Chapter Text
Chapter 4- little place inside this world
I remember the first night that she went
To find her little place inside this world
I won't forget the way she broke her tape down
She needed it now
She ran into it all
Michael almost screamed when he awoke to pressure on his chest and legs.
And then he almost started to sob when he opened his eyes and saw Jeremy Heere’s soft curls on his chest.
Instead, he inhaled sharply and drew his eyes to the ceiling.
Jeremy’s soft breaths and his thudding heart filled his ears.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
He needed to get it together.
An eternity passed and finally, his chest started to calm down.
Michael let his thoughts gather while his eyes flickered around the room. Light streamed in from the small basement window near the duo that was sprawled out on Michael’s bed. Michael extended an arm slowly to the nightstand beside him and grabbed his pair of glasses that had been folded up nicely. He slid them on his face one-handed, peering back down at Jeremy’s sleeping form.
Their legs were intertwined their socks brushing against each other. Jeremy laid halfway on Michael’s chest, his right hand close to Michael’s right shoulder. Jeremy’s sleeping face looked right and his left hand just seemed to fall onto the bed. Michael’s left arm had been wrapped around Jeremy, touching the boy’s neck softly, while his right arm had been tucked near his head.
It was so….. gay .
And everything Michael wished he had.
Jeremy curled around his side every morning; their legs constantly battling, their hands placed sporadically, their arms binding each other together, their hearts beating as one as they breathed together.
And Jeremy waking up, looking into Michael’s eyes and whispering a raspy “Good morning.”
And Michael would just plant a kiss right on those tender lips. Then, he could gripe about morning breath, but he still would want just one more kiss.
His chest ached .
And his bladder moaned.
He had to pee .
Fuck.
Michael milked the moment, letting the domestic images enter his mind once more. He just needed to pretend for one minute more.
It only made his heartache worse.
Michael moved deliberately, letting Jeremy fall off of him at a crawling pace. He held Jeremy with cautious hands as he moved the other boy off. Another year or two passed and finally, Michael was free from Jeremy’s impressive grip.
Jeremy mumbled something and curled up into a ball. Michael’s heart nearly burst. He searched for a blanket and once he found it, he set it on Jeremy’s form. Michael looked at this gentle, raw version of Jeremy with a giddy feeling rising in his mind.
God, he was head-over-heels for this kid.
He pressed his lips to Jeremy’s forehead, unable to stop himself and the rush of emotions. His hand curling into Jeremy’s silky hair and his thumb rubbing delicately against Jeremy’s temple.
“You’re going to kill me, Jeremy Heere,” he whispered.
Jeremy breathed in return.
Michael tore himself away and practically ran to the bathroom.
His stomach growled loudly, a muted pain showing itself. He was ravenous. And thirsty.
Michael washed his hand rapidly, then he snuck to the door of the basement. He closed it quietly behind him and he darted up the stairs.
“Good morning, Michael,” a deep maternal voice caused Michael’s heart rate to shoot up.
“Mom!” Michael practically screamed as he entered the kitchen.
His mother stood at the stove, a pan on the burner and spatula in hand. A bowl of pancake batter sat beside it and there were already a few pancakes on a plate nearby.
She turned and smiled; her teeth were slightly crooked, due to her never getting treatment. The bags were dark under her eyes and crow’s feet were starting to develop near her soft brown eyes. Half of her dark hair was pulled back in a small half-up-half-down look, small whispies near her ears.
“You’re still in scrubs,” Michael commented, not knowing what to say.
“Yeah, I got in late last night,” she hummed and turned back to the stove. “It was, like, three or something.”
“Wow,” Michael blinked, moving and sitting on a barstool. “Did you get to sleep?”
“Barely,” she replied. “I have an afternoon shift today and I’m booked all throughout the week.”
“Do you think we could have dinner tonight?”
“Hopefully. What do you think we should have?”
“Mashed potatoes and mac’n’cheese.”
His mother laughed softly, the sound calming Michael.
“That’s quite a bit of starch, honey.”
“Come on, Mom. I haven’t eaten that since I was, like, nine.”
“I’ll have to run by the store and get some potatoes.”
“I can do it.”
“I’ll leave the credit card out, then. And just in case I don’t make it home in time, I’ll leave you with a recipe.”
“But, you’ll try and make it home, right?”
“I’ll do everything in my power, honey.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
A small beat of sizzling occupied the conversation.
“I came down to check on you last night.”
Shit. Michael flinched. “Sorry, I didn’t tell you Jeremy was coming over. It’s just he needed a place to stay-”
“I’m not angry about him being over,” his mother turned back and shot Michael a confused look. “The Heere’s are practically family to us.”
“I should’ve told you-”
“Michael, you are practically an adult. You can make your own decisions and I don’t need to be told every single one of them. Jeremy is always welcome to stay over. I don’t mind his presence.”
“Okay.”
“Are you two dating, though?”
Michael loved and hated his mother’s bluntness. “ Mom . He’s straight.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“It does. It means no. He would never date me. He’s in love with Christine. I thought we went over this.”
“You two were sleeping in such a compromising position. It’s enough to make me wonder.”
“ Mom .”
“I was only asking, Michael.”
I only wish we were, Mom.
“See you later!” Jeremy yelled to Michael’s car as it backed out the driveway.
Michael’s hand waved out of the window and Jeremy smirked.
Jeremy watched Michael’s PT Cruiser putt away and hummed at the lightness in his chest. Once it was gone, he turned and went into his house from the garage. He noticed his dad’s car and instantly felt his stomach drop.
He didn’t tell his dad he was over at Michael’s.
Why was he worried? His father was cool about all that kind of stuff.
Right?
Jeremy opened the door, the rattling of the garage door closing filling his ears. He stepped into the house and the door shut behind him. He walked slowly, the only sound around him was his shoes tap, tap, taps on the floor.
When he saw his dad at the table, Jeremy felt his blood drain from his face.
“Jeremy,” his father’s words were soft and devoid of emotion.
“Hey, dad,” Jeremy struggled to say.
“Sit down, please.”
Jeremy shuffled and sat down at the table, facing his father. He opened his mouth to start saying something but was interrupted by a stern look from his dad.
“I don’t want to yell at you. I don’t want to rave and scream, because in the end that makes a fool out of you and out of me. I want to talk, understand?”
Jeremy nodded, a knot tied securely in his throat.
“I’m going to be honest, I was a little worried when I went into your room to wake you up and you weren’t there. I almost freaked out until I called Michael’s mother to ask if you were over.”
“Why?” Jeremey couldn’t stop the words from leaving his mouth. “You never used to care about where I went.”
His dad sighed. “I told you I was going to be a little harsher. I told you that I’m changing things around here, which means this kind of stuff has to adjust with it. I need to know where you are, Jeremy. I need to know who you’re with. I need to know what’s going on. I’m worried .”
Jeremy just focused on a spot right past his dad’s face and hoped to God that this would end soon.
“We need to set a curfew for you. So, what do you think?”
Jeremy shrugged.
“Midnight isn’t too harsh?”
Jeremy didn’t know why he expected something earlier. He nodded. “Midnight is fine.”
“Good.”
An unsettling silence settled over the table.
“Listen,” Jeremy’s dad started. “I don’t mind you being over at Michael’s house and spending the night. Just, tell me when you’re going over so I don’t freak out? I know you’re almost eighteen and you can go around and do whatever, but I just want to know where you are so that I’m not oblivious. A simple text would do.”
“Okay,” Jeremy nodded.
“I don’t want to seem too neurotic, but it would help me calm my nerves.”
Jeremy nodded again. This wasn’t something he was used to. His dad didn’t really sit him down in the past. It was always….mom.
“I’m sorry. We don’t normally do this, do we?”
Jeremy shook his head.
“This is weird for me, too. I don’t like this whole sitting down, being stern thing. I’m not very good at it.”
“You’re not too bad, Dad.”
Jeremy’s words caused his dad to smile a little. “And you’re pretty fun, son.”
Jeremy scoffed while his father laughed at his own joke.
“ Dad ,” Jeremy drawled in exasperation. “I only just came home and you’ve already made a dad joke.”
“It’s the reason why I’m here, Jeremy,” he replied, a smile sitting on his face.
Jeremy just rolled his eyes.
After a moment, Jeremy’s dad sighed and his smile dropped. “We also need to talk about something else.”
“Mm?” Jeremy responded.
“Well….I don’t really know how to say this...but...um...The doctors suggested that maybe you should go to therapy.”
“I’m already doing my physical therapy stuff.”
“Not...that kind of...therapy.”
Jeremy raised his eyebrow.
“They referred me to a psychiatrist. She works with teens a lot and she’s apparently very good with her work. She has rave reviews. And I may have signed you up for a time.”
“ What ?” Jeremy’s voice was soft but intense.
“I was going to talk with you before you had the appointment. And Jeremy, if you really don’t want to do it, I won’t make you go, I swear. I signed up just in case so that we wouldn’t have to wait until forever to get a spot.”
Jeremy leaned back in his chair and crossed his arm, staring at the ground in slight anger.
“I just think it would be a good idea.”
“Why? I’m perfectly fine,” Jeremy spat.
“Jeremy-”
“No, Dad. I don’t know why you think I need therapy . I’ve been acting fine . I’m perfectly happy and stable and I don’t need someone to just sit and talk to. I don’t.”
“Jeremy, you’ve woken up screaming the past few nights you’ve been here.”
That quieted Jeremy.
“Something is wrong. I know it’s wrong. Ever since you started acting weird and then you snapped and then I get a call that you’re in a hospital-” Jeremy’s dad sighed. “There’s something going on in your head that I know isn’t normal. I’m not saying that you’re bad or wrong or not strong enough to take this on. I’m saying that this person can help you feel better. They aren’t doing the work for you. They’re there to unload all your problems and listen. They are there to tell you what’s wrong with you and help solve that problem. Don’t think I’m trying to attack you, Jeremy. I just know that you won’t tell me what’s wrong and I understand that, so therapy is a way you can let that out. It isn’t healthy to keep it all in.”
Jeremy just sat, absorbing his dad’s words.
“I would strongly encourage you to go. But, if you really don’t want to, I won’t make you.”
Jeremy trained his eyes to the ground.
They were both silent for a moment.
“I’ll let you think about it,” Jeremy’s dad hummed, standing up from the table. “Now, I’m going to go get some dinner. Do you want anything?”
Jeremy shrugged.
“How about some Chinese?”
“Sounds fine.”
“I’ll be back then.”
how can you be home of phobic
(2:28 pm)
rich: GUESS WHOS GONNA BE BACK IN SCHOOL RIGHT BEFORE THANKSGVING BREAK
michael: jenna
jenna: yup, that’s me
brooke: Omg Raven Symone is that you?
chloe: holy shit i know a celebrity
rich: IHATE
jeremy: I’ll listen to you Rich
rich: b a be
michael: BAB E WTF
rich: O s HIT BAB E
jake: wtf
michael: I SAW U HANGIN OUT WITH JEREMY YESTERDAY
rich: M-m-m ICHAEL ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINk
michael: I WONT HESITATE
michael: B I T C H
jenna: i literally hate this gm wtf
rich: im sorry babe i know jerbear is important 2 u
rich: i ll make sure to communicate better
michael: its okay babe i forgive you (-3-)~<3
jake: ???????
jeremy: ???U m where did the jerbear come from????
jake:
And the babe thing?
brooke: It’s the movie about the pig.
jenna: charlotte’s web?
chloe: GET OUT WTF
christine: I understand the joke, but those are two very different things.
rich: CHRISTINE UR ALIVE
jake: she haTh RISEN
chloe: christine is RIGHt
michael: Eyo suh chris
jeremy: Hey Christine!
christine: Good afternoon, everybody.
christine: Quick update: new phone, so hopefully, I won’t have as much trouble as I’ve had with numbers and contacts.
christine: Now, Rich, are you gonna be out soon?
rich: im already out. ive literally screamed off rooftops that im bi
michael: omg get out
chloe: fucc off rich
jeremy: I m
jenna: ch l oe u just typed fu cc
jenna: almost li ke
jenna: succ
michael: C hLOE ARE U A SECRET MEMER
chloe: No
chloe: I am not. I hate memes. What even are memes? Don’t know her.
brooke: Chloe. It’s okay to come clean. Your father and I will still love you after all.
jenna: yeah, son. It’s okay. We accept you for who you are.
chloe: I Am NOt a secret memer
jake: chloe
jake: do you really want to say that
chloe: j A ke u wouldn’t
jake: I have the reciptes chloe
rich: *receipts
michael: ooo kill him
rich: don’t do that dad i love him
michael: daddy ;D
jeremy: Is anyone looking for a best friend? Cause I just dumped mine.
jake: I’ll take you up on that offer.
michael: J NO
rich: JAKEY D N O O
christine: Okay, now that that’s over. Let’s get down to business
michael: T O DEFEAT
jeremy: THE HUNS
rich: DI d THEY SEND me
jenna: memers
jake: WHEN I ASKED FoR
chloe: gun
brooke: That’s sexist.
christine: I m l eaving lif e
rich: OkAY SO I’M GETTING OUT OF THE HOSPITAL REAL SOON BEFORE THANKSGIVING BREAK
michael: YAYYAY
jeremy: :-DDDDD
chloe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bix44C1EzY
jenna: Im a proud father
jake: I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU EVERY DAY RICH
rich: ME TOO JAKEY D
michael: hah GAAAA
jeremy: Michael. Don’t do it. You can’t talk.
michael: AAAAYYYY
michael: fuc u jerbear
brooke: WE SHOULD HAVE A PARTY
jake: are you sure about that?
michael: https://youtu.be/BLikP6BDH5w
rich: michael
jeremy: Michael
chloe: michael
brooke: Michael
jenna: michael
jake: michael
Christine: Michael
michael: STOP
brooke: Yeah, I’m sure because I think we should celebrate Rich and Jeremy getting out of the hospital
brooke: And we’re all like friends now…..Sooooooo
chloe: so you mean just like a party between all of us right?
brooke: Of course!
jake: o shit then hell yeah
rich: jakey censor yourself there are children present
jeremy: What does shit mean, dad
michael: don’t say that word son
michael: and u can call me daddy ;P
jeremy: Is there any way to delete someone else’s texts
brooke: I thought we all agreed on it earlier and then we’d have theater 101 with Christine….
christine: :)
jeremy: *:-)
rich: I HA T E
jeremy: *IHATE
rich: cash me outside hah bah dah
michael: OLD MEME
jake: FAKE MEMER
jenna: FAKE NEWS
brooke: So, are we still on at Chloe’s house?
chloe: fuck the hell yeah
christine: I’ll bring musicals
jenna: I’ll bring real comedy
jake: i’ll bring crutches
rich: i’ll bring casts
jeremy: I’ll bring Michael
michael: i’ll bring sebastian
jeremy: OMG REALLY BRING HIM PLEASE
brooke: ???????
jenna: omg brooke doesn’t know. what does that mean
rich: WHOs SEBASTIAN AR E YOU CHEATING ON ME
michael: no he’s my guitar
jeremy: Elijah’s his ukulele
brooke: YO U OWN A UKULELE
michael: jeremy stop exposing me
jenna: EXPOSE HIM
jake: J UST DO IT
jeremy: YOU SHOULD BRING THEM BOTH BECAUSE YOU CANT BREAK APART HUSBANDS
rich: YOUR GUITAR AND UKELELE ARE GAY MARRIED
michael: JE RE MY
brooke: I’M SCREAMING HOLY
chloe: THAT I S ADORABLE I M CRYING
jenna: TH IIS IS EVERYTHING
brooke: MICHAEL WE CAN DO UKULELE DUETS
michael: WHAT
brooke: I HAVE A SOPRANO AND THEIR NAME IS CAMOMILE
rich: THEIR?
brooke: CAMOMILE’S GENDERFLUID
michael: O mG im
rich: i m DATING UR FUCKING UKELELE
brooke: *ukulele
rich: Alright fuck off
jeremy: I wish I could be apart of the ukulele squad
jake: me too
chloe: an d me
christine: I have a baritone and a soprano ukulele?
michael: holy fuck
brooke: OMG Can I date you?
rich: wo ah
jenna: I have a bass guitar can I join?
michael: O KA YWE ARE ALL BRING ING OUR MUSICAL INTRUSMENts
jeremy: :-(
jeremy: I don’t have any
jake: me neither
rich: me niether
chloe: me n eith re
michael: is this a meme?
jenna: honestly aren’t we all?
jeremy: I don’t think thats how it works
michael: jeremy leave britney alone
rich: yeah jeremy come on man
jeremy: :....-(
jake: don’t worry jeremy. I still got u
jeremy: :-DDDDDD
christine: Okay, we’re all meeting up at Chloe’s for the “party”?
chloe: yeet
chloe: we can choose a time later but literally any time works for me
rich: *dabs*
michael: im fucking divorcing you holy shit
rich: W O W
rich: im gonna dab on you cause ur a hater
michael: what iF I DAB BACK?
chloe: *you have now been blocked by Jake Paul*
brooke: You’re a meme, Chloe.
chloe: u are what u eat
jenna: whoops I must’ve eaten a mistake
michael: holy shit jenna same
christine: J ENN A NO
rich: i m
“-and he told me I should do therapy!”
“....”
“I just...I don’t know. Do you really think sitting with someone and talking about my life will help me?”
“It’s helped others.”
“You’re on his side.”
“Jere-”
“I thought we were best friends.”
“J, I am not on anyone’s side. I just agree with your dad on how therapy is pretty beneficial.”
“How would you know?”
“I had to do it in sixth grade because of my….family situation.”
“....Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“So…. did you.. like it?”
“No. But, it really helped me. And I mean, I technically should go back to it and maybe work through some current problems...but I’m broke so…”
“Michael.”
“I think you should try it. I mean, why not? It may actually be beneficial. You don’t really know until you try.”
“Are you sure?”
“If you don’t like it, you can quit it.”
“Hm.”
“Hey, it’s your decision. I don’t think there’s personally anything wrong with it, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”
“....okay.”
“Okay.”
“...”
“Just know, I’m not forcing you to do it.”
“I got it.”
“Hey, man. No homo, but I love you.”
“ Michael .”
“And I care about you. So, take care of yourself. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Oh my God,” Michael and Jeremy whispered in unison.
“I know right?” Rich hummed from the backseat.
“How many cars could fit in that driveway?” Michael inquired.
“How many people could fit in that house?” Jeremy asked.
“A lot and a lot more,” Rich answered. “Now, pull up near the garage and let’s get inside.”
“Are we gonna get lost?” Michael queried, following Rich’s instructions. “Because I did not plan on being Dora the Explorer today.”
“Um, I call being Boots,” Rich replied.
“Then I’ll be Swiper because he has really cool music,” Jeremy stated.
“Wow, fucking, stop being the bad guy and swiping our shit,” Michael joked, smiling at the two other boys who chuckled.
“I’ll steal all the shit I want,” Jeremy replied. “Like your favorite hoodie.”
“GOT-EM!” Rich yelled.
“Alright let’s head in,” Michael huffed, putting the car in park. He reached into the backseat and tugged his guitar to him. Jeremy gripped Michael’s ukulele in his hands.
“So, you’re DD?” Rich asked as they all got out.
Michael only rolled his eyes as Jeremy laughed.
“I’m sorry I can’t drive, Mikey-Wikey, ” Jeremy stated.
“I will actually kill you if you continue to use that nickname,” Michael growled. “I’m not joking around, Heere. I will fight you.”
“Plan it out in the bathroom at school like the freshman,” Rich hummed.
“ What? ” Jeremy and Michael asked at the same time.
“Yup, two freshman boys decided to duke it out and they both got suspended for like a week,” Rich shrugged. “They’re both on the football team. They only reason they decided to fight was because apparently they had a ‘Your Mom’ competition, and one of them took it too personally.”
“You’re fucking with me,” Michael retorted.
“Nope. Everything I have said is true.”
“You can’t be serious,” Jeremy mumbled.
“I am so Sirius, I’m Black.”
“FUCKIN’ NERD!” Michael yelled, hopping up the stairs to the front door.
“You really just made a Harry Potter joke,” Jeremy rolled his eyes.
“What? I wasn’t cool when the books came out,” Rich shrugged.
Michael rapped on the door with his knuckles and the sound a dog racing to the door could be heard. Michael peered back at the duo behind him.
“I’ve only been here for some killer parties,” Rich stated. “I wouldn’t remember shit about a dog.”
Jeremy shrugged in response to Michael’s look.
The door opened.
“Hey, guys,” Chloe greeted everyone with a small brown dachshund in her hand. “Sorry, Graham just gets really excited when he sees people.”
The dog in her arms barked as she said his name.
“He’s so cute !” Michael cooed. “Oh my God! Is it alright if I pet him?”
“Of course,” Chloe smiled. “He’s an attention whore, just like me.”
“ Same ,” Rich hummed.
Michael and Jeremy laughed, while Michael patted the dog softly on his head. It yapped and wagged its tail happily.
“Come on in,” Chloe stepped aside in the doorway. “We were all waiting on you guys to show up.”
“So, everyone else is here?” Jeremy inquired, hesitantly treading through the open doorway after Michael. Rich followed along as well with ease.
Jeremy and Michael gasped and looked around as Chloe led them through the large house. With multiple chandeliers and large open rooms, the place seemed to be humongous. Jeremy gripped onto Michael’s ukulele a little harder because of the sudden anxiety of getting lost.
“Let’s head downstairs into the basement,” Chloe said, leading the group down many stairs. Halfway down, the four of them could hear the laughter of the rest of the crew.
They stepped into an expansive finished basement with a kitchen area and a lot of dark-colored sofas. The walls were filled with vintage movie posters and nice hand-painted designs, which brought a comfortable atmosphere into the room. There were many doors, but one was open and was the source of the noise that was heard on the stairs. Chloe led them there and set Graham down at last.
When they walked into the room, there was a chorus of “HEY!”s and “Sup!”s from Christine, Brooke, Jake and Jenna. The four of them had spread out in different layers of large loveseats.
“Jakey-D!” Rich yelled, running up to the taller boy in the back.
“Richy Rich!” Jake shouted back and took up the smaller one into a large hug.
“MIKEY!” Brooke yelped. She was instantly in Michael’s arms, bridal style before Jeremy could even blink.
“Hey-oKAY,” Michael barely managed to grab Brooke, yet he still, somehow, managed to do so. “Nice to see you, too.”
“It’s been so long !” Brooke hummed. “I’ve missed your hoodies!”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” Michael replied. “Stop stealing my hoodies, woman. They are fucking mine. We are not married so you can’t take my shit.”
“ But, Michaellllll ,” Brooke drawled, as Michael set her down.
“Only I can steal his shit, Lohst,” Rich yelled.
“Yeah, only my wife can have my shit,” Michael nodded.
“Wait, what?” Jeremy inquired.
“Me and Michael are married,” Rich stated, matter-of-factly. “I am his wife and he is my husband. And we are happily running a drug ring together.”
Jake chuckled and Rich smiled, drawing the taller of the two back into a hug.
“You can set your stuff anywhere,” Chloe instructed. “And just sit anywhere, I guess. I’ll work with the projector real quick and start up a musical.”
Jeremy met Christine’s eyes.
Their friendship was still a little rocky after the whole drama about just being friends. Christine had gone up to him on Monday, her eyes sad and tone soft, as she asked if it was still alright to be around him. Jeremy had perked up and smiled, saying that as long as she was happy, so was he. She had flung her arms around him and cried, apologizing profusely about what happened.
Jeremy just held her softly as she wept and told her it was okay. They were fine. They would still be friends.
He was just glad to hang out with her, honestly.
And deep in his soul, he knew. He knew that they wouldn’t have been good together. Christine would be too independent and constantly preoccupied with the next thing. She was focused on her career and bettering herself in any way she could. While Jeremy just wanted someone soft to hold, someone to talk to, someone to complain to so that Michael didn’t have to always get his breakdowns and worse moments. He wanted someone to kiss him and hold his hand and do stupid cheesy movie stuff with.
Christine was completely different. And that was okay.
And staying friends was probably the best choice.
It still hurt a bit. But, Jeremy could get over it. He could shrug this off and worry about more pressing matters.
Jeremy smiled to Christine. She gave a relieved smile back.
Michael claimed a sofa in the front row next to Brooke and Chloe. When Jeremy hesitated to sit down beside him, Michael shot him a confused look.
“Sit down,” he stated. “You’re not going to hurt anybody.”
Jeremy happily took his seat after that.
And they watched Legally Blonde and Falsettos and Grease and Little Shop of Horrors and Rent.
By the end, they were all crying.
Michael was amazing with a guitar in his hands.
His fingers moved with ease plucking out a tune. They had been calloused due to the amount of practice he did. His nails stubby and short because he couldn’t grow them out because of the strings.
His hand grazed the frets, flying up and down the neck of the guitar. It was like he was a robot and forced to only know how to play a tune.
It was moments like this where you could see the raw Michael Mell.
Music was his way of getting rid of all the stress and bad thoughts. He could push them out through the expression of music. He rode an instant high once he started to play.
His eyes would focus on the guitar and his face showed it all.
And in those moments, he was the most beautiful.
Jeremy couldn’t stop his stomach from dropping and his heart from aching. He knew this wasn’t was friends felt.
He knew this wasn’t normal stuff. This wasn’t friendship.
This…….
Jeremy still remembered late nights with Michael in his car, the radio blazing and their voices rising to shout words along to the tune. Jeremy remembered looking over that night and seeing Michael wrapped in the woes of the music.
He remembered how his glasses were askew. He remembered how his hair was a mess. He remembered the minimal lighting showed his small moles on his face, which were raised just slightly from his skin. He remembered his lips were dry and cracked.
Yet, even though they hadn’t slept for days and it was practically midnight, Michael looked perfect in that moment.
Michael hit the high note and Jeremy’s heart fluttered.
Jeremy remembered dreams of them. He remembered always being excited to see him. He remembered how he hated talking about other people and he just wanted to talk about Michael. He remembered not caring about the latest drama.
Only him and Michael mattered.
It was the two of them against the world.
He’s bisexual.
That explained so fucking much.
Oh my God.
I’m bi.
Michael: Hey, guys. I know a lot of you know this. But, uh….I’m gay.
Jake: Cool.
Chloe: Congrats? I mean, I always knew sooo.
Brooke: Rip, you already confessed it to me.
Christine: I’m so proud that you came out to us, Michael!
Jenna: (thumbs up)
Rich: Me too.
Jeremy: Good job, bud.
Brooke: And I’m pan.
Rich: WHAT?
Jenna: Knew it.
Jake: That explains so much. Oh my God.
Jeremy: Oh my God.
Christine: What does pan mean?
Michael: Pansexual. Brooke likes anything man.
Christine: Oooooh. That’s what it’s called. Congratulations!
Michael: Chloe, you alright?
Chloe: Yeah….I’m fine.
Brooke: Sorry, Chlo. I was just afraid of what you’d think-
Chloe: You know I’m bi, right? Like, why’d you be afraid of what I think?
Rich: WHAT?!?
Jake: WaiT
Michael: HOLY SHIT! REALLY?
Jeremy: Wow.
Jenna: (witch-like cackles)
Christine: This is new.
Brooke: YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
Chloe: I diDN’T?!?
Brooke: NO.
Chloe: Oh….well...I’m bi.
Brooke: (high-pitched wailing)
Jake: Oh, since we’re all pitching in here, I’m hetero-curious. Just thought you guys should know.
Rich: I’ve officially quit life.
Michael: IS EVERYONE HERE FUCKING QUEER?
Jenna: I’m a lesbian.
Brooke: Oh my God.
Chloe: Christine, do you have anything to say?
Christine: Well……
Christine: I might, um…
Michael: Please, don’t feel pressured about telling us anything Christine.
Rich: Honestly. We’re only here to help you.
Brooke: Yeah, we won’t judge you at all.
Christine: It’s not that I’m worried about you guys judging me. It’s just….I think I’m asexual? But, I don’t know for sure. I just...I don’t know.
Michael: Christine, don’t worry about labels. They’re only there for quick definitions and organization. There’s no need to worry about that stuff. If you change your mind, you change your mind. You don’t have to stick to one label for your whole life. You can fluctuate and change and question.
Brooke: Seriously. Christine, you’re gonna figure it out but it doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow or even a year from now. Only you know yourself and you discover new things about yourself every day. Don’t worry about being sure. We’re all just putting ourselves under labels so it’s easy to explain.
Christine: (with tears in her eyes) Thank you.
Christine: Oh my God, thank you . I’ve just been so worried. I don’t know.
(Group of kids all surround Christine in a group hug. It’s soft and small, but safe and warm. It’s everything Christine needed in that moment.)
(Jeremy steps away after the huddle is done. He has a lot on his mind now. And knows he’s gonna have to deal with it soon.
But, Michael smiles at him.
His knees go weak and he shoves off his thoughts for another time.)
Ms. Sawyer wasn’t a decaying old woman that Jeremy expected.
She looked around middle aged with small aging lines and a few grey hairs in her dark, almost black, hair. Her brown eyes looked as if they had seen quite a lot in her lifetime. She had small wire-frame glasses balanced at the end of her nose when Jeremy and his dad walked in.
“Mr. Heere,” her voice was low, yet comforting. She set her glasses down on a small table next to her. The room itself felt like a sterile living room, with the mixture of light greens and blues. Mrs. Sawyer stood and motioned to the sofa across from her. “Please both of you, sit. I have some paperwork that you two can fill out, along with a few questions.”
Jeremy sat and instinctively crossed his legs, while his dad took a clipboard and pen that Mrs. Sawyer offered. Jeremy’s dad started filling the paperwork as he declined into the sofa.
“Hello,” she then held her hand out to Jeremy and Jeremy shook it weakly. “I’m Veronica Sawyer.”
“Jeremy Heere,” Jeremy stated, almost at a whisper.
“It is wonderful to meet you,” she smiled. Somehow, her smile made her a little less intimidating. Jeremy’s stomach still felt unstable, but he felt less likely to flee the scene. “Just to tell you, feeling uncomfortable is completely normal. Therapy is something that is very personal, but I’m not here to judge you. I’m just here to listen and ask questions. We’re supposed to have stimulating conversations which means you’re going to have to talk.”
Jeremy nodded.
“Alright, now, Mr. Heere,” she looked over to his dad. “I have a few questions if that’s okay?”
“Yes,” Jeremy’s dad peered over the clipboard.
Jeremy dug his palms into his legs and trained his eyes onto the thick carpet. He braced himself for any question that might come out of her lips and any answer that his father decided to give.
Jeremy’s mother had always been a soft woman, with soft eyes and soft hair and soft words. Her smile was soft. Her voice was soft. She was soft .
But, she wasn’t happy.
Jeremy remembers finding her crying in the closet. Her sobs causing him to tear up. He didn’t understand what was wrong. He didn’t understand when she answered his question of what was wrong with “Everything, honey. Everything.”
He didn’t get that she wasn’t very happy. He didn’t get that all her smiles were fake and her laughter was forced. He didn’t get that her nails were chipped and her hair was long and her clothes were bland because she couldn’t get out of bed.
He didn’t understand when she looked at him with a smile, but her eyes were filled with sorrow. He didn’t understand that she loved him so much, but she could never be a good mother to him.
She never hurt him. She never insulted him. She never meant to break his heart.
She did everything she could when she was clinically depressed and had no help.
She was drowning and she really didn’t want to bring Jeremy down with her.
She knew when she got married that it had been a mistake. They were young, in “love” which had only been a fling. She knew they were only together because of the thing in her stomach. She knew that she was only there for Jeremy because she didn’t want him to grow up messed up like her.
She didn’t mean to break down one day. Throwing things. Yelling. Practically ripping her hair out. She packed up her clothes and drove.
She barely had any money in her pocket, but there was no way out at that point.
She drove.
She drove and drove and drove and drove.
She settled down at random motels that were run down. She stopped at national parks and took pictures with cameras from gas stations. Her phone was broken. Her laptop was dead and she didn’t bother to charge it.
She knew she was evading life and finally went home to her mother, crying and in pieces.
She couldn’t call home. She couldn’t bring herself to go back and see Jeremy.
She couldn’t go back and answer his questions.
She knew he would ask, “Why?”
And she couldn’t answer it.
But, she called her husband. They talked over the phone.
She broke down and told him that she wasn’t healthy for them. They were both unhappy and suffering. They needed to end this.
The divorce went through. It was practically effortless.
Jeremy’s heart was left bleeding.
He wanted his mom. But, she was gone.
Up and left him.
Alone.
She didn’t care.
But, she had cared too much.
“Hello, Mr. Heere. Is it alright if I call you Jeremy?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Okay. So, may I ask what you think the problem is?”
“Um…….I don’t really know?”
“Then, why did you end up in the hospital?”
“I-I…..If I tell you, you’d think I’m crazy.”
“I do work with crazy people, Jeremy.”
“But, this story just sounds unbelievable. When I, uh, tried to tell my dad, he laughed at it and didn’t believe me.”
“Is it illegal?”
“Maybe?”
“Did you hurt anyone else?”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“What does that mean?”
“I never had any intention to hurt someone. But, I think I did. With a couple of people.”
“Physically?”
“Definitely not.”
“So, mentally?”
“Yeah.”
“Was it drugs?”
“....No.”
“Are you lying to me?”
“No. It was…...worse than drugs.”
“Alcohol?”
“No. I don’t like drinking.”
“Overdose?”
“I have an aversion to...pills.”
“Are you a part of a gang?”
“I couldn’t be a part of a gang even if I tried.”
“Then, how did you end up in the hospital?”
“...”
“Jeremy, you know that I can’t talk to anyone about the stuff you say in this room. This is a private place. No one can hear you utter the truth inside these walls, except me. And I am sworn to secrecy. Don’t worry about if you think you’ll sound crazy. Don’t worry about what I’ll think. I keep a clear mind with all my patients and you should be comfortable to share here. But, if you cannot absolutely bring yourself to speak about it, we’ll try and work on something else.”
“....”
“....”
“....”
“.....”
“Have you, uh, ever heard of a Squip?”
“I literally cannot wait to get out of this school,” Jake groaned.
“Big mood,” Michael hummed along with the chorus of murmurs in agreement from the rest of the table.
“Honestly, I think I’m dead,” Jeremy muttered, his head tucked into his arms on the lunch table.
“Is Brooke alive?” Christine asked as she looked over to the other girl, who was dozing off on her hand.
“I really don’t think so,” Chloe grumbled with closed eyes.
“Hey, Michael, can you tell me how to do math?” Rich whimpered with a piece of paper and a pen.
“Um, I wish,” Michael replied. “Why are you doing math now? This is like our only break in the day.”
“Because it’s the only final that I might be able to not fail,” Rich shrugged, writing something down. “Other than that, I think I’m screwed.”
“ Fuck math ,” Jeremy spat.
There was a multitude of “Whoa!”s “Holy SHIT!”s and “WOW!”s from the group.
“Jeremy!” Michael beamed. “I’m proud of you, buddy.”
“I just want to Hanukkah to start,” Jeremy growled. “There’s no homework or worrying about tests.”
“I’m still not over the fact that you’re Jewish,” Rich remarked.
“Wait, you’re Jewish?” Jake asked.
“I-I….this….y’know I didn’t ask for this,” Jeremy mumbled while Michael laughed.
“Jake, how did you not know?” Chloe blinked slowly.
“Fake friend,” Jenna inputted.
“Mood,” Michael chirped.
“I just want to worry about the musical right now,” Christine huffed. “But, no , we have to have finals right around the corner.”
“Well, you’re gonna nail whatever part you want so….” Jeremy shrugged.
“I know, but I’m like the only person that’s super invested into it,” Christine explained. “And we have to pull in enough people to audition for it.”
“What even is the musical this year?” Jenna inquired.
“Little Shop of Horrors,” Christine perked up instantly. “Which I’m super excited about. I mean, everyone knows it and so it’s bound to bring something in. It’s a way better idea than changing a Shakespeare play into something about zombies.”
“Drag Mr. Reyes, honey,” Chloe chimed.
“That sounds like fun,” Jake hummed.
“You guys gonna do it? You should! It would be awesome if you guys did-” Christine spouted.
“You’ll have to give us some time to think about it,” Rich warned.
“When're auditions?” Jeremy inquired.
“In like two weeks,” Christine answered. “I’ll get everyone audition packets when they’re ready.”
“Thanks, Christine,” Chloe hummed.
A hand fell on Michael’s shoulder causing him to jump. “A cherry slushie from 7/11 for one Michael Mell,” a familiar low voice stated.
Michael’s eyes widened as he spun around to face the person behind him.
It looked to be a guy that was barely an adult; a broke college student in the flesh. He had Michael’s nose and dark brown eyes. His hair was a messy dark color and tucked under a beanie. He wore a nice jacket with ripped jeans and thick boots.
“ Oh my God, GABE?!” Michael lept up and consumed him into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re home so early !”
“Took my finals a little earlier and I was able to come home,” Gabe hummed. “I was missin’ my little brother.”
“Little brother?” Jake inquired, softly.
“Ey! Is that Lil’ J?” The older kid asked, ruffling Jeremy’s curls with a free hand.
“Hey, Gabriel,” Jeremy hummed with a smile. “How’s college?”
“Gross,” he replied. “Don’t tell my mom, but sometimes I skip certain classes so I can stay in my dorm and play video games.”
“I’m gonna tell her,” Michael stated, stepping back from Gabe but still staying near him.
“I’ll tell her that you’re not going to work,” Gabe retorted.
“She won’t believe you,” Michael stuck out his tongue.
“But, she’ll be suspicious and that’s enough for me,” Gabe said. “Now, who are these people? You don’t have friends.”
“Wow, thanks, bro,” Michael grumbled. “These are some chill people that I hang out with.”
“I’m surprised,” Gabe surveyed the table. “Oh, wait you’re a Lohst kid?” He focused on Brooke. “I know you’re brother, he’s in my calc class.”
“Cool,” Brooke smiled.
“He talks about you all the time,” Gabe stated, catching Brooke by surprise. “He says that he really hopes that you’re not still freaking out about college stuff. Honestly, a note to you all, it’s gonna be fine. Everything’s gonna work out. Don’t worry.”
Brooke’s mouth tugged at a small smirk and she looked at the table with mirth in her eyes.
“Alright, I gotta stop by Jenson’s class and then we can head out,” Gabe remarked to Michael. “Sorry I couldn’t sign you out, Lil’ J. I can’t do a good Mr. Heere voice and I think he still hates me.”
Jeremy laughed. “No, he thinks you’re a terrible influence, but doesn’t hate you.”
“Come over after school and I’ll school you two at Mario Party,” Gabe jeered.
“You wish!” Michael argued. “I’ll see you guys later.”
“You lucky bastard,” Rich retorted.
“Hey, I got friends in high places,” Michael shrugged. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
Jeremy enjoyed watching Michael leave the lunchroom, sipping his Slurpee with a large smile on his face. There was one thing that Michael would never admit. He loved his older brother more than anything. He’s always admired him.
And Gabe wasn’t too bad of a dude.