Chapter Text
***
Rose Weasley watched the little, flying figures up in the air; they seemed so graceful and small from where she stood. Rose could barely tell her cousin from the other players, but James Sirius Potter was the one who zoomed in front of the three big circles at the far end of the pitch, trying not to let the Quaffle through. He was shouting orders, screaming at his own teammates. He was as aggressive as he would be during a match, even if it was just training.
Rose leaned her head against the wooden door of the Gryffindor changing room, sighing deeply. It was freezing cold in the Quidditch Pitch and she was grateful that the game mattered very little in her life. Unlike most of her friends, she didn’t feel obligated to sit out there cheering for her fellow housemates while they were having a training session.
“Hey Weasley, what are you doing here?” A boy smirked to Rose when he saw her there all alone.
She raised her eyes, taking in the boy that was walking towards her. He was a tall sixth year with golden hair and a tanned complexion wearing the Gryffindor Quidditch uniform, his broom over his shoulder.
“Come to see me?” he asked, stepping towards her.
Rose snorted. “You wish, Wood,” she replied coldly.
The boy laughed as he put down his broom, moving his face closer to hers. “Actually, yes, I do,” he quipped, keeping his voice just a whisper.
“Wood,” a sharp voice called from behind the boy, “get away from her.”
James Sirius Potter glared at Wood from the middle of the Quidditch pitch as he stalked towards them. His quick movements brought him to Rose’s side swiftly, broomstick in his hand. Around him the other players were landing like falling stars, and soon most of the Gryffindors entered the changing room. The murmurs of muffled greetings were all that could be heard. Some nodded as they passed, each acknowledging her in their own way.
Wood raised his hands defensively. “We were just talking, James,” he said, grinning, “I don’t want to touch your little cousin, here.”
James walked up to where he was, easily towering over him a few inches. “I’m sure you didn’t want to,” he said, his hands on his hips, “You better go and change now.”
“Yes, captain,” he answered, mocking a military salute. He turned towards Rose and blew her a kiss that was answered with her tongue sticking out as he burst into laughter.
James looked at her, lips curving into a weak smile. “I better go and change too,” he said, as he began walking past her.
“James,” she called to him as he opened the changing room door, “I need to talk to you.” Her voice was just a bit more than a whisper and her hands were trembling.
James turned towards her with a smile. “Sure,” he replied, “can you wait while—”
She shook her head. “It’s very important,” she interrupted him, her voice just a murmur.
James cast a glance at the changing room and then closed the door at his back, leaning his broom against the wall. “Let’s go this way,” he gestured to his cousin as he led her through a door that brought them out of the Quidditch pitch and towards the Lake.
They walked slowly side by side, the cold air mercilessly whipping against their faces. Rose shivered, wrapping her warm jacket tighter around her. James, still warmed from Quidditch training, didn’t feel the cold as he should have.
They reached the Lake and stopped along the narrow shore line. There was no other sound but the hooting of some wild owls in the distance.
Suddenly James turned towards her, cupping her chilled cheeks in his hands as he kissed her. Before Rose could stop her cousin, his fingers slowly entangled themselves in her hair while his other hand explored her well covered back as he pulled her closer. His tongue traced over her lips, but when she didn’t respond to the kiss he slowly moved away, letting her go as he searched her eyes for understanding.
He frowned slightly. “What’s wrong?”
Rose looked away. “I need to talk to you,” she repeated.
“Talk then,” he said as he lowered his head and brought his lips to her neck. “Because I want some action,” his breath washed over her sensitive skin.
Rose shivered as she pushed him away, her face white and scared, her eyes shining with restrained tears. “James, I—”
James frowned. “Wait.” His finger flew to her lips. “If you’re saying that you want to leave me… just don’t.”
Rose grabbed her cousin’s wrist and kept it in place as she kissed his cold digit. “I don’t want to leave you,” she whispered.
“Then what is it?”
Her eyes filled with fear. “I’m pregnant,” she murmured so quietly that he almost didn’t hear it.
James’ lips curled in a soft smile, while a weak chuckle escaped his mouth. “You’re joking,” his voice was hopeful.
Rose shook her head as she brought her cousin’s hand to her belly, gulping as his palm tried to feel her through her many protective layers.
“I can’t feel anything,” he said as icily as the wind that blew around them.
“It’s only been two months,” she replied anxiously.
“And is it mine?” he asked, his hand moving away from her flat stomach.
Rose backed away, her eyes wide with pain and shock. “James, who do you think I am?” she couldn’t hide the hurt in her voice.
James darkened. “Sorry,” he replied sullenly, “I’m just…” His words trailed away as he looked towards the Lake. His brown eyes filled with anger and fear, his fists closed so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. He felt the urge to seize something and throw it in the water. “You have to get rid of it,” he said, his voice hard like the rocks under their feet.
Rose’s lips parted slightly in surprise. “What?” she mouthed.
“You don’t want to keep it, do you?” he asked coldly, stubbornly looking away.
Rose swallowed hard. “I-I don’t want to kill it,” she said quickly.
“Rose,” his voice was commanding as he looked into her eyes, “you can’t keep it.”
“Why not?” she asked as her demeanour darkened before crossing her arms. She felt rebellious and betrayed by his reaction. She by no means had expected it to be wonderful, but she hadn’t imagined it to be so awful.
James rolled his eyes.
“We’re cousins, Rose,” he blurted, “we shouldn’t be together in the first place.” He kicked one of the pebbles on the shore and sent it into the water. “Why do you think we’ve kept this a secret? It’s something that would not be accepted, your father would have a heart attack!”
She tucked some of her stray curls behind her ear, her famous ‘Know-It-All’ look replacing her once pained expression. “First cousins can marry, it’s not like we are siblings,” she snapped.
“But the possibility for the baby to have health problems is so high,” he snapped back, his darkened eyes flashing with rage.
She bit her bottom lip. “I don’t care,” she replied curtly. “There are surely spells that can be performed to prevent the baby from being—”
James snorted, throwing his arms into the air. “You think you can control everything, don’t you?” he asked her. “Well, guess what? You can’t control something like this.” He grabbed her upper arms almost painfully and shook her. “You have to terminate this pregnancy.” His dark eyes were commanding, intimidating.
“James, you’re hurting me,” she complained, pushing on his chest with her fists.
“Say that you’ll bring it to an end,” he continued, ignoring Rose’s protests as he shook her once more. “Say it!”
“James, no!” she screamed.
“Say it!” He ducked his head, closing the distance between their faces as he yelled back. Startled, Rose backed away, placing a foot on a moss covered rock. Losing her balance she fell backwards pulling James down on top of her.
They lay still on the frozen ground and chilled rocks. James shook furiously; his fingers still grasped her arms as his face hovered menacingly above her. Rose let out a pain-filled moan as she tried to move from the uncomfortable position she found herself in as her back throbbed.
James pushed a knee on the rocks, his body hovering above her as he balanced. He looked down at Rose before moving to sit back on his heels. “It’s all my fault,” he murmured as he covered his face with his hands, while Rose tried to sit up – breathless from the pain.
“James,” she murmured, stretching a hand towards him.
“We weren’t supposed to be together,” he said harshly, pushing away her hand. “You’re beautiful,” he continued bitterly, “and the fact that we were doing something so forbidden drove me mad.” He glanced at his cousin. She was sitting opposite to him, his eyes on her causing her cheeks to flush – her bushy, red hair a messy tangle of knots and dirt. “We should have been more careful.”
“James,” she repeated slowly.
“I just wanted to be with you,” he carried on, “you make me want you with all my body and mind. Being with you it’s so thrilling, exhilarating – prohibited.” His hand grasped a rock, throwing it in frustration, watching it sink into the dark lake water.
“What?” she asked, her hands trying to cover the horrified look consuming her face, “What are you talking about?”
James looked at her. “Are you surprised?” his voice was icy as he spoke. “It’s surely what you felt too.”
She shook her head as her hands slipped away from her mouth, chocolate eyes wide with horror. “No,” she muttered as she threw herself at her cousin. “No! I’ve been with you because I loved you. I love you!” her voice a pained scream. She grabbed his Quidditch uniform and pulled at it forcefully, her face screwed with pain. “I love you!”
James fell backwards, his cousin blanketed over him. He lay still on the icy ground, watching while Rose clung to his uniform. The light tinkling of his buttons falling to the stones below him filled his ears. James didn’t have the energy to fight her; he wasn’t even sure at this point that he even wanted to. With a few words he had devastated her world, and now, with even less – she had destroyed his.
James grabbed a hold of Rose’s wrists, attempting to hold her still as she fought to beat against his chest. She tried desperately to shake him off, but she was no match for his strength. “Take back what you said,” he whispered urgently.
Rose let out a desperate cry. As she moved her head backwards, her hair fell away from her eyes revealing the hot tears that streamed down her cheeks. She tried to move away again, but James kept her in place.
“Take it back,” his voice was more forceful this time, “take what you said back!”
Rose shook her head, trying hard to escape her cousin’s grip.
“Take that—”
“I can’t!” she screamed. She pulled her hands away from his powerful grasp, falling back on the hard rocks. Her chest was heaving quickly under her coat, her eyes wide with anger while her skin reddened from the cold.
“Rose, you don’t mean it,” James said weakly, pushing himself up into a sitting position.
Rose wiped her tears away with anger as she pushed her hands on the frozen ground to stand. Nimble fingers moved to smooth the skirt that rolled up during their struggle, her palms brushing the scratches now adorning her tights.
James stood up as well before taking a step in her direction. “Rose, you can’t—”
“Don’t talk to me.” Her voice was as iced as the wind that twirled her curly hair into her face. “Never again.”
James stretched a hand towards her, but she dodged his advance and turned to walk stiffly away as her cold hands stuffed into her pockets. She was moving quickly away, her Gryffindor scarf flying wildly in the wind.
“Wait!” She heard James' uncertain steps as he slipped and stomped across the stones behind her. Before she could even turn, her cousin had grabbed a hold of her arm another time forcing her to face him once again.
“Rose,” he said – his usually steady and confident voice was transformed into a shaky whisper, “you can’t keep it.”
Rose jerked away from him. “Don’t worry, cousin,” she said, her voice full of malice and pain, “I’m not going to tell anyone that it’s yours.”
James’ eyes widened in surprise, “Rose, listen—”
“No, James,” she snapped, “you listen! I’ve been a fool. I thought that you loved me the way I loved you, but I was wrong.” She let out a snort, as she shook the pain from her eyes. “You have left me with no other option but to play by your rules. Shall we start now? I hate you – are you happy now?” she spoke the words with no emotion as she internally struggled to recant her earlier ‘I love you’.
James half-shook his head, his eyebrows joined on his forehead. He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound escaped his lips. He brought his hands back to her upper arms. He pulled her against his chest, crashing her head against his body as he embraced her in a rib-crushing hug.
He expected her to try to free herself – to curse him, but instead James felt Rose melt into tears against his lurid uniform. Her little body trembled with sobs and sniffles while her hands reached for his back, hugging him against her with similar force.
James let her upper arms go as his fingers entangled themselves into her tousled curls. Caressing her hair, he leaned his forehead against the top of her head before pressing a gentle kiss between her eyes. “I would not be happy if you hated me,” his voice, a low whisper that he hoped would soothe her, “the thought breaks my heart.”
Rose moved away slightly. “It was just a game to you,” she murmured as her tears continued to streak her pained face, “you didn’t give a damn about me.”
James took a deep breath. Was what she said the truth? He didn’t know. He had surely said that, but he was shocked and upset. She surely couldn’t hold that against him – people don’t always have the proper words in a moment like that, do they? He just had to get a grip on his feelings and understand what he felt for her.
“You are beautiful,” he started, “and I had a crush on you. I’ve had a crush on you for years, even before we started at Hogwarts.”
Rose tried to move away, internally struggling between wanting to hear the words he spoke and knowing it would simply be too painful, but James held her tightly against his body.
“Wait,” he murmured, “let me speak.” He waited until she relaxed a bit in his arms before he continued. “I wanted you, but I knew that I couldn’t have you – you’re my cousin, after all. You are Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron’s daughter; you are my Mum and Dad’s niece – my first cousin.” He sighed. “And then that summer at the Burrow, I couldn’t resist, you were… you were…”
“James…”
“No, let me finish,” he insisted, “I knew that it was wrong, but I couldn’t stay away from you, I thought I was going to die if I didn’t touch you, and I dreamt of you. Merlin, I dreamt of you every night and even every day. I just wanted to be with you, because it was exciting, thrilling, and even dangerous. If they discovered us I knew that we would have been in trouble, and you were everything I needed. I couldn’t be away from you, even for a few hours, without my heart aching.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes; he had spoken so quickly that for a moment he feared Rose hadn’t understood a word of his rant.
Rose shook her head softly as her mind reeled to understand the words he had spoken. “You,” she murmured, “you just wanted to be with me.”
“I needed to be with you.”
“Because it was dangerous…” she said, “and it sent shivers down your spine, didn’t it?”
“Because you are beautiful,” he breathed against her forehead, “I couldn’t believe that you had chosen me amongst all the boys that were trying to have a go with you.”
“I loved you,” she replied, her fingers gripping his arms almost painfully. “I chose you, because I loved you.”
James hugged her even tighter. “Rose…”
“I’m going to keep the baby,” her voice was firm with decision, “and you will not stop me.” She freed herself easily from her shocked cousin. Rose turned on her heels and ran up toward the castle, leaving James to contemplate her last words that hung in the air around him.