Work Text:
“…Meow?”
Zzzz…Zzzz…Zzzz…
“Meow.”
Zzzz…snort…zzzz…
“MEOW!!!”
And now there’s blood everywhere as I jump screaming out of my bed and into the bathroom to get away from my boyfriend’s satanic ginger beast. The damn thing needs to be declawed and sedated and I need coffee. Last night was WAY too late to be waking up at… OH MY GOD!!!!
The wall beside my bathroom door has a new hole in it where the handle has fiercely attacked it. I’m running around my room cursing as I drag yesterday’s black slacks off the floor and pair it with… quick sniff… the green blouse from last week Wednesday. Not so bad, just a little mustard on the cuff, no one will notice. I grab my purse and I’m heading down the stairs and… FUCKING FLEABAG!
Falling down a flight of steps I suddenly realize Andy didn’t feed his mongrel last night and make a U-y for the kitchen and the electric can opener. Though I hate the hell beast it would be my luck to get thrown in jail for animal cruelty.
I’m finally out the door and there’s my beautiful red Civic (just a little ding from that shopping cart incident last week) waiting for me. Speeding out the driveway I make my way into ONCOMING TRAFFIC!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God… LEARN TO DRIVE! MORON! Why do they not realize they should be looking where they are going!? Probably talking on the damn phone all morning, the bastard.
Running can be fun, but you shouldn’t do it without shoes on across a hot parking lot and you should make sure you are running into a push only door… cause when you hit your boss’s supervisor in the face running into the office building, late, you can kiss that promotion goodbye.
My desk, my home away from home, no one will see my wrinkled pants or lack of footwear… all… day… It’s pink… Why is it pink? What sick twisted fiend came up with the pink office memo? Brutalize a perfectly good color by forcing it to convey ill tidings from your boss. What’s the bitch want now?
“Julie, please sit… You’re not wearing any shoes,” yeah thanks captain obvious, what do you want?
…Oh shit I said that out loud. I’m sorry Mrs. Cullen!
“You’re fired Julie. Your performance has been low and you’ve been late to work every day this week. Now you look like something the cat threw up. Take your severance pay and get out of here before I call security.”
I remember the color red and the blood beating in my head but the next thing I saw were two big security guards picking me up off the harpy and escorting me to the parking lot. Amber had already packed my desk and came out with me to help get me into the car. She’ll be over later tonight with a bottle of Jack. And when I get home and dump my useless as fuck security guard boyfriend I’ll call her and she’ll probably bring a handle of Captain with her too. I’ll keep Jynx though. At least the cat wakes me in the morning and it doesn’t keep me up all night yowling for sex.