Work Text:
Are you there? -SH
Sherlock, is that you?? -JW
Indeed. -SH
Why did you change your username? -JW
I did not appreciate the name @Sulky3YearOld so I changed it. Why, couldn't you find me? -SH
No, actually, which is why I sent you a slightly panicked text. And I found you from searching your name. When I saw that tweet about saliva and coagulation, I knew it was you -JW
I direct messaged you, did you not see it? -SH
No, I did not, not until now. -JW
Ah. I see. -SH
Sherlock... -JW
Yes, John? -SH
What are you tweeting. -JW
I am simply informing them of the dangers of pollen and fingerprints. Why? -SH
You do realize that the only people following you are fangirls, right? -JW
Yes. -SH
I don't think they'd be interested in that type of thing; you'll lose followers. -JW
What am I supposed to tweet about, then? -SH
I don't know, be more light-hearted! -JW
... -SH
Okay maybe not. But at least try to blend in with them. -JW
How. -SH
Well, you could start by typing like them. -JW
Are you implying that I should bring out the emoticons? -SH
Sort of, yes. -JW
Why? I do not deem them necessary to this social networking site. -SH
Just do it, Sherlock. -JW
Alright, since it will make you happy, John. -SH
...I'm waiting. -JW
Sherlock? -JW
Where'd you go? -JW
LOL :* :* :) -SH
How'd I do, John? -SH
...very good. You looked that up, didn't you. -JW
That is irrelevant. -SH
You did look it up. -JW
Where are you now, John? -SH
See, you looked it up! -JW
Irrelevant. -SH
Alright, alright, have it your way. I'm still on the train. -JW
To that house, correct? -SH
Yes, I knew William before the war, and he wanted to catch up a bit. -JW
Hmm. -SH
I won't be gone long, Sherlock, you can manage without me. -JW
Of course I can. What are you implying. -SH
Nothing, nothing. -JW
John I responded to your text. -SH
John. -SH
JOHN WHERE DID YOU GO -sh
Excuse the caps lock, that was a mistake. -SH
I was answering the text you sent me! -JW
Very good. You going to have a kip on their couch? -SH
No, actually, I'll be sleeping in the bed of the brother who's in Panama at the moment. -JW
That is good then, you won't get a sore back. Panama? Why? -SH
He's on a mission trip. -JW
I see. Is the house far from the train? -SH
No, it's conveniently close, which is good. It isn't a long walk, but he'll come to get me with a car, just in case. -JW
Is he concerned about you walking for some reason? -SH
No, I think he just wants to be courteous since he hasn't seen me for awhile. -JW
That is good, then. Caring often provides no advantages. -SH
Though in this case, I have the upper hand, of sorts. -JW
Good, good! You have learned well! -SH
I have learned from the best. -JW
Quite. Indeed. Yes. -SH
I believe this is what people type when they are expressing gratitude? -SH
Wait a moment. -SH
:) ty -SH
Yes, you are learning, I believe you will be able to blend into the outside world quite well. -JW
Good, good, this will come in handy. -SH
:D -SH
Even better! I think that normal people shall relate to you if you keep it up, well done. -JW
It will be quite interesting to see how they will view me with their funny little minds. -SH
They will probably consider you less than intelligent, considering much of their vocabulary is limited to fangirling. -JW
Less than intelligent is alright, seeing as that is what they are, and I must try to behave like them. Correct? -SH
Indeed, you must do your best to behave like that if you are to be believed. -JW
Also, "fangirling". I am slightly familiar with the term, do explain more? -SH
"Fangirling": the term used when females of any age find a celebrity attractive and proceed to both ogle them and scream at the same time. -JW
Understood; I shall work on this. Also; I should be attracted to a celebrity; sexually, physically, or mentally? -SH
You should be attracted to their personality somewhat, but mostly physically/sexually, constantly saying how "cute" or "hot" they are. -JW
Ah, I see. Male or female? -SH
Being male yourself, it would be easier to pull off such an act toward the female species. -JW
Hm, yes, that makes sense. Females aren't generally my area of expertise. Suggestions, John, since you are well versed in these matters? -SH
I would start by focusing on how well a female celebrity sings, or something of that sort. Once you can successfully ramble on for hours about their talent, move on to a different area, such as their eyes or figure. It may be uncomfortable, but I believe you can pull it off convincingly. -JW
...HOURS, John? Do they honestly consume their time that way? No wonder they're all so dreadfully boring... Alright, give me a celebrity. -SH
Indeed, hours. And I would suggest Demi Lovato for a start, if you are really going through with this. -JW
There is no challenge that I won't undertake. I appreciate your faith in me. -SH
Sherlock? -JW
Hey. -JW
Full name: Demetria Devonne Lovato. Birthday: August 20, 1992. Born in New Mexico, raised in Texas. Heritage: Mexican, Italian, Irish, English. Star sign: Leo. Height: 5 feet 3.5 inches, or 161 centimetres. Weight: 143 pounds, or 65 kilogrammes. Measurements: 34-28-36 inches, or 86-71-91.5 centimetres. Bra size: 34B. Shoe size: 7 American, 4.5 British. -SH
...your capability continues to astound me. -JW
Is this sufficient? -SH
Yes, I think you are well equipped to fangirl over this person. -JW
Alright, where should I test these "fangirl" skills? -SH
Simply on twitter. There are many people who will accept you if you act correctly, and you can learn more fangirling techniques by watching them. A few of your followers are having a conversation, they are discussing a gathering of girls, and how they wish you would join them. Go have a chat. -JW
A gathering of females; do they trust that they'll be safe around me? Of course they would be, I would never touch them, but that is very interesting. Something to ponder. -SH
What I just tweeted, was it good? Am I blending in well? -SH
...Instead of "that sounds delightful", I would suggest typing "WHOA I CAN'T WAIT AS;DLFHADS;LGKHASLDF"; it might work. They will trust you if you appear as one of them. -JW
Ah. -SH
They use many capitals, John, is that normal? -SH
Am I supposed to do that? -SH
Yes, it would be wise to use them. -JW
I see. Thank you, John. -SH
I have great confidence in your abilities. -JW
...Sherlock -JW
Yes? -SH
That last tweet was no good. -JW
Really? Which one? -SH
The one about your work. -JW
Ah, I see. It is true though, you know I consider myself married to my work. -SH
Yes but don't tweet that. Practice your fangirling. -JW
...Sherlock. -JW
Is that a photo of me that you just tweeted? -JW
SHERLOCK -JW
Yes John? -SH
DON'T FANGIRL OVER ME -JW
But John you told me to "fangirl" over someone attractive, and you aren't revolting. Plus you're easy to put up with. -SH
I MIGHT BE EASY TO PUT UP WITH, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT -JW
Although I suppose I am flattered that you don't think I'm ugly, so thank you, I guess? -JW
On the contrary, who better to fangirl over than my blogger? -SH
The people you are talking to will probably find it odd if you fangirl over me rather than a well-known celebrity... -JW
And I'm not gay. -JW
I never said you were, John. -SH
... -JW
What is it, John? -SH
Nothing. Go fangirl over a celebrity. -JW
Alright, you have a valid point involving celebrities. -SH
Train's nearly there, Sherlock, I have to go now. -JW
Have a fantastic time at your colleague's house, John, and I shall see you soon, don't get kidnapped by Mycroft. -SH
Shut up. I'll talk to you tomorrow, good luck amongst the fangirls. -JW
Thank you John, your advice has been a tremendous help. Farewell. -SH
:* <3 ILYSM -SH
SHERLOCK FOR GOD'S SAKE -JW
What? -SH
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU JUST TYPED? -JW
...I saw a girl saying that to another girl who was leaving. -SH
YOU JUST TYPED A KISS, A HEART, AND SAID "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" -JW
Ah. That makes sense, I see, yes based on the context... -SH
SHERLOCK -JW
What, John. -SH
Oh never mind! -JW
heh :] -SH
...maybe this was a bad idea. -JW
Goodbye John :] -SH