Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It's always the same kind of sky.

The same time of day. A never-ending sunset that turns the corners of the gray clouds pink and yellow in that petrifying way he knows so so well. And it's always in the first person too. He's walking, coming back from a trip. He's happy. The only thing on his mind is to take the treats he brought right to Satoru, and say hi to his brother. But the city is empty as he slows his steps and realizes there's really no one here.

The sky turns darker, a scary gray that threatens rain, and the breeze of the sea suddenly turns cold.

Suguru calls for someone, but nobody but the wind answers back. And as he walks, the stench hits his nose first.

It is not at all familiar. Like still water and rotten seaweed.

He sees it then. The bodies. Tons of them all around. Frozen cold. How could he not notice them before? They are all over, everywhere he looks, as he goes deeper into the buildings. Familiar faces, kids, men, mothers. Suguru's heart picks up in pace as he searches for them. Hoping that nothing has happened to them.

Anyone but them.

And soon he finds them, this, a familiar sight, he remembers. Because something deep inside of him, tells him he has seen this one scene a thousand times before.

A towering monster shrouded in shadow, piercing the silhouette of his brother, and making everything fall into darkness. He's seen this, time after time, again and again. But why is it that this scene is blurrier every time?

Suguru calls for them. But they don't react to sound. None of them do. They quickly disappear like mist, and he's in front of that pile of bodies again. The ones he remembers he had to burn one by one with his own hands.

Gathering the bodies of his people one after the other as they rotted under the sun. The way their skin would sink and ice would crackle. The way his muscles would give in from tiredness, again and again. The way his hands hurt as he lit them on fire. Wet and rot and burnt flesh that would creep into his lungs and plaster to his insides with rage.

Suguru would remember every face. He'd remember every body and how they weighed over his back and aching muscles. The scent of death, and oil and fire. The rot. Unnamed tears against rock and sand.

And in the dream, he'd often wail, but only when he was done burning them, and sending them to the sea. Like tradition asked of people born on Blackwater. To send the burning bodies back to god, caskets with red flowers. He couldn't find any after everything froze. He couldn't give them a fair farewell.

Suguru cried.

Until his lungs gave out and hurt, he wailed and begged the skies to let him go back. To when he was innocent and happy. Or at least, to when he could avenge them. Sand easy on his fists. Since everything had been his fault. For letting a monster into his bed, like a spider asks the innocent to sleep on their silk nets.

These dreams are an endless part of his daily life now. He gets them all the time, tiredness settling in even before he goes to sleep. Waking up with a burning ache behind his nape and the taste of bodies rotting and wet under his tongue. And the dream loops, over and over, and he feels like his heart can't break any more than it already is.

It's only that this time, when he's done crying, he feels sudden warmth, as if some being of light might be pulling him into a hug. The low murmur of a song that feels familiar and serene, calming down his heart. Soft hands cradling his own. And perhaps Suguru opens his eyes for just a second, between reality and his dream, and he sees a soft cerulean light flowing all over him and turning the ache of his soul into something less severe.

"It doesn't hurt that much."

He hears a raspy breath say, as he lets the soothing melody finally allow him the peace to sleep without dreaming of nightmares.

And so, Suguru does. He does sleep.

Deep and comfortable, he feels fingers caressing his hair like his mom used to. Like he used to do. He's not sure of what he dreams, but he knows that there's no smoke, no rot or wet dead flesh in this one dream at least. Instead, there's the comfort of a cool cave, of the sun and splashing water, of someone he once swore to make happy and content. Of fruit so rich he'd cry at the flavor of it. He dreams of blue eyes and white hair, and the distant sound of a laugh.

When Suguru opens his eyes, it's early. The cracks of light barely show through his windows. The slow rocking of the ship only asking him to sleep again. And as he blinks, he looks up at the Siren's peaceful sleeping form over him. His head is resting on the siren's lap. He panics for a moment, swiftly moving away without waking him up, and he realizes the siren is deep asleep, his head resting on the headboard. Chest slowly rising and falling down, hands that had been holding his face just a second ago, now to the sides.

Suguru just studies him for a minute. Closer than any other time since he captured him. Tracing the lines of Satoru's face with his eyes in slow motion. The siren looks young when asleep. His cheeks are not as round anymore, like he remembers, but they hold his features elegantly nonetheless. A rosy tint over his plush lips.

He looks better now.

Not dry.

As Suguru blinks and slowly slides out of the bed, he realizes he isn't as tired today, which is a strange thought he keeps at the back of his head. Something painful settles over him when he retreats and sees the shackles still there.

Suguru takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

It is strange.

To wake up without something restricting his movements as he rises. It is the first thing Satoru notices when he wakes up. That the shackles no longer drag him down. He sighs. Brings his legs towards his body to hug them.

He doesn't really know what to make of it.

But he guesses he's free to roam when he tries to go over the threshold of the door. The collar doesn't react. He takes it as a signal. Silence meeting him in the aisle.

As he walks, Satoru notices how big the ship is. How heavy it feels to roam about. He hadn't realized how much his body itches for the sun. And it is easy to find it.

Satoru goes up to the deck. He Holds himself on the railing and lets the sun wash his skin. Ignoring how members of the crew look at him with suspicion in their eyes. Whenever he tries to look back, they scatter their gaze as if they are afraid.

Satoru looks longingly at the sea. It's been so long he's watched the horizon line like this. So, he looks down. His body bending over so he can catch the wash of the waves hitting the wood down below. So close to freedom, and yet, the small buzz from the necklace threatens against his skin as he thinks of how it would feel like to jump. It is enough to make him sigh and stop looking down at the water.

"I can't even think about it…" he pouts under his breath.

The collar would activate if he jumped.

It isn't that long before he hears some steps, a young man approaches. The steps sound… oddly friendly.

"When I started sailing all I did was throw up!" A boy tells, expectantly as he looks where the siren was looking, scaring Satoru out of his thoughts. He doesn't really know what to answer to that.

Satoru blinks at him as he studies him. The boy is… too… curious. A smile settling naturally over his face. Big brown eyes and hair that reminds Satoru of those bowls humans use to drink soup.

And the boy just keeps talking.

"The name's Haibara! Nanami told me that there's a lot of work for us to do today. He said I should show you around since everyone is kind of scare— um… since I'm the one with the most free time!"

"Oh…" is all Satoru manages to say as he looks to the side. He doesn't sound too bad but Work? Suguru wants him to work?

"How should I call you?" he says, as he extends his hand. Satoru doesn't know what to do with it but stare with big blue eyes. He guesses he should shake his fingers. Which he does, awkwardly. Haibara is strong.

"Satoru…" he says, his voice sounding less strained. For some reason, he finds himself talking to this boy with ease.

He doesn't look so bad, does he?

Satoru finds that Haibara is someone very excited about traveling with this crew. He tells him he's an orphan, that he's grateful to the captain for saving him? and he shows him around. Where to eat, what things need work, cleaning, maintenance. Satoru thinks he's hardworking. And he wishes he could ask questions about everything. But he doesn't. He just nods at everything and is thankful that this boy isn't violent or angry.

But still… he wishes he could ask.

Why is Suguru doing this?

When are they going to sell him?

Or kill him?

What are the plans they have for him?

It's not like he can voice those aloud.

The boy is also so curious about the fact he's a siren. Satoru finds that perhaps, this is the thing that makes this boy so endearing. He doesn't feel like asphyxia. Haibara isn't scared of him. Or considers him something evil, unlike the sailor asking to send him away already or sell him right away.

"Do fish sneeze underwater too?," Haibara asks, his face entirely serious.

His questions always make Satoru's lips wobble a little, a spark inside of him that surprisingly makes him chuckle this time. It makes the boy laugh in return and complain about it, because apparently, he is very serious about this question. So… Satoru tells him what he can, or knows, which he doesn't think it's much, but apparently, Haibara is endlessly amazed. He seems very fond of everything he hears. Everything Satoru tells him. It reminds him of another time…

It's not that bad. He's just a kid after all.

And so, a few days pass. And Satoru learns that the crew not only distrusts him but deeply fears him. Apparently, sailors have many tales about sirens. But luckily they mostly just observe him and try to ignore him. He learns that they respect Suguru like loyal cattle. That somehow, the captain has gained a name of sorts as a pirate. Satoru still doesn't know what to think of this, or everyone really.

He's… so lost.

Shoko is diligent with the water he uses to bathe. And he does, when Suguru is busy and working, it is usually the time he uses to wash his body with salt like he needs. So as to not feel like he's dying. He knows that somehow, it still isn't enough, but he guesses it will do, for a long time at least. He hasn't been out of the water for so long but… Suguru has mentioned he's not going to let him jump out of the ship already. Satoru doesn't understand why Suguru took him out of the basement he was kept in, why he offered clothes, a pelt. What's the reason he's been commanded to sleep in the same room even? If this is all part of some twisted torture. Or if Suguru is as confused as he is…

It doesn't change the fact that he's a prisoner.

"Haibara…" he asks one day.

"Yeah?"

"What… what do you think of your captain?" He blurts without much thought.

The boy had become an easy presence after all. Haibara looks surprised he is even asking something for the first time.

"Well… he saved my life more than once… and he took me in too. My village was in danger once… and he saved us all from a monster that wanted to kill all of us,"

"A… monster?"

"Yeah, he took care of it. I owe him a lot… we knew of him even before he came. He is a very famous monster hunter you know?" he says, a little embarrassed to be telling this to the current monster on the ship. "Ah— we've never had a human-like monster before! Y-you are the first. If anyone says otherwise it is probably just a rumor,"

Satoru just hums.

"Actually, I didn't trust him at first. The first time, I even bit him," he says with so much normalcy it makes a huge question mark appear over Satoru's head.

"Uh?"

"Yeah! I get that a lot. But I thought he was an evil pirate—"

"He is… a… pirate, I mean," Satoru finds himself interrupting, surprising himself again with how easy it is to have a conversation.

"Well… yeah, you are right," Haibara says, as he scratches the back of his head. "He is a pirate, we all are… but, well— he's… a noble one?"

"Noble?" Satoru repeats

"Yeah, I mean, there's a reason why everyone here remains so loyal to him. That's not that common for pirates, you know?"

"Uh…huh…"

"And, well, I'm not sure what the story behind you two is, but I'm sure that you'll be able to figure it out. I don't think he wants to harm you."

Satoru thinks that, perhaps, he's never seen a kid so blindly trustful. Haibara reminds him a little bit of his old self. When he didn't feel so alone and when he had someone he trusted more than he trusts his tail in the water.

His eyes turn sad when he thinks about it. Satoru hopes Suguru doesn't disappoint this kid.

He wishes that won't be the case.

At least Suguru seems like—

"By the way. I've been dying to ask, but Shoko mentioned that you two seem to go way back,"

Satoru gets taken aback. She… knows?

"W-what? Well… I guess," he retrieves onto himself. Does Suguru ever talk about him? Does Shoko know?

"Was the captain always this grumpy?"

Satoru stops looking at his rope and looks at Haibara then, he looks like one of those dolphins that have shiny eyes and beg you to play with them with their nose. It kinda makes Satoru's lips tremble a little.

He remembers when Suguru wasn't grumpy at all. He suddenly stops untangling the coil of rope in his hands.

And he breathes a laugh without thinking.

Haibara blinks at him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I just… remembered… He didn't use to be grumpy, no."

"He did use to be a scaredy cat though… And he'd be very insistent, teaching me about your world."

Soon, Satoru finds his tongue slipping out of his mouth to tell about things he never really thought of telling anyone. Things that only he and Suguru knew. And unlike what he thought. His heart felt lighter as he remembered how insistent Suguru had been when they were children. How much he had tried to befriend him, even when Satoru was afraid of him. And soon he finds that Haibara is mirroring his laugh.

"He's afraid of jellyfish??!! Seriously??"

And surprisingly, Satoru finds himself freely laughing.

"He dreads them! And he used to talk to himself a lot too, he—"

"Captain." Haibara says as his expression turns serious and he vows.

They both go quiet as a shadow looms over them.

Satoru gets splashed back into reality. Memories going away.

The contrast of what he remembers is striking. The warm brown in Suguru's honey eyes looks obsidian from here, under direct sun. Eyes murky with silent anger. It makes his blood go still, confused between freezing and boiling.

"With me," he said to Haibara.

Completely ignoring Satoru but with eyes looking at him like a guard dog. Haibara visibly shook and went after him, mumbling through a nod. Satoru decided to slowly follow them. Confused by the distant sounds that were heard from the other side of the ship. He hadn't noticed them before, he was way too deep into the memories he'd swore to keep sealed once.

An image of Suguru he had buried completely under the sand of the water floors. Satoru's heart had skipped a beat when Haibara had told him how Suguru had saved him and his village.

Maybe Suguru wasn't so different now. Satoru thought, gazing at his back as they walked.

As they stepped to the other side of the ship, Satoru's sensitive ears started taking in a whole crowd of sailors, celebrating and cheering for something. He could tell the excitement and smell anticipation. Something that he didn't quite like. He frowned. Like his senses were getting heavy and his skin ready to flush for battle.

And then, he heard something strike the side of the hull below. Chains being dragged inwards and carrying something wet and heavy.

"What is that?" he asked, ears twitching. But Suguru just ignored him.

The entire deck seemed to shudder as they walked closer.

Satoru just froze when he saw it.

When the smell of water and salt came too close and a giant tail splattered wildly against the wood, curling in confused directions.

A drake. A water drake.

One that was big enough to need the force of many men, so they wouldn't be sent out flying. It was enormous, iridescent scales shone under the elegant movements that started to become more and more ragged. Trapped in a wave of chains and enchanted amulets.

It shrieked. Loudly. An agonizing sound.

And Satoru's heart rose with understanding. The creature was afraid and wounded. His heart sunk at the sight. Satoru wasn't used to watch his kin like this.

And he knew with just a look, when the eyes of the creature rolled scared to look directly at him, as if looking for anyonethat could help. He gasped.

The water drake would know. Of course it would know.

It called to him. To his magic. The same magic that both of them were made of. The one he had once used to protect. A long time ago.

"No." his stomach dropped as he murmured. But no one listened.

Everyone kept working to make the beast unmovable. More nets came into contact with the scales on its back, dragging his confused body towards the floor. It's fins finding no purchase anywhere. Satoru felt the vibrations on his whole body.

And the crew moved with practiced movements. A perfect coordination of shadows. As if they had done this a thousand times before. Satoru realized then. These were trained movements. Quick and sharp as one would move their own tail. They were used to them. He realized with horror.

"Stop," he said scared, getting in front of Suguru and searching for something in his face. Suguru's expression however, remained unmoving.

The animal kept slashing its tail toward the fighting sailors, aiming dangerously and perhaps cutting through an arm or a leg, but there were too many. The men started climbing onto it like ants do a dead animal.

Satoru's throat closed in. He swallowed thickly. He had to do something quick. He has to let them know.

"She's not a fish, Suguru," Satoru gave him an angrier tone, eyes more desperate than anything else. Suguru looked at him then. But he said nothing at all. As if he were a ghost, an annoying fly.

"Drakes think, Suguru. They aren't like fish. They understand, they know!" he tried to grab Suguru's arm, but Suguru didn't let him.

He turned furious then.

Satoru's collar started shining at his anger. The collar wouldn't accept violence from him, not to stop anyone on this ship, he remembered. Quickly threatening to hurt him if he attempted anything.

Satoru didn't notice his chest heaving and breathing, quickly getting agitated as he fought through the light of the collar.

Suguru gave a step forward, and Satoru stopped him. The drake gave a sound that felt like fear more than danger. He was losing time. Satoru looked behind, lips trembling, and then back at Suguru. Nobody was paying attention to him.

There wasn't much he could do.

"Suguru. Don't. She's the same— the same as me—!" he closed his eyes as he screamed, and grabbed onto Suguru's shirt with a stronger hold.

The words made Suguru stop on his tracks.

Satoru understood Suguru's expression even before he opened his mouth. A thirst for pain.

"What?" he almost laughed.

Eyes dead and cold. Satoru hoped he'd understand. Many times before, he had done so, right? A long time ago, Suguru had once been curious about the world. Magic, anything sea-related. Stars, waves, the depths. He must understand he—

"It can understand everything. It's just like me! O-or you!! It knows what's happening. Suguru, they—"

"And?"

Satoru felt the words light his skin like a slap.

"You are both monsters."

His stomach flipped with a weight close to despair. The man he was looking at was worse than a stranger now. And he thought, that he's felt like this before. He's felt just like this once, a long time ago, before he lost everything, before he—

Suguru unsheathed his sword, and Satoru's eyes widened. Adrenaline rushing through.

"Suguru— Please—! Don't do this!"

And for a tiny second, Satoru saw something that flashed in Suguru's eyes, and then he just held onto the sword tighter. The siren tried to stop him from moving, grasping at his arm, but the collar started burning his skin, and he tripped.

"Suguru! Please! This isn't like you!!" he begged as his knees scraped the floor.

The blinding pain over his throat was all he could reach for as he bit his teeth and tried to use his magic. Suguru was slowly walking toward the animal. The creature being held down by the nets, now unable to move. The sailors were all cheering their captain, completely unconcerned by Satoru, who couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Just now, he had been talking to Haibara about—

"This…" Suguru muttered as he put his boot over the drake's tired neck to make it still. Just above its gills, where it hurt the most. Not that Suguru would know, or maybe, he did.

It gave him a painful screech as the creature searched for Satoru's eyes in desperation once again. Satoru couldn't help but see himself in it.

He was the one about to be pierced by this man, throat slashed and bleeding.

"Is exactly who I am," Suguru finished darkly, before slashing its neck with his sword and twisting inside the throat as a finishing blow. The drake's movements turned violent one last time, as Satoru watched the life wind down from his eyes. Her presence vanishing from his senses.

It hurt.

Suguru looked at the way his sword had been encrusted. Before taking the sword from the depths of the flesh, sliding it with a sickening sound, swinging the blood to clean it, and splattering it all near where Satoru lay on the floor.

Agony exploded through Satoru's throat as he tried to reach for something, anything, with this useless magic of his. Failing to do anything but take a wave of his power against his chest. A current burning his insides like prickling needles. As if using the most natural part of him felt wrong somehow. It made the black pearl on his collar crack, and he felt it all over his body. The way he cracked with it, too. Blood gushing out of his mouth like vomit. Ears ringing, a chilling sound as his vision blurred.

He could only get a view of the floor as his white hair sprawled across the floor.

Of course. Of course, Suguru isn't the same. He'd be a fool to think anything else.

He's changed. Turned into something he's seen once but forgotten.

"Satoru," he heard someone say in heavy-sounding steps against the wood. But he lay helpless, eyes barely holding on. The pain under his chest was too consuming.

"Stop." A command was issued from that same mouth that had once sworn to protect him. It didn't sound kind, nor harsh. Just hollow. And Satoru's body gave in.

He fainted.

Satoru collapsed soon after the drake did.

One moment, he had been on his knees, one hand pressed against the glowing pearl at his throat, his face white with unbearable pain. Like he was betraying something sacred. The next, the strength had simply left him. His body folded against the deck as if someone had cut the strings holding him upright all at once.

The sailors remained confused just for a second, but their attention quickly went to the drake that lay dead beneath them, work had to go on, and soon, the sun was meant to set. Suguru stepped down from the body.

He took a look at Satoru and frowned at the blood. He didn't like the sight of a red thread coming from the siren's mouth.

"Take him back to my room," he ordered.

It sounded sharper than intended. But Haibara's scared expression didn't forbid him from moving. He quickly nodded and hesitated.

"Let Shoko give him a look first," he sighed. More tired than caring.

"Captain—I-I" Haibara mumbled. But Suguru's patience was running thin.

"Now."

He obeyed.

And Satoru did not wake up. He lay unconscious on Haibara's arms. His head lolled against the boy's shoulder as he carried him away. Pale hair caught in the dry wind. One arm hanging limply at his side.

Memories of carrying that thing just like that, surfaced on Suguru's mind. Whenever the siren would get sick, or wounded, or weak. He remembered how desperate he got the first time, after Satoru had run away after a fight. And how glad he had been to have him back, even if hurt.

But that had been back then.

Back when neither of them had known what their future would become. His memory vanished when one of his men called.

"Captain. The hide,"

The sound of the last bit of flesh gave in when he turned. The carcass of the beast was ready for mounting.

It would surely fetch a nice price. This one was big. Beautiful and of a rare cerulean color. It reminded him a little of Satoru's tail.

Memories.

Suguru could do without those for today, though.

His gaze lingered on the creature's skinned face. These had barely anything useful besides their hides. A pity. Really. Or maybe not. He remembered the first times he had done the same to countless others. Many, many times. Over and over. Until killing them became routine.

But his gaze lingered for too long on the wrong parts of it. The eyes were whitening already. Like eyes from fish tend to do after a long time.

It was strange, that when it came to magical creatures. Their scales would easily retain magical properties, but their eyes and bodies would quickly become dull when you took the shiny, useful parts. They'd die faster than normal animals if struck in the right places. As if magic were to be the only thing giving them life. As if they couldn't remain alive without the part that made them myth.

His thoughts kept going back to Satoru's scales.

The eyes of the drake had gone completely white by then. Empty of anything but the mark of fear he'd left as he had twisted his sword to cut its throat. Satoru's voice flushed into his mind like a quick wave.

"It's just like me!"

The words made something like fire burn inside his stomach. He didn't like the irritation that came with them. Of course the creature was just like him. It understood. It knew what was going to happen to it. Just like Satoru should have known. It was hardly unusual for a magical creature not to behave intelligently. And years ago, it might have been surprising for a kid, to see something so beautiful and dangerous die such a meaningless death, but years ago was a long time.

He had been kinder once.

Years ago, he had crossed half a coastline every day, carrying fish for a creature hidden in a cold cave, because the idea of something being lonely too long bothered him to no end. He'd marvel at that creature. Even laugh alongside it. Give it all his attention and covet it like the most precious thing there was. And he would have been horrified at it suffering too. If Satoru hadn't proved himself to be unworthy of trust. Things would have been different. If Satoru hadn't cursed him.

But things were just like they were.

And gold was the way of the world. profits and careful margins. People that depended on him. The value of hides was high enough. It was enough to justify the creature's death and yet.

When had it become enough?

He couldn't—

When had it become easy?

Suguru stared at the blood being washed from the deck. It went from red, to pink. And then from pink, to the dull color of the redwood that made his beloved ship. Immune to magic, just like his body. The water would swallow it, one wash after the other. Because the ocean swallows everything eventually. Just like it swallowed the memories of rot and flesh and fire.

He had thought once, that maybe the ocean can also make one clean. But Suguru knows there's no hope in that.

It's not like the ocean can bring them back.

Neither his city, nor the boy that would happily smile to a monster. Would fall for it even. Suguru's jaw tightened at the sight of the drying hide.

And even when everything else was dead and buried, or better said, swallowed by the sea. Suguru's heart still found plenty of hate. He could feel it like fire on his guts, when Satoru looked at him as though he no longer recognized him, when his screams made his blood boil with anticipation. When his tears rolled, and he answered with a blade cutting through a scaled neck.

Why had those blue eyes felt like the same cut?

The question lingered on Suguru's head long after the deck had been cleaned. The hide now drying, blood not dripping from it anymore. The sun starting to hide. Suguru realized, he had spent the rest of these hours looking at it like a man bewitched.

His thoughts followed him all the way to the infirmary, where he'd hope to see what was of the state the siren had been left in.

But only Shoko received him there, waiting for him, more than ready to strike. As he had almost hoped.

"You're an idiot."

Suguru didn't say anything. He hadn't moved much today, but he could feel his body more tired than his racing mind.

Suguru sighed.

"Good evening to you too."

She looked defiantly at him. Arms crossed as a display of annoyance. Suguru wasn't sure he could deal with this today.

"What exactly are you trying to accomplish?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"We are not going to do this today, Suguru… and yes, you do."

Her tone had become dangerous. The crew knew better than to interrupt whenever she sounded like that. Thankfully, none of them were here but him.

"You haven't sold him, nor have you killed him."

Suguru was silent. What could he answer to that? She was right. He was waitin— No. He wanted to make that thing suffer.

"I've personally watched you reject ten different offers from merchants. Ridiculous offers. Enough money to let each of us buy a fleet."

Suguru looked away. And he almost flinched, had he not known that just looking away from her had already given her an answer.

"Suguru… What are you running away from?"

If only he knew. He'd probably think of answering. Or maybe he'd refuse, too.

"You keep threatening him. You keep telling him you're going to sell him."

The pressure behind Suguru's eyes worsened. All of her words were true. He had started to sound like a dog who only knew how to bark. Every time he looked at Satoru and saw his dull, unresponsive eyes, the ones that irritated him so much, he knew that he just had to decide soon. He was excellent at avoiding certain things, though.

"You made him watch today. On purpose you—"

"Shoko—"

Her voice cracked like a whip that almost made him flinch.

"What are you doing? What do you want, Suguru?"

It was pointless. Suguru didn't know. Or perhaps he did. And the answer made him scared.

"He destroyed my village." The words sounded like those cheap scripts you see from theatrical caravans. And Shoko usually stopped around here. But—

"No."

She stepped closer.

"You didn't answer my question. Suguru, what do you want from him?"

Suguru had never asked himself this same question. He had avoided it entirely. If asked, he could say many things, like vengeance, perhaps he could answer that he wanted it all back, like his brother, his people. But they were all dead. And ten years of grief also needed meaning. He wanted hi—

Shoko watched the realization happen in every step, and even her own eyes widened as her gaze softened.

Suguru could tell her pity was genuine. And he hated it. All of it.

"Oh." She said. "I think I'm just realizing with you… You have no idea what you want, Suguru."

"Shoko," He tried to sound menacing, but this would rarely work on her.

"I saw what happened today, you know? You were listening to them."

At that, Suguru's honey eyes widened.

"You would never have done what you did today if something about it hadn't bothered you when you heard him laugh with Haibara. But you brought the siren on purpose, to watch you kill the drake, as if you were proving something to yourself… and then you made him faint from pain. Tell me, Suguru, what were they talking about?"

Suguru turned back to silence again. He tried to say something, but even he felt tired this time.

"You told everyone that this siren was some kind of monster—" She sounded tired.

"—He's bound Shoko, the collar makes it so he can't hurt any of you."

Shoko looked at him with pleading eyes. As if he were half right. Because she'd seen the siren, she'd check on him. And she saw only a boy their age. Silently dying.

"I know that Suguru, but why did he say— he was talking as if he knew you, trusted you… Suguru… what are you hiding from us? Do you even know?"

He didn't. He refused to.

"Look, Shoko, I'm tired, let's do this some other day…"

Shoko looked at him with pity. And Suguru hated that look the most out of all the ones she'd give him. She looked directly into his eyes when she mentioned it.

"Suguru… the pearl in his collar cracked today…" That did get Suguru's attention.

"What do you mean?" he said. Way too fast for comfort.

Shoko wanted to scream at him, because he looked… worried, for a second there.

"I—I don't know, Suguru… I don't have experience with human-like magical creatures. My tribe is from the riverlands, I don't know from sea fae more than you… Even less, when it is human-like and ancient like this… but this can't mean anything good… do the manuals say anything?"

The books. The ones that had taught him how to make the binding artifact. Old pieces of paper that left many things to the void.

"They don't."

Shoko looked uncomfortable, worried. She wasn't angry without reason, Suguru knew that.

"Suguru, if he uses too much magic while the collar is reactive… like today… he might kill himself." Suguru listened to her in silence. "He burned himself internally today. Even if magical creatures recover quicker than us. Please, just let him rest for a while."

Without another word and nothing to say, he turned and left. And the rest of the evening passed in fragments. Inventories he needed to fill. Reports he needed to listen to. Navigation charts he had gone through over and over. Supplies. Tasks over tasks. All of them only to fill his mind with something that wasn't related to the siren. Because then he wouldn't have had to go back to his room. Where he knew Satoru was ordered to go, every time, before falling asleep. Because that had also been a collared order. Because Suguru was desperate like that. Desperate to chain him, keep him, even if he knew Satoru couldn't get off this ship unless he commanded it.

The image of the day remained in his head like a loop. He couldn't quite take it over. Satoru on the floor, blood, the shrieking creature, its hide, Satoru's beautiful tail. The drake's. His begging voice. A shriek.

The eyes that looked betrayed as much as they looked at him like a stranger. Suguru couldn't deal with them without feeling the rise of fire in his lungs. By the time the moon rose, exhaustion had settled heavily between his shoulders.

The ship had grown quiet by then. Suguru stood outside the door for several seconds. He wondered if Satoru could sense him beforehand. And he imagined the siren would have been resting by now. Like he often did when he came late at night, just to avoid having to hold his presence while awake. Even when he had ordered him to sleep here and only here.

When he entered, his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

And he saw Satoru curled in the corner, holding his knees tight.

Only a single lantern burned near the desk, its flame reduced to a dull amber glow that left most of the room submerged in shadow. Everything was too… still.

Suguru closed the door behind him. His gaze swept the room until he found him. Small and scared, curled into the far corner between the wall and the bed, knees pulled tightly against his chest. The pelt wrapped around his shoulders had slipped halfway to the floor.

For a second, Suguru thought he'd been asleep. But he had noticed the flinch when he closed the door. Now, the trembling was clear. The frame of the siren looked so much smaller than it actually was.

Suguru's jaw tightened at the sight.

He crossed the room slowly and sat heavily on the edge of the bed. The mattress creaked beneath his weight. Satoru didn't move; he tried to stay still, but his hands held onto the blanket strongly.

Suguru wanted to sigh, but he didn't.

"It knew... what was happening. It knew."

The image returned before his eyes. He couldn't stop it. The desperate way the creature had fought and the way its tail moved as it tried to get out of the nets.

He shoved the memory away.

"You used to get angry when fishermen hooked my dolphins."

Suguru froze.

Because he had. Once.

He… had forgotten about that.

The words hit something into his chest. Because they were true. Years ago… A younger version of himself standing on a dock screaming at men twice his size while Satoru helped free them, invisibility on.

Neither of them had known how happy they were then. The thought brought a sour taste to his mouth.

"That was… a long time ago…"

Satoru's fingers tightened around the blanket. His eyes were more angry than sad. He scrunched his nose as he sniffed.

"I know." He rushed to answer. As if he didn't need any confirmation.

As if he had been thinking about little else all evening. A knot formed somewhere beneath Suguru's ribs, but he chose to ignore it.

"Is that the price?" Satoru's voice wobbled. He asked with apparent ire that sounded more fearful than angry. Eyes slitting to look at the floor. As if the words weighed tons on his chest.

Suguru frowned.

"The price of what?"

For the first time, Satoru lifted his head, and his hair untangled from his knees as he looked up. His eyes were red where they used to be white. The warm light made it more apparent. He had been crying, but he looked more tired than angry now. The sight unsettled Suguru and twisted something in him.

"When the buyers come..." Satoru drawled. Lips dry. Something like a swallow came after that. His eyes big as begging plates.

The knot in Suguru's chest tightened.

"Will you watch them strip the scales from my tail, while I'm still breathing?"

It hurt. Suguru stared at him, eyes slightly widened.

Would he?

He genuinely needed a second to make sense of the words, and then it dawned on him. All at once, like a cold shower.

The drake. The shrieking. His tail. The merchants. Every threat Suguru had made with a bite. Cruel twisted promises that made it so Satoru had been living between potential death and hopeful wakefulness.

The realization made something twist violently in him.

Satoru wasn't trying to provoke him. Wasn't screaming at him. He was asking, just genuinely asking. And Suguru was letting him ask.

As though he had spent hours imagining how the script would go. As if he had decided it was all that would happen while Suguru was busy deciding how to fill his head with work so he could ignore him for longer.

And as Suguru sat there, realizing. Satoru kept asking. His arm almost reached out, but it took conscious effort not to move it.

"Have you done this to others like me?" Satoru continued quietly, "Does it—" he swallowed a small cry, "Does it take long?"

Suguru's pulse lurched. Satoru looked back down at his hands.

"Will you… Count the gold as I bleed out?"

His voice cracked. Just slightly. Something hot flashed through Suguru's chest, and his answer was automatic. He couldn't hear this anymore.

"No."

The denial left him fast and sure. It surprised him. And it made Satoru blink out tears in surprise.

Suguru hated that such a simple action eased the knot forming inside his throat. Hated the hope that appeared so quickly in reddened cerulean eyes.

He looked away.

"If I wanted you dead," he said roughly, "you'd already be dead."

The statement was intended to sound threatening. But it was as if Satoru had not heard it at all.

Suguru's mouth closed tightly.

Because the truth in his answer had become more complicated than he wanted.

What do you want from him?

He might have had reasons once. Just like the nightmare would remind him every few days.

Those reasons still existed. More dull than Suguru wanted to admit.

He repeated them often enough.

Somehow they felt less solid than they once had.

As though each day that Satoru remained alive, in the ship, would wear another piece away. As if just looking at him was enough to slowly melt something frozen inside.

"Fall asleep Satoru. It's an order."

His voice was soft. He didn't intend that.

Satoru sighed, defeated. Eyes weighing heavier by the second as the collar clicked. As if he were resisting Suguru's command, but not really.

"When I was little," Satoru said, "I used to think humans were cruel because they were frightened of anything that didn't come from them..."

Suguru closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear. Or look at Satoru's tiny smile as he tried not to fall asleep so fast.

"But now I think… maybe… you're frightened," his head slowly gave in, "because you know yourselves to be cruel."

The lantern flickered when Satoru finally closed his eyes to sleep. Leaving Suguru to his last words of the day.

Suguru wanted to argue. Wanted to be angry. Wanted to remind Satoru exactly who had suffered and why.

But he found himself staring at his hands, his eyes wandering to white lashes that had become more innocent than terrifyingly deceitful.

Satoru was quiet for so long, breathing so softly that Suguru assumed he'd finally fallen asleep. And he was finally able to admit it to himself there, when he was sure Satoru could not listen anymore.

"No one is peeling your scales off."

The words left his mouth like when you take a patch from a wound.

Some weight he didn't even know he had, lifted halfway.

At least here, in the darkness. Where nobody but himself could hear. He admitted it.

He didn't want Satoru dead.