Work Text:
theham: i have some news for you
tommyJ: is it about jemmy
theham: sort of
tommyJ: oh go d
tommyJ: what's shakin' bacon
tommyJ: get it, because ham? heh
theham: first and foremost u disgust me
theham: second of all, my spouses are?? trying to get us together, and like?? it's physically impossible not to have a crush on you but like?? JAMES MA D I SO N and i really want to see jeffmads be real bc i see u two lusting after each other and u know laf, that person is Dedicated, and will Not Stop. you know i love them, and i really really do but sometimes mi amour...es intense, you know?
tommyJ: i have so many questions
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hercthemerc: oh alEX I"M SORRY LOVE WE JUST
j.laur: plOT A LOT OF STUFF DONT MIND US WE LOVE YOU
laffie: i'm not regretting this at all
hercthemerc: LAFAYETTE
j.laur: LAFAYETTE
laffie: full name oh no
j.laur: see herc, u can be sarcastic over text, like this fucking french fry that we love with all of our hearts
hercthemerc: NOT THE TIME OR PLACE JOHNNY BOY
j.laur: SQUARE UP HERCULES
hercthemerc: have u learned how to balance on ur prosthetic?
j.laur: pshhhh of course....i mean....it's been almost four years now.....
laffie: you have no idea, do u
j.laur: ,,,,no
hercthemerc: one well place kick to the knee
j.laur: dammit
theham: you know i love u all so much oh my g o D
theham: fiRST OF ALL I"M NOT MAD OR ANYTHING
theham: the man is hot as hell, i can admit that
theham: buT HE"S ALSO LUSTING AFTER JMADS
theham: soOOOO
laffie: ,,,,and
theham: laf no
laffie: laf yes
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laffie: james madison, my oldfriend, how are you on this fine afternoon
jemstone: ✔ Seen 1:27am
laffie: and yet u are awake
jemstone: my cat is the devil incarnate
laffie: ,,,,isn't ur cat named 'stewy'
jemstone: yes
laffie: why
jemstone: it's short for stupid cat
laffie:
jemstone:
laffie: right
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tommyJ: alEX EXPLAIN
theham: you're hot, you're nice to talk to, pretty sweet when you want to be. but also i really care for james despite our falling out a couple years back and he's really nice and warm and soft and you love him, you won't admit it, but you love him a lot. and i know your gay not poly so soso yeah, i really want you two together because HE LOVES YOU TOO DUMBASS and i'm weak for childhood romances
tommyJ: i'm crying i do love him dont i?
theham: you really do, it's so pure
tommyJ: and lmao i'm also poly, just i'm gay and poly so
theham: what??
theham: when did this happen we were talking about this like a week ago
theham: is this u saying you like me back??
theham: if so that's a weird way to say it
theham: any clarification
theham: thomas
theham: thomas jefferson
theham: tHOMAS
theham: THO M A S JE F E ER SH IT
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laffie: shit i forgot to ask him
theham: what did you do
laffie: i learned that stewy is short for stupid cat
j.laur: i want a cat
hercthemerc: first of all, Alex is allergic to cats
hercthemerc: sECOND OF ALL, WE HAVE A TURTLE PLEASE LOVE HIM
j.laur: is our turtle our child now
hercthemerc: well, until alex steps down from being sec of treasury we're not having kids so in this moment, yes, that turtle is our child
theham: there is so many things i have to decipher in that text it's making me dizzy
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jemstone: thomas
tommyJ: yes jemmy
jemstone: are you free...at this very moment
tommyJ: ,,,,yes are you okay
jemstone: ...i'm not sure i'm seeing doubles
tommyJ: yeah i'm going to call you now
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theham: eyes do not bring us to sorrow, they make us stay, it is in us to believe that they move us, but really all they do is keep us locked, eyes are the way to the soul and all and the soul must stay until death comes around. the current that moves us to sorrow is not pinpointed, but it sails a steady aim, pulsing and moving as if the current was in pain itself, and the sorrow it held radiates
theham: it's late and my eyes are starting to blur there's a pounding in my head and i am starting to remember the oddest of things, the strangest and most heartfelt
theham: i'm thinking of hercules making little weave out of grass when we were on a stakeout, waiting to see if anything would change inside the building, we had guns at the ready just in case
theham: but hercules saw the grass and took off his gloves for just a minute to weave the little square. he had this smile on him,,,as if this little square was his everything. i fell in love with him right then, he barely knew me, as i was only recently added to the squad, but i cannot deny it was in that moment it happened
theham: nothing ever happens slowly to me, it's all in a rush, everything that has ever come in my life comes in quick, and leaves just as quickly, i pray i pray that you do not leave as quickly as others have left me- i love you so potently, i love you so truly
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laffie: hey, george
CuriousGeorge: yes, gilbert?
laffie: alex and i won't be able to come in today
CuriousGeorge: That seems perfectly fine, it will be a slow day anyway
CuriousGeorge: any particular reason?
laffie: you remember when we were in the army and alex would be talking in such odd english we'd check to see if he was sick? but in the end it was just because he...did it? from his childhood?
CuriousGeorge: quite well, tell him when he's less listless that I hope he feels better
laffie: of course, sir, say hello to martha for me
CuriousGeorge: of course
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laffie: thomas
tommyJ: i am terrified, i am unsure of what i did, don't hurt me
laffie: ,,,thomas we've been friends for almost three years now
tommyJ: yes but
laffie: uhm, okay, oui, if alex texts you anything,,,peculiar today, do not fret
tommyJ: i'm fretting is he okay?? el es un de mi amigos! ,,,un quiero
laffie: what
laffie: thomas i don't speak spanish
tommyJ: uhhuhuh, he is one of my friends
laffie: uH-HU H
laffie: anyway it's just a thing that he does
laffie: are you with james?
tommyJ: yes? why?
laffie: kiss him
tommyJ: ✔ Seen 8:23am
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jemstone: this chat is gonna be a mess
hercthemerc: okay probably but why
j.laur: oh now i see
CuriousGeorge: hello
tommyJ: is,,,,that you, mr. president
CuriousGeorge: ,,,,yes
tommyJ: laf why are we here
hercthemerc: let them have a moment to chillax
jemstone: why would they need to 'chillax'
j.laur: alex is running a fever and laf is in Nurse Mode
jemstone: i forget that they were an army nurse
hercthemerc: they do too
laffie: I HAVE GATHERED YOU ALL HERE TODAY TO TALK ABOUT ALEX
laffie: oh whoops, sorry george i didn't mean to add you, this is about dating
CuriousGeorge: ,,,,right well, have fun
--
hercthemerc: he has been dropped from the chat
jemstone: well thomas nearly dropped dead when he saw this
jemstone: are,,,thomas and alex dating?
laffie: not yet
jemstone: oh
laffie: DID HE NOT KISS YOU??
jemstone: NO WAS HE SUPPOSED TO?
laffie: Y E S
jemstone: brb gotta fuck up thomas
j.laur: be safe kids
--
theham: no one has responded to this chat and i'm kinda worried??
theham: laf, herc, john, i'm sorry if i scared you
j.laur: oh oh oh no, love you didn't, laf is just a bit flustered due to some work stuff, and herc is going over to the store
j.laur: i didn't want to go to work, but i had a huge breakthrough on the nose, so i had to go in
j.laur: i'll cuddle you once i get home
theham: thank you i'm freezing
j.laur: <3
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hercthemerc: can i join the cuddles
laffie: ^^
theham: ple a se my hip is aching again, and i'm in pai n
laffie: Nurse Mode Activated
theham: why did i marry u
--
jemstone: alex, i am with thomas
theham: i'm so happy for yoU!! he loves u a lot
jemstone: and i love him
jemstone: and i want you to date him
theham: wait what
theham: give me like 2 hours to process this i have a fever
jemstone: ,,,,good luck
theham: thank
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theham: uhuhummm i was just asked out through james if i wanted to date thomas
laffie: do it
hercthemerc: i want to make more terrible jokes, do it
j.laur: find out if that stick up his ass makes it harder to have sex
theham:
laffie:
hercthemerc:
j.laur: i'm not retracting my statement
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theham: after work tomorrow
tommyJ: don't wear green
theham: if u don't wear pink
tommyJ: ,,,fine