lol god this kink is such a hard squick and i consequently feel very strongly that nobody who has had an abusive father would Ever In A Million Years BUT nonetheless your writing is terrific as always, the scene where john is listening to paul and jim argue is just so good—really struck by this part in particular, this total inability to exhibit the usual level of self-preservation and restraint when it comes to arguing with a(n abusive) parent, that’s so fucking real:
He's never heard Paul's side of these arguments, either. Paul's so fucking stubborn. It hadn't occurred to John that Paul might provoke Jim just as much, but it feels obvious now. It's not like John pulls punches when Mimi's on him. But there's a self-preservation to fights like these, that Paul seems to be ignoring, and it churns in John's stomach. Paul's usually so measured, which is how John knows that the fights he's had with Paul have never hurt him half as much as fighting with Jim does. Here, Paul reacts like a caged animal.
"And what example are you setting?" Paul spits. It makes some weight settle in John's chest. He thinks of all the times Paul's stepped in before John could run his mouth off and get himself pummelled at the pub. Shut up, Paul, he thinks, but it's futile. Their odd brand of telepathy never works when it comes to his dad.
« like a caged animal » indeed, ahh. very paul, with his innate sense of what is and isn’t fair + profound distaste for being forced into doing anything that he feels falls under the former category.
love also john’s conflicted reaction to hearing jim hit paul, that he’s so angry on paul’s behalf + sickened at the prospect of paul accepting whatever excuse jim gives him + disturbed at the contrast between how they present their relationship to the world vs. how they are in private. (the fact that john immediately chooses to get out of there also feels very typical of his conflict-avoidant nature.) and this is very sweet:
All of John's anger melts into something else entirely—a weighty warmth fluttering under his ribs. If Paul asked right now, John'd give him anything. John would whisk him away from Forthlin Road, and Liverpool, and go with him anywhere he wanted. He'd smash Jim's face in, if Paul only asked. But then, Paul's already asked him for all he needs.
No I agree. The fucked up-ness of Paul being into it is the only reason I was interested in writing this at all lol.
Fighting with parents (abusive or otherwise) is always so much more intimate than fighting friends so I figured Paul would be so much less put together here than he would be normally. I’m so glad that worked for you!
Thank you for reading even though it squicks you out! I really appreciate it!
Comment on baby, it’s all relative
manhattanvalleys Mon 08 Aug 2022 08:21PM UTC
Comment Actions
moeexyz Tue 09 Aug 2022 07:26AM UTC
Comment Actions