Chapter Text
You didn’t have me at hello
Nor with your pretty little smiles
But you struck an arrow into my heart
In a way I can’t possibly decline
Let me tell you I love you for the hundredth time
For loving you will never be a crime
I can say it one more time - even a million - it’s worth every time
But I know, sadly, you will never be mine
But I can only use words
To express my love
For telling you face to face isn’t an option
For I will forever be hidden in this secret confession
It’s easier said vocally, they say
And action speaks louder than words
But I can only give you this letter
For alphabets are all I have
These scripts are all I can utter
In this world that is not created for us.
Let me love you, even from afar
It’s enough for me that you know I’m near
Admiring the beauty that is you
And drowning in the sea of fantasy
But there's still a lingering hope in me
Thinking the day will come that there will be a you and me
Present
“Did you write it?”
It is more of an adamant demand than a simple inquiry. And Na Jaemin doesn’t have a single idea on what possible and sane sentence will be the appropriate response to a pressing question directed at him.
In all honesty, Jaemin can lie his way out of the sudden interrogation and can compose different believable scenarios but the way Lee Jeno's brown orbs are staring intently into his eyes – Jaemin sees a glint, just a part of a second as if Jeno's eyes are pleading for the truth. And that is when Jaemin’s resolve crumbles and he loses all the alibis he prepared, and instead, he has eventually stuttered his way deeper into the conversation.
“I,“ Jaemin tries to reply but his mind wanders off, clouds all the reasonable fake answers he could have had laid on. He attempts to squeeze in a little splash of the truth. “This is a misunderstanding,” he admits after God knows how long.
Jeno didn't deserve to be dragged on to this humongous confusion. And Jaemin refuses to add more fuel to the fire but he also knows that confessing the root of this misunderstanding needs to wait because he currently does not have the courage to admit everything all at once. Not when he’s sure he be left with nothing but a broken heart.
“But I heard you,” Lee Jeno stands in front of him, his voice starts to shake, and he's getting closer, demanding an answer, “what you told to Yeri.”
The way Jeno’s eyes emit a certain strong message giving Jaemin quite a bit of a scare because Jeno has never been the one to offer a lengthy conversation nor initiate a topic to discuss with. Lee Jeno, the guy who majors in dance, whose every offered smile is adored by multiple admirers; Lee Jeno, the eye-catcher among his group of friends with his breathtaking appearance but he is also a person with a kind-hearted personality along with his seemingly strong-cold aura.
This is, by far, the longest personal conversation Jaemin had with Jeno. They aren’t friends. Jaemin knows him, had several short exchanges, casual conversations, pretty much multiple hi and hello. They’ve been paired once, in their History class, but they’ve never bonded after that - they’re not friends , but Jaemin is sure they know each other existed. But being in close proximity with Jeno like this , it's hauntingly different.
Jaemin has known Jeno as one of the kind ones – and because of that, Jaemin detests how an innocent pure-hearted soul is being pulled into a mess.
This isn’t right , Jaemin thinks.
“Jaemin,” Lee Jeno calls his attention once more, a hint of desperation lies in the tone of his voice.
But Jaemin isn't a hypocrite . He loathes to be in his current position and as much as he wants to lay out the truth, he absolutely can’t. Fully knowing that he will put another person's peaceful life into a complicated maze, Jaemin still chooses to keep everything in secrecy.
Selfish might be the right word to describe what Jaemin is because no matter how big of a disaster his current reality is and how close he is into revealing his deepest secret, Jaemin will choose to cross that line. Yes, he sympathizes and feels sorry for Jeno for being caught up in the middle of this whole scenario but Jaemin's feelings must come first. It has to be.
Jeno stares into his eyes, digging the truth. Jaemin knows Jeno only gave him two options - either Jaemin will say yes or deny everything. But for Jaemin, it’s not that simple, it’s not merely between a yes and a no. Jaemin can opt to say no and sing a plea of lies or he can say yes and still narrate untrue words. This is a make or break scenario, no matter how cliché it sounds, because Jaemin does not know how to respond, he has been caught - guilty of charge, there's nothing else to say but admit he was the one who wrote the poem but admitting means he will be telling the whole truth. And telling the whole truth means confessing his feelings to the person he loves.
“Hey, Jeno!” A familiar voice echoes through the hallway - breaking the silence, interrupting everything in the tensed atmosphere.
Jaemin freezes on his spot. This isn’t happening. All the feelings he buried and is trying to hide crush his decision – all at once. Jaemin suddenly feels sick. On the other hand, Jeno refuses to acknowledge that his name has been called.
“Na Jaemin,” It is obvious Jeno has been losing his patience which is a rare sight. It doesn't help one bit that there are already a few students lingering in the area.
One by one, their classmates start to come out of the classroom, and as every second tick by, more people suddenly become witnesses as they spectate the heated conversation. The murmurs of what’s happening, what’s going on are exchanged. The bystanders have been interested to know what the commotion is all about, and soon, the uncrowded hallway becomes somewhat a stage play.
And on top of the buzzing and curious crowd, Lee Jeno presses his plea, “Did you write it?” He asks, “Are you the mystery writer of the poem?” He urges even more.
This is the perfect time to defend himself, to state a lie, to debunk Jeno’s claim but Jaemin doesn’t, he wants to, though, to say no and to lie to everyone. It’s the easiest way out. The hassle-free way to get out of his current predicament but no matter how badly he wants to speak an untruth claim, his heart has been telling him otherwise.
Oh my God!
What? Did he write it?
Na Jaemin, seriously?!
Who would have thought?
The bystanders, as well as their classmates, have realized what is happening. The realization is abrupt and simple but everyone already realizes the answer. Everything starts to get out of hand.
Dealing with the matters with regards to his heart isn’t Jaemin’s strong suit nor is he capable of turning back the time because if he miraculously has the power to do so, he would have gone back to that certain moment and he would have not written the first fucking original poem. That is the ideal plan because he wouldn’t have to deal with the greatest confusion ever existed in the history of his now miserable existence.
All have soon taken a liking on the conversation, patiently waiting for the upcoming exchange of words, Jaemin can feel multiple eyes focused on his next move. Everyone warrants an answer from him.
It’s terrifying how suddenly Jaemin is pinned in a situation he can’t escape, and along with his problematic state, he has to deal with the widely beating of his heart. Added to it is the fact that the love of his life has appeared in front of him, intently waiting for a confirmation too, along with the other extras in his seemingly movie-like situation with a completely additional accidental character, not really meant to be a part of the main cast - all of them wanting him to admit one thing.
But Jaemin cannot say it, and even though now he knows, everyone is already convinced that he’s the mystery writer of the poem, and yes he is, but Jaemin won’t confess the whole truth in front of everyone, won’t admit that this is all a big misunderstanding.
Jaemin can’t say the truth that all along the poem he wrote is not for Jeno because Jeno is not the person he is in love with.
But Jaemin is cornered, and he feels like throwing up, so he opts the safest way out.
He runs.