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Bones did not want to open that body bag. Did not want to see the face that he knew would be there. Scotty spoke low and soothingly, something about a warp core misalignment. What did it matter? His hands shook as he reached to pull the cowl back to reveal Jim, lying there so still. His Jim, who was never, ever still.
How could Bones exist in any universe, in any dimension of space and time, without Jim? Without his own personal sun. How many nightmares had he woken from with this precise scenario? Jim gone and Bones powerless to stop it, to change it, to fix his precious Jim. And always before, Jim was there to wrap his arms around him, soothe the visions away with his sunny optimism.
But not now.
And not ever again.
Bones knew there were things he needed to do, medical procedures to follow, to officially pronounce Jim dead. But he couldn’t do it. He staggered over to the desk, collapsed into a chair, dropping his head to his hands. Even in himself, he could recognize the signs of shock. Everything seemed to be happening at a distance, sound was muted, he felt numb and cold…
Then the tribble moved. The tribble…Khan’s blood…Julia’s medical miracle…he needed to preserve Jim’s brain functions. “GET ME A CRYOTUBE! NOW!”
Bones stayed focused only by drawing on his years of medical training. He fought to see the body on the table as just another patient, not the man who was the center of his world. After loading Kirk—Bones refused to think of him as Jim—into the cryotube with help from Carol, Bones bent down and whispered near Jim’s ear, “We’ll get you back, darlin.”
Later, Bones would never remember that he did that. He could never draw a clear picture from the memory of panic, confusion, and chaos that was preparing to save Jim. So, Bones didn’t remember that tiny whisper of reassurance.
But Jim did.
* * *
Jim suffered no memory of being frozen, of course. That was the point of suspended animation after all. He endured terrifying fever dreams during the time he was unconscious and sedated. They are nothing that he would even want to remember.
“Darlin’, come on now. It’s time to wake up. Come on, Jimmy. Let me see those beautiful blue eyes.” A voice whispered near his ear. He knew that voice, loved that voice. Bones. He needed to get back to Bones. Home. Bones was home. He fluttered his eyelids before sinking back into the terrifying dreamworld.
* * *
Jim dreamt of Nibiru, trees dashing past in a blur of crimson, hearing Bones yell, “I hate this.” He heard those same words, whispered next to him. Bones hated something. What did Bones hate? Jim struggled to get his lips to move to answer “I know you do.” He couldn’t. He felt Bones’ hands on his shoulders, recognizing those strong surgeon’s hands, anchoring him to life. He fought to surface but couldn’t. “Tell me what you’re trying to say, Darlin.’” Bones whispered before Jim plummeted into unconsciousness again.
* * *
When Jim next came close to consciousness, he heard Bones’ voice reading aloud to him.
“Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
Alice in Wonderland…Jim smiled as remembered his half-birthday rooftop celebration.
“Spock, did you see that?” Uhura said from somewhere close. “He smiled.”
Just before Jim sank back into his own dream wonderland, he heard Spock say, “Try not to worry, Doctor. He will be awake before long.”
* * *
When Jim finally came fully awake again, it was to dim lights, whirring machines, and quiet beeping. He glanced around, only able to move his eyeballs at first. He noted the inky blackness of midnight through the window. In the reflection, he saw Bones, dressed in his hospital whites, slouched over the bed. He was seated in the visitors chair, sleeping with his head sharing Jim’s pillow.
Jim watched him for a few moments, noting the dark circles under his eyes, the heavy black stubble…Bones looked much the same as he had the day they’d met. With difficulty, Jim squeezed their clasped hands and Bones’ eyes popped open.
“Hi, Bones.” Jim rasped out.
“Jim?” Bones touched his cheek, wonder in his eyes. “You’re back?”
“Well, I couldn’t just leave you here, looking all pathetic.” Jim smiled at him. Jim felt sleep claiming him again but he fought it. He had something else he wanted to tell Bones but the pull of his body was too strong. He plunged back into unconsciousness as he heard Bones whisper, “Darlin...”
* * *
Jim drifted into a light doze and startled awake. A glance at the windows showed the gloaming outside but whether it was twilight or dawn was hard to tell. He shifted restlessly in the biobed, struggling to sit up, searching for Bones.
“Bones?” he croaked. A duty nurse rushed in, patting his shoulder and easing him back onto the pillows. She smiled-at least he thought she smiled, it was challenging to tell with four mouths.
“Anything more you need, Captain Kirk?”
“Bones?” She patted his arms.
“Your skeleton is…”
“Not my bones. McCoy. I need Dr. McCoy.” Something in his tone must have convinced her and she rushed over to hail Bones on the comm. In seconds, Bones rushed through the door, in hastily tossed on scrubs, hair still wet from the shower.
“Jim, what is it?” He snatched the handheld out of the nurse’s hand and dashed to Jim’s bedside, his eyes on the tricorder readings. With great effort, Jim grasped his hand and pushed the sensor away. Bones looked up into his face, searching.
“Thank you, Bones.” Jim said, winding their fingers together and, brushed a kiss over the back of Bones’ hand, then pulled their clasped hands to his chest, just over his heartbeat. The nurse rattled the curtains as she backed out of the room.
“For what?” Bones asked, unshed tears making his voice horse.
“For everything. You saved my life. I don’t know how but I know you did it.” Some of the tension drained out of Bones then and he gave Jim a half-smile.
“You’re welcome, kid. Though next time, could you wait until after dawn to thank me?”
Jim nodded and laughed as Bones fussed with the medical equipment and scanners, checking to be sure Jim is ok.
“Bones? I have something else to tell you.”
“Okay.” Bones said absently, watching the readings.
Jim swallowed hard, “Could you look at me?”
Jim waited until Bones locked his gaze on his face.
“I love you.”
Bones’ eyes opened impossibly wide and his full bottom lip sagged open with shock. He shook his head, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. It figured his hard headed curmudgeon of a doctor would struggle to believe that. Jim repeated himself and then smiled. “I never said it before. To anyone.”
“Love you so much, Bones.” Jim said a third time, struggling to pull Bones down for a kiss.
“You’re not recovered—“
Jim cut him off with a sweet, chaste brush of lips. “Lay down and hold me.”
“You’re a very bossy patient.” Bones grumbled but dimmed the lights and laid next to him. Surrounded by the comforting scent of his beloved, Jim drifted slowly back to sleep and Bones, as he always did, followed him.