Chapter Text
He made it another week or so without another attack.
Techno started staying up later and later, hunting through his own collection of books, then Phil’s, then the books they had collected in the Syndicate stronghold. At one point, he even rode out to the nearby village and asked around about medical books.
Nothing.
Fainting wasn’t an uncommon symptom of an illness. Neither was soreness, neither were headaches. He found plenty of entries in medical books that included one or all three of those. But the intensity, seeming randomness, and rapid onset of the symptoms weren’t explained by any of the illnesses he found. None of them captured the quiet, creeping dread of knowing another attack was coming.
He caught himself planning for it. He started sitting down more rather than standing, he avoided riding Carl for long periods of time, he avoided Phil in case he could tell something was wrong, he stayed away from sharp objects or hard surfaces as much as possible.
Techno had never felt so quietly helpless.
His only lead was a suggestion by a villager that he check a town two days away. They had a more extensive medical library, he’d been told.
Two straight days on horseback, four days in total. Four days away from home, away from his supplies and his friends if something went very, very wrong.
It was dangerous. But at this point, what did he have to lose?
“- And make sure you feed the dogs,” he told Phil, rummaging through his bag one last time.
“I will, mate,” Phil said with a smile and a roll of his eyes. “You’ve told me exactly what to do with all of your animals about three times now. We’ll be fine, and if I have any questions, I’ll just message you.”
Techno nodded, trying to force back the anxious feeling that something was going to go wrong. “Right.”
Phil hesitated for a moment, then asked “Is… Is everything okay, Techno?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just… you’ve been going off on your own a lot, every time I’ve seen you recently you’ve been looking through a book, you skipped our Syndicate meeting this week…” Phil made a vague, encompassing hand gesture. “And now you’re going off on a trip when I’ve barely seen you leave your house. I just… want to make sure you’re okay.”
It was really nice, that Phil noticed. It was nice that he cared enough to ask about it. For a moment, Techno was tempted to break down and admit everything. Phil would know what to do, right? He might know something about this illness that Techno didn’t.
But… no. Phil didn’t need to worry about this. Techno would go to this village, find out what was wrong with him, find out how to fix it, and then everything would be back to normal. Simple and easy.
“There’s somethin’ new I wanted to research,” he explained, still poking through his bag so he didn’t have to look Phil in the eye. “I’ll tell you about it when I have more info, alright?”
Phil nodded, and that was that. Phil never pushed if someone really didn’t want to talk.
Techno felt a tiny pang of guilt for using that knowledge to his own advantage, but he quickly moved on to other thoughts when his brewing stand stopped bubbling.
“Regen?” Phil asked in mild surprise as Techno scooped the potions into his bag. “With glowstone, too, it looks like. Why do you need all of that?”
“Just in case.” Technically, it wasn’t a lie. It was just in case. Just in case he had another attack, that is, but Phil didn’t need to know that.
Phil chuckled, a familiar, fond sound. “Always over prepared.”
Techno just hummed, hanging one of the potions from his belt. Easy to reach, but cushioned in case he fell. “It never hurts to be careful.”
“… Is this going to be dangerous?” Phil asked softly.
“The trip?” Techno looked up from his bag, blinking, because he hadn’t considered how this might look. “No. It’s just for research, Phil, I told you. I’m not expectin’ any fights. I’d tell you if I was, you know that.”
Phil sighed. “I know, mate, I just worry. Sorry, I’ll let you get on the road.”
Techno opened his mouth to say something - probably along the lines of “you don’t need to apologize” or “I’m sorry for worrying you” - when he suddenly felt his stomach drop with the certainty that something was wrong.
“… Techno?” Phil asked cautiously, taking a step forward.
“I -” Techno dropped his bag and practically collapsed to the floor, fighting to keep his breathing steady. Why here, why now -
“Tech -”
And then Techno blinked, he was laying down, and everything hurt. A soft, muffled whine forced its way between his teeth as his head pounded like someone was taking a hammer to it.
“Techno?”
Phil’s voice. Techno forced back another whine, opening his eyes and squinting at the brightness.
Phil was there, hovering over him, tear tracks on his face. He looked awful.
“… ’S ’kay,” Techno mumbled, wincing as another wave of exhaustion and agony rolled over him. “’S… ’s alright.”
“No it is not alright, Technoblade.” Phil’s voice was tight, and when he gently took one of Techno’s hands in his, Techno realized he was shaking slightly. “How long has this been going on?”
Techno couldn’t think straight. His thoughts were moving too slowly, like he was having to manually collect them all, and time was… really hard. He hummed, trying to think, as he reached clumsily for the potion on his belt.
Phil unhooked it for him, then propped him up and helped him drink it, just like he had back in the Syndicate’s base.
“… Thanks,” Techno rasped, closing his eyes again and turning to bury his face in Phil’s chest. Everything ached, he just wanted to sleep.
“Uh-uh, no, I need answers, Techno.” Phil gave him a gentle little jostle. “How long?”
Techno sighed, but he blinked up at Phil and tried to come up with a number. “Uh… a while. Remember… th’ dogs?”
“… When you said you had a headache,” Phil said softly, a horrified understanding dawning on his face. “And then during the Syndicate meeting… And you never told us?”
“Didn’ know what it was.” And there was a spike of shame at the admission, a feeling that only deepened at Phil’s sharp bark of laughter.
“You didn’t know. Alright.”
Techno felt the burn of frustrated tears start to build, and he quickly blinked them away. Now wasn’t the time. “I didn’t. Can’t blame me, none of the books had… had anythin’ like this.”
Phil paused, staring down at Techno for several long seconds. “… You… you actually didn’t… ? You didn’t know what was going on?”
He glanced away, blinking back more tears and willing away the warmth in his face. He couldn’t even make himself say it. Phil was right, he should have known by now, he should have been able to figure it out.
“… Is that why you were going on this trip?” Phil’s voice was softer now, like Techno would shatter with anything harsher (and the assumption hurt less than the fact that he was correct).
“… Yeah. They said there might be a bigger medical library, more books.”
Phil took his hand again, his thumb running gently back and forth over Techno’s knuckles. “… Can you… What are your symptoms?”
… That was a bit of an odd question, but alright, Techno would humor him. He wasn’t experiencing what Techno was experiencing, after all, maybe he wanted a more complete picture. “I keep faintin’ and wakin’ up feelin’ like I’ve got another anvil hole in my skull. And wantin’ to sleep for a year. And… everythin’s sore, I feel like I ran a marathon.”
Phil’s expression crumpled, just slightly. “You… Oh, Techno.”
He had to know what this was. He had to, there was no other reason for this kind of a reaction, but… “How’d you figure it out just from that?”
Phil somehow looked even sadder, and his grip on Techno’s hand tightened. “I didn’t. I… I’ve never seen one in person before this, but I’ve read… You really didn’t know, you didn’t know, how - … Just… fainting, you said? What’s the last thing you remember, before you woke up?”
“… You said somethin’ about lettin’ me get on the road,” Techno said slowly. His brain still wouldn’t engage all the way, and everything hurt, and he was too tired to think through whatever Phil was trying to insinuate. It felt like his friend was throwing him puzzle pieces, one at a time, and expecting him to know what the picture was already. “‘N then… Then I got this… this bad feelin’ in my gut, I always get that just before I faint. And then I was on the floor.”
“Okay,” Phil breathed, running his thumb over Techno’s knuckles again. “Okay. That’s… we can work with that. That’s pretty much what I remember, too, except… Tech, you haven’t been fainting.”
Techno frowned. That… that didn’t make sense. Phil just saw him do it, Techno had just told him he’d blacked out, why would he pretend it hadn’t been happening? “What?”
“You haven’t been fainting,” Phil repeated softly. “Tech, you collapsed, and then you started convulsing.”
… Convulsing?
“It… It lasted about a minute,” Phil told him, his voice slightly unsteady. “More or less, I wasn’t really counting. But… Techno, I - You’re sore right now because you’ve been having a seizure. All your muscles are tensing and untensing over and over as hard as they can, of course it’s gonna feel like you’ve been running a marathon.”
Seizures.
He’d been having seizures.
“I don’t…” he started, then paused, hunting for something to say. “… I don’t understand.”
Phil’s other hand started gently scratching in circles behind Techno’s ear. “I’ve heard of seizures that completely take over, when they happen. The person doesn’t remember it at all. It’s… It’s rare, though, I thought - Tech, why didn’t you tell me?”
“… I wanted to fix it.” Techno’s voice sounded smaller than he’d meant it to, but he was too busy trying to pull his thoughts back in line to worry too much about his tone. “I… I thought I could… I could take care of it before it was an issue.”
“Before it was an issue??” Phil repeated incredulously. He paused as Techno winced at the increase in volume, then continued more quietly. “Techno. You nearly split your skull open in the Syndicate base. You’ve been in pain. You’ve had who knows how many seizures alone, been in who knows how much danger, and - and you’ve been avoiding us so we wouldn’t figure it out, haven’t you?”
Techno looked away, swallowing back another wave of shame. “… Didn’t want to worry you.”
“Well, mission failed,” Phil said dryly, though Techno could still hear that tremor in his voice.
Techno closed his eyes, trying to keep his breathing steady through the lingering pain and exhaustion. He really had failed, hadn’t he? He had worried Phil, he hadn’t been able to find answers himself, and -
And he couldn’t fix this.
It wasn’t a sickness. It was something deeper, something innate. And Techno had no idea how to fix it.
“… I’m sorry,” he offered weakly, tears pricking at his eyes yet again. He didn’t have the energy to force them away this time. “I… I’m sorry, Phil.”
Phil let out a shaky breath, leaning down to press his forehead against Techno’s. “It’s alright, mate. I know now. We both know what’s going on. We can figure this out.”
“Phil, I can’t fix it.” Techno opened his eyes, tears starting to flow in earnest at the admission. “I-I don’t know how.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Phil repeated, pulling back so he could look Techno in the eye. “I promise, mate. Maybe we can fix it, maybe we can’t, but other people have gone through this. There has to be a way to at least make things better for you.”
Techno nodded, a bit shaky, but finally feeling a tiny spark of hope.
He wasn’t alone in this.
Phil gave him a tired little smile. “C’mon, mate, I bet you’re exhausted. Can you make it to the couch?”
“Yeah. I can make it to the couch.” Techno pushed himself up, wincing at the movement, giving Phil a grateful nod as his friend moved to support him.
It was slow going, but forcing himself to his feet and limping over to the couch was so much easier with Phil there. And when he basically collapsed onto the cushions, Phil stayed, carding a hand carefully through Techno’s fur.
“Get some rest, mate,” he said quietly. “I’ll be here. I’ve got you.”
And for the first time, Techno fell asleep after a seizure, his body aching, but knowing what it was and knowing that he wasn’t alone. For the first time since the seizures had started, he found that he wasn’t afraid.