Bananaboa



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    There hadn’t been a whole lot of tape, back then, not on a bunch of kids who were likely to get chewed up and spit out by the KHL, but Rozanov was a special case – his agent had clearly known his aim was for North American leagues, and there’d been a few tapes leaked here and there of the fourteen, fifteen, sixteen year old phenom who had more trick plays up his sleeve than Yuna, personally, thought was true hockey. The video of his spin on the Michigan had made the rounds in David’s McGill email chain, and Yuna had tipped her chin up and sworn up and down he’d be a one-trick pony who’d be flat on his ass the first time he tried that shit in the pros.

    Shane had downloaded the video to his desktop and studied the tape like he did old games of Scott Hunter.

     

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    Yuna Hollander works through years of memories in attempt to discover when she should have known her son didn't trust her with all of himself.

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    02 Apr 2026

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    It’s the alcohol, Shane thinks, and all this talk of marrying someone for citizenship, that somehow lands him in Ilya’s bed, role-playing as his newly wedded wife.

    It’s all just pretend, of course.

    Even if Shane and Ilya both enjoy playing their roles a little too well.

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    01 Apr 2026

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    This is the longest Rozanov has ever gone without chirping him and Hayden can't even enjoy it.
    ~
    Or, Ilya starts an SSRI and isn't feeling great. Shane has a media appearance for the Metros he just can't skip. And Hayden Pike is the only person in Montreal who can come to the rescue.

    How hard can babysitting Ilya Rozanov really be?

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    31 Mar 2026

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    “H’rder,” Shane whines into his mouth, not even trying to interrupt the kiss but speaking pathetically muffled and slurred around Ilya’s tongue.

    Ilya knocks their foreheads together, smiles.

    Nooooo Ilya, not before the game, Ilya,” he whines, a sweetly mocking imitation of Shane, “and now look at you, mhm? Why should I ever listen to your complaining, baby, when you’re gonna be such an easy, perfect slut for it anyways?”

    Or: Shane plays four-dimensional chess to get Ilya to fuck him even when he tells him no, for Shane-typical control freak reasons, in Shane-typical convoluted ways, with Shane-typical unawareness of this being a sex freak thing. Ilya provides, of course.

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    04 Mar 2026

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    Who.

    Who taught Shane about this.

    Ilya is going to kill someone, and then himself. Not Shane. Never Shane. But he is going to have to kill someone with his bare hands.

    Or: Shane invents advanced blowjob positions with his own beautiful freaky mind, thereby unintentionally turning Ilya into a danger to himself and others.

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    04 Mar 2026

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