Kudos:
- 1,744
- Bookmarks:
- 339
- Hits:
- 26,448
Bookmarked by CalicoKitty402
17 Apr 2026
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Jubilee for a Finer King by lurking_dragon
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
10 Jul 2025
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Summary
Six vignettes showing the establishment of a holiday that commemorates the White Wolf's conquest of Kaedwen, told through the eyes of the last victim of its previous king.
Bookmarked by CalicoKitty402
17 Apr 2026
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Summary
One is bound to develop body-image issues with the company Jaskier keeps.
Bookmarked by CalicoKitty402
17 Apr 2026