Chapter Text
oO YOU Oo
“So Min Hyun, a reporter for one of Korea’s greatest broadcasting central, has apparently been working together with Echo Girls manager – who had previously released a statement that the rising musical singer Zen harassed her - to frame the male actor and end his career. This night, someone anonymously submitted evidence, that puts the reporter in hot waters. The evidence contained emails, Text messages and even pictures with instructions of where the actor lived and when he should take the photographs that have been wandering through the internet ever since. Apparently, Echo Girl was rejected by the actor and couldn’t take no for an answer. After having this incident dismantled, her career will be the one that’s going to be over, and there is even a rumour about Zen filing a case against her. We will keep you updated. Thank you for watching our program, this is Eunho Kang, and you’ve been watching….”
The office inside the C&R building was quiet. Jaehee was the first one to speak again.
“Mister Han, you may see now, why I found it relevant to barge into your training session. I think you should call one of your lawyers to aid Zen if he does want to file a case against her.”
You were still holding Jaehee’s with your palms while both Jumin and her kept making arrangements. The internet was full of articles regarding the news, already. You didn’t see the face of the stalker, last night, but you were sure that this reporter had been the one taking the pictures of you. And if he was, he had also been the one to send the E-Mail… Did he hand himself in? Unlikely… Then who submitted the evidence? Seven said he would take care of this, but he just told you that he couldn’t find anything noteworthy. He even told you, that your hard drive had been manipulated. Which meant that someone managed to bypass his security net. Everything was pointing towards the hacker, and for a moment, you had expected Seven to ask you about him. But then he had laughed it off like he always did when he had no evidence and tried to keep up his agent 707 role, but you’ve long seen past his behaviour and only answered to his laughter with silence.
“What do you think? Shall we continue?” it took a few seconds to comprehend Jumin’s words, and you found your eyes only slowly focusing on his face again. Right. You were inside the C&R building together with the corporate heir and his chief assistant. You adjusted your poor posture and only hoped that this sentence had been their first attempt to include you back into their conversation.
“I uhm.. yes. What?” there were a thousand thoughts inside your head right now, and you wished that you were everywhere but here. You couldn’t focus on learning hangul, anymore, but were afraid to admit it.
“I understand that this must be shocking to you, especially after last night... Maybe I should have waited until after your class?” Jaehee’s voice sounded a bit uncertain, the effects of last night were still visible on her face. You bet that she didn’t sleep for one second after hearing that your sister had spent the night at Zen’s place. When they both told the rest of the RFA on the messenger, everyone went crazy. Jaehee even offered to come over, and it took a lot of talking to her, to finally make her understand that another woman arriving at his house –with the reporter assumingly still lurking in the shadows- wasn’t the greatest idea. Everyone was quite worried, even when Zen stated that they slept in different rooms. Seven had spammed the chatroom with thousands of lolol’s and other jokes, but it was clear to you that he was just hysteric out of shock (and possibly jelousy). The only one that was unusually calm –besides you – was Jumin. He was able to see the practical side of Zen’s decision to keep your sister at his place and even defended him. Much to Zen’s displeasure.
Back in the present, Jumin only nodded in Jaehee’s direction. “No, you did well. We were almost done, anyway. Now excuse us, I’d like to speak about the remaining exercises for today.”
With that, Jaehee bowed deeply and excused herself.
Jumin handed you another spreadsheet with exercises, and you two continued your lesson as if nothing had happened. But you just couldn’t put your head in it, like you usually did and soon found yourself being lectured by Jumin. When he was done, he only sighed before talking again. “I would like to know what you’re thinking.” It wasn’t a question; it was an order to speak.
“Huh? W-why?” as much as you tried to keep your voice steady, it was no use against his absolute voice. He gifted you with a raise of his brows. You had been trying to work on your speaking habits towards Jumin; in fact, he had been helping you with it. Ever since the shooting incident, he went to extreme lengths to train you to speak more freely –even in tense situations. And you had been making progress. You stuttered less and were able to lock your eyes with him from time to time. But today was…weird… in many ways.
“Well, you usually provide a unique insight into everything that is happening directly around us. And seeing how this seems to throw you off, it would be unwise to not listen to what you think.” You were nodding, but refused to speak. You had to get your thoughts into order before you could ask the right questions –and boy were there many questions inside your head right now. Jumin usually hated things that were out of the norm; out of his understanding –but here you were, your whole character being nothing but an interruption of his tightly planned schedule, and yet he found the time and effort to be patient with you willingly. Always.
“I just think that the timing is a bit too perfect. Yesterday I…. You know about the person that took a picture of me at Zen’s house, last night? The reason why my sister stayed there. Well, Seven must have already told you about the strange Email that I got afterwards… It’s just… I have this feeling that this revelation is somewhat connected to….something that I don’t understand yet. Do we know that this person that released the info wasn’t someone from us? I mean, Seven could have gotten that information, right?” something was off. Seven would have told you if he took care of it.
Jumin thought for a moment before he pulled out his phone and dialed Seven’s number.
“Luciel, hello. I received the news that someone submitted evidence of an ongoing conspiracy against Zen. Were you the one who retrieved that information? ...Understood. Thank you.” He hung up and turned towards you again.
His neutral expression didn’t reveal what he was thinking at all, but you were sure that the answer wasn’t what you had been hoping it was...
“It wasn’t him. Is that all?” He probably already knew that it wasn’t, but when you nodded, he left it at that. For now.
So it wasn’t Seven... which left only…
Your teeth tingled, just the way they did yesterday evening, but you only took the pen that was laying next to you and continued filling out the text boxes.
.
.
.
That funny feeling didn’t leave you even after your lesson had ended. You didn’t know why, but you couldn’t be wholly relieved that everything about this blackmail thing had been taken care of by itself. There just were too many loose ends for you to relax. You still didn’t know who had deleted the E-Mail from your inbox, and if it wasn’t Seven….then that only left one option, right?
You doubted that it was this reporter guy. What motivation should he have after threatening you…Regret? Someone like him wouldn’t feel regret after sending such a mail. Of course it could be a fan of Zen. Someone that was as good with computers as Seven. But seriously, what were the odds? The timing was just... off.
When you arrived at the corner café that you always went into to get the usual cup of hot chocolate, you couldn’t help but stare at the computers on the tables. Since Seven’s light remarks about it being someone that had wiggled itself past his heavy cyber blockades, he would surely monitor you. More than he did before. But…
You could ask him.
Should you… ask him?
Would he want you to ask him?
Not only didn’t you ask for help, but the fact that he could have helped you even without you asking him to would mean… That he had access to your computer, right? A fact that was unnerving, and for a moment you caught yourself wishing that it was the redhead. But if it wasn’t Seven, it had to have been Unknown, right?
You remembered the odd feeling that you had last night, as soon as you noticed that the email had been deleted. Something inside of you had already been screaming Unknowns name, even if you didn’t want to be honest with yourself, then.
You pulled out your phone and looked for a text message from Unknown. Nothing. Usually, whenever he did something for you, he would let you know. He would make sure to remind you of the inevitable debt that you had to pay off, one day.
The eerie quietness, however, felt like the calm before the storm.
Your fingers hovered over the digital keyboard. The hacker would be annoyed if you texted him out of the blue, wouldn’t he? And since your phone call back then, he hadn’t even tried to contact you on his own –except for the flyer that he had placed on your sister’s car. The one that had let you know that he would come to see you in person on Christmas.
But if it had been him and he didn’t say anything, he would be even more annoyed if you didn’t thank him on your own accord, right?
This was so, so uncomfortable. Like having a toothache but at the same time being afraid of the dentist. You knew that you couldn’t do nothing, but whatever you did, could end in pain. If it was Unknown, then it was about time to report to Seven. But… Somehow you felt like whatever secrets surrounded the RFA that made them a target for the hacker, did more or less involve RFA’s hacker. It was safer to keep your secrets for a while until you were able to see the whole picture. Until you knew why you were made to join the RFA, in the first place.
Your fingers started typing and then deleting and then typing again, inside the messenger app. After Unknown had deleted your whole conversations on it, you were presented with a blank message field. It only made being the first to text again, more awkward.
“Hello, I saw the news... I’m so grateful…Thank you.” It was simple, but would it be enough? You wanted to delete the message again and start over.
Someone touched your shoulder from behind, and you jerked around in shock, accidentally pressing “send” as you did. You were halfway expecting to see Unknown but were even more baffled when it’s your sister that was staring at you.
“Oh – Sorry! Are you okay? I thought I’d pick you up at Jumin’s office, but Jaehee told me that you already left. So I came here… Is everything alright?” She looked at the phone inside your raised hand before glancing back at you.
“Were you… texting with someone? Did… Did someone follow you again?” Her fingertips lingered on your shoulder, and she looked deeply concerned. Shit…What if she saw?
“I was, it was someone from my high school. I kinda had a crush on him back then, and he told me that he is planning to visit Korea next summer.” You mimicked the look that your sister always wore when she texted with Seven. You cast your eyes down and slightly bit your lips. You had seen her with this expression numerous times and even practiced it in the mirror –if only to see if you’d look as lovely as her with it.
Her pose changed drastically. “Is that true? Show me, what did he say? Does he have a facebook profile? Does he look good?”
You smiled –a little more relaxed, now. So she took the bait. You slid the phone back into your coat and shook your head. “Nope. Nothing. He’s a bit old school, regarding that. And I’ll show you what he wrote if you show me what you’re texting about with Seven.” She immediately blushed and stopped asking questions.
You should hate lying to her but couldn’t bring yourself to feel any regret over this. What you did regret, was that now your window of asking him was gone.
You were in such a rush to put away the phone that you didn’t notice the little received icon at the bottom of your text message.
oO Saeran Oo
He didn’t feel his fingertips.
His god forsaken –fucking fingertips.
He couldn’t control the little extensions of his hands that were laying next to him in the snow. He had passed out. Again. With only a faint recollection of the last night. Night…. Was it noon already?
Since he couldn’t move his stiff neck, all he could see was the sun standing high on the zenith –burning holes into his light-sensitive eyes. It was all too bright –too painful.
He wanted to scream….and yet all he could do was tear up at the sight of the clear winter sky. He felt sick. Like he did when he was younger. Being unable to move, it reminded him of all the times when he only laid on his back inside this shabby room... With his wrists bound and nothing but the narrow ceiling to stare at. And it scared him to death. He was weak back then, but not anymore, right? He was stronger now. So, so much stronger now. Why would his limbs not follow his orders? They were part of his body. They should help him stay alive and not glue him into place like a statue of ice.
Christmas would be coming soon… It was that time of the year again.
Mother…Are you happy now? Did you enjoy making me feel guilty for breathing?
He laughed. At least I’m alive to feel guilty.
“Mr Saeran! M- Mr Saeran…..!” The whining voice of a fellow believer reminded him of where he was, right now. Yes, he was at Mint Eye. He wasn’t in this house anymore. He was the strongest person, next to the Savior, here.
He tried speaking, but his vocals still felt sore from the cold. “He-….He….help…” The word came out like a whisper, and he was sure that this dumb moron didn’t hear him.
But then he heard the hurried steps that were coming his way. One, no two people came running for him.
“Mister Saeran! There you are! We’ve been looking for you all over the place! The Savior was so worried…!”
Of course, she was. It was him, after all.
“What were you doing outside, Mister Saeran? It is freezing! You could have died!”
Saeran didn’t know why or when he went outside. He only knew, that he had been protecting you. He had been strong enough, to protect someone.
There were more people coming now, helping Saeran to get back on his feet. His head rotated from the impact of forcefully being lifted off the snowy floor and for the first time, he was able to see his fists. They were blue, purple and yellow and had dried blood on the sides. He had protected you. He had saved you.
He was your guardian angel.
The believer that found him carried him inside – not caring about the fact that they all trampled through the meticulously outlined snow angel around Saerans frail frame. A view that returned some recently lost and dearly missed memories to Saeran.
oO You Oo
You were glued to your phone screen.
Unknown still hadn’t answered you, even though you had texted him hours ago and it made you feel anxious. Call it a premonition, but you were sure that something was wrong. He usually replied right after you’d sent your text, and if not that then at least within a few minutes. Minutes, not hours.
You kept glancing at the screen until your sister called you over for dinner.
“He didn’t text you back, yet?” your sister asked while casually putting the plates on the table.
“No…Not yet. It’s weird. He is usually really quick to reply.” You only manage to poke inside the freshly made food in front of you. Your sister watched you from her seat. Analyzing you from head to toe.
“I wonder… What kind of person he’s got to be, to leave you speechless like that.” She finally asked.
“What?” You stopped your attempt to eat, altogether.
“I want to know what he’s like.” She clarified.
She was still thinking that you had been texting with your crush, and you were glad that she did so.
“Well… I don’t know… I guess you could say that he’s very smart? And very perceptive… Like he always knows whenever I’m feeling down… He’s determined and persevering. He sees things through until the bitter end. He likes to plan in advance, and…well he’s got a mean strike, sometimes, but then again he is… somehow really caring? He’s always nagging but does still help in the end. … He also has no concept of personal space. He has a dark past, although I’m not yet sure what happened…He does get angry really easily and as a hard time to calm down when he’s in his rage mode” You didn’t even notice that you were scratching the back of your hands so hard that it already left a red mark on your index finger.
“He seems to be a conflicted person…” Your sister looked like she wanted to say more, but was stopping herself from saying what she thought.
You hid your scratched hand underneath the table and waited for whatever was dancing on your sister’s mind.
Your sister glanced over at you and cleared her throat. “Just like everyone else. In a way. And then again, not. You know, while I do think that a certain degree of complexity is healthy. I feel like someone as conflicted as that can be….toxic to people who might not yet be… uhm… how do I say this…” she avoided your eyes to think.
You weren’t stupid; you knew what she tried to tell you. She thought that he wasn’t right for you. That you being close to him could be difficult. And she was right about that aspect. It was difficult. And while yes, he was enveloped into mysteries that equaled Seven’s true name, you saw something of yourself inside of him. And for the love of god, you wanted to help. If you couldn’t help yourself, or Kai, before, you wanted to be strong for this person.
And for the first time, you realized that even though Unknown had a bunch of issues, he did help you every time you needed him. On the other hand, though, there hadn’t been even one instance, where you were of any help to him.
Which only made things worse. Because in reality, you weren’t even able to help him if you wanted to. You couldn’t reach him on your own, he needed to open the port for that since neither his messages nor his calls were traceable. You were sure of it. Otherwise, Seven would have already noticed your attempts to contact each other.
Your feeling from before returned. You didn’t know where Unknown was, or what he looked like. If something had happened to him, as your hunch was trying to tell you-you were not able to do shit. Which scared you. Much more than you had previously thought it would.
“I just think that someone like him may not make you as happy as he should. Not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. Someone who flips at the smallest inconveniences usually is really hard to deal with and will only hurt you over time...” Your sister was still not looking at you while she spoke and you started to wonder if she was still talking about the person you supposedly had a crush on, or if this was about someone entirely else.
You know that your sister had every right to have a past of her own, but you couldn’t help the slight stinging feeling in your chest when you thought about all the things she experienced without. Or all the people that may or may not have been more important to her than you at the time.
“Things aren’t always just black and white. We are all just the product of our experiences and since everyone experiences different things in their life… Well, I just think that we all have scars. And sometimes, they are hidden so deep underneath your skin that it may be hart to see them from the outside…As for him… I don’t know. There is no ‘either, or’ with him. He’s more a mashup of too many songs that are not quite in tune with each other. But I feel like... Like the melody that connects those pieces is a beautiful and pure one…” You pulled out your phone again. Still nothing.
Your sister was now mustering you with curiosity. “Not quite in tune with each other… Hm… I know that I may be crossing a line, here. But this makes me really sad..”
You closed your eyelids to get rid of the images that were already flashing before your eyes. The all too well known claustrophobic feeling clawing its way through your chest.
You dared to ask her why, albeit knowing the answer to the question already. And just as you had imagine her do, she cocked her head to the side and gently pointed her finger into your direction.
“Because this reminds me of….you.”
With that, that last drop of self-control slipped through your sweating hands and you only watched in terror as the snippets of your past take you down the memory lane.
Your father was reeking of alcohol as he towered over you inside the narrow corridor. “Oh, which daughter will I get to see today? The good and obedient one? The moody bitch, or the filthy whore? What is it with you that I’m never able to tell which one it’ll be today?” He slapped the plate right out of your hands.
You tried to blink your memories away.
So he remembered your outbreak from yesterday… You had hoped that he had been too intoxicated to recall it. He turned down and picked up the steak from the floor. You watched him with your mouth closed, while your little revolt was only met with pitiful sneers and laughs from your father.
STOP
“What makes you say that?” Your smile at her was more than weak, and you didn’t even bother hoping that she’d buy it.
“I think you know what I mean. I just never thought about it as poetically as this. It’s a good comparison, but it also feels kind of painful… Scars that can’t be seen and yet keep on hurting. I wonder… Do you feel like this?” It was a pure question that must have come straight from her heart.
You didn’t answer it, though.
“I hope that those scars can be healed. I do.” She reached out to touch your arm, and you remained still to endure the touch. You’ve gotten better in handling her displays of affection, and even initiating those gestures by yourself from time to time. Just not when you felt this raw –scared to death that she may get dragged down into the darkness because of you.
“Don’t worry, some of them will, over time.” You smiled again.
“If I work hard, do you think that they all disappear some day?” She was searching for your eyes, but you only looked away to focus on your counting routine. If she saw what was going on behind your lids, If she made one more move to make you open up to her…You would shatter into pieces right in front of her.
“Ah I see, I see. The filthy whore it is. Don’t just stand there and watch me do all the work! Get on your knees and help me!”
You knew that once you got down on your knees, he wouldn’t let you go. The hall of your home felt heavier than usual –narrow. There was not enough space to outrun him here, nor were you strong enough to push him out of the way.
You had two options. Going down on your own accord, or going down on his’.
Endless memories full of pain pop up inside your swollen skull. You blinked away any tear before it started forming and tucked your feelings away. When you reached ten, you took your unscratched hand and gently placed it on your sister’s fingers.
“Yes.” You squeezed her hand reassuringly.
It was your second lie, today.
oO Saeran Oo
“I think that the medication is still not right, for him. Since he switched back just after taking the experimental mixture, his body might be having trouble to get used to the original liquid.” The doctor explained while facing the Savior.
“My poor boy… It must have been painful for him.” She looked over to Saeran, who was currently staring at the wall.
“He told us, that he sometimes wakes up without knowing what he did before that time. It was concerning, to put it mildly. Dearest Savior, stop me if I’m saying too much, but I think that his heart is growing weak. It seems like he is continuously losing control over his emotions. He needs to be stripped off his emotions for the girl, so that the medicine can work properly again. He needs to see the Re-Educators soon.”
Saeran listened to the doctor’s voice. Maybe he was right? Maybe he was growing weak? The doctors told him about his late night trip the other day. That he brought in a new believer. He made it sound as if this was a good thing, but Saeran knew that he only did it because of you –and yes, by the standard of the Savior, that was considered weak.
In retrospective, he didn’t even know why he went so overboard last night. Was he not taking the medicine well? He did remember having visions of you before switching to the new liquid. But those caused him to throw up and have even more black outs. Switching back was supposed to fix this problem, not make it worse. But if what the doctor said, was true, then it wouldn’t matter what kind of liquid he’d take. It was a problem that was caused by his own feelings.
“I understand. I will talk to him. But I won’t give up on him; he is my favorite. I will never give up on him. We’ll make it work. Thank you.” She walked over to Saeran and helped him stand up and return to his room. On the whole way, though, Saeran couldn’t help but feel the Saviors eyes on him. He was too afraid to look over his shoulder. Afraid to see the look of disappointment on her face.
When the door to his room closed behind him, he inhaled audibly –readying himself for his punishment. However, the Savior only stared at him.
“S-Savior. Please, I will do better.” He was suddenly ten again, feeling like he stood in front of his mother that had a look on her face, similar to the one his Savior was wearing right now. It gave him the chills.
“No.” She didn’t even bat an eyelash.
“No, I am the one that has to do better from now on.” She walked around the computer chair that Saeran was currently sitting on –every step accentuated by her swaying hips and with her eyes never leaving the silhouette of the thin boy in front of the many monitors.
“I thought that you were ready to take on this mission, alone. But I was mistaken. Blinded by my feelings for you. It was nothing but my wishful thinking, or so it seems. All the stress of delivering the information I so desperately needed must have still been too much for you. But rest assured, I will lighten your burden, now.” The Savior hunched over the greasy keyboard and entered her password into the login screen of the Mint Eye server.
“I hereby withdraw your server rights… Don’t look at me like that, Saeran.” She noticed the displeased look he gave her. “Do you think that doing this makes me happy? Do you want me to send you to that place again, instead?”
Saeran snapped his head back to hide his face. He was suddenly getting so angry, he just didn’t know whom at.
“This… is only temporary. Until I know that your heart is filled with nothing but thoughts for our paradise, again. Bring me relevant intel from the RFA, and you will get back your access. Depending on the quality of the information, I may still allow for you to bring the girl here. Now excuse me.” She nodded in his direction and reached for the door handle –shortly hesitating before pressing it down, eventually.
“You know, Saeran, I don’t want you to think about this as a punishment. I am taking away parts of your freedom so that you can stop having funny thoughts. This is, to strengthen your heart. With too much freedom, humans tend to sin. And some of us are more prone to the negative side effects of freedom than others. I’m doing this to protect you. For eternal paradise.”
The missing figure of her inside the doorframe left a burning mark inside Saeran’s head, and the dreading wave of rage in his heart only grew stronger with every passing minute. He didn’t need to be stripped of any emotion. Only days before, she had told him over and over again how strong he was. Whatever made him snap last night, was nothing but a side effect of his intolerance towards the medication. He was clear now. He was-
He notices the text-icon on his lock screen.
“Hello, I saw the news... Thank you.”
He broke out in chuckles that then turned into full grown laughter –full of pure amusement.
“Oh princess”, he murmured to himself while replying.
He would prove that he still knew every vow of Mint eye. He would mess with you. He would break you. Until you, too, were ready to accept their philosophy. And he would get you to give him the information he needed, on your own. He didn’t forget about his original promise to you. He’d come to get you. He only needed to work hard and win back the Saviors trust. For you. For him. And for…
“For eternal paradise.”
oO You Oo
It was past midnight when your phone notified you that you had a text message. You were half expecting it to be Yoosung spamming you with his LOLOL adventures. Your sister was already sound asleep, so you were extra careful not to wake her up as you moved your arm over her sleeping head.
It wasn’t Yoosung.
Unknown:
“I wonder just how thankful you are… come to [this address] asap.”
Your sudden rush of relief soon got replaced by suspicion.
Sure, he must have a life of his own. Maybe he didn’t answer because he had a normal daytime job. But he usually always answered within minutes. Besides… something wasn’t feeling right. Why would he call you out to some random address in the middle of the night?
He sounded different than he had before. Angrier. Demanding. Commanding.
Like that one time where she actually saw him follow her.
You googled the address and found out that it was a park area in downtown. It would take you about twenty minutes by foot, if you were quick –without taking the time you needed to get ready into account.
You didn’t really want to go.
Had it been a few hours earlier, you would have excused yourself right on the spot and left to go and talk with him. But this suddenly didn’t seem right, anymore. Now, going out into the darkness really reinstated that feeling of venturing into the unknown. A scary and frightening unknown that had its maw open –ready to choke you down their black gullet.
And to bring that feeling of dread home for you, he didn’t choose an internet café, but a park. What could he possibly want you to do inside a park? At this hour? Except for …you know, abduct or murder you.
Oh great, there goes all your ambition to go, at all.
He seemed to be in a sour mood already, provoking him even further could lead to more problems than declining was worth. In one of your worst case-scenarios, he not only knew where you lived but also had the code for the front door.
He never seemed to be the type to murder… But there was no way of telling when he was high on drugs. You once saw someone completely losing it after a party. He had always been quiet in class, but when he took some of those pills that were going around back then, he suddenly snapped at a random guy and broke his arm.
Yeah, people do weird shit, when they’re high
But… He had answers. That nobody else could give you.
You knew that this could be dangerous and didn’t even realized your body had already decided to go for you. Instead, you only stared in surprise when you suddenly found yourself inside the lift. You were still wearing your pyjamas and only quickly slipped into your boots and put on your winter coat. Did you even bring your purse? You rummaged through your pockets and exhaled sharply when you couldn’t find it. Which meant that you didn’t even bring your ID –should something happen to you.
Your phone rang.
Caller ID Unknown. You read it out loud and immediately covered your mouth. Feeling like he was lurking in the shadows didn’t help with your uneasiness.
Seconds passed before you found it in your heart to finally pick up. He never simply called you on your phone and the sudden change of the routine that you’ve clung yourself on to really did make you want to report to Seven. You didn’t know what substances he was taking, so him sticking to his own rules, was a sign that he was still having a degree of control over his actions.
You took one more shaky breath and pushed answer.
There was no greeting, no nothing. Just the irregular sound of his heavy breathing. Was it even him? Now that you’ve thought about it, unknown caller ID could refer to well... anybody. What if some pervert phished your number and was calling you right now? The timing was way too suspicious for something like that, however. It must be him.
“H-hello..?” You’ve heard yourself say – the uncertainty transpiring through your voice.
Still nothing. Then you heard an awkward rustling noise and a sound of someone shutting a door.
“I-is this...uhm…Are you Unknown?” you tried again and pushed your long hair behind your ear.
“Wait for a second….” You heard him breathing before he spoke again. “Alright. We can talk now.”
His voice was low and deep, barely more than a whisper.
“Are you there, yet?” Although his question was phrased rather neutral, you caught a glimpse of anxiety in his words. He must have been nervous as to whether you followed his instructions. Was he scared of something?
“Huh? Ah-uhm no. I’m still on my way there. It will probably take me another 10 minutes to arrive… Should I call you back, then?” You resumed walking towards your destination and hoped he’d let you call him back. It would buy you some time to regain some of your composure.
He let out a sigh. “You do know that you can’t call back an unknown call ID, right?” With that, he painfully put you back into place.
You mentally face-palmed yourself as you moved “R-right… sorry.”
“Yes, you should be. Yes… this is how it should be…” He seemed to mumble to himself. “It shouldn’t take you so long, to get to the park now, should it? Start walking a bit faster. You can do that for me, right?” Why was it that he needed to convince himself of the hierarchy between you two?
You were already walking quite fast but still doubled your pace at his words. Heavy pants soon started to slip through your lips as you held the phone close to your ear. You didn’t hear him speak for another solid two minutes.
“Tell me what you see right now.” You could feel that he was getting more and more anxious. Just what was waiting for you at that park?
“Okay… There is a coffee shop at the corner, and I can see the Cherry-Tower from here. I think the park is right down this street. It shouldn’t be long, anymore.”
He chuckled. “You’re so obedient. Usually, people wouldn’t run outside in the middle of the night, just because someone texted them. Maybe they aren’t stupid enough to be lured into the darkness of night...” His words were harsh, even if his tone was teasing.
He was trying to provoke you, but you’ve been called worse than stupid. “Yes, you’re right.” The words slipped a little too easily over your tongue. They found their way out of your mouth without any effort, as they have numerous times before.
“Am I, hm? So you would run outside like a stupid bitch whenever someone told you so?” His former teasing tone was gone, now. What was left, instead, was aggression. It confused you for a moment. You didn’t know where you went wrong.
Until you did. Ah – so that was what he had really been asking you.
It was funny, how he was so desperate for your reassurance …
“You’re not somebody. I wouldn’t do this for just anybody. I did it because it was you who asked.” You said it without stuttering, you said it without blinking. You said it because you were trained to say it when you had to – and it always had the same effect: It kept you alive.
“Of course, I knew you’d see that, too. Most people wouldn’t be able to understand your way of reasoning. But I, I understand them. Because deep down, we’re the same. We are both bad and ill at heart…. Ah – I can hear a Christmas jingle playing in the background. You better not cry. Santa Claus doesn’t give crying children gifts. Santa Claus knows who is a good child or a bad child ~ beautiful, isn’t it? It reminds me of how much I hate Christmas.”
You stopped for a second. His voice was hitching. The way it did when he was aggravated.
“I used to be a bad child and never got any Christmas presents. Don’t you think it’s unfair that bad children don’t get anything from Santa? They are just stupid children, Santa should give everyone presents. Don’t you think?”
He laughed, but there was no joy in his voice.
“So I decided to get rid of Santa and give presents to only the bad children. The worse, the better. Don’t you think that’s only just?” you hear him tapping his fingers against a surface. A nervous habit, perhaps?
You kept silent. Trying to soak in every information you could get about him. Anything was fine.
“And what better gift could there be than salvation…? Haha… I wonder though If I’m the only one giving gifts… Whom would I receive something from, then? ... Santa, do you really think he knows who is bad and who isn’t?” He suddenly sounded like a wounded, small child, on the verge of crying. Why was it so important to him what you were thinking?
“I… maybe.” Your voice became small. You didn’t really think that Santa was existing and the thought of someone constantly watching you and keeping track of your actions was rather scary to you.
He groaned irritated. “Then why doesn’t he give me anything? Who does he think he is, to not give me a present? I’ve been so good; I’ve been doing so much good, helped so many people. Don’t you think I deserve something from Santa?” He was asking for your opinion about him..
You thought back to the conversation you had with your sister.
“He’s more a mash-up of too many songs that are not quite in tune with each other. But I feel like... Like the melody that connects those pieces is a beautiful and pure one…”
“….I do.” You eventually answered.
“Yes…Of course, you think so, too. You mustn’t have gotten much from Santa, either, am I right? But don’t worry, I will be your Santa Claus this Christmas, so make sure to tell me your wishes. If you’re naughty, I may fulfil them all.” He laughed, again. A bit more relieved, than before.
Your wishes…. There was only one thing you wished for…Answers. “I-I want more information. Why you made me join the RFA. Who you are and if you…. If you’re dangerous…?” Was this too much to ask for?
Apparently so, yes.
He growled like angry thunder. “This isn’t fun at all.”
Your natural reflexes kicked in. Upon hearing his threatening voice, you went stiff as a stick within a second. Your hands jerked to the sides of your body, as to force you to not cover your middle.
“P-Please don’t shout. I’ll be good. I’ll be good.” The voice of your younger self -whined into the speaker.
He was quiet for a few seconds. Calming himself down.
“What face are you making right now? I want to see….So bad. I… want to know.”
You weren’t yet ready to talk again. He had only needed seconds to calm down. But for you. This was difficult.
Come on, just count to ten. Just count… One...
“I ASKED YOU SOMETHING!” His loud and cracking voice cut right through your routine and your switch right back to being a child again.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. I’ll make it up to you; It was my fault.” You hated yourself for reacting like this. You hated yourself for being arrogant enough to think you’d be getting better with every day.
He seemed to be both pleased, and sorry. However, he was hiding the latter behind his condescending words. “I forgive you because I’m a good person, someone that can lead you towards salvation – I shouldn’t have said that. You will learn about this on your own when you get here.”
There he goes again with this salvation thing. When you received his first messages, he talked about his religion. Was this salvation a part of this?
So he was still planning on extracting you from the RFA again, as soon as he accomplished whatever he had planned to.
“… And when will that be?” You tried to sound anticipating –making him talk.
“Soon, I hope.” He only vaguely responded. You knew you were hitting a wall but were not yet ready to stop here.
“Why me?” You tried, instead.
He chuckled. “Because I found you.”
You sigh. He was right. He did find you. He wanted you to join the RFA so desperately but was also eager to get you out of there. Why? What did he know, that you didn’t? Did he really hate all of them?
You thought back to the last months with them. Without knowing exactly when you had started to consider them your family. When you came to Korea, you felt like you couldn’t do anything on your own. But they helped you to improve yourself every day. You felt like they were good people. People that you could stay with, even if you still had to hide your fucked up side. But for them, you were willing to do that.
“…What about the rest of the RFA?”
He didn’t hesitate when he answered as if this had been clear from the very start. “That depends. They can join us, too, or they can burn together with the redhead.”
Your hunch about Seven proved itself somewhat right. So he is involved in all of this. “The Redhead…? Do you know him?”
He laughed, but it sounded like slapping two pieces of metal together. “I don’t. I just know the him that he once was. Although he would never tell you this because he is a liar. Unlike me. I would never lie to you.” He sounded frustrated again, but this time, not because of you. This time, his frustration was directed at someone else….
If this was true. If you really were to believe him…Then… “Then… will you hurt me, or my sister?” You tried to keep your voice as soft as possible.
“No. I will save you.” And without a doubt, you believed that this was legitimately what he thought. He would never hurt you intentionally. But you also knew that things like intention were never that easy. He could –and probably would tell himself that it was necessary. That he did it for his kind of salvation. And as much as you wished that you had learnt from your past, you still….Wanted to believe him.
“Arghh…This stupid Christmas carol is giving me headaches. How long are you going to make me listen to it?!” He slammed his fist against something. She suddenly felt his fear. Was he afraid….of Christmas?
You started running.
“I’m sorry, I can… I can…. I can see the entrance of the park!”
The park was, due to the unfavorable time, deserted.
“Good. Very good. Once you’re inside, walk towards the Season Pavilion. There is a wide field around it. Tell me when you’re there.”
You walked it quietness, the sound of the pebbles underneath the shoes the only thing that was cutting through the silence between you two. The Pavilion looked like it had already seen better days, but the surroundings were well maintained. The snow had been brushed off every surface so that visiting people could sit down if they wanted to. All the walkways had been cleared of snow, as well.
You were the first one to speak again. “I’m there. What should I do, now?”
“Haha, you’re already awaiting my orders? How cute. Say, what do you think will happen, now?” He said it with some kind of morbid fascination which caused you to turn around in paranoia.
“Are you nervous? Anxious? Scared? What are you thinking right now? Are you turning around, helplessly wondering whether I’m waiting for you in a corner?” He chuckled. It was a dark, and grim sound.
You heard something rustling from behind. Steps –heavy sounds coming from thick boots that were lazily walking through the park.
“Do you think, that I’ll come and get you right now?” He breathed into the phone like a pervert.
This was suddenly going in the wrong direction. Definitely wrong.
The sickening feeling in your stomach solidified with every exaggerated sound coming from behind. You not only felt like you were being watched, but you also definitely heard someone behind you.
“Turn around, little princess. And take a good look.” He whispered into your ear.
You couldn’t.
You couldn’t lift your feet off the ground, you couldn’t even move your head to look over your shoulders. Whatever had been trying to approach you, now stopped moving. Possibly waiting for you. No. He was waiting for you. He didn’t need a dark alleyway to mug you, nobody was here inside this park. Nobody would hear you scream.
“I’m sorry.” You feel a sting inside your eyes and your knees becoming rubber. “I don’t think I can do that.” You wanted to cry, but the more scared you felt, the more your inner walls kept trying to hold your feelings in.
It hit you all at once.
You were nothing but a severely underpowered side character in her own story, not knowing what she pitted herself against. It made you feel vulnerable and exposed. As if you were back to continually running and hiding. Like the scared little girl that you were, hiding from your father.
You forgot to breathe.
His chuckles died right on the spot.
“Is this how you show your gratitude?”
Your head felt light.
You inhaled sharply and tried to wash away the feelings inside with the cold fresh air in your lungs. To no avail. You felt small –wanted to cower behind cover and hide. Something –anything.
“Look.Behind.You.”
You wanted to throw up. You tried to run, even if there was nothing waiting for you. The thick walls of your castle were dangerously creaking under the heavy pressure of your emotions.
Get a grip and calm down.
You counted to ten. Twice.
Once you felt the earth underneath your feet again, you were able to respond.
“Ok.”
One breath, two breaths. You turned around and stared right into the evil looking face of the night. An ugly gasp was escaping your mouth.
You heard him then –on the phone. Laughing. Cackling. Having the time of his life while you felt sick and dead inside.
“Did you…! Did you…! Did you think I’d be standing there?!” He had to pause after every word to catch his breath again. “You’re standing in the middle of a god damned park in the middle of the night, thinking I’d be there? Moving my ass through that horrible cold weather just to see you?”
You felt numb.
“This is… This is gold!” He was almost hyperventilating from his own laughter.
But you felt nothing, anymore. Stripped yourself off any emotion. Made yourself to be a shell for that other you to slip into.
“Thank you. I knew that talking to you would make me feel better. You’ve now officially repaid your debt regarding my efforts last night. Now, do me a favor and look for a flowering bush to your left. There should be at least one.” This… was not the person you wanted to help. Whatever had gotten into him, this was not the guy you would continue to lie for.
….then why did you still go and look for those flowers?
“I can see them.” You said in an overly monotone voice.
“Do you like flowers?” He didn’t seem to be aware of your sudden mood swing and even sounded exited.
“Yes.” You pressed through your teeth.
“Do you know the name of the flowering bush? In front of you?” He asked.
“No.” And you didn’t care, either.
“It’s honeysuckle. A sort of Woodbine.” He kept on babbling.
“Ok.” Silence.
“Ok, she says. Do you know their meaning?” He was getting upset with you.
“Alas, no.” You took a closer look at the little flowers that were blooming in the depth of winter. They were kind of beautiful. And sturdy. Everything you wished to be.
“It’s ok. It means generosity. As you have paid off your debt without fussing, I want to give you something back. For free. Am I not a kind person?”
Again, he had to make sure that you didn’t think ill of him.
“Yes.”
“You’re not very talkative right now… I guess I got you good. Well then, you entertained me – so I entertain you. All fair and square, right?” He was finally becoming concerned. Or aware that he may have gone overboard. Was this his way of making up to you?
“Ok.”
He huffed into the phone. Clearly at loss of how to stir the situation back into his desired direction. “Ok, my ass. Stop acting this way… I’ll make it up to you, just wait… hmm, I’ll tell you a fairy tale, alright? Girls like this stuff, right?”
“Yes…”
“So… once upon a time, in the land of Ugnia, lived a prince together with his other him and their mother. Country was inhabited by assorted magical creatures, most of whom were quite nasty beings. The prince and his family lived in a quirky-looking town, in which a common was making silly hats. The surrounding countryside was mostly coastal and dotted with gigantic wildflowers. It also hosted many ponds and streams. You could only access the city at certain time of the year, as it was hidden throughout most of the seasons. The King was a cruel man and was jealous of the two princes, thus their mother hid them away inside a small cabin.”
This caught you completely off guard.
“Every Christmas, the children of the town would walk from home to home to sing pretty Christmas carols much like we know them today. They sung about love, happiness, presents, and an annual screenplay. Every year, the two princes would ask their mother if they’d get a present too. But she would only yell at them that this was a custom they mustn’t do. So the princes started plotting between themselves, to give each other presents in secret.” He needed to calm down before resuming to speak.
“One of the princes was strong and sly, he managed to sneak out from time to time to avoid a blue eye… The other was weak and could do nothing on his own, all he ever knew was being tied to his home. So when Christmas Eve came and he had nothing to gift, he started crying and made a desperate wish.” Saeran inhaled.
“Before his eyes, a wizard appeared, in full robes and eyes that contained the universe. He asked the prince if it was him that had called, and he told him yes. The wizard pulled a gift out of his sleeves that was so beautiful it hurt. The prince was happy and gave it to his brother. As he tried to open it, the Queen came home and –“ You could hear him shivering.
“She got so angry that she destroyed their presents and beat the weak prince and locked him inside the basement. He was not to get any food. He was not to get any love. Nobody came, not even his brother. He was all alone.” He sounded like he was crying and you felt a heavy clump forming inside your throat.
“So as he laid there, all alone and shivering in the darkness. He was able to hear the wizard right next to him. ‘who’s there?’ the prince asked. ‘It is I’ the wizard said. ‘I have the power to get you out of here, but you have to give me something in return. I am the rule over a secret garden, a paradise for princes and princesses much like you. But I am lonely there and want you to come visit me.’ The prince thought for a moment. ‘do I have to go back to this place?’ The wizard smiled at the prince and took his hand as he led him out of the cabin. ‘no, it is truly paradise. You never have to leave, if you do not want to’. And thus it came that he was saved by the wizard and got to live in his kingdom.”
You listened to him while he kept on rambling. The end of his tale left your nerves feeling raw and painful. His voice went from high pitched to low and sinister within a single breath, and it was clear that he was deeply distressed. It was possible that he didn't want to talk and yet forced himself to choke the words out.
But there was something else that caused your stomach to turn. His tale was - essentially - just that: a tale. But of course, as with any other tale, if you kept on stripping away the fantastic parts and the magic and the metaphors... If you kept peeling off every layer of the narrative, then all that was left was a core that formed the corpus of a story about Unknowns presumably tragic past.
Yes - you know that trying to interpret his talk was like stretching an already thin line - or like leaping into unknown water. And yes - you knew that harboring any kind of pity for a person like him could bring you more trouble than you signed yourself up for. But if you took aside everything you knew about this person at the other side of the line, and allowed yourself to see this phone call for what it really was – you were able to realize that it was simply a display of trust.
Generously, even.
"You -why are you crying? Was this not entertaining for you?"
Your muffled cries were audible via the call connection, although you hadn't realized that you were crying in the first place. And if things were different, you would have been celebrating now. After what had happened to Kai, you never let anyone notice you crying. You would have never cried in front of someone.
Technically, yes, you weren't crying in front of someone right now - as Unknown was god knows where. But it still felt like he was standing right behind you. It was difficult to describe, but you felt his presence, having his hand clenched around your heart and tightening the grip on your chest. There was no one behind you, of course, but the mental closeness that surpassed every physical bond you ever had up until now, made you uneasy.
Unknown didn’t say anything, and for a while, you were left alone with your tears. Then you heard his low chuckles.
He was amused by your vain efforts to put yourself in his shoes.
"Did you believe this story? Hahaha. I didn't think you'd be so naïve.." his chuckles became spiteful laughter.
"You love me this much, don't you? Seriously, to cry for me this easily. What am I supposed to do when you die of a broken heart because of your feelings for me? Hahaha. I'm only joking again, my little princess. Once I'll come and free you, I will make you love me even more. That's a promise."
Without any further ado, he ended the call, and you were left alone inside this snowy park, in the middle of this grim night.