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"Okay," Dean said, looking around confused. "Cas, why did you have to bring me to the middle of nowhere to talk?"
Cas had showed up a couple minutes ago at the bunker and popped Dean out to some field that he didn't recognize, saying that they 'needed to talk'.
"This is important, Dean," the angel answered sternly.
Dean changed from being confused to concerned. "Seriously, Cas, what's going on? You're scaring me here." Dean stood there looking at his angel expectantly. "Is Naomi pulling her brainwashing shit again? Because I swear, I've waiting for an excuse to gank that bi -"
"Dean!" Cas nearly shouted then took a deep breath. He didn't like being reminded of what Naomi had done or what she had nearly made him do to Dean. It had always been Dean to bring him back to who he needed to be. "This isn't about Naomi" was all he could get out before he looked at the hunter for help, not that Dean could help him with this, but he hoped Dean would just be able to read his mind.
"Okay...." Dean said, searching for something to say. "You gotta give me a little more to go on here, Cas."
"Dean, I - I think that I may be in love with you," Cas sputtered out awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, looking up at his friend apologetically.
"You're what?" Dean asked, surprised. He tried to press down the part of him that was elated to hear those words. There was a part of him that wanted to say them back and have his way with Cas right there, but he had been surpressing those feelings for years. He couldn't stop now, not now that he knew would be losing Cas soon. He had lost him before, but this time seemed different. The other times he always knew his Cas would come back to him. God, his Cas. He always was his, wasn't he? Dean just didn't really see it. He didn't want to let someone in that way, not more than he already had.
Cas cocked his head to the side, a gesture that Dean had come to know very well. "I thought you heard me, Dean, I said -"
"Yeah, I heard what you said. I just -" Dean started, wiping his face with his hand. "Cas, you can't."
"What do you mean I can't?" Cas asked, slightly micking the tone of a five year old being denied candy and making Dean smile despite himself. "I am almost certain you cannot dictate the emotions of others, Dean," Cas said. He was trying to hide the hurt that Dean didn't return the sentiment. He knew Dean wouldn't react well to what he had to say. Cas was almost certain this fell under what the hunter would call 'a click-flick moment'. They had shared those before. He had seemed to be the expection to many of Dean's rules, but not this one as he was seeing.
"Cas," Dean sighed, looking at the sky. "Fuck. Cas, why now?"
"Because Dean," Cas said, getting increasingly frustrated with Dean. "There is no other time left!" Cas didn't know why he had expected any other reaction. He had never heard Dean say he loved anyone, not even Sam. He just hoped that his hunter would admit that their time together had meant as much to him as it did to Cas. He knew that it did. He just wanted to hear Dean say it. He had told Cas he needed him. Cas just wanted Dean to know how much he truly needed him too.
Dean was looking at the ground, at the sky, looking anywhere except those deep blue oceans that always saw too much. He couldn't let Cas do this. He couldn't let Cas love him. The people that loved him always got hurt. The angel had already gotten so damaged for his sake. He couldn't let there be more of a risk of that happening. Especially not with the crowd he was going to spend the rest of eternity with. Dean felt tears prickling at the back of his eyes as he thought of spending the rest of his life without being able to call on his angel and have him appear like he almost always had. When all this was over, there would be no more Cas. They had only talked about it once and that wasn't really a talk as much as an acknowlegdment of that it was, in fact, going to happen. "You don't think I know that?!" Dean shouted, finally allowing himself to look at Cas. "I know it. I know that when this is all over," he paused, trying to keep the tears from pouring out like they were threatening to. "That when this is all over, you'll be gone. Damn it, Cas! How am I supposed to deal with that?" He stopped, staring at Cas and hoping for an answer. Some secret that the angel had to solve this problem. Some way for Cas to be the exception to another rule.
"Dean, you know I can't stay here. I wish I could -"
"Yeah, I know, Cas. I know," Dean said softly, finally failing at keeping the tears from falling. He couldn't stand the pain he saw in Cas' eyes. Every damn emotion seemed so intense. Dean ran his fingers through his hair and then put his hand on the angel's arm. "I love you too, Cas." The words ripped out of his throat like he knew his angel would soon be ripped from his life.