Archive of Our Own

“Is everyone feeling hot?” Daehyun yelled into the microphone, the spotlights shone off his light brown hair. The huge crowd roared back in response, a sea of sweaty bodies and excited voices.

They were all sweating down their shirts from the heat of the stage lights and the mass of people in the packed concert hall. Out in the audience, a wave of glowing cell phones lights and neon glow in the dark necklaces lit up the dark hall. A crowd full of women with heavy makeup wearing low cut shirts and scattered men in cut off sleeves and chains.

Himchan mimed taking off his jacket, sliding it down bit by bit before pulling it back up, and the screams where deafening. Shaking his head, Yongguk felt sweat drip down from the back of his ripped shirt. In the corner of Yongguk’s eye, he could see Youngjae waving his drumsticks in the air.

Daehyun brought the microphone back up to his face, “Let’s bring up the temperature even more! This song is dedicated to all the sexy men and women here tonight.”

That was their cue to start the intro to the next song with Youngjae taking the lead and laying down the beat for Yongguk and Himchan to follow. Daehyun walked back to center stage to do what he did best – have sex with the microphone. Yongguk readied his hands on the strings, mere seconds away from laying down the first few notes.

Suddenly, the stage burst to life with flashing lights and the sound of the drum and guitar. The entire show was a giant rush of endorphins from start to finish, which chased away even the most tired and sluggish bodies.

It was show time.

//

“I don’t remember where I left my legs.”

The show had been over for hours now, but the after party was still raging on at the club venue they’d chosen spur of the moment, four guys piling in the back of a company car looking for booze and a good time. They’d gotten what they were looking for.

After an hour of heavy drinking Himchan had led Yongguk outside the back entrance with the half empty bottle of soju he’d bought and the nearly empty pack of cigarettes he’d been keeping in his jacket pocket.

Wispy trails of smoke dribbled out of Yongguk’s mouth as he exhaled, slow and steady. Trapped heat escaped past his chapped and dry lips. He tapped the ashes out on the cold concrete step he was sitting on. The full moon lighting up the night sky as much as the streetlight at the corner where the local strip club’s neon sign was shining like a bright beacon.

“You’re drunk.” He took another long drag and let it out, watching the shadows grow on Himchan’s face.

“I mean shoes.”

“You’re wearing your shoes.”

“Fuck.”

Himchan dropped his cigarette. It rolled in the quiet breeze, sparks flying off the still burning lit end. He hadn’t even been holding on to it for long.

“You’re supposed to stub that out first Himchan.” Yongguk stamped out the orange glowing fire with a heavy foot. The after show beer and soju coursed through his body turning his limbs into lead.

“Yeah I know, I know,” Himchan answered, and picked the cigarette pack up, flipping open the top and groaning when he realized there weren’t any left. Yongguk knew that, but Himchan didn’t. Himchan threw the empty pack on the street. “Who took the last one?”

Yongguk chuckled and warm smoke burned down his nostrils. “That would be you.”

“I did? Shit I don’t even remember. Give me yours then.” Himchan extended his hand, leaning over heavily with his elbows on his thighs.

Turning, Yongguk stared at Himchan’s eager face with eyes half open. “Why should I?” Himchan’s mouth twisted into a crooked smile. Here was someone who was a perfect example of when a person should have stopped drinking three drinks ago. Flushed nose, droopy eyes, and slurred speech. Yongguk was going to dragging him up by the lapels of his leather jacket later so he didn’t face plant on the asphalt. That is, if he could get his own ass off the ground first.

Himchan scooted over closer, and on a different day Yongguk would have grimaced at Himchan’s hands rubbing on the dirty concrete, but tonight he didn’t give a fuck. “Because of what I’ll give you later.” Himchan batted his eyelashes and Yongguk wanted to push him off the step.

The cigarette between Yongguk’s fingers was already halfway gone, and was burning down by the second. He sucked air through his teeth, “Just bribery? You’re not very imaginative Himchan.” He lifted the cigarette up to his mouth, intending on exhaling the smoke in Himchan’s face to taunt him. Inhaling, he let the smoke sit in his mouth to cool before taking it deep into his lungs.

His eyes slipped away to the activity outside the strip club for a brief second.

“I don’t need to when I look like this.” Himchan pointed to himself crudely, “Look at this sexy body. Yongguk you’re not looking.” Himchan definitely drank too much; he wasn’t like this when he was sober.

Yongguk flicked his eyes away from the strip club and back at Himchan. Slowly, he breathed out through his mouth and let the smoke cloud around Himchan’s head.

Himchan’s nose twitched, and he waved a hand in the air to clear away Yongguk’s second hand smoke while coughing. “Dick. Let me have it before it burns out.”

“Here,” – Yongguk handed over the cigarette to Himchan – “you can keep it.”

He put his hands in his jacket pockets and waited for Himchan to finish. Himchan sat next to him, smoking the last of the borrowed cigarette, his features washed out from the building light above them.

Warmth spread through Yongguk’s body even though there was a chill in the air. He bumped his knee into Himchan’s, and Himchan glanced over and bumped back. Yongguk’s lips curled up. The silence and the quiet night were comforting. Muffled car noises from a nearby street were playing as their own background theme music.

“Hey,” Yongguk said quietly, resting a hand on Himchan’s knee. “Do you want to go back in?” he asked, “They probably drank their way to the floor – ” He was cut off by Himchan tossing the cigarette and with two hands on Yongguk’s face crushed their lips together in a fervent kiss.

Himchan tasted like ash and fire. It clung to his tongue and flooded out through his mouth, all heavy scented and rough.

“No, I wanted to do this,” – pause – “since we came” – pause – “outside,” Himchan said in between kisses.

Yongguk’s breath was stolen away from him, sucked straight out by Himchan’s lips. Sparks tingled down his spine, the veil of drunken haze lifted off of him as Himchan leaned in and Yongguk wrapped his hands around Himchan’s back to pull him close.

“Should have said so sooner,” Yongguk mumbled into Himchan’s eager mouth. Himchan always knew how to get him worked up and horny.

For years they’d been playing this crude game together, but that was what made it thrilling. It was a dangerous version of foreplay caught between friendship and something else dark that couldn't be defined. They were each others little dirty secret to other lovers.

Yet, Yongguk couldn’t stop pulling Himchan down deeper with him into the darkness. He couldn’t get enough of the fire burning from Himchan’s tongue even as he licked Himchan’s bottom lip and shared short puffs of needed air with him.

The door behind Yongguk’s hiding spot with Himchan burst open, and Daehyun’s loud voice rang out in the empty street. “Oh look, here’s Yongguk and Himchan hyung!”

“What are they doing?” a girl’s voice asked and Yongguk tried to tune her out.

“Uh, cleaning each others mouths.”

“With their tongues?”

Himchan pulled his lips away and left Yongguk reaching for thin air and coming up short. “We’re rock stars that’s how we do it.”

Yongguk couldn’t see Himchan’s face with his nose now buried in Himchan’s neck and his mouth sucking on sweat flavored skin, but he imagined the overly sexualized grin on Himchan’s face and the slow wink he must be giving the girl. The high-pitched squeak that left her mouth was impressive.

“Let’s go babe the taxi’s waiting.” Daehyun must have been steering the girl away from them, and the longer he sucked on Himchan’s neck, the less he could hear their voices.

Himchan shivered around his mouth, “You can stop, you’re gonna leave a mark.” Yongguk stopped and lifted his head back to look in Himchan’s eyes. They were tinged with red from the lack of sleep they’d had during the past week on tour. Seoul had been their last tour stop, and they hadn’t slept well in two weeks.

Yongguk stood himself up on wobbly legs and gave Himchan a pull upwards. “Let’s get going.” He was tired, drunk, and needed somewhere to lie down, preferably with Himchan next to him and he could deal with a little less sleep.

“You should have seen the glare Daehyun gave us,” said Himchan, his hand tugging into the back of Yongguk’s soft leather jacket. “It was crazy.”

He turned the door handle, “I’m sure he did. Let’s go back and get a taxi.”

“Okay.” Himchan tugged on the back of Yongguk’s jacket harder, “When we get back to your place how about we play a game?” A hint of mischief dropping from Himchan's words.

Yongguk grinned, “We can play as many games as you like.”

Games that involved Yongguk’s expensive orthopedic mattress of course.

//

Three AM, the clock on Yongguk's night stand shone three AM in bright white numbers, the witching hour. He rolled his head back and shook off drunken thoughts of bad luck. He'd seen many a three AM in the past three years.

Though Himchan made a great demon.

“You’re so hot,” Yongguk said, groaning as Himchan licked his nipple and tugged at it with his lips. He fisted his hand in Himchan’s short brown hair, dragging the strands up by the shaft. “Keep going.”

Himchan’s mouth made a wet smacking sound before he moved on and attached to his other nipple. His lips were warm and Yongguk felt like there were flames licking up the side of his chest. Then again, he was considerably drunk off Himchan’s tongue and hard liquor.

“Fuck Himchan.”

Flopping over on top of Yongguk’s chest, Himchan laughed. “You want me to fuck you? I’ll fuck you real good.” In the dim light, Yongguk could see Himchan’s sharp features presented in front of him.

Yongguk’s dick was aching but even with impaired judgment he could tell Himchan couldn’t sit up straight let alone find where his ass was. They shouldn’t have taken those tequila shots. But Himchan was naked and pressing his dick into his leg and Yongguk was starting to care less and less about how they had sex.

“Then show me real good.”

Himchan straightened up and crawled backwards, tongue dipping into Yongguk’s belly button. The tongue licked a warm path downwards until it reached where the line where skin met hair and Himchan pulled up. Yongguk spread his legs, letting Himchan fall further onto his hips, legs rotated out.

“How about this,” Himchan said; mumbling around his legs, hot breath stimulating Yongguk’s nerves. A soft sloppy kiss was laid onto his dick, followed by the broad wipe of Himchan’s tongue. Yongguk bucked his hips up in appreciation.

He was feeling very content to lie back and let Himchan do the work, all wet tongue and prodding fingers rubbing down the crack of his ass. Saliva coated fingers slickening and drying cool on his skin. The room was floating in a pleasant fashion. Yongguk grunted low and deep when Himchan’s roughly pushed his hips up in a drunken manner to lick further down his balls.

Himchan’s tongue was everywhere and nowhere, teasing him when he abandoned one spot and focused on another. Then, Himchan mouth pulled away and Yongguk felt a heavy weight settle on his chest as Himchan collapsed on top of him, breathing heavily.

“Mm dizzy,” said Himchan. Yongguk bit the inside of his cheek in order to not snap at Himchan for leaving him hard and dripping. He used what arm strength his had left in his control to position Himchan more comfortably on his body, grabbing onto Himchan’s ass and squeezing.

“Oh shit.” Himchan reacted to the squeeze by jerking up, dick sliding against the top of Yongguk’s thigh. He somehow managed to take a hold of the lube bottle they’d thrown on the bed when they were undressing each other, uncapping it and pouring it out on Yongguk’s chest. Yongguk swatted the bottle from Himchan’s hands to prevent a mess, but Himchan dipped his fingers into the puddle and rubbed them around.

“Himchan,” Yongguk said, groaning at the slippery mess over his skin and Himchan’s hand rubbing it into his flesh.

Himchan lifted his hand and scooted himself off of Yongguk’s chest a second time, rolling to his side. “What?” He smirked, face red and flushed with sweaty hair pushed off his forehead.

Yongguk tangled his arm around Himchan from their awkward position, “I’m dying here.” With his other hand, he was slowly pumping himself to maintain his erection.

“Good things come to those who wait.” Himchan repositioned himself and ran his dripping, slippery, wet fingers down the crack of his ass. He thrust them inside one by one, angling them with expertise and pushing them in and out in a regular rhythm. Yongguk’s legs twitched as Himchan moved them aside, parting them more and using his free hand to play with Yongguk’s dick.

Yongguk let out a long breath of forced air through pursed lips, “Fuck.” Himchan’s fingers had reached the spot inside him that made everything tense and coil up the harder Himchan pushed on it. He reached his arm down to Himchan’s dick, coaxing it to its full potential as Himchan’s fingers inside him were driving him to the edge.

They kept up the pace together with Himchan thrusting into Yongguk’s hand and fucking him with his fingers. Himchan panted and balanced himself on the mattress or on Yongguk when he paused to touch his dick. It was messy and uncoordinated, rough and clumsy. Yet, the longer Himchan rubbed his fingertips inside him, the more his dick and balls ached. He couldn’t control himself much longer, quivering on Himchan’s fingers, his dick barely even touched.

Himchan stopped thrusting his hips up into Yongguk’s hand and concentrated his sole efforts on getting Yongguk off, and it was working. All it took was a few tugs of Himchan’s hand and Yongguk came, spurting over Himchan’s hand and his own chest. He came long and hard, the sensation flowing over him like electricity tingling down his nerves from the prostate stimulation overload.

Yongguk didn’t have much time to think before Himchan pulled his fingers out of his ass and jerked himself off over top of him. As Yongguk was coming down from his high, Himchan came on Yongguk’s stomach. He felt the warm splash of a few stray drops hit his chest.

Blinking, Yongguk realized his front was dirty with drying cum and lube with Himchan swaying over him, limbs looking like they were going to collapse and fall into the mess. He pushed Himchan away from him and onto his back, but not before Himchan dragged a hand up his stomach and popped a few fingers in his mouth.

Himchan grimaced when he fell back, “Stop eating so much ramen.”

Yongguk laughed, “Take your own advice sometime.” He was still feeling drunk, but he was sober enough to hobble to his bathroom and wipe up.

After he finished, he found Himchan in bed with his eyes closed, naked and sprawled out with the sheet pulled up only halfway. At least he was on one side of the bed this time. Yongguk collapsed onto the bed, pulled the blanket up, and closed his eyes. He’d do the laundry when he woke up.

Tomorrow was just another sleepless day.

//

When Yongguk woke up, the sun was too bright and the blinds were open. He groaned and turned over, mashing his face into his pillow, and pulling the bed covers with him. Next to him, Himchan slept sprawled up on the other half of the queen-sized mattress, completely naked.

Fuck, they got drunk and had sex again. It was like a replay of times past where Yongguk woke the next morning and saw Himchan sleeping next to him. Whenever Yongguk got drunk around Himchan it always seemed like a good idea to get in bed with him – it felt good too. Well, they had sex when they weren’t drunk too, but being drunk made it more animalistic. He curled his arm under his pillow and waited.

Himchan stirred, awoken by Yongguk’s movements and soon enough he was turned in the direction Yongguk was facing.

Inhaling heavily through his nose, Himchan blinked his eyes open several times and then opened his mouth. Himchan was handsome even when he woke up in the morning, hair sticking up and lips dry.

“Hey.”

Yongguk swallowed back the scum that had been lying in his mouth all night.

“Hey.”

The words left his mouth raspy and half formed. He watched Himchan’s eyes change from half-lidded to wide-open, crust around the edges. Himchan’s mouth opened, closed, and opened again. “We did…last night?”

Completion of the question was not needed; they both knew what they had done. Yongguk nodded his head; skin swishing into the pillow cover.

“Shit,” Himchan said while yawning. “We should start keeping a drunk tally for shits and giggles.”

“We’re supposed to go to a meeting this afternoon,” Yongguk said. It was half-past ten already, the morning soon to be done and they had nothing to show for it.

Himchan grimaced and grabbed the covers from Yongguk’s side to cover his nudity. “Ugh I don’t want to I’m hung over. Let’s skip and sleep in the rest of the day.”

“We really need to go.”

Himchan’s pulled down eyebrows and lips suggested something else. “Fine have it your way. We don’t have to get up now do we?”

Time wasn’t moving any faster than normal, and the meeting wasn’t until two. “No, we can stay here for a while.”

“Good,” Himchan replied, and he rolled himself over to Yongguk’s side of the bed. “You want me to give you a hand with that?” Seeing Himchan naked was an arousing sight, and Yongguk wasn’t ashamed of the beneficial relationship they’d had since they formed the band. Yongguk leaned in closer to Himchan, tangling their legs together and smiling as Himchan complained about his cold feet.

“I could use a hand.”

Himchan gave him more than just a hand.

//

Daehyun was sleeping peacefully, on the verge of waking up, but still clinging to the last few minutes of slumber. He hadn’t gone to bed until four in the morning the night before, a semi regular occurrence for a weekend. His sleep cycle didn’t last as long as he’d have liked.

The phone was ringing somewhere on his floor, loud and obnoxious. Groaning, Daehyun rolled over and shook his guest. “Babe, you’ve got to go it’s morning.”

She opened her eyes and yawned, “It’s morning already?”

“Yeah,” said Daehyun, sitting up, the sheets pooling at his waist. He spotted his phone lying on the rug at the side of his bed and picked it up. His manager had called and left a voicemail. While he listened to it, the girl he’d picked up the other night was stumbling out of bed and putting her clothes back on.

Daehyun moaned after he listened to his manager tell him that he had to show up for the meeting that afternoon. He hung the phone up and blankly stared at the wall. “Not today. This sucks dick.”

The girl slipped into his bathroom, and Daehyun slipped into his sleep boxers. He trudged into his empty kitchen to get her a glass of water before she kindly showed herself out.

When she came out, looking less haggard without makeup smudges all over her face, he handed her the water. She in turn handed him a slip of paper with her phone number on it.

“Call me again sometime Daehyun, I’m a big fan,” she said while he was closing his front door.

“Yea thanks.” Daehyun shut the door and stuck the note in a glass jar where he kept all the phone numbers he’d ever received.

Time to go back to bed.

//

Daehyun’s doorbell rang, and he threw his shoe at the door from where he’d taken residence on his couch. “Go away,” he yelled while trying to put his socks on and dropping them on the floor. His manager entered in his key code and let himself in.

“Why are you here?” Daehyun said when he saw his manager come in carrying a takeout tray of coffees.

“Get your ass up Daehyun I’m here to drive you over for the meeting. You look like a mess.”

Daehyun rubbed his face with his hands, “Manager Kang…ugh, I’m so…shit…find my other sock.”

His manager set the coffees down and picked up a rolled up sock off the ground, handing it to him. “Your socks don’t even match.”

“Oh fuck.”

Today was going to be a shitty day; he could sense it.

//

Yes, he was absolutely certain, he was too damn tired for this meeting.

Daehyun came into the company office with dark sunglasses on, a large sized coffee, and a swagger to his walk that wasn’t there because he thought he had game. In actuality, he was still disoriented from the partying and felt like shit. If it weren’t for their manager getting him up, he’d still be on his couch trying to put on his socks.

“You look like shit today,” Himchan said jokingly, giving Daehyun a cocky grin. “Have a good time last night?”

He looked like shit? Himchan had a huge hickey on display on his neck and the washed out hoodie he was wearing was not hiding it at all.

Daehyun flipped him off and sunk down into a chair. The coffee was the only thing that he could stomach because it was half caffeine half milk and sugar. Glancing around the room, his band members all looked like various stages of hung over. Yongguk’s eye bags made him look murderous, Himchan’s hickey was all shades of black and blue, and Youngjae had a hood over his head and was staring at the floor with his eyes open, but Daehyun was sure he was sleeping.

He cleared his throat. “Anyone come in here yet?”

“Nope,” Himchan answered, “just got here five minutes ago myself.”

Great, Himchan was the only one up to talking this afternoon. Daehyun stared at the clock on the wall, but he was too hung over to concentrate on reading the time.

“Do you think they forgot –”

“Forgot about what Daehyun?” Their boss came in the open door and dropped a stack of papers on the table, waking up Youngjae whose head was bobbing up and down with sleep. Daehyun knew he was asleep.

“Uh coming here, the meeting.” Daehyun didn’t know what to say.

Unfortunately, their boss didn’t seem to be very happy. It was either the aura of unpleasantness he was emanating, or the strained expression on his face. Daehyun knew he was in for a long and painful chat.

“Have you all seen the news?” their boss asked.

No one said yes.

“Well guess what, you’re all going to see it now. Look what was one of the top articles on the news search engines today.” Their boss picked up the first piece of paper of the stack and held it up in front of them.

Daehyun stared at it and read it out loud, “Popular rock band BAP shocking partying, the scandalous truth behind rock star lifestyle.” He slipped his sunglasses down his nose, “What?”

The picture on the page was a large blurry, grainy, and faraway photo of Yongguk and Himchan doing couple’s shots while he and Youngjae were in the background smoking surrounded by women in very short dresses. You could barely make out Youngjae and Daehyun due to their dark hair, but their features were made recognizable if you knew their normal clothing.

“Good, you can read Daehyun. Anyone care to tell me why this is the top news?”

“Boss, it’s obviously a load of bullshit. Look at the picture you can barely tell it’s us and it’s not like we were doing anything people don’t do at clubs,” said Himchan, waving his arms up in the air.

Youngjae must have thought differently, “Daehyun this is your fault, you’re the one who let the girls in the private room, one of them must have been a journalist.”

“Don’t throw me under the fucking bus you ass, I saw you enjoying the lap dance I got you. You had your face in the red head’s boobs when I came back from the toilet.”

“At least I wasn’t having a foursome like those two,” – Youngjae pointed at Yongguk and Himchan – “they were doing body shots off two girls and each other before they disappeared.”

Youngjae’s point made Daehyun remember that when he had picked up the smoking hot girl to take back to his place, he had found Yongguk and Himchan making out by the back entrance.

He swung his head over and directed his words at his hyungs and band mates. “You’re right, I found those two kissing outside in public, whatever that article says it could have been a lot worse no thanks to you two.”

Yongguk’s glare was discomforting.

“What the fuck I watched you get a blow job in a club from a guy once and you complain that Yongguk and I make out in empty alleys?” Himchan said, an angry bite to his words.

Daehyun was about to retort back, but their boss cut him off.

“Everybody shut up,” their boss said firmly, “I don’t give a fuck who did what or who fucked who. We’re all in some deep shit now. The netizen comments are tearing you guys apart and this could affect sales. Profits!” He paused to breathe, “This has been the final straw for you guys tarnishing your reputation. Again. We’re putting you on hiatus and making you do community work until you get your act together.”

“What?” Daehyun said, “Hiatus? But we just started recording for our next album! And chicks dig the bad boy behavior.”

“Well whoop de fucking doo I don’t care if that’s how you get laid. And for your next album, that’s being put on hold too until this blows over. The company has come up with a plan that should get your image back on track if you guys don’t fuck this up too. Otherwise you’re getting shelved for the foreseeable future. You all can go back to playing on the streets.”

Public sentiment went a long way for their management. Although they had been given a loose chain to do whatever the fuck they wanted, their company was known for a clean reputation and Daehyun knew they all weren’t exactly squeaky clean. In a way, Daehyun was lucky he’d only gotten a few UTI’s from all the groupies he’d had sex with. Then again, burning piss was never pleasant.

“So what is the company’s plan?” Yongguk asked, the first time he’d spoken since Daehyun came in the room.

Their boss sat down in an empty chair, “Thank you Yongguk for asking that question seeing as you’re the only one with the saving grace right now to keep this band out of the fire.” Saint Bang Yongguk and his world charities promotions making the rest of them look bad. Fuck him, Yongguk liked children and giving away his money, but he also liked to party just as much as the rest of them – he was no savior. Maybe if Daehyun donated to save the rainforest he too would have women wetting themselves over his thoughtful actions.

“In two weeks there is a rock music program that runs every fall for special youth and we’ve managed put you all in as special instructors, free of cost. No one knows about it, and we’re not doing any noise marketing until after the program starts. You have three months to prove to us that you’ve cleaned up your act and public opinion has improved. Otherwise, it’ll be another three months until the board reviews the possibility for another album.”

He passed out a flyer for the program to each of them, and Daehyun stared at it. He would be busy every Friday night for the next three months. This sucked.

“Look over the information sheet on the back, we’ll be meeting with the program directors in a few days to run over what they are going to have you do. In the meantime, stay out of trouble. No clubs.”

Their boss was such a killjoy. Well, Daehyun had a lot of phone numbers he could call (prostitutes, groupies, sex hotlines, friends).

“You can go now, you’ll get a phone call tomorrow.”

Daehyun could tell that they really pissed off their boss from the way he was just dismissing them. They all sat still as their boss got up and left, and remained seated for a few seconds after he left in silence.

Tension filled up the room as they sat staring at each other.

Yongguk was the first to speak since he was a founding member and the one who had been in the company for the longest time. “For the sake of our album that I’ve been working hard on this past month, you all better follow along and not fuck this up. We’ve been working hard since day one and if we need to clean up our image, we’ll clean up our image. Myself included.” His face was not it’s usual friendly and relaxed appearance. Instead, his dark eyes were telling a different story.

Daehyun didn’t want to say it, but he thought all of them were a bit afraid of Yongguk when he went into the rare silent moody mode.

“Yongguk, you know we all want this. Of course we won’t let you down,” Himchain said, touching Yongguk lightly on the arm. Daehyun raised an eyebrow behind his large frames; Himchan was playing with fire.

No one wanted to piss Yongguk off. Not when he was their main songwriter and contributed half of the lyrics with the music production team in the company. Yongguk was the one who had the majority of the contacts. However, most of the time he was as laid back as a sleepy bear that enjoyed getting others to do his dirty work. Except for now.

Youngjae stood up, “I don’t care what you guys have to do, I’ll take care of myself, so don’t bother me I’ll be laying low these three months and I expect everyone to do the same. I got into this to make music and I want to release our next album in three months.”

They all got up and walked out the office. As they made their way out the building, Daehyun couldn’t help but feel like they were making the walk of shame by the way they were reprimanded earlier.

“You know what we could do to fix this?” Himchan asked before they split off in different directions in the parking garage.

Youngjae snorted, “Kick Daehyun out of the band?”

“Fuck you Youngjae,” said Daehyun, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

“I was going to say stop partying in public for three months, but that might be work Youngjae.”

“Hyung!”

Himchan laughed and left with Yongguk in his car, leaving both Daehyun and Youngjae alone around the back of the company. If Daehyun couldn’t bum a ride off Youngjae, he’d be stuck calling a taxi since he wasn’t the one who drove in that afternoon since their manager had picked him up. He didn’t want to call their manager for a ride back because Daehyun was sure he was also pissed at him.

Daehyun called after Youngjae before he got too far away from him. “Hey Youngjae, can I get a ride back.”

Youngjae turned around, “Why?”

“I didn’t bring my car in this morning.”

“Call a taxi.”

“But we live in the same apartment building.”

“So?”

“We’re going to the same place?”

Youngjae pursed his lips and shrugged, “Alright fine, I’ll give you a ride.”

“Thanks. I’ll buy you coffee sometime.” Daehyun walked close behind Youngjae to his silver car parked at the end of the underground parking garage. Youngjae didn’t say anything. He just kept walking.

“Hey, I’m sorry about the stuff I said earlier. I didn’t mean it like that,” Daehyun said while Youngjae was unlocking his car.

Youngjae opened his door, “It’s okay. I wasn’t serious either.”

Awkward. Daehyun never knew what to do around Youngjae outside of band practices and events. Youngjae was a good guy, but he was so distant and had his own group of friends, so they never saw him. Aside from the fact that they lived in the same apartment building, Daehyun didn’t really know much about what the man liked to do outside of work (or what he even did).

“So, kids huh? This should be…interesting.” Daehyun shut the car door got situated in his seat.

Youngjae started the car and began to pull out. “Yeah.”

“Do you like kids?” Daehyun asked. He folded his hands in his lap and looked out the window.

“Yeah, they’re not bad. I don’t know. Maybe someday I’ll have some of my own.”

“Me too, someday.”

They rode in silence for another few minutes. It took about twenty minutes to reach their apartment with traffic. Daehyun leaned over to look out the passenger seat; these twenty or so minutes were going to be painful. The future of the next three months was looking bleak.

//

When Daehyun and Youngjae arrived at their apartment building, Daehyun wasn’t sure how he should thank Youngjae for helping his hung over ass back home. Youngjae had been so quiet on the ride back. They were same aged friends; things shouldn’t be this awkward. But they were, and while staring out the window watching buildings pass by Daehyun had decided to rectify the situation and become Youngjae’s friend not coworker.

They walked into the lobby together, and Daehyun picked up the pace to hit the elevator call button to make the wait shorter.

“Hey Youngjae, want to come over for dinner tonight? We live in the same building, but we’ve never seen each other’s apartments. We should do something about that right?”

Youngjae looked hesitant, his eyes narrowing and the lips rolling in. “Maybe some other time.”

“You got plans? How about tomorrow?”

“I’m taking the stairs,” Youngjae said, pointed at the stairwell, and kept walking.

Daehyun stared at where Youngjae used to be. This just isn’t my fucking day, he thought.

//

Junhong didn’t have a lot of luck, but when he did, it came in droves.

Going to one of the least funded high schools in the city kids were always punished for bad behavior and grades. The situation was similar to the debate of whether humans were a product nature versus nurture. Nobody would ever be satisfied.

However, limited opportunities and a circle of high school hierarchies were only part of the reason why Junhong had applied and was accepted to a charity youth rock music program after the teacher he was taking bass lessons from recommended he try it out. It was all funded by a nonprofit organization to help talented teens with troubled backgrounds music, and Junhong thought that was stupid.

He wasn’t troubled. Sure he skipped classes, drank, and bummed cigarettes off the older kids every now and then, but he was polite. Maybe not the smartest student, yet his class as a whole wasn’t too bright.

But, the program provided experience and it would teach him how to play bass guitar better in a band like setting. Plus his parents were glad to send him away when they worked nights. Normally he just stayed over at Jongup’s house and didn’t understand what all the fuss was about staying at home alone.

It wasn’t like he had a girlfriend he could get pregnant. At sixteen years old, the only thing he cared about was trying to get a hold of alcohol and going to as many BAP shows as possible. His parents just didn’t understand how much BAP’s music changed his perception on life. He didn’t like BAP solely because Bang Yongguk was hot and spent what free time he had masturbating to his pictures and being a high ranking member in a Bang Yongguk fansite. The passion and soul Yongguk put in to his music was what initially attracted Junhong.

And the fact that Bang Yongguk was fucking hot.

When he met Jongup, a fellow guitarist, in his first year of high school, it was like fate had sent him another male BAP fan. He had been so lonely during his last year of middle school when he discovered BAP in their third year of performing under a professional label (since they had been rocking the indie scene for two years before). Even online he tended to not tell anyone he was male right away to fit in with the fan girls.

That all changed when Jongup came into the picture. Soon, they started to go to events together, and thanks to Junhong’s height and Jongup’s mature face, getting fake ID’s hadn’t proven to be as difficult as they thought. Junhong had learned to wear makeup to try and age up his baby face so the over eighteen venues wouldn’t give him a second look.

With fake ID’s came alcohol, and with alcohol came many new opportunities – both good and bad. Luckily, Jongup was a Himchan fan, so he didn’t have to fight him over the right to Yongguk. Jongup had also been accepted into the program with him for guitar, and Junhong couldn’t be happier. They were in for the long haul together, and were even planning on starting a youtube channel with BAP instrumental covers.

Junhong sat on his bed while Jongup was looking something up on his new laptop that Junhong had worked a worked a whole summer for combined with all the money he’d been saving up from his relatives and parents. It was beautiful, and he no longer had to share the computer with his parents.

“I’m really mad about what the articles are saying about BAP,” Junhong said, fisting his hands into his blanket. “It’s a bunch of lies. So what if they party. What do they think people do at clubs? Someone just doesn’t like their success.”

Jongup’s eyes never left the computer screen, “Yeah, they’re all stupid.”

“Doesn’t it just make you mad?”

“Yeah.” Jongup didn’t sound like he was listening to him.

Junhong leaned over to see what Jongup was looking at. “What are you looking for?”

“A fancam from the Seoul concert we couldn’t go to because we couldn’t get tickets.” Junhong and Jongup’s allowance didn’t cover going to all the events they wished they could go to.

“Man, I wished we could have went.”

Jongup nodded slowly, and then his face lit up in a big smile. “I found it! You’re going to like this Junhong. You might want to close the door.”

“Why, no one’s home anyway?” Junhong asked, but he got up and did as he was told.

Jongup bit his bottom lip and from the look in his eye Junhong knew what he was thinking.

“Oh, got it.”

//

Yongguk fiddled with his song writing program, rearranging parts and checking his progress. They had already worked out five songs roughly in the practice studio, but now that production was halted he didn’t know when they would get to go in and record the final versions. He rubbed his chin and stared at the computer screen.

Working with kids. They’d be working with kids in a few days. The task seemed daunting because Yongguk had no idea how to teach troubled youth when he himself was pretty wild back when he was a teen. Trying to set a good example was difficult when your name was strung out over the Internet for your questionable actions.

A week ago all of them had met with the program directors that sat them down and explained that they would each be teaching a special class for their instrument, and they would oversee a performance put on at the end of the program for the parents. Of course, Daehyun had objected because as the vocalist he didn’t play an instrument. Resulting in him being put as the floater who would eventually work on supervising and helping Youngjae with the simpler percussion instruments such as shakers, tambourine, triangle, and cowbell for certain songs.

Otherwise known as the extra because this was a music program and not a choir practice. Daehyun probably had the easiest job out of the four of them.

Yongguk wasn’t sure how they were supposed to supervise fifteen kids and be a positive role model.

He was nervous.

Himchan slipped in through the front door, calling out from the other room.

“I’m in here,” he yelled back, not bothering to get up, but swiveled his desk chair to face the door.

Carrying a plastic bag full of what Yongguk suspected was takeout, Himchan walked in Yongguk’s small spare second bedroom that was more of a closet than anything.

“I brought dinner.” Himchan held up the bag and set it down on the desk next to Yongguk.

“Smells good. Did you get it from the place we always go to on break?”

Himchan sat down in the only other chair in the room, “Yeah, I thought our favorite food would take some of the edge off for tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Yongguk said, the word felt sour on the tip of his tongue. “Did you hear anything from Daehyun or Youngjae?”

“Just that they’re showing up tomorrow because the company is driving us over. You know to make sure we don’t ditch.”

Yongguk sighed, “These three months are going to be long.”

“Common they’ll be cute kids and we’ll teach them the joy of music. It’ll be fine. We’ll go all sound of music on their ass.” Himchan stood back up and picked up the takeout bag, “Let’s go eat this before it gets cold.”

Yongguk got up and followed Himchan out of the room. “That’s not what I’m worried about.” He walked into the kitchen slowly, watching Himchan get out his plates, glasses, chopsticks, and the filtered water he kept cool in his refrigerator. “I think you know my apartment just as good as I do.”

“I have to come over to keep you from living like a hermit making music all day. Someone besides the cleaning lady has to make sure you’re still alive in here.”

“Maybe you should just move in.” The words just slipped right out of Yongguk’s mouth. Oops.

Himchan laughed, “And what? Listen to you complaining all day that I cramp your style and never clean up after myself?”

“Maybe, I always thought you were a bit of a masochist. You fight like a girl though.” Yongguk’s face felt warm, but he played it cool. “I know you love my mattress.”

Setting the chopsticks down on the counter, Himchan loosely wrapped his arms around Yongguk’s waist. “She’s nice on my back what can I say I like a firm, strong mattress.” His low voice was anything but girly.

Yongguk wet his lips. “It’s not good if the mattress is too soft right?”

“No, it needs to be,” – Himchan ran his hands down Yongguk’s back to the top of his ass – “hard but soft enough to give you a good night’s sleep.”

“Hey you,” – Yongguk pushed Himchan away – “go put out the food.”

“Whatever you say your majesty.”

Smug bastard. Yongguk slapped Himchan on the ass as he walked past him. Himchan didn’t even flinch enough to make Yongguk feel satisfied.

“Hey, if you’re a king, does that make me your concubine? What is your future wife going to say about that?”

Grabbing the plates and jug of water, Yongguk took them with him as he went to his dining table where Himchan was opening up the takeout boxes. “Why would you be my concubine when you’re practically already my annoying wife? Maybe I’ll need a few concubines to last through the marriage.”

“Well, then I’m going to backstab you and have an affair behind your back.”

“You’ll always come back to me though won’t you?”

“Eat your dinner before I hurt you,” Himchan said, setting a bowl down in front of Yongguk.

Yongguk chuckled and took a seat at the table. Himchan was pouring himself a glass of water while he dug into the rice and pork laden with vegetables in a savory sweet sauce. He chewed and thought about how helpful Himchan really was. Yongguk hadn’t been lying when he said Himchan should move in with him.

He wouldn’t mind the company, or the sex. Himchan spent a lot of time at his apartment, wanted or unwanted.

“You owe me a pack of cigarettes still,” Yongguk said after swallowing.

“You owe me a hand job in the back of a car. Let’s call it even.”

Yongguk raised an eyebrow, “Since when do I owe you that?”

“Since that time when we were at club black cat and you were drunk and we went into the car,” said Himchan.

“Oh yeah, I think I remember.” Yongguk remembered getting really drunk and hanging off a less drunk Himchan. Apparently, they’d wound up in their company car making out, and while things were getting hot and heavy, Daehyun had come in to get something for his throat and found them almost fucking and freaked out. Like Daehyun had never seen them naked before. Yongguk had seen Daehyun naked plenty of times. More times than necessary even.

“I think you told me you loved every bit of me that night, you idiot.” He laughed and shook his head.

“You…just…eat your food before it gets cold!” Himchan chided, snapping his chopsticks at Yongguk. His normally relaxed face tight, and Yongguk wondered what had him so tense.

He knew better than to bring that up again since mentioning it the first time got him a kick in the ass for embarrassing Himchan in public. But, as much as he loved teasing Himchan he admired the praise. Himchan was always sincere and affectionate with his words.

Yongguk licked his bottom lip clean, “Yes honey.”

//

It was a trap.

The kids were not cute at all.

They stared blankly, glassy-eyed, sitting in the row of chairs arranged in the classroom at the local school hosting the program. Yongguk kept a straight face, but inside he was balking. Here he was under the impression that there was going to be cute misunderstood youth. What he got was a group full of high schoolers with piercings, dyed hair, and altered uniforms.

If Yongguk didn’t know better, he’d say the kids were a bunch of punks. However, he knew not to judge anyone, no matter how scruffy they looked, at the first impression. It wasn’t like he didn’t have ear piercings, an eyebrow piercing, and a tattoo across his back. Hell, Himchan had a belly button piercing, which was rarely seen except by Yongguk since Himchan only liked to display his arms. That was okay though, Yongguk enjoyed using his mouth and teeth to play with the piercing that no one else needed to see.

The program director had introduced them, and then stepped outside to finish getting the other rooms ready. Leaving Yongguk, Himchan, Daehyun, and Youngjae to the mercy of the group of students.

“So, you guys are all interested in music? That’s great. I myself started learning how to play instruments when I was very young,” Himchan said, stepping forward and addressing the blank stares. “And now I’m in the music industry with my band, so if you put enough passion and drive in your work you could nail an audition or go further with music.”

In the back of the room sat two boys whose mouths were hanging wide open.

One of the kids raised his hand and pointed directly at them, “So you guys are a rock band? Do you get to be with a lot girls? I heard groupies throw themselves at you.”

The girl sitting next to the kid who asked the question punched him in the shoulder.

“Hey hey now, let’s not fight,” said Daehyun, “we’re all friends here.”

“I don’t want to be this idiot’s friend,” the girl replied.

The boy rubbed his shoulder and scowled, “I don’t want to be your friend either bitch.”

Himchan put his hands on his hips. “Let’s not call each other names. And you’re going to have to learn to live together for the program. And…uh that’s for you to find out.”

“Do you guys have any questions about being in a band? I know most of you play instruments, and we’ll be working on those here, but feel free to ask us anything whenever you come up with something.” Yongguk spoke with his thumbs hooked into his pants pockets. “Before we begin…”

“What’s the name of your group again?” a boy in the front row asked.

“We’re BAP, a rock band,” Youngjae said, annoyance in his tone.

The boy waved them off, “Oh yeah. I’ve heard of you guys. You’re the ones in the news with the partying scandal recently.”

“You’re better looking in real life than in pictures,” another boy with carefully gelled hair said, his hair dyed a shade of red.

“Thanks? I guess…and that scandal is an exaggeration, don’t believe it. The media is a double-edged sword kids – if you guys ever get into the music scene you’ll find out exactly how it is. Vultures.” Himchan stepped away from the kids and walked back to where Yongguk was standing, analyzing the students every move.

The blonde at the back with the baby face raised his hand slowly, and Yongguk caught his eyes, causing the boy to jerk his head. “Yeah, you in the back with your hand up,” said Yongguk, “What’s your question.”

A quiet voice responded, “I’m a real big fan of your music.”

“Thanks kid,” said Daehyun, “What’s your name?”

“Junhong – but call me Zelo please.” The boy was leaning in, and Yongguk swore his eyes were shining.

Daehyun kept asking the poor kid questions, “Cool name, who’s your favorite member?”

“I like Bang Yongguk the best…I play bass guitar too.”

“Hey that’s great. You’ll get to work with him then. Actually since this is a music program, you’ll all get to split up and work with one of us.”

Himchan raised his hand, “I’m working with guitar.”

“I’m doing drums,” said Youngjae.

“Bass guitar, as Daehyun said.” Yongguk nodded his head and tipped his head in Zelo’s direction. The boy blushed.

“And I’m just doing all the other stuff – alternate percussion with Youngjae and stuff.” Daehyun laughed awkwardly to fill up the silence.

The girl from the front row piped up again, “So you don’t play any instruments?”

Daehyun backpedaled, “Well, I did about three years of piano. But I’m the vocalist.”

“Oh. So you’re the useless one.”

Youngjae snorted.

Daehyun hit Youngjae’s arm with the back of his hand, “Shut up.” He turned back to the girl, “No, the vocalist is very important in the band.” He pointed at Himchan and Yongguk, “These two can’t sing at all, and Youngjae, he’s the backup vocals.”

The girl wouldn’t let it go, “But he can play drums and sing. You just sing. Shouldn’t you at least play guitar or something?”

Yongguk could see that Daehyun was getting mad in the way his hand gripped his jacket tight, “Excuse me – ”

The door opened and the program direction came in, just in time to stop whatever argument Daehyun was going to get himself into that Yongguk was afraid that he’d have to break up. She read off a list of names and a room number where everyone would be meeting, and then sent them off.

She waved for them all to follow her out into the hall, and Yongguk was right behind her.

“Okay, well right now the students are meeting with some of the activities directors, who will be helping supervise. If you want to get your instruments and come with me, except you Youngjae we have the drum set already set up for you. I’ll send you over.” She walked a few steps before turning around again, “Before I forget, the sheet music that we’re going to be working with will be given to them already.”

Yongguk nodded his head, “We’ll do our best.”

“It’s your first day, but it’ll get better.” She reassured them, “These kids might be difficult at first, but deep down they’re good kids.”

“Deep down somewhere very very deep,” Himchan muttered at Yongguk’s side, and Yongguk couldn’t help but smile.

He went to retrieve his bass guitar with a heavy heart. This was going to be a bigger challenge than any of them were thinking. Three months to turn around their act and these kids were all going to drive them straight to the bottle.

They were going to need a miracle.

//

Junhong grabbed Jongup’s hand as they exited the room and pulled him aside. His heart was pounding in his chest and he wanted to scream out his excitement. Though, that wouldn’t be normal male behavior – except for the six girls who were whispering furiously about who was cuter. Junhong wanted to march up to them and say Yongguk was the best looking, but then he’d be labeled as the weird kid.

He didn’t want that.

“Jongup, BAP is our special instructor. BAP. Can you believe it? I can die happy now.” He was jittery in his sneakers.

Jongup appeared to be in shock, “I…I…I…Junhong.” He clenched Junhong’s hand tight. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.”

“Deep breaths,” Junhong said, reassuring him, “You’re in room 110? I’m in room 108. We’ll be right next to each other.” While Junhong had decided to switch to learning bass guitar after he laid eyes on Yongguk, Jongup had stuck with acoustic guitar, and had only recently began using an electric guitar.

“But I’m learning from Kim Himchan. The Kim Himchan from BAP. And he’s going to see how much I suck,” Jongup said. “He’s going to judge me.”

“Jongup you’ve got this, you’re cute and Himchan loves fan boys. Flash him some skin and play dumb.”

“Show skin and play dumb…I can do that. But what about you?”

They had reached the end of the hall where they would have to split off into different rooms. Jongup was still holding on to Junhong’s hand and Junhong could sense his nervous demeanor. Junhong made a fist with his free hand.

“I’ll be fine. I’m going to become friends with Yongguk if it’s the last thing I do.”

Jongup looked up at him with wide eyes, “Junhong you are so cool.”

//

The director handed Daehyun a stack of papers. “We’re going to put you in charge of finishing this paperwork for today.”

Daehyun took a look at the large stack and sighed, maybe he should have spent more time learning the piano when he was younger. “Sure okay.”

Fuck my life, he thought.

“We’ll get you started with the kids in a few weeks once they’ve got some practicing with the music in first. When we’re ready to start group sessions. So for now, we’ll just have you supervising on the others sessions and helping with planning.”

Fuck me fuck me fuck me.

“Oh, and you can work with Heeyoung here, she’s our coordinator for the program.” The director pointed to a busty girl sitting at a desk typing away at a laptop.

“Heeyoung, this is Daehyun. Feel free to put him to work.”

Heeyoung smiled and waved at him, but Daehyun’s eyes were drawn to the soft curve of her cleavage in her low cut top. Hello Heeyoung.

Walking over to Heeyoung, Daehyun set the papers on her work desk and extended a hand while bowing, “Pleasure to meet you Heeyoung. I’m sure we’ll work well together.” He took her warm soft hand in his and winked.

She raised an eyebrow, “Pleasure to meet you too Daehyun.”

Daehyun turned his charm on level one thousand.

//

These thirty minutes were proving to be more painful than getting his wisdom teeth removed.

Yongguk picked up his bass and slipped it on, “So, should we start by looking over the first piece?”

“Hey Yongguk hyung can I see your bass?” a kid with a big nose, brown hair, and a nasally voice asked, cradling his bass between his legs. Yongguk frowned, they should be calling him Mr. Bang. They were walking all over him already.

“How about after we go over the songs first?” It wasn’t as if Yongguk had brought his most interesting bass guitar with him. In fact, he had brought his most simple one in case it got damaged. The bass guitar he had with him was his bright red one, and he liked to play his custom black bass for performances.

“But it won’t take long to look at it. It’s a real professional one. I just have a beginner’s bass. I bet everyone wants to look at it right?”

Blondie, or Zelo, raised his hand again. They all had nametags clipped to their shirts, but Zelo’s nametag clearly had Junhong written on it.

“Yes…Zelo.” He had to think for a second.

“I think we should practice the pieces first like you said and then look at your bass. So we don’t waste time, but I would like to see it too.”

Yongguk liked this kid, he was polite, and he agreed with him. He was going to go places. “Exactly. We only have thirty minutes. So let’s try to go over the fundamentals before the end of the session. Then you all can try my bass out.”

Weird kid with the wide eyes and a pikachu sticker on his bass in the back kept bouncing in his seat.

“Do you have to go to the bathroom or something kid?”

Pikachu sticker kept rocking back and forth, “No I went before we came in! We can start.”

Yongguk sighed, why couldn’t he be teaching eight year olds beginners guitar.

He would struggle through it for the sake of the band.

//

The two-hour session on a Friday night went by so fast that before Junhong knew it, they were all being pushed out the door and sent away.

“Jongup pinch me is this real life?” Junhong asked; this was the best day of his young life so far. Better than when he got free candy at the fair and when he got his first sip of alcohol. “We really are working with BAP and not some old geezers.” He was having a hard time concentrating on walking, his instrument case strapped to his back swaying with the skip in his step.

Jongup pinched him.

“Ouch!” Junhong jerked away, “I didn’t mean for you to actually do it!”

“But you said to pinch you.”

Junhong stopped, turned, and put his arms on Jongup’s biceps. “Yongguk touched me. He touched my hands to show me how to position my fingers. These two hands,” – he shook Jongup – “I need to masturbate immediately before this wears off.”

“I got to listen to Himchan talk for an hour. I almost forgot how to read music when he was asking us to practice the sheet music with him. He’s so sexy.”

Letting Jongup go, Junhong began to walk towards the subway entrance faster. “Hey, would your parents be bothered if you came over for a while?” He felt his face grow warm, but the tingling in his pants was strong.

“I don’t think so…you want to…you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay let me call them.”

//

They had finished unloading their equipment back at the company, and Yongguk felt like his soul had been sucked out of him. Working with the generation of tomorrow had made him question his future decision to have kids. If only they could stay young and innocent and then immediately become adults and skip puberty in one fell swoop. He was such a sucker for babies though.

I’m sorry mom and dad for the trouble I caused you in high school.

“Can I stay the night at your place?” Himchan asked, “I need some company right about now. Those kids are demons, monsters, little spawns of Satan. If I wasn’t almost an alcoholic now, I would become one. I don’t know how teachers do this everyday.”

Daehyun brushed past them, “Do you guys ever stay at your own place alone?”

“What do you think?” said Youngjae.

“We do dumbass,” Himchan said firmly. “What are you jealous? Want me to stay over with you some night?”

Youngjae picked up his bag, “I don’t think Yongguk would like that.”

“Why would that matter?”

Daehyun searched his pockets, “I really need a smoke.” He produced a crushed cigarette pack out of his jacket pocket. “Anyone got a light?”

“Yeah.” Yongguk reached in his back pocket and got his favorite silver lighter out, a birthday present from Himchan last year. “I thought you quit for your voice?”

“Thanks. I did, I am. I smoke only when stressed.” Daehyun lit his cigarette and took a long drag. He exhaled, “Hey Youngjae want to commiserate over this tonight? I’ll order pizza.”

Yongguk didn’t get to hear how Youngjae responded because Himchan had started to pull him away, taking him away from the elevator to the parking ramp. They fell in step together.

“So how was it?” Yongguk asked, voice quiet and low. After listening and fighting with procrastinating teenagers for an hour, he didn’t have it in him to speak any louder than necessary.

Himchan nodded his head wearily, “It was okay, they listened to me for the most part. But they kept asking inappropriate questions and making fun of me. One girl asked me what color my underwear was. And this one kid would not sit still. And another one kept staring at me with this creepy look on his face, but he looked kind of slow so that might just be how he normally looks.”

“Someone actually asked for the color of your underwear?”

“Yes. They’re navy by the way in case you were wondering.”

Then Himchan’s phone rang in his pocket. “Just a second,” he said while taking the call.

Yongguk tried not to listen in on the conversation.

“Oh Hyunsoo, where are you? No I can’t, company restrictions for fucking up…you could sure, yeah…okay see you then.” Himchan put his phone back in his pocket.

Staring at his feet as they walked through the parking garage, Yongguk grit his teeth. He hated when Himchan did things with Hyunsoo because even though he couldn’t hate Hyunsoo, he could hate when they were together (Hyunsoo was a singer in a band they were friendly rivals with). However, Himchan had a continuous off and on relationship with him, leading to Yongguk’s continuous annoyance whenever Himchan brought up Hyunsoo. Yongguk didn’t consider it healthy since Himchan always came back to him when they broke up for rebound sex. Sometimes being the go to guy with benefits had its drawbacks.

It was hard having sex with someone who was cursing another friend’s mere existence the whole time – and Himchan wasn’t afraid to be harsh.

He didn’t know how many times he would have to explain to Himchan that Hyunsoo had a hard on for younger men, and no matter how much history they had, Hyunsoo would always be pining for his younger and very straight band member. Himchan was just there to fill the void. Of course, Himchan never listened to him. He cared for Himchan and seeing this happen time and time again made him angry. Yongguk hated to say, but he was better suited to take care of Himchan. Hyunsoo could stay a friend from a different band, as he should.

Not that he was jealous or anything. He and Himchan had a good thing going on and fucking it up by getting too complicated was a bad idea. Plus, Hyunsoo was fucking up his good thing and he needed to get out of the picture.

“Yongguk, change of plans, Hyunsoo is coming over tonight to visit so you don’t have to entertain me tonight.”

Frowning, Yongguk tried not to show his displeasure on his face. “Yeah sure, but Himchan” – he paused – “take care of yourself okay?”

Himchan patted his shoulder, “Don’t I always?”

That’s what you always say, and then I'm scraping you off the pavement somewhere. “Yeah right.” He gently pushed Himchan out of his way to his car.

“I’ll call you later okay? Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Himchan said while unlocking his own car, which he had parked right next to Yongguk’s.

“Sure.”

He may have driven back home a bit too dangerously for someone not concerned with Himchan’s affairs. Yongguk needed to lay off the late night beers and energy drinks for a few days.

//

At the end of the fourth week, their boss sat them down and told them he was impressed with their turn around. Through the rumor mill, the fact that BAP was involved in a youth music camp was churning up interest. Luckily, the interest wasn’t all people commenting on their party hard lifestyle. A lot of commenter’s were citing interest in the program, as well as the opportunity to work with musicians from a popular industry.

Yongguk was relieved, the last thing they needed as a band was another scandal saying that they were doing the program on purpose to improve their image. Of course, there were the grumpy anti-fan haters, but the curious neutral comments outweighed their negative opinions.

Luckily, scandals were a dime a dozen in the entertainment industry and the wind had shifted to the engagement of a famous actress to a higher up drama producer. Someone else’s misfortune was their gain and BAP’s petty scandal was swept under the rug for the time being.

“Since things have been going so well, we’re going to accept the offer to play a show at a college music festival in three weeks,” their boss said. That put the concert at around the middle of their three-month time frame. Yongguk wondered if this was a test.

Though, this was a paying gig that didn’t involve working with teenagers with little to no attention spans. Yongguk could start putting aside money to buy his parents a new car again. Life was looking pretty rough there for a few weeks.

“…But, as I was saying earlier. Don’t fuck this up. If you want to party, don’t get caught by the journalists or I swear you’ll be paying out of your own pocket for damage control.”

“Question,” Daehyun asked. He was fiddling with the straw in his smoothie.

“Yes?”

Daehyun opened his big mouth, “So that means we can rent a private room somewhere, or go out for drinks but wear a disguise?”

Their boss grumbled and rubbed his temples with both hands. “Just don’t get drunk and pass out in the street or have public sex with a hooker. And whatever you do, don’t let anyone get any funny ideas. I don’t want to see you on the front page of the entertainment news. So Daehyun, that means keep it in your pants and the rest of you, don’t disappoint me.”

“Boss, you won’t even know we existed,” Himchan said.

Yongguk jiggled his leg nervously; this was going to be harder than any of them imagined.

//

Junhong’s fan page for BAP had exploded the minute his fellow followers had discovered that he was in the music program with BAP. Floods of requests for fan accounts, pictures, signatures, personal items, and jealous emails were being sent to his junk account. For once, Junhong was glad that he had kept his fan page anonymous, and that the list of students for the program was not public knowledge. It was also better that he was a guy since he was sure he’d be receiving death threats.

On the other hand, Jongup didn’t seem that worried and he kept a diary citing all the things Himchan had said and done with him over the Friday sessions. Junhong admired his courage. Either he was an idiot, or he was a genius. Jongup’s hit counter had been through the roof the past week.

At ten to midnight, Junhong would have suspected Jongup to be nodding off to sleep on the futon his parents had set out for them on his bedroom floor since Jongup was sleeping over. However, Jongup was lying on his stomach in only his boxers typing away.

“Jongup, what are you still doing?” Junhong asked. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed with a bottle of soju he’d bought last week with his fake. His parents had gone to sleep on the opposite end of the apartment hours ago, and when Junhong had closed his door, he’d unearthed the alcohol from the back of his dresser drawer. “We’re not done with this.”

“Responding to a question about today's practice, but I’m done now. Bored?” Jongup lifted himself off his stomach and Junhong licked the rim of the soju bottle at the sight of Jongup’s firm abs.

Jongup knelt on the floor next to the bed, “Aren’t you going to share?”

“Yes.” Junhong held the bottle up to Jongup’s lips and poured. Enjoying watching Jongup’s face screw up as he swallowed the alcohol.

“Come up here,” Junhong said, scooting over so Jongup could get up on the bed. Jongup pushed him down on the bed and laid his shorter – significantly shorter, not that Junhong thought it was funny – body on top of his. He smelt of soju and citrus cologne.

Junhong tried not to look into his eyes too deep as Jongup’s mouth descended down towards his.

“Close your eyes and think of Yongguk,” Jongup mumbled, his lips making the barest touches against Junhong’s.

“You think of Himchan,” Junhong said back before Jongup’s lips became attached to his, smooth but dry along the top.

Junhong closed his eyes shut, and tried to imagine it was Yongguk that was kissing him. But, somewhere along the way, he stopped needing that fantasy. Instead, all he saw was Jongup drawn on the inside of his eyelids.

//

For that past few days, Daehyun was convinced that Youngjae was being an asshole to him on purpose.

He turned him down for pizza, he didn’t take the elevator with him, he wouldn’t go on a coffee date, and there was something fucking wrong and Daehyun needed to find out what it was. The prospect of it all was killing him.

They’d known each other for over three years now. Youngjae being the replacement drummer selected by the band when the good friend who held the spot previously decided he’d rather settle down with his newly born daughter then be in a rock band. He still worked for the company though, except his job was much less glamorous. Youngjae had nailed the audition and seemed like a chill guy. He was, he just kept to himself outside of work, and Daehyun wanted to know why.

Ever since their band got put on probation for something totally not their fault, Daehyun had a lot extra time on his hands. The band wasn’t touring every weekend, or playing in clubs for special events. Most of the extra time he had was spent wandering around the practice rooms where Yongguk sat writing music while he talked to lyricists about what phrases sounded better. Sometimes he’d meet his vocal coach and they’d do singing exercises.

Boring was a good way to put it. Things were tense in the studio and everyone was down each other’s throats about not screwing up again in public. Whatever they wanted to do, it had to be in secret or else they all faced the wrath of Bang Yongguk and possibly the fate of basement dwelling and fading into irrelevancy with the eventual label drop and contract breaking.

Daehyun had talked it over with Himchan one night that no matter how much they wanted to run free they had an obligation to the band to keep their wild behavior out of sight. That was what Daehyun had been doing. He’d been staying at his apartment and inviting people in rather than going out. Living like a repressed hermit was eating away at him slowly, and he knew if he kept thinking about it he was going to fuck up.

So, being the good band member he was, Daehyun was determined to keep his mind off not doing his normal routine by finding out about Youngjae’s secret life. Yet, Youngjae wasn’t having it and Daehyun was starting to run out of ideas. He’d even taken to asking his lovers for the night if they had any ideas. Nothing sucked more than trying to hold a conversation with someone while they were worshipping your body with their tongue.

“Youngjae,” Daehyun said, leaning against the wall of the practice room and watching Youngjae read the sheet music Yongguk had given him, “why don’t you ever want to hang out with me after work?”

The crash of the cymbal was extra loud.

“Because all you do is drink and sleep around outside of work and I have better things to do than get shitfaced with you.”

“Sleep around?” Daehyun resented being profiled. Yes he fucked a lot of people, but it was what kept him sane in this fast paced industry. That and he liked sex. Yes, he had come to terms with himself that he had some problems, but he hated admitting that he needed help. Daehyun preferred when everything was quick, fast, and convenient.

Also, if you’ve got it, you might as well flaunt it. “You calling me a whore you fat pig?”

A long silent pause fell over them before Youngjae spoke. “I didn’t say shit. And fat pig? Is that all you can come up with?”

For a moment Daehyun was scared that Youngjae was going to chuck the drumsticks at his head. “How about unsexy baby face can’t get a girl without me helping you out at the club little man child.”

Youngjae’s face was turning red, and Daehyun felt very accomplished. “I’m going to fuck you up plastic face.”

That got Daehyun mad, “It was minor cosmetic improvements you fucking asshole.”

Good thing the practice room was soundproof.

Youngjae threw his drumsticks on the floor and stood up, “You want to go bitch?”

“Bring it momma’s boy.”

They grappled with each other for a minute, wrestling away from the expensive drum equipment and towards the other side of the room, knocking over a row of metal music strands. Eventually, Youngjae got him cornered and shoved into the wall, where he proceeded to punch him in the gut. Daehyun trying to hold on by clawing at Youngjae’s face and arms, but he couldn’t recover from the sudden gut punch.

He gasped as he got the wind knocked out of him, and slid down to the floor out of Youngjae’s control.

“You ass,” he croaked when his voice came back. “That’s going to bruise.”

He glanced up and saw Youngjae rubbing his arms where he’d been clawed by Daehyun’s nails. At least Daehyun had managed to do something.

“You’re so difficult,” Youngjae said, “I need to get a drink.”

He left the practice room without as much as a second look.

“I’ll be here, lying on the ground, in pain, no big deal,” Daehyun said to an empty room.

Well, plan find out what Youngjae does was going great.

//

He wasn’t sure how he had ended up having sex with Himchan this time, but Yongguk wasn’t going to complain.

“Yongguk,” said Himchan, voice breathy, “don’t stop moving, please.”

Yongguk had Himchan sitting in his lap, naked, with his dick in Himchan’s ass and his hand jerking Himchan off at the same time. The whole action was a delicate operation. Yongguk was pressed into the back of his chair, legs spread wide so Himchan could fit. Himchan was seated with his feet barely touching the floor, hunched over with his arms thrown out on top of the chair back.

“Did you fuck Hyunsoo?” Yongguk asked, thrusting his hips up to meet Himchan dropping his hips down. He rubbed his thumb on the top of Himchan’s dick.

Himchan trembled, “No…”

“You sure?” He gripped tight around the base.

“Yesss.”

“Yes you did or yes you didn’t?”

“I didn’t.” Himchan grunted near Yongguk’s ear.

Yongguk picked up the pace, “Good, you’re finally listening to me.” He did his best to flick his hand and wrist up and down Himchan’s dick with the limited view he had of Himchan’s back and the wall in front of him.

Garbling something, Himchan bit Yongguk’s ear, and the pain distracted Yongguk, throwing him off his rhythm. He let go of Himchan’s dick to grab onto his hips, pulling Himchan’s ass up to thrust in him without the extra weight on his thighs. Himchan groaned and smothered his mouth with his lips. Yongguk could feel the wet hardness of Himchan’s dick rubbing against his lower stomach at the odd angle they had melded themselves into.

His dick must have moved against just the right spot because something wet splashed over Yongguk’s abs and Himchan let out a high-pitched noise from his throat. Everything tightened around him, leaving Yongguk to squeeze Himchan’s waist and thrust faster. Not long after he came, and slipped out and removed the rubber before his dick became too sensitive.

Himchan remained flopped over on his lap, breathing heavily with exertion even though Yongguk did most of the work.

Yongguk took a deep breath, “You really should stop screwing around with Hyunsoo. I mean it.”

Himchan mumbled into his shoulder, “You act like you only want me to screw around with you.”

“I’m trying to keep you from doing something stupid.”

“Too late, I’ve already fucked you before.”

Pushing Himchan away, Yongguk narrowed his eyes, “Go away asshole.” He meant the words fondly although they came out harsh.

Himchan got off and wobbled on his two feet. Yongguk was sure he was uncomfortable with the lube running down his legs and sticking around his ass. “I know it’s so hard to fuck everyone else once you’ve had a piece of Yongguk’s ass.”

Yongguk kicked his leg out at him, “I’m never letting you have sex with me again.”

Himchan smirked, “Yes, yes you are.”

“…I hate you.”

//

By the fourth week of attending the program, Yongguk felt that he was improving on working with teenagers. He focused on relaxing and keeping his cool even when things went wrong, or a kid banged his bass guitar against a music stand (he cringed at the very thought). They’d been practicing the same three songs for four weeks, and they all seemed to have the basics down.

They’d finished practicing the three songs for the session. Yongguk licked his dry lips, gazing ahead at the five students sitting in a semi circle around him.

He set his bass down on its stand, “So I think you all heard that we’re splitting you up on different songs for the final performance. For the parents show, performance thing.”

“How are you going to choose?” the soft-spoken only girl in his group asked.

“Well I was thinking about randomly picking one.”

“Can’t we choose?” annoying kid piped up. “I want to play the first one, the other two aren’t my style.”

“One of you will get to play alone since we have five people and three songs. I think I have to talk that over with the program director first though. It’d be a great experience for you guys.”

Zelo raised his hand and spoke before being called on, “That doesn’t seem fair Yongguk hyung. Everyone should have a partner.”

Yongguk put on a worried smile and looked through the folder of information the program director had given him. “The director says we’re going to split you guys into two groups of two and one person gets to play solo.”

The kids looked nervous.

“I still don’t think that’s fair. How come you can’t play as the missing partner?” Junhong said, pouting, “The other instrument groups have the same problem.”

Yongguk rubbed his elbow, “I don’t know if that’s allowed…”

Junhong’s eyes were large and innocent and Yongguk swore he was doing this on purpose, but he was so adorable and shit, don’t cry. The other teens stared at him like he was supposed to do something about this. As if he had the answers to all their questions.

“I’ll…I’ll look into it okay.” He put the folder down on the floor next to his chair. “I guess we’re done here for the night. It’s time to pack up, so I’ll let you know who is playing what next week or so.”

The kids started to pack their stuff away, and Yongguk started to do the same. He got up and unzipped his music case and carefully put his bass inside. He shoved the folder in a bag to look at later. Man, he needed an aspirin.

“Yongguk hyung?” Junhong was standing in front of him, blocking the exit out of the room.

“Yes? Do you need something?”

Junhong bit his lip and had a hard time making eye contact. “Hyung, I’m sorry for pushing you earlier about the music assignments. I just don’t want to end up playing alone if I’m chosen and everyone else gets a partner.”

Junhong’s hair looked so soft. “It’s okay,” – Yongguk shrugged – “I’ll bring it up to the director.”

Nodding his head, Junhong stuck his hands into his bag and pulled out a familiar CD case. It was a copy of their very first album. “I hope you don’t mind but, could you sign my album?”

Why was he so cute?

“Of course, I need a pen though.” Yongguk patted his pants pockets in case he was carrying one on him.

“I’ve got one.”

Yongguk looked back at Junhong and saw a black marker in his hands. He took the CD and signed for him right on the cover. “Do you want me to get the other guys to sign for you?”

“No! That’s okay actually, I just wanted your signature the most.”

Oh, that’s right; Zelo was his fan. Yongguk wasn’t sure if he should be the right kind of influence on a rising musician, but it made him feel good to be someone’s mentor. He liked this feeling of being a positive figure. He would have to try it more often. If he said thought this months ago, Yongguk would have considered himself crazy.

“You’re a good kid Zelo.”

“Thanks hyung.” Zelo smile was shining towards him. “Is BAP going to be doing any shows soon?”

Yongguk managed to get Zelo to walk with him outside of the room and down the hallway, so they weren’t hanging around the classroom when the staff came around to lock up. “We’re having a show in about two weeks. It’s at a local college festival. Because of the scandal, our company has had us taking a break from performing.”

“Oh.” Zelo bobbed his head, “I’d really like to go and see you all perform, but I don’t think I can get into a college festival.” Zelo stared at his feet as they walked.

Yongguk hoped he wouldn’t regret this, “I could probably get you in.”

Zelo’s head whipped up so fast Yongguk felt it in his own neck. “Really? I’d like that a lot. I wanted to go to your Seoul concert with my friend Jongup, but we couldn’t get tickets. I was really sad about that.”

He felt his heart tug at Zelo’s downtrodden tone, “I can get you some passes. You are my best student after all. Don’t tell the other kids.”

“Awesome, thanks I’d really love to see your performance.”

Yongguk smiled, “I’ll talk to you about it next week.”

“Okay.” Zelo’s entire face was beaming. “See you next Friday.”

“Don’t forget to practice!” Yongguk called out to Zelo as he walked towards the exit doors. Zelo turned around and waved to him. Still smiling, Yongguk clutched the strap of his music case.

“Hey, what are you smiling about?” Himchan’s voice came from his right side. Yongguk turned his head and looked at Himchan’s confused expression. “You good to head out soon?”

“Just a student…yeah we can go I just need to talk to the director about something.”

Himchan walked up and clasped his shoulder, “Okay, I’ll be in the restroom.”

//

Daehyun followed Youngjae into the restroom after their group session was over. The whole time, Youngjae ignored him while they were using the urinals even though Daehyun kept trying to get him to talk.

“And then, one kid hit me with the tambourine while you were in the other room working with the tall loud kid on drum set. Seriously they have no manners,” Daehyun said complaining. He shook himself off and tucked his dick back in his underwear, safe and sound. “But I think I’m making progress with Heeyoung the coordinator, she kept patting my leg. Next week I might make a move.”

Youngjae approached the sinks, “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” Daehyun pumped some soap into his palm and rubbed it around. “Get women? I could give you some pointers. First you might want to buy some dumbbells. Women love muscles.”

“No, do the things you do all the time. It’s like you have no off button. It must be a totally different universe inside your head.”

Daehyun had to pause and think while he washed off the soap. “But…this is how I am? Youngjae you’re making my head hurt.”

“Exactly,” Youngjae said, wiping his hands off on his pants. “And that’s your problem.”

“What?” Daehyun turned off the water and stared at Youngjae. He let his hands stay wet and dripping in the sink as he tried to read what Youngjae was thinking through his facial expressions. “What do you mean?”

Youngjae avoided his eye contact, “Man, I don’t know how to say this without sounding stupid.”

“Hey we’re band members so we should figure things out. How about we get dinner and drinks tonight?” Daehyun asked. When he didn’t know what to do, usually suggesting drinking worked out well.

“I guess…for a little while.”

“Great. Hey it only took us three years for you to agree to hang out with me. You know you’ve been missing out on Jung Daehyun this whole time. I’ll try to show you the whole package.”

“I’ve already seen the whole package.”

Youngjae raised his eyebrows and the restroom door opened, Himchan stepping inside. Visibly confused, Himchan came up to them and gave them both a look over.

“What are you two doing in here? Is Daehyun bothering you?”

Daehyu raised his upper lip at Himchan while he dried his hands off on a paper napkin.

“Using the restroom what else would we be doing?” Youngjae said, moving closer to the door and away from Himchan.

“Not everyone you meet standing around fucks in restrooms all the time.” Daehyun followed him. “See you in the van hyung.” They walked out the door, and Daehyun could just imagine what Himchan was thinking. Whatever, he thought. Youngjae doesn’t really care for you either.

//

Junhong slurped down his vanilla milkshake while watching Jongup devour a dessert waffle. It looked really good, but he didn’t regret going with the milkshake. If only it too had strawberries.

“Jongup I got my CD signed today.” He licked his lips and unzipped his backpack to pull out the CD case. They were stuffed in the corner of the café with their instruments shoved under their table so they wouldn’t accidentally trip anyone.

Setting his syrupy fork down, Jongup held his hand out to take the CD, and Junhong handed it over – worrying about Jongup getting it dirty – without too much hesitation.

“Oh, oh,” Jongup said, “I should get Himchan to sign my extra copy too.”

BAP didn’t have that many fan signs. Junhong and Jongup had been lucky in getting a ticket to a fan sign the previous year before they went on tour for their full album. When Yongguk had asked Junhong if he wanted to have him get the rest of the bands signatures, Junhong had bit his tongue in order to not say he’d already had a signed copy. Playing it cool was the game.

“Yongguk put a smiley face next to your name Zelo! He must like you.”

Junhong puffed up his chest, “He said I was his best student.”

“Really? Wow.”

“Has Himchan said anything to you lately?” Junhong wanted to see if his friend was experiencing anything similar. Soon, Junhong thought he would get close enough to Yongguk to have an in with him. Maybe by the end of the program they could exchange kakaotalk ID’s. Okay, Junhong didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but Yongguk was his first celebrity crush and this was an opportunity of a lifetime. If only he wasn’t a minor.

Every time he saw Yongguk his stomach flip flopped and his heart fluttered. Fridays were his favorite day of the week. He got excited every time he saw Jongup, but seeing Yongguk was special.

“Uh…he keeps touching my arms. I’m not sure why,” Jongup said around a piece of waffle.

“But your arm muscles are no joke Jongup. I’m sure he likes what he sees.” Jongup was athletic and he had a really, really nice body. Whereas Junhong shot up like a weed (and was still growing) at the beginning of high school and had little muscle tone at all. Though, being tall did have its benefits.

“I’m going to start wearing more t-shirts on Fridays then.”

Junhong gripped the base of his cold milkshake, “Jongup I almost forgot, but Yongguk said he would get us passes for a show they’re having in two weeks.” He really had almost completely forgotten about that because he was so excited about telling Jongup everything else. “So, can you bring your camera for that?” Jongup had a really nice digital camera.

Jongup’s mouth hung open. “Really? Junhong you are the man, yeah my mom’s been using it lately, but I think I know where she’s put it. A free BAP show? I’ve never been this lucky in my life.”

Junhong felt his face grow hot. He always got shy when Jongup called him by his full name and not his nickname. “You’re lucky that you met me,” he said.

Jongup looked at him funny, “Of course! If we hadn’t met each other we wouldn’t even be here right now.”

A silence fell over them with the clamoring of the other café guests chatting around them.

“That’s deep Jongup.”

“I know.”

//

He watched Youngjae take a sip of his beer, and tried to think up something to talk about. An uncomfortable feeling was lingering in his stomach, but Daehyun ignored it. For some reason he couldn’t nail down, he was feeling very timid in Youngjae’s presence. Such sentiment bothered him because he was used to feeling confident around his band members. Being one on one unnerved him, and this is what he’d been trying to get happen for weeks.

Daehyun was hesitant to breach the subject about why Youngjae had been avoiding him these years. Obviously it made Youngjae uncomfortable and it made Daehyun uncomfortable because he was sure it had something to do with how much he slept around, drank, and partied. He didn’t want to be judged by his lifestyle, and he knew Youngjae enough to know he wasn’t a prude. Whatever was up with Youngjae must be deeper than what he could see on the surface.

Where ever did he get such a grand idea that befriending Youngjae was the happening thing to do in this hiatus? He must take pleasure in his own pain.

Swirling the alcohol in his glass, Daehyun pursed his lips and stared at the liquid. His plate of fried food long gone, only crumbs and flakes of fried breading were left. He focused on the beat of the smooth pop music being played through the bar speakers.

“Are you bored?” Youngjae asked, staring at him unblinking.

“No…”

“You look like you’re in pain.”

“I’m not…I’ve just been on edge lately.”

Youngjae relaxed into his chair, “About what?”

“Nothing, everything, this.” Daehyun took a drink and looked away.

“I thought you wanted to ‘hang out,’ we’re hanging out. Isn’t this what you like to do?”

Youngjae had got him there. He was the one trying to push Youngjae into opening up. However, it was different actually doing it than just thinking about it. Daehyun was afraid this wasn’t going to end well at all. Was it hot in here? Youngjae shouldn’t be staring at him with his dark eyes.

“Yeah I guess…” Daehyun had forgotten most of the things he had liked to do ever since promotions ramped up and he got swept away with their success. He vaguely remembered enjoying going for walks around town and reading books. “What do you like to do on your off time?”

“I like to watch movies, play video games, visit my friends, sometimes I ride my bike. You know normal relaxing stuff.”

“I see,” Daehyun said. He usually just spent some time playing online games and watching reality TV when he didn’t have anything to do or any one to do. “That sounds pretty nice actually.”

“I’m taking up yoga for meditation reasons if you want to get into that I can lend you some of my DVDs.”

Daehyun stopped breathing for a second at the mere mention of stretching his limbs into painful positions. “I’m not sure if I can even touch my toes.”

“But I’ve heard you have a strong back. Don’t you want to be more flexible, or are you all talk and no show?” Youngjae smiled. Was he teasing him?

His eyes widened at Youngjae’s crass remark, “Heard? More like witnessed my badass skills in action. If I do yoga, you’re going to have to do something in return.”

“Like what?”

Daehyun had to think fast. “Hang out with me more often and come to more off work band events. You should have gone with us when we all went out to see the rock festival. It was weird that you weren’t there.”

“I’ll try,” Youngjae said while wiping his hands off on a napkin. “I didn’t think I was invited.”

“Of course you are bro! You’re always invited.” Daehyun had done it, he had hit part of the problem and some of the puzzle pieces were falling into place. Youngjae wasn’t distant because he hated them – well he might still hate them. He was distant because he still wasn’t feeling like he was a part of the band since he joined in late, and Daehyun could do something about that.

Opening his mouth again, Daehyun put on a smile, “Hey, look at us we’re at a bar without Himchan hyung and Yongguk hyung. It feels different with only the two of us.” He kept expecting Himchan and Yongguk to appear and save him from himself fucking up this conversation. “Weird huh?”

“I suppose. We usually do go out as a group after working a show.” Youngjae’s voice trailed off and Daehyun followed his line of sight to a bleached blond sitting in the corner.

“Hey I saw her too. The blond one. She’s hot, should we go buy her a drink?” Finally, something Daehyun knew how to do that didn’t involve conversation about feelings or allude to conversation about feelings.

He had helped Youngjae pick up girls in clubs before when they were all out celebrating. Daehyun prided himself on his ability as a wingman.

Youngjae frowned, “She has a boyfriend.”

Sure enough, a man sat down next to her carrying a glass of something bright yellow.

“His drink looks toxic,” Daehyun said. Complaining made him feel better.

“He’s ugly,” Youngjae said at the same time.

Daehyun glanced at Youngjae’s face and they both laughed, they had been thinking the same thing. Maybe getting to know Youngjae more wouldn’t be so hard.

“Youngjae, do you like cheesecake?”

Youngjae looked back at him very serious, face stiff and eyes squinting a tiny bit at the edges. “I like all desserts.”

Daehyun knew then that this was going to be the slow beginning of a beautiful friendship.

//

Yongguk shut his front door and hurled his shoes off his feet somewhere where he’d have a hard time finding them the next day. He couldn’t care less. Himchan came in after him and made a loud showing of stripping off his shoes and jacket.

“Help yourself if you want something,” Yongguk said as he raided the refrigerator for a beer. He could hear Himchan settling onto his couch.

Himchan’s head peeked out from the top of the couch cushion, “I want to go out and I want a smoke.”

Frowning, Yongguk pulled the pop tab up, “We can't, and you can’t smoke in here I’m trying to keep my shit from smelling like an ashtray. Go out on the balcony.”

Himchan let out a long ear grating whining noise. “Okay fine, I’ll just sit here and suffer through the craving.”

Yongguk sighed and went to sit down next to Himchan, but he discovered that Himchan was half sitting half lying on the couch. “Move your legs. I told you to pick up some of the gum or something. Not my fault if you have nicotine withdrawal.”

Himchan set his legs in Yongguk’s lap, slouching over so that he was resting his head of the armrest. “Yongguk, don’t you care about me?” He wobbled his lower lip.

Yongguk wanted to smack the look straight off his face. “You are hopeless.”

“You are cruel and heartless. Letting your friend, your friend that has sex with you, go without.”

Annoying was one word to describe Himchan.

“What do you want, a –” Yongguk didn’t get to finish his sentence because Himchan’s phone was buzzing his pocket and Himchan did an interesting shimmying maneuver to get it out of his tight pants.

He rested his beer can on his knee, “Who is calling you so late?”

“Yongguk it’s only midnight, stop being so grouchy,” – Himchan looked at his phone – “it’s Hyunsoo –”

Hyunsoo needed to back off and stop calling Himchan for late night booty calls. Why he was so involved in this relationship, Yongguk didn’t know. However, it pissed him off and anything that pissed him off got him personally invested.

“Don’t answer it.” He set his beer can down on the floor in case things got messy.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Himchan’s thumb moved closer to the accept call button on the touch screen.

“I said don’t answer it.” The set of feet in his lap curled up and Yongguk grabbed them, pushing them towards Himchan’s chest.

Himchan struggled, “Ow Yongguk what the fuck.”

Taking the phone straight out of Himchan’s hands, Yongguk stuffed it between his couch cushions. Then, he sat down and held Himchan’s wandering hands away from where he put it. He found doing so to be difficult with Himchan trying to crawl over him.

“What was that for?” Himchan said, sitting back on his heels on the other side of the couch. Yongguk reached over and patted down his messed up recently dyed red hair, smoothing the longer locks to the side so they wouldn’t hang in front of his eyes. Himchan frowned, “Hyunsoo’s our friend.”

“He can talk to you later.”

“Well you don’t have to be an ass about it. You ass.”

Yongguk leaned in, beginning his usual Himchan’s in a mood diversionary tactics. “I’ve been told that you like my ass.” Fighting with Himchan wasn’t worth the resulting pain and suffering that came with having him mad at you.

Crossing his arms, Himchan scoffed. “And who told you that?”

“A little bird did.”

Himchan still did not give. “Was that little bird drunk?”

“I don’t think it was,” Yongguk said while leaning in and dragging Himchan closer to him by the nape of his v-neck shirt. “It seemed very certain at the time. I’m positive that’s what he said.”

“Oh.” Himchan’s face was barely a breath away from his. Yongguk could see Himchan’s adam’s apple move as he swallowed. He felt pulled in by the darkness of Himchan’s pupils.

“The bird sounds like they need a second opinion,” Himchan said, and Yongguk could imagine what Himchan was coming up with in his brain.

“Does it? Hmm…I don’t know where to find the bird again. He keeps wandering off with bad men.” Yongguk let go of Himchan’s shirt and let his back rest on the couch, throwing his arms up on the top cushions.

“Maybe he likes bad men because he's not so good himself. But I think I could help him out with that,” said Himchan, climbing in his lap. “Relay him the information.”

“Oh could you?” Yongguk asked, smirking.

Himchan gave him the haughty expression he made when he felt impressed with himself. When their lips connected, in the back of Yongguk’s mind he hoped they wouldn’t tip over the half a can of beer he had left on the floor.

//

Their stage manager handed each of them their ear sets, and made sure Daehyun knew about the hand microphone onstage.

“Just like in rehearsal, we ran the mic check and everything’s good out there, you’ve got twenty minutes before you go on stage. We’ll come get you in ten.”

Daehyun nodded his head. He cleared his throat and did some arm stretches, not that he needed to, but he liked to feel relaxed before he got on stage.

Yongguk’s student, and another one who turned out to be Himchan’s student, were hanging around their dressing room. If Yongguk weren’t such a softy for troubled kids, they wouldn’t be babysitting these teenagers.

He paced the room and watched Youngjae twirl his drumsticks around his fingers.

“How can you do that so well?” Daehyun asked, eyes intent on the turn on the drumsticks and the flick of Youngjae’s wrist. He bet Youngjae was very good with his hands.

Youngjae twirled the drumstick one last time before handing it over to him, and Daehyun held it in his hand not knowing what to do. “What am I supposed to do first?”

Youngjae’s warm hand wrapped around his and positioned the drumstick between his fingers. “Just rock it back and forth. Pretend you’re a cheerleader.”

After a few tries, Daehyun got the hang of it (even though it was sloppy looking). “I dated a cheerleader in high school.”

“Who didn’t you date in high school?”

“Teachers.”

Youngjae took the drumstick from Daehyun’s hands when he lost control and almost dropped it on the floor. “Oh good, you didn’t date any teachers,” said Youngjae as he stuck the drumsticks into the back pocket of his tight black jeans.

Winking, Daehyun’s lips curled up into a smile. “Not that I didn’t fantasize about doing it with my math teacher. She was hot.” He pulled at Youngjae’s knit shirt to tease him.

A hand landed on Daehyun’s shoulder, startling him.

“Hey guys we’re going out early,” Himchan said, gesturing to the door where Yongguk was standing.

“Where’d the kids go?” Daehyun questioned. They weren’t in the room, and Daehyun wasn’t sure if they were held responsible for the whereabouts of the minors.

“Went to the audience to watch the show.”

“Oh, okay. Let’s go do this then.” Daehyun pulled his pants down lower by wiggling his thumbs into his belt loops. He was wearing a shirt with see through transparent fabric under a black vest, his idea of enamoring more female fans to buy their shit. Of course, he made sure everyone else wore shades of suggestive clothing.

He always thought what he was wearing was sexy as fuck, until Yongguk took his shirt off and ruined the fun for everyone. His arm muscles were sexy enough, why did he need to have abs too? At least Youngjae and Himchan were no competition.

Yongguk must be some kind of freak.

//

Jongup’s hand on his arm was too tight, but Junhong was too excited to say anything about it. Thanks to Yongguk, they’d been able to hang out with the celebrities in the back rooms. Junhong had never seen so much interesting behind the scenes action before. He’d spent time watching other celebrities get into their vans or hang around waiting for an event to happen. However, this was the first time he’d seen them so unhinged.

He set that to the back of his mind, and concentrated on watching the stage. BAP was in the middle of their second song on their four song set list, and he didn’t want to get too distracted. Jongup was swaying to the beat next to him along with a mixed crowd of male and female college students.

Junhong was riding the high of the music when suddenly, Himchan circled Yongguk and slid down on his knees in front of him, his face right where one would expect Yongguk’s crotch to be. He looked like he was going to give Yongguk a blow job as he tilted his head back to give the crowd a saucy grin all while playing the electric guitar.

Junhong hadn’t gotten turned on that fast since he first started puberty.

//

“They did it again,” Youngjae said as they went offstage and into the college building where they had set up all their extra stuff. The concert staff would be removing all the equipment from the stage soon.

Daehyun peered over at Himchan and Yongguk and squinted his eyes. “Did what?” he asked.

“Fan service.”

Then Daehyun remembered the screaming and the shocked looks from the crowd. “Oh, that’s what all that noise was for. I thought it was for me.”

Youngjae laughed, “You wish.”

“Look how low my pants are, look at these well defined pelvic bones.” Daehyun put his hands on his hips.

Stopping beside him in the middle of the hall right before their room, Youngjae put his hand on Daehyun’s stomach, and Daehyun jumped.

“Your hands are cold!”

Youngjae’s hand slid up – should have slid down – towards his belly button. “You’ve got a bit of a pouch here.”

“What? Well so do you.” Daehyun lunged and tried to poke Youngjae in the stomach. If Youngjae planned on pointing out his imperfections, he would fight back.

“Stop fooling around we need to get the van loaded,” Yongguk said, holding his worn instrument case by the handle. “You have to actually help this time Daehyun.” He went back into their dressing room, and Daehyun stuck the tip of his tongue out at Yongguk’s back.

Youngjae’s hand slid out from under Daehyun’s shirt, “He’s cranky for someone who just put on a good show for the first time in weeks.”

“Probably shouldn’t be up all night fooling around with Himchan hyung,” Daehyun said under his breath.

//

Himchan handed Yongguk a beer, and sat down in the chair next to him. “I’ve missed this. Nice to see you in such a good mood Youngjae.” Youngjae tipped his beer in Himchan’s direction.

The four of them were sitting at a semi-secluded table in one of their usual clubs. Their regular after show ritual was to go out and drink together. Although this time, they would try to keep a low profile. They owed it to their boss and themselves to just have a good night out drinking and nothing more. It would be like they were never there.

“Anyone want to dance?” Daehyun asked after downing the rest of his drink.

Youngjae shrugged and Yongguk could tell Himchan was vibrating in his seat, but the night was too young for dancing to him. “I want to drink for a while, go ahead.”

Daehyun got up and dragged Youngjae out of his seat towards the medium sized crowd on the dance floor. They were immediately flocked by girls when they made it, disappearing into the group.

“Don’t you want to dance? With me?” Himchan set his elbow on the table and pointed to himself. “There are some hot chicks here. I could help you out.” Himchan put his hand on his thigh.

A tingle went up Yongguk’s spine and buzzed around his brain. “Be careful,” he warned.

The flashing lights from the club’s ceiling flickered over Himchan’s face.

“Want me to buy you a shot first? How about cherry?”

“Himchan…”

The hand on his thigh slid up higher and Himchan leaned in to speak into his ear, “I’ll go get you that shot.” He pulled away and headed over to the bar.

Yongguk exhaled deeply and took another swig from his glass of beer. A group of shy but flashily dressed women were staring at him from another table, but Yongguk didn’t have it in him to charm them tonight. He had been in a sour mood ever since the end of the show. All he had was his drink. Yongguk couldn’t put a finger on why he was feeling so disgruntled, but Himchan’s stunt during the concert had something to do with it. Having to worry about another scandal breaking out was another issue.

He slouched over and mulled over his thoughts. Fan service with Himchan wasn’t new; in fact their fans anticipated it in their live shows. Yongguk didn’t know if he was growing a new moral conscious because of the music program, or if he was just angry that Hyunsoo had come back into the picture. Hyunsoo always ruined things for him. Yongguk was sick of having to console Himchan.

These thoughts needed to go away. He needed to spend his efforts worrying about the future of the band.

“Hey Yongguk, it’s been a while.” Speak of the devil, Hyunsoo’s deep voice saturated Yongguk bubble of self-misery.

Yongguk didn’t want to give Hyunsoo the impression that he was unwanted, but he was. “Hey, Hyunsoo.”

“I heard from Himchan you guys were having a show tonight and what do you know what? I was heading out with the guys, happened to pick this club, found Daehyun on the dance floor, and decided to come see how you’ve been doing with the hiatus and all.”

Go the fuck away Hyunsoo. Can’t you see you’re not welcome?

Yongguk blinked slowly, face muscles frozen in place. “Yea, we’re all here. We’re doing fine.”

Hyunsoo sat down in the chair Himchan had been in earlier. “This is nice. It’s really too bad about the scandal. It could happen to any of us.” He slapped Yongguk’s shoulder, and Yongguk flinched. “I guess we need to start taking the party somewhere private huh?”

“Private…yeah,” Yongguk said, to his drink.

Shifting in his seat, Hyunsoo looked around the room, and Yongguk suspected the waves of negative energy drifting off him must have hopefully worked in his favor. “Where’s Himchan?” asked Hyunsoo, head scanning the room.

Yongguk chuckled – to himself – at Hyunsoo’s discomfort. “He’s at the bar.”

Hyunsoo swiveled in his seat until he could see the bar, and sure enough Himchan was weaving around people with two shots, one in each hand.

“There he is. He’ll be surprised to see me here I bet,” said Hyunsoo, running a hand through his messy gelled hair.

Yongguk rolled his eyes. Hyunsoo’s long shaggy hair was ridiculous. Short hair was better. Yongguk kept his hair short, and he preferred the sides shaved. Lately, he’d been styling his hair in a mohawk, and it worked fine. Himchan liked to rub his fingers in the soft fuzz of the buzz cut at the back of his neck anyway.

Just what did Hyunsoo have going for him? Long hair brought sweat and pimples.

Annoyed, Yongguk drank the rest of his beer in two gulps. It slid down his throat and went straight to his head.

“Hyunsoo…what are you doing here?” Himchan said, surprised, when he finally made it back to their table. “I didn’t say anything about coming here tonight?”

Yongguk glared at his empty beer glass. Himchan hadn’t listened to him at all when he told him to stop communicating so much with Hyunsoo.

“Just got lucky and saw Daehyun. This is great though. We haven’t seen each other for a while.”

Himchan sounded hesitant, “Yeah, this is great.”

“Why don’t I take that off your hands,” Hyunsoo said, his hand was going for one of the shots Himchan was still holding.

Yongguk cut in, “Sorry, that’s for me.” He beat Hyunsoo’s hand to the shot and took it from him. He brought the shot up to his mouth, breathed in the sweet cherry flavoring, and peered down at the red alcohol. Eyes flickering up at Himchan, he tilted the shot in his direction. “Bottom’s up.” Yongguk downed the shot.

Himchan remained standing with the second shot in his hand, so Yongguk made a show of licking the rim of the shot glass.

“What flavor is that? It looks good.”

“Cherry,” both Yongguk and Himchan said at the same time. Yongguk raised his eyebrow at Himchan, but Himchan just shrugged.

“You’re both in sync tonight,” Hyunsoo commented.

“Well I think I need this shot.” Himchan threw the shot back and slammed the glass down on the table.

Hyunsoo rested a hand on Himchan’s elbow, and Yongguk felt heat flare up in his stomach. “You want to go dance Himchan?”

Yongguk clenched his jaw.

“If you want to…” Himchan trailed off, glancing over at the dance floor.

“I think Yongguk wants some alone time. Maybe you can find out about the brunette over there who’s been staring at this table.” Hyunsoo laughed, and Yongguk wanted to punch him.

He couldn’t stay here and watch this idiocy unfold in front of him like a bad play. Yongguk didn’t really need to be here. He wasn’t getting anything from the booze, and he didn’t feel like procuring a random hook up for the night (no matter how hard those girls would give him come hither looks, he wasn’t interested). Plus, if he didn’t leave he’d probably do something he’d regret, like hit Hyunsoo in the face. That would be something for the papers.

“I’m going to head out.” Yongguk got up put his black leather jacket back on from where it was hanging off the back of his chair. He stuffed the front of his simple white tank top into his jeans from where it had come out.

He didn’t get far before Himchan grabbed him by the elbow and forced him to turn around.

“Where are you going?”

Yongguk glanced from where Himchan was holding his elbow then up to Himchan’s face, “Home?”

“But we just got here,” said Himchan with a frustrated tone to his voice. “Can’t you stay for another round? This is bonding time for the band and we haven’t done this in forever.”

“No, I’m gonna to go back to my place. I don’t feel like it tonight.” It was a half lie, but Yongguk had to get out of there. The smoke and the alcohol and the flashing lights were all adding to his anger and he hated losing his temper. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose before opening them. “Take care of yourself. Don’t get into trouble.”

Himchan let go of his elbow, “Hey, you know I always do…” His voice sounded weak against the loud music, and Yongguk could barely hear him.

Himchan didn’t seem quite as confident as usual.

//

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Daehyun immediately broke the kiss he was having with the short haired girl that had bought them a round of drinks and had caught Youngjae’s attention with her wide eyes and pretty smile. He knew he had done something wrong, he was supposed to be helping Youngjae hook up with the girl, but here he was making out with her when Youngjae slipped away to the restroom.

Daehyun was flabbergasted, “It was nothing.”

The poor girl was caught in the middle.

“Sure. I knew it. Alright I’m leaving.” Youngjae turned around and walked away, a look of disgust on his face. Daehyun had never felt worse. She was really cute and made a move on him when she put her hand on his inner thigh and it was second nature to stick his tongue down her throat. He needed to stop doing that.

He was such an idiot. Way to ruin something before it even started.

Daehyun chased after him. “Youngjae, man I’m sorry. You gotta know that I didn’t mean to do that, she totally came on to me and I wasn’t thinking.”

“You need to grow up. All you do is start problems and sell yourself cheap, you know that? You’re worth way more than that. I don’t know I’ve been thinking these past few weeks.” Youngjae shrugged him away and pushed past the crowd with Daehyun following behind him.

“Youngjae wait.”

Outside, in the fresh air away from stale cigarette smoke and the scent of musk, made Daehyun feel more grounded. The car engine noises going past reminded him of former scenarios where he was the one trying to girl to come home with him. Yet, this time he was trying to get Youngjae to see that he wasn’t a shitty person. When he was. He didn’t use to be like this.

“I’m sorry for stealing your girl back there okay, I’m shit at controlling myself. Let’s go back in and I’ll keep my hands to myself. We were having a good time.”

The light had turned to cross the street, but Youngjae remained at the corner, his hands in his pants pockets. Daehyun breathed a sigh of relief when he turned around.

“You’re such an idiot. I can't talk to you right now, or I'll do something bad,” Youngjae said, eyes staring off somewhere beyond where Daehyun was, fists clenched. “I’ll see you next week.” He turned around and ran across the street before the light changed.

Daehyun’s heart felt heavy with regret. Maybe he did need to grow up. But what did he do wrong?

//

Junhong couldn’t stop thinking about that image from earlier. The picture in his head of Himchan on his knees in front of Yongguk posing sexily like a scene out of his fantasies (the ones that didn’t involve him and Yongguk at least). Having Jongup feeling him up next to him didn’t help in squashing the desire to see it again.

He wanted to shy away from Jongup’s hand, but it was rubbing at the seam of his jeans and the sensation was so good it would pain him for it to stop. They were watching a movie in Jongup’s room – with the door closed – while the rest of his family was elsewhere in his apartment. Doing this was risky with the chance of Jongup’s mom coming in or someone wondering what they were up to. The snacks they’d been given were half touched on the floor where they sat with their backs to Jongup’s bed and watching his laptop playing a recent action flick.

However, they weren’t paying much attention to the film, it was just background noise to what they really were doing, which was working out their teenage frustrations. Junhong wondered if there would be a time where he wouldn’t get horny from the smallest things, but at least he had Jongup to help him out.

They were supposed to be watching the movie and working on homework, but midway through the first half an hour Junhong had asked Jongup how he’d felt about the BAP show that night. That led to a short discussion on Yongguk and Himchan fan fiction, which led to Jongup’s hand on his dick.

Junhong sighed and pressed his back into the bed frame and mattress, rotating his legs out so Jongup had better access. Jongup’s eyes were on the laptop, but Junhong couldn’t believe that he was following along. Mutual masturbation was something of a game between the two of them. If only he had a definition of what he and Jongup were exactly.

“Jongup,” he said, bucking his hips upwards, “your parents.”

Jongup leaning over shushed Junhong by kissing him sweetly on the mouth, “They won’t come in,” Jongup said. He unzipped Junhong’s pants and rubbed him through his boxers. Jongup was going to make him cum in his boxers if he kept this up.

“I, oh, Jongup, ah.” Junhong couldn’t control the sounds coming out of his mouth.

“I was thinking about getting another ear piercing,” Jongup said while rubbing his thumb around the head of Junhong’s dick.

Junhong lost it. His head lolled over onto Jongup’s shoulder and his whole lower body shuddered as he came and dirtied his boxers.

“Wow, if I’d known piercings got you this hot I’d have gotten another one sooner.”

Junhong nodded weakly, he had such a considerate friend almost boyfriend person.

//

For three weeks, Yongguk couldn’t shake the odd air that was hanging over the band when they got together for work. Daehyun and Youngjae had been avoiding each other more than usual. Things between him and Himchan had been quiet, stagnant even. The more Yongguk thought about Himchan, the more he realized he thought a lot about Himchan. His revelation frightened him, and seeing Himchan made it worse.

Unfortunately, he was running out of excuses for Himchan’s sad eyes when he told him he was too busy working on music to talk.

He opened the door to the meeting room, and felt horrible when he saw Himchan’s eyes meet his and the small smile that formed on his lips. Uneasy warmth filled up his stomach, bubbling up inside him.

Their boss gave him a clap on the shoulder, “Yongguk, we’ve got some good news. There’s only a month left in the program and we’re going to give you the go ahead early to start recording for your next album.”

“Really?” Himchan said expressing what Yongguk believed was the entire rooms thoughts in one word. “Boss, when will the release be?”

Yongguk stayed silent, but internally his mind was reeling with all the songs he had toyed around with and lyrics that were written. Finally, they would be moving forward with the material he’d been working on for months now. A sensation of relief flushed over him.

“We’re going to tentatively slate the release for December. We’re still working through the details, but because of the positive reports from your performance and work with the music program, we’re planning for a big release. Yongguk, you can bring your work up to the music production team and we’ll go through the songs tomorrow. We need to get started working on what direction you’re going with for this next album.”

Yongguk nodded his head. “I’ll meet up with the sound guys as soon as possible, I have a lot of material to go through. But, these guys already know some of the songs so things should be easy.” They had been practicing old songs, new songs, and potential songs in the downtime.

“Okay, I’ll be handing you guys out a preliminary schedule in the next few days. Other than that, start practicing and we’ll be recording some of the already approved songs from before next week.”

Being uncertain about the future of his job had been wearing away at Yongguk. Thankfully, the material they had been preparing before their hiatus wouldn’t be scrapped. They were supposed to be putting out their second full-length album, and there were many songs to choose from.

Their boss nudged them out of the room, “What are you standing around for? Get to work!”

//

“Yongguk hyung, I’m so glad that you’re going to be playing backup bass with me for the final show,” Zelo said as their session ended. “I was really stressed when I got picked as the odd one out and now that the concert is coming up in less than a month I was getting really nervous.”

Although Yongguk was going to just pick names from a hat, he found out that the student with the most skill was supposed to be doing the three-man band performance. He had to pick Zelo because he was his best student. The other kids were great too, but Zelo was just quicker at adapting to changes and memorization. However, Zelo had expressed great concern over performing alone for the first time, which put Yongguk in a sticky situation.

It had taken Yongguk a few weeks to convince the program director that the most advanced students wanted some reassurance on stage since every one else got to play in pairs - two percussionists, two guitarists, and two bass guitarists. Going from six people on stage to just three was quite the difference, even if they were the best students. They were young and easily impressionable.

“But you’ve been doing great at all the practice work we’ve been focusing on, and I’m sure you have your song memorized by now.” Yongguk gave Zelo a friendly pat on the shoulder.

“Yeah…I’ve been practicing with my friend, he’s in the guitar group.”

“That’s a good idea, keep practicing together these next few weeks and you’ll do great. I promise. It will be like I’m not even on stage with you because you’ll blow us all away.” Yongguk and Himchan were going to be on stage with the kids, but they were supposed to be standing off to the side, with the volume of their instruments turned low so that they were more of an accompaniment. Youngjae was going to be on stage anyway playing secondary percussion.

Zelo blinked and played with his shirt, “Yongguk hyung, this is weird but, I can’t ask my own hyung because it’s embarrassing, and well…how have you, or how do you someone that you really like them?”

They were on a twenty-minute break, and usually Yongguk would grab a snack with Daehyun or Himchan, but instead he grabbed the self-conscious looking Junhong and took him to the convenience store across the street to buy juice and sweets.

“Like your girlfriend?” Yongguk uncapped his fruit drink and took a swig. “Start off simple, take them out for dinner, take care of them when they need it, tell them how much you like them. Buy them something romantic like flowers or their favorite things.”

Zelo took a bite of the sweet bread he’d got, “But I’ve done all of that, and well it’s complicated. We’re not in a serious relationship, but I really like them, and I want to be in one. I just I don’t know it’s really hard. There’s another person,” he said while chewing.

“Oh.” Yongguk tried to not draw parallels between Zelo’s questions and his own life. “You should show the person you like that you’re better right? Some romantic date or something. You don’t want to lose to some other dickhead. Why don’t you invite them to the final concert?”

I shouldn’t give out advice when I can’t even take my own, Yongguk antagonized.

“Romantic date, I could do that. We haven’t done anything like that before. That could work,” said Zelo.

They reached the front doors of the school, and Yongguk paused for a second before opening the door. “That’d be two of us.”

He needed a smoke.

//

Daehyun was having a problem. One that began with his mouth and ended in his pants.

He was in a cramped restroom stall, Heeyoung’s hands all over his back, her breasts pressing against his chest and lips on his. They were taking things fast, too fast, one second they were going over the details for the concert, and the next they were in the restroom making out.

Who would have known taking about the stage setup would have gotten someone so horny?

However, no matter how good he felt, Daehyun couldn’t get it up. For once in his life, his dick was not cooperating with him. Here Heeyoung was, in her tight blouse and pencil skirt, and Daehyun couldn’t get turned on enough to do more than suck face. He felt like an embarrassment to his playboy name.

Heeyoung’s hand snaked down to his belt, and Daehyun banged his back into the metal stall.

“Do you want some help with this?” she asked. Daehyun wondered who was preying on whom in this situation.

Daehyun squeaked, “Let’s just make out.” He took her hand away from his dick and placed it on his neck, hoping she wouldn’t question what had gotten into him.

Luckily, she raised an eyebrow and pressed herself against him, lips firmly attaching to his again. Daehyun’s heart rate decreased from the spike of fear that shot through him when Heeyoung almost discovered that he wasn’t turned on at all.

Kissing Heeyoung was enjoyable, but in the back of his mind Daehyun feared that Youngjae’s words had gotten to him more than he thought they did. If this meant that he could not longer have sex until Youngjae became his friend again, Daehyun wasn’t sure if he was going to survive.

//

Stirring his ramen to cool it down, Yongguk curled his tongue in his mouth where he had burnt it tasting a noodle when he tried to check the temperature – a bad idea. He abandoned the ramen pot to cool, and went to his unpacked dry groceries sitting on the kitchen counter. At the store earlier he had bought some food to fill his perpetually empty cupboards and some of his favorite bottled drinks as a treat.

He upturned the plastic bag, spilling out small bags of snacks, ramen packets, and soda bottles. A pack of cigarettes and a bar of chocolate fell off the counter and bounced off his foot. Bending down, Yongguk picked them up, and without a thought set them aside because they were Himchan’s favorite brand. He’d give them to him when he saw him later.

He whistled as shoved the food in his cabinet, grabbing a coke bottle and bringing it to his table. But, on the way he glanced at the cigarettes and chocolate and froze.

“Damn,” he mouthed.

//

Daehyun settled down on his couch and spread his legs.

“Tell me what you’re wearing baby,” Daehyun said into his cell phone, lowering his voice and getting comfortable on his couch.

The sex line operator purred on the other end, “I’m just wearing a pink skirt and a pink lacey bra for you, would you like to help me take them off?”

Daehyun lowered his free hand to palm at his boxers covered crotch. “Yeah I’ll help you.”

“I need some help unhooking my bra, could you do that?” Her voice was husky and deep. She probably smoked too much, but the sound was like pure sex to Daehyun’s ears.

He bit his bottom lip and slowly released the flesh from his teeth, “Yeah I’m reaching around and slipping it off.” His dick was hardening in his boxers and Daehyun kept grinding his hand down, rubbing it on the material.

“Thank you baby, I feel so much more comfortable without that on anymore.”

“Can you take the skirt off for me?” asked Daehyun, closing his eyes and imagining the scene playing out in front of him. With his eyes shut, he focused on the sound emerging from the speaker, and the feel of his hand around his dick.

A short intake of air graced his ears, “Of course I’ll give you a little show. But we need to be careful in case my boyfriend comes back.” She giggled in her low voice.

Boyfriend. The word hit Daehyun like a bucket of cold water, shocking him out of his sexy fantasy. His mind was taken straight to when he stole Youngjae’s girl at the club, and the subsequent breakage of their newfound friendship. Even though it was just a fantasy the sex phone line operator was indulging in, Daehyun’s erection was wilting and not even the operator describing her sexy dance for him was reviving it.

“Fuck,” he said in distress, not over being turned on, but over being turned off. “Baby I can’t continue, you’ve got my card number, just bill me for the remaining time.”

That broke the girl’s persona, “Sir, are you sure? You still have twenty-two minutes left in your session.”

“Yeah, bill me the full thirty minutes. I can’t finish this right now.”

“Okay sir,” – her voice went from dull and uninterested back to sexy – “call me back when you have time, and I’ll be sure to help you finish.”

Daehyun swallowed, “I will.” He hung up.

Fucking Youngjae. He stared down at the sorry state of the bulge in his boxers and beat his fist on the couch cushion.

//

His doorbell was ringing, and if it weren’t for the incessant nonstop pushing of the doorbell, Yongguk would have rolled over and ignored it until they gave up. But, whoever it was wasn’t going away. Pissed, he threw back his bed sheets, grabbed his sweatshirt off the floor, put it on in the dark, and stamped over to his front door.

He ripped the door open, bleary eyed and angry. “What do you want?” he said, growling at whomever it was that dared to disturb his sleep at one in the morning after he barely had any sleep the day before.

Himchan was leaning up against the wall, face haggard and eyelids droopy. “Yongguk,” he said, “Yongguk I’m tired.”

“Have you been drinking again?” Yongguk rubbed at his eyes. His heart sped up even though he was half awake, something could be wrong.

“I had a few…with Hyunsoo,” Himchan said as his body swayed by the wall.

Oh.

“Then why are you here?”

The hallway was dead silent and eerie in the middle of the night.

Himchan stepped closer to the door, “I don’t know, I was in the cab and instead of going home I gave him your address and now I’m here and it’s really late and please don’t make me sleep outside.”

Yongguk knew better than to leave Himchan sitting in the hallway until he sobered up in a pair of pants that looked painted on and a loose sweater that was hanging off his shoulder. “Why aren’t you wearing a coat?” He opened the door wider and gestured for Himchan to come inside.

“Wasn’t cold.” Three steps forward and Himchan didn’t walk any further, standing in the doorframe with the door closing on his back.

“You should wear one anyway.” Yongguk peered at Himchan in the darkness, “Oh shit I forgot.” He flipped the light on and winced as his eyes adjusted to the brightness. Himchan came stumbling in, door shutting behind him.

He felt Himchan’s cold hand latch onto his. “Yongguk,” Himchan said, “why have you been so busy? You ate chicken yesterday without me. I’m really sad.”

Locking his front door, Yongguk tugged on the hand Himchan had in a tight grip. “I’ve been working on the album. You can eat chicken any time you know.” He tried to lead Himchan into his bedroom so he could tuck Himchan in bed, and hopefully get some sleep himself.

Himchan wasn’t budging. “I’m sad okay.”

“You’re sad, I got it.” Yongguk squeezed Himchan’s hand, “Let’s go to bed, it’s late. We can talk in the morning.” He managed to get Himchan to follow him across the room.

“But I want to talk now,” said Himchan, whining. Yongguk didn’t know how to handle a melancholy drunk Himchan at one in the morning. He extracted his hand from Himchan’s hold and decided that it would be in Himchan’s best interest to get him out of his pants and into a pair of Yongguk’s sweats.

“Stop being difficult, it’s time to sleep,” Yongguk said, unbuckling Himchan’s belt and unzipping his zipper. “We have plenty of time in the morning.”

Himchan had his hands on Yongguk’s shoulders for balance. “But, what if I forget in the morning? You need to stop doing things without me. I’m your bestest best friend.”

“Yes.” Quickly, Yongguk stripped Himchan and left him standing in his briefs while he rummaged in his dresser for a clean pair of sweats. He found one that seemed to be clean – he did a sniff test – and turned back to find that Himchan had pushed his sweater up and was playing with his navel piercing.

Yongguk walked over to him slowly, eyes trained on the pull of Himchan’s fingers over the metal piercing on Himchan’s soft stomach. “Let’s get these on.” He handed Himchan the sweats and Himchan sat down on his bed, putting on the pants with sloppy and uncoordinated hands.

“I’m going to turn the light off.” Yongguk trudged to the light switch and waited for Himchan to crawl up to the top of the bed.

“Not yet,” Himchan waved an arm in the air, “Nightlight first.”

Of course, the nightlight, Yongguk had a nightlight especially for Himchan that was turned on with a switch. He made sure to flick the switch on the nightlight before flipping the lights off, a soft blue light brightening his path back to his bed. Pupils adjusting, Yongguk flopped on his bed and laid his head on his pillow.

“Yongguk,” Himchan said, Yongguk could hear him audibly swallow and smack his lips. “Goodnight.”

The way Himchan said goodnight sent a shiver down Yongguk’s spine. He spoke the word so downheartedly, as if there was a double meaning behind the word that Yongguk couldn’t grasp. All he could do was snuggle in closer and say the same words back.

“Goodnight.”

For some reason he knew he would rest easy with Himchan by his side. His bedroom was much more cozy and inviting when he wasn't alone, but that might just be because he was used to it. Or because he was too used to having Himchan sleep over since it was always awkward with other people.

If only Himchan didn’t sleep talk so much, or flail his legs. He should just get him his own bed.

//

On a bright Saturday midmorning, Junhong held onto the lunch box he’d made with his mom carefully. She had been confused when he’d asked her for help making a lunch since he ate cafeteria food at school and always had home cooked meals when available. Never mind the fact that he had never shown any interest in cooking before. But, after telling her he wanted to save on money when he and Jongup went out to watch a performance the next day, she’d been happy he was being money conscientious.

So, Junhong waited for Jongup to arrive. He’d done his very best to dress stylishly in blue jeans, a dark long sleeved shirt, and a loose scarf. The last time he attempted to look this nice was when his family was visiting his grand parents house. Junhong fidgeted and played with the straps of his backpack with one hand.

“Junhong, I’m here!”

Junhong turned around, and saw Jongup only a short distance away in his usual navy beat up varsity jacket and jeans. He looked very handsome, which might have something to do with the fact that it appeared that Jongup had combed his hair under the cap he was wearing.

“Are you ready?” Junhong asked, disguising the tremor in his voice with a cough. He had to look down and not directly at Jongup’s smiling face.

“Yeah, let’s go. I haven’t been to see a dance competition in forever.” Junhong walked up closer until they were only a few steps apart, “You look nice.”

“Thanks.” Junhong scrunched his lips together. “But we went to see one during summer break.”

“Yeah, forever ago.”

Junhong didn’t feel like arguing over Jongup’s logic, it was a lost cause anyway. “I made lunch for later.”

“Really? Awesome. I brought my science workbook, so maybe we can look over the assigned questions together.”

“Okay.” Junhong smiled, hoping he wasn’t blinking too much. They walked to the dance performance side by side, and Junhong believed that this was a start in the right direction. He would do a whole lot of believing if that was what it took to keep Jongup by his side.

Even if it meant he had to hold on to delusional beliefs, he could live with what he had now for a long time.

//

Daehyun opened the door to the bookstore and the store bell overhead went off. He balanced his cell phone against his ear, trying to look for the correct aisle in the store for what he wanted to buy.

“Why won’t Youngjae talk to me anymore?” Daehyun said into his cell phone, “Do you know why? He sort of talks to you sometimes.”

“You’re an idiot,” said Himchan, “I didn’t tell you this, but Youngjae lost a friend to a drunk driver and his dad’s a recovering alcoholic. He doesn’t like you because he’s afraid of getting too close to your rather…destructive lifestyle.”

Daehyun swallowed hard, “How do you know this? How do I not know this?”

“Because you’ve had your head too far up your ass to find out. No, he told me once when we were drinking after a show. He was real torn up about it, and I’m his hyung so I comforted him.”

“You bought him another drink didn’t you?”

“Damn right I did, and I let him sob into my shoulder. Alcohol is the world’s best medicine.”

“You’re kind of fucked up hyung.”

“Look at the pot calling the kettle black. Want me to release some of your pre-debut photos?”

“Only if I can release some of yours bitch.” Daehyun walked away quickly from a middle-aged woman who looked offended by his rude language, so he hurried over to a different aisle. “You’re going to get me in trouble here.”

“Then don’t swear in public. Hey are you going to buy one of those books about how to fix your life?”

Daehyun stopped in front of a shelf that had the title, ‘self-help,’ in bold print at the top. “Yeah I’m getting something for myself.”

“You’re going to need more than just a book.”

“Shut up hyung.”

“I gotta go, going out to dinner with Yongguk. Good luck fixing yourself.”

Rolling his eyes, Daehyun picked a book off the shelf. “You first hyung. See you later.” He hung up the phone and wedged it into his pants pocket.

From the look of the packed shelf, either a lot of people needed help, or no one was willing to admit they needed help. Daehyun felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices.

After twenty minutes of confusion and poking around, he eventually just went with the most expensive one. It had to be expensive for a reason.

Daehyun came out of the bookstore with his new purchase, ‘how to start a brand new you’ a self-help book for people who wanted self-help, like him. The first problem he had to face was reading it, but after that he figured that there must be something beneficial within it’s pages. He also purchased a book on meditation techniques to help with the crick in the neck he had developed from dealing with bratty teens. If Youngjae was still talking to him, then he’d ask to take him up on that yoga offer, but he wasn’t.

He hoped these methods would do some good; otherwise he just wasted money that could be spent on better things like alcohol and food. As he walked out of the shopping mall, he passed by a bakery displaying bright pictures of cake in the front windows.

Fuck, the world knew his weaknesses.

//

Junhong wasn’t jealous at all. Nope. He was prickled with dissatisfaction, but not envy, and certainly not towards his favorite band. The feeling he was experiencing was not because Jongup had received guitar picks and food from Kim Himchan. He had gotten juice and a snack bought for him from Yongguk too, so there was no reason to be feeling this way.

Who was he kidding he was jealous.

“Junhong I’m going to frame these on my wall.” Jongup had been staring at the guitar picks he had laid out on his school desk during their break time after lunch. “They are the most beautiful things I have ever seen.”

Frowning, Junhong laid his head down on his arm on his desk, “Jongup it’s just guitar picks.”

“But they’re guitar picks from Himchan.”

Inside, Junhong was seething, but he didn’t let any of that show on his face. “But they’re brand new guitar picks.”

Jongup smiled and picked one up, “He held them in his hand.”

Junhong groaned and turned the other way, “The concert is next week. My whole family is going to be there.”

“Mine too, aren’t you excited? I am,” Jongup poked him with a pencil.

Turning his head back towards Jongup, Junhong stuck out the tip of his tongue. “That means we can’t see BAP anymore.”

The prospect must have just dawned on Jongup because his smiling face went blank. “Oh. Yeah that sucks.”

//

Daehyun came into the practice room carrying a box of cupcakes he’d received from a fan and they both smelled and looked delicious. He had forced himself to hold out on eating them all because he figured if there was one way to wiggle back to Youngjae’s good side, it was through food. Being stressed and busy also helped with his plan. Although Youngjae had snapped at him the other day for cracking his voice during recording, he was still talking to him.

“Hey guys, I’ve got cupcakes!” He set the box down on the leather sofa crammed into the small practice room. “There’s one for each of us.”

Himchan’s fingers stopped strumming his guitar strings and he came rushing over, “Cupcakes? You are my favorite.”

“You’re only saying that because I brought food.”

Himchan was in the process of unwrapping the cupcake wrapper, “Yes I am.”

“Youngjae, what flavor do you want? Chocolate or vanilla?” Daehyun folded back the cardboard cover to get access to the cupcakes easier.

In the time it took Youngjae to respond, Daehyun watched the entire scene of Himchan having what he suspected was a sugary cupcake orgasm in front of him.

“I love these things,” Himchan said, licking frosting off his fingers, “fucking diets. Eat that Yongguk or I swear I’ll stuff it in your face.” Himchan got vicious when he was on a self-inflicted diet, which was probably why Yongguk carried a chocolate bar around on him.

Youngjae walked over to him like a wild animal, wary and spooked. “Chocolate,” he said carefully, “please.”

Daehyun lifted the cupcake with chocolate frosting on the top out of the box and handed it to Youngjae. He was courteous, he could share, and he was a good guy. Such actions should warm himself back to Youngjae so they could start on the track to being buds again. Meanwhile, Daehyun would work on controlling some of his less than desirable behaviors to become a better friend and better person material. If it meant giving up all of his booze, things were going to get hairy. He could give up the majority of his rough partying lifestyle, but giving up weekend drinking was going to be as bad as giving up desserts.

How does one tell someone they felt ashamed over their behavior, had an epiphany, and decided to turn their life around? Probably join a church, but Daehyun wasn’t going to go that far. Instead, he would serve up some realism with his cupcake.

“Hey Youngjae, I’ve decided to stop clubbing all the time.”

Youngjae had the cupcake in his mouth. “Okay.”

Well, that was easy, but that could be the cupcake talking.

“Youngjae, I’ve decided to quit the band and become a clown.”

“Okay.”

Goddamn cupcakes.

//

Himchan sat across from him, sipping on an iced coffee. Yongguk licked his lips and took one last drag from what was left of his cigarette before stubbing it into the ashtray on the table. He pulled his beanie farther down his head.

“Tomorrow’s the last day,” Himchan said, “as much as it’s been a real joy working with kids, I’m ready to go back to rocking out full time. I was thinking I should get a tattoo to celebrate.”

Raising an eyebrow, Yongguk perked up at the thought of Himchan getting a tattoo. “Of what?”

“Your name, on my ass, in cutesy type,” said Himchan, dead serious, “how does that sound?”

Yongguk leaned forward a tad, “You’re joking.”

“You’re right I wouldn’t, I’d get it on my lower back. A giant tramp stamp of your name surrounded by roses and angel wings.”

Yongguk snorted, and covered his face with his hands. “Yongguk’s bitch would be more appropriate.”

“See I got you to smile! And hell no.”

Lowering his hands, Yongguk saw Himchan’s grinning face shining bright at him. If the café they were sitting at weren’t so crowded, he would have kicked Himchan’s shin under the table. Himchan was laughing that little laugh of his, eyes lit up and crinkling together at the edges. Yongguk couldn’t help but smile too. A little amount of stress leaked out of him.

“You are ridiculous,” Yongguk said finally, and he curled his hand around his half drank coffee. It was still warm. “Let’s sit here for a little while longer before going back.”

“A break longer than twenty minutes? Director Bang, you must be in a good mood today.”

Yongguk slumped into his chair. “I’m very relaxed right now.”

“You’d be more relaxed if you called our session a day and we could all gone home. We’re not doing any more recording today anyway.”

Yongguk watched a café server pick up empty mugs at the table next to them. “We could use the practice.”

“But we’re all tired, and tomorrow’s important,” Himchan said, complaining into his straw.

“Then how about you offer me something I can’t refuse.” Yongguk smiled; that would throw Himchan off track. He crossed his arms and waited for Himchan’s brain to come up with something.

Himchan squinted his eyes, “Offer? How about this.” He deep throated his straw as far as he could take it comfortably. They were in public and Himchan liked to do things like deep throat straws and grab at his dick. These instances were common occurrences.

Yongguk may have been laughing, but he had a sinking sensation in his chest. His interest in Himchan surpassed what should be seen as healthy. They spent too much time together. Where would he find someone like this again?

“Prepare yourself for your new Yongguk’s bitch tattoo,” he said, pointing a finger at Himchan.

Himchan set his iced coffee down and frowned, “I’m no one’s bitch, bitch.”

“Huh, I seem to know remember hearing something else come out of your mouth before clearly. Something like, oh Yongguk fuck me harder your cock feels so good inside me.”

Himchan’s face colored pink, “I have no memory of that.”

“That’s too bad, I was going to let everyone go for the day, but now that you’re having selective memory I think we’ll need to stay and practice so you don’t forget.” Yongguk loved making Himchan squirm, it was too cute to watch him wiggle in his seat and try to come up with something in response. He knew just what buttons to press.

“But I love you director Bang?” Himchan’s voice upturned at the end.

What a good boy.

“Again.”

“Director Bang, I love you and your cock inside me,” Himchan said lowly, a foot touching his under the table. “Oh baby give it to me,” he deadpanned.

“Alright I’m just kidding. We can call it a day when we get back. I got something for you too,” – Yongguk fished in his coat pocket for the chocolate and the cigarettes – “bought these a while ago on accident.”

“Oh my favorites. I definitely love you director Bang.” Himchan swiped them and ripped open the chocolate bar in mere seconds.

Yongguk hung his head and smiled, he loved to hear those words.

He was an idiot. He'd let these things slip past him for long enough.

//

Everything came down to the big performance. The grand finale of the program and the signal that Junhong had accomplished something so very few fans had ever done before.

“Tonight’s the big night Zelo,” – Yongguk gave him a reassuring gaze – “how’re you doing?”

Junhong fixed the collar of his white dress shirt, “I’m ready to do this.” He was a bit nervous, as he always was be it trying a new skateboarding trick or learning a new dance move. But his family was out there and he wanted to show them what he was interested in so they might finally understand his passion.

His group mates and all fifteen of them in the program were standing around in the classroom they were using as a prep room, tuning instruments and warming up. Only a short walk down the hall led to the school auditorium where they were playing the performance.

“Your whole family here?” Yongguk asked. He tucked his shirt into his black slacks, and Junhong wished he could take a picture of Yongguk in slacks and a dress shirt to preserve this moment. He looked extremely handsome.

“Yeah.”

“You invite your girlfriend like we talked about?”

Junhong averted his eyes and glanced off to where Jongup was talking to a fellow student, “Sort of.”

“Sort of?” Yongguk’s words trailed off, “Is she in the program? Which one? The longhaired one, the brunette, one of the shorthaired girls? Or is it the one with their hair up?”

Junhong blinked and bit his lip, “Um, not really.” He didn’t really know how to explain this, so he kept his eyes trained on Jongup.

“Oh.”

Please don’t ask me about it anymore, Junhong thought.

A gap of silence fell over them filled with the chatter of other people’s conversations.

“Hey,” – Yongguk cleared his throat – “don’t worry about it or what anyone might think. Be yourself, and your competition is nonexistent. Believe me.”

My competition is more like out my league. Junhong sighed and plucked at his bass. “I know.” How far did fantasy reach into reality?

Yongguk slapped him on his back, “Go get’em tiger.”

//

Daehyun was stressed, he was the concert’s MC and in the school’s auditorium were fifteen sets of parents, siblings, and friends. He didn’t feel the same excited nervous rush that he felt before a performance where he sang in front of a live crowd. Instead, he felt tension coil up in his stomach at the thought of putting on a good show for people who wanted to see their sons or daughters perform. Some of those parents might not even appreciate or understand why their child had the dream of being in a rock band and not a doctor.

His own parents took convincing that singing was something he could make money off of and not get scammed by an entertainment company. It was all worth it though. He didn’t regret what it took – blood, sweat, and tears – to be where he was today. What he did regret was alienating people and being an asshole for no reason. He spent too much time before this scandal only thinking about himself.

“Himchan,” Daehyun asked, catching Himchan by the elbow, “did you see the director back there?”

Himchan nodded, “Yeah, she’s prepping the kids. Show starts in ten minutes you know.”

That put ten minutes between now and Daehyun hosting the show.

“Relax, you look nervous. You’ll do fine just imagine they are our fans.”

“But they’re not.”

“They could be. Do you want hyung to hold your hand?”

Daehyun stepped away, “No gross.”

“Don’t say me I never asked. Well, I have a student to go make sure that he hasn’t forgotten anything important. Break a leg.”

Maybe Daehyun should have learnt how to play guitar too. That kid from the first day was right, he was sort of useless.

He must have appeared apprehensive because even Youngjae, who wasn’t really talking to him, came up and asked if he was okay.

“Yeah I’m fine.”

Youngjae tapped his foot on the floor, “You sure?”

“Yeah.” Nope, that was a lie.

Youngjae gazed at him weirdly, and Daehyun wasn’t sure what he was thinking at that moment. Daehyun was sure he just needed to slap himself a few times and then get on stage. One thing he did regret was not bringing his fun flask with him, it would have fit snug and perfect in his suit jacket pocket.

“You’ll do fine, you’re always great. If you think things through, you’ll make it out,” Youngjae said before heading back over to his group of kids.

Daehyun tilted his head, thanks Youngjae, for whatever you mean by that.

//

Yongguk waited in the practice room between performances. The first half of the show had already finished with the first group of kids performing and introductions having been taken care of. At the moment, the second group was preparing to begin their song, and Yongguk was watching his group meander around the room like lost sheep. Youngjae was miming playing the drums in the corner and Himchan was playing around on his phone.

He walked over to where Himchan was standing, “Shouldn’t you be concentrating?” Yongguk tipped his head to where Junhong and the rest of them were staring at the sheet music as if it had all the answers in the universe.

“No I’m good.” Himchan and his musical fingers had memorized the music long ago.

“What are you doing?”

Himchan looked up from his phone, “Texting back Hyunsoo quick, he asked what I had going on the next few days, but I told him we’re pretty busy practicing music with the band.”

Suddenly, Yongguk felt anger well up inside of him at the sound of Hyunsoo’s name.

“As you know, their band just finished promoting their album and he’s been bored. I might entertain him for dinner one night if we can catch a break. Maybe cook some pasta or stew.”

Himchan shouldn’t be cooking for that manipulating bastard. Yongguk shook his head. He couldn’t get worked up when he had a performance to take care of, and a teenager who very much looked up to him for guidance to not let down. Curling his fingers into a fist, Yongguk rubbed his thumb over his fingers.

The door to the practice room opened up, and a program organizer came in to usher them to the hall outside the auditorium. The last group had just finished from the sound of the loud applause. Yongguk gave Zelo a nod before heading over to where Youngjae and Himchan were standing; they were supposed to hang back.

Then, the second group exited at the side of the stage they were all waiting, huge smiles on their faces. A sense of pride sprung up in Yongguk. He had spent three months teaching these kids the finer points of the bass guitar and now they finally were able to show off everything they had learned. He gave all his students passing by him a big high-five.

“Junhong!” A short boy with a mole on his face hugged Zelo awkwardly, his guitar held in one hand. “Good luck.”

Yongguk to a moment to recognize the boy as Zelo’s friend, but by the huge toothy smile Jongup was giving Junhong and the way Jongup held Zelo’s hand he figured this may be the person Zelo was alluding to earlier.

“Jongup’s so cute isn’t he?” said Himchan at his side, whispering into his ear, “I want one.”

“You can’t have someone else’s kid.” Yongguk swallowed and watched how the tension left Zelo’s shoulders.

Himchan leaned against his side, they were just seconds from walking on stage and could hear Daehyun talking to the crowd. “No, I want a pure high school romance too.”

Yongguk froze. “Himchan, you’re a male adult. You’re the opposite of pure.”

The director waved them to go onstage and everyone fell in line.

Himchan kicked his shoe as they were stepping forward, “It’s your fault I’m this way,” he murmured.

Yongguk felt his shirt collar get tighter around his neck. Aw fuck it, he thought, he was going to go for it after the performance and lay these years of skirting around each other to rest. He would either win big, or lose big. However, he couldn’t take this anymore. This running around, always watching his back, lying to other lovers about each other, the excited feeling he had when Himchan came over to his apartment and the lonely feeling he had when his apartment was empty. Every time he touched Himchan recently, he felt as if a snake was strangling his ribcage.

Somehow he'd fallen into the dark trap he'd set himself up for.

What had he been doing all these years?

“Shut up you two,” Youngjae said from behind both of them.

//

Junhong let out a breath of air shakily as Daehyun left the stage and gave them all a thumbs up from the side. His eyes flickered around the crowd, trying to find his family, but the stage lights were too bright and the audience was too dim in comparison. Swallowing down his apprehension, he trained his eyes on Youngjae who gave them the count off, and then they began.

He had never felt more alive.

This moment was his, and for these five minutes, he believed he could do anything.

//

Three months came to a close in a blink of an eye.

But three months didn’t compare to six years.

Yongguk led Himchan away from the crowd of kids chattering and putting their instruments away to the empty hallway on the other side of the main music practice room. Himchan was vibrating good vibes from his pores.

“Yongguk the performance was awesome. We all did great didn’t we? The kids sounded amazing, the final song with all of us together was kickass, and the parents loved it. I feel so proud and all I did was play backup guitar and talk!” Himchan said excitedly. Yongguk put his hands on Himchan’s shoulders to calm him down.

“Himchan –” He began to say.

“I didn’t think I’d feel like this, but I’m going to miss doing this every Friday night. Actually, I’m going to miss Jongup. That kid is so lost without me I mean he needs my help…with music, with life, with everything.”

“Himchan –”

“He was eating the worst made kimbap I’ve ever seen and I found out he made it himself and someone needs to teach him how to make a non lumpy kimbap roll.”

“Himchan stop.” Yongguk pressed down on Himchan’s shoulders. Himchan was a nervous talker when excited; the stupidest things came tumbling out of his mouth.

“Yes?” Himchan closed his mouth.

Yongguk took in a deep breath then exhaled. He curled his fingers around Himchan’s suit jacket. “Himchan, the past few months, with the program and the stress of our release, and Hyunsoo. Well I’ve been doing some thinking, and I'm an idiot. I can't let you go like this. I'm stupid, what we're doing is stupid.”

“Stupid? And let me go where? I’m right here, in front of you. Are you feeling okay?” Himchan asked, tilting his head to the side.

“I just,” – Yongguk paused out of frustration – “I can’t see you being like this anymore with me.”

“O-okay.” Himchan’s shoulders tensed. “I’ll stop coming around so often if that’s what you want.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it? I’m not a mind reader okay you’ve known me for what six years now I think you should understand me by now.”

Yongguk let go of Himchan with one hand and pinched the bridge of his nose for a brief second. “Himchan our relationship is screwed up, and it’s been like this for years. And I want it to change.”

“You’re not friendship breaking up with me are you?” Himchan jested, “I get to keep the toaster. Best buddies get the toaster. You can have the unicorn horn chopsticks.” He chuckled nervously.

Yongguk felt like an idiot who didn’t know how to string words together. He wrote lyrics and made music, but he couldn’t tell his friend slash lover he wanted a deeper relationship. Or a relationship, he was pathetic. “No, hell no. Himchan what I want to say is I want to be with you, if you’ll be with me, for real this time? Not just fooling around like we always do.”

That was hard, and he felt like an idiot for fumbling over his words. He wasn’t normally this inarticulate. He liked to not speak much at all.

Himchan didn’t speak, and Yongguk wasn’t sure if that was a bad sign or not. Everything was as he thought months ago, sitting on a cold slab of concrete worrying about messed up he and Himchan were and how he couldn't help himself. Whatever happened tonight, he had to be man enough to accept it. If Himchan wanted a guy like Hyunsoo, or a girl, or whoever, then Yongguk would step away and move on. He couldn't keep screwing around with Himchan forever, someone was bound to get hurt.

“Yongguk,” Himchan said, and Yongguk prepared for the worst. “I’ve felt the same way for a long time.” Yongguk felt like his chest had been zipped open and zipped back up together again.

Himchan didn’t say much, but Yongguk knew what was left unsaid. The words, I didn’t want to take a risk, hung in the air unspoken. Things had gotten too comfortable between them to take a chance on the unknown.

After a pause and a cautious smile, Yongguk let go of Himchan and interlocked the fingers of his hand with Himchan’s left. “So, just us huh?”

Himchan’s face brightened up. “You know my lease is ending at the end of the year and I haven’t resigned yet.”

“You want to come live with me? I have a nice bed, and you practically live there already.”

“I thought you’d never ask. Just to be clear I’m only moving in because of the bed.”

Yongguk grinned.

“Of course.”

And then he kissed him.

//

They were rushing out of the practice room, positive emotions pouring from their faces and Junhong couldn’t be happier that they finally did it. He and Jongup accomplished something they could only dream of, performing and performing on stage with their idols. The final song had everyone in the program up on stage together, playing music, performing solos for each instrument type. Finishing the concert with one last song as a group and going out with a bang.

Junhong couldn’t ask for a more special experience. As soon as Junhong had put his bass away, he grabbed Jongup and took a picture of them on his cell phone.

“We should go find Yongguk hyung and Himchan hyung and ask them for a picture too! And then Daehyun hyung and Youngjae hyung!” Junhong said excitedly, it seemed like everyone else was taking commemorative photos.

They roped Daehyun into taking a photo with them, and their classmate got the picture while Daehyun stood in between them, hands around their shoulders. Junhong had to bend at the knees, his bane for being so tall, but it was worth it.

“Thanks hyung, you did great as the MC!” Jongup said, holding Junhong’s cell phone like it was his most treasured item.

Daehyun grinned, “Thanks kid.” He ruffled Jongup’s hair.

“Do you know where Yongguk and Himchan hyung went? We want a picture with them too,” asked Junhong, Youngjae was busy talking and it didn’t seem like he was going to be available for a picture anytime soon.

Scrunching his brows, Daehyun opened his mouth. “I think I saw them head outside the room and go to the left. I bet they’re talking in the hallway.”

Junhong nodded his head, “Okay thanks hyung.”

He followed Jongup outside the room, looking both ways at the nearly empty hallway. A few parents and staff were congregated around the door.

“He said left.” Jongup headed down the hallway with Junhong trailing behind.

Jongup stopped, making Junhong almost run into him. “Oh.”

“Why did you stop?” Junhong had begun to speak, but Jongup slapped a hand over his mouth. His eyes opened wide at what he saw in front of him.

Junhong flapped his jaw, lips forming silent words, and Jongup pulled him away from the hallway where Yongguk was kissing Himchan so tenderly. He couldn’t believe it; Yongguk was with Himchan. This moment was like one out of a romance manga. Who would have known Yongguk and Himchan were secretly disgusting closet romantics. He had to reevaluate what he had just seen against their general image of badassery.

“Jongup,” Junhong whispered even though they were out of earshot, “Yongguk and Himchan, Yongguk and Himchan.”

Jongup squeezed his hand, “I know, I saw it too. Aren’t they great?”

Choking back a squeal, Junhong tugged at Jongup’s hand. “What do we do now? It feels like it will be dirty and wrong to think of them separately…like that, you know? We can’t tell anyone about this.” Junhong wasn’t sure it he could masturbate to Yongguk’s pictures knowing that he was in a relationship with Himchan. Actually that was pretty hot, he could jerk off to that.

“I don’t need to think about Himchan hyung anymore,” Jongup said while smiling.

“You don’t? What do you think about? Have you been cheating on Himchan hyung?”

“Yep.”

Junhong was taken aback. “What? With who? How could you find a new main bias and not tell me?”

Jongup blinked slowly, “With you. I’ve been cheating on Himchan hyung with you.”

“Oh.” Junhong heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. “Of course it’s me. You can’t resist me can’t you?”

“Short people like me have been known to be attracted to giants like you.”

Smiling, Junhong bent over and kissed Jongup on the cheek, pressing his lips to the smooth skin of Jongup’s face. “You know, I haven’t thought about Yongguk hyung in a long time either.”

“I know. I’ve been waiting for you to catch up.”

Junhong poked Jongup. “Stop it you’re supposed to be the stupid one.”

“Sorry. I mean I had no idea.”

“Want to go see a movie tomorrow?”

Jongup put his hand on Junhong’s back, “Yeah, let’s.”

//

“Hey.” Daehyun handed Youngjae a cold can of soda from the vending machine. “I know you like this brand.”

Youngjae took the soda, “Thanks. I didn’t know you noticed.”

“I did.” Daehyun put his hands behind his back, “Good job out there tonight. Drums sounded great.”

Opening the pop tab, Youngjae nodded, “You too, you did good as the MC.”

“Thanks. I think I kind of like it, MC’ing.”

“You have some experience from our concerts – ”

“Daehyun!” Heeyoung came into the music room, a broad smile on her face, and wearing another low cut top that had Daehyun staring at the majestic beauty that was her breasts. They were so bouncy, round, and warm looking. She came right up to him, “It was nice working with you. I’ll miss having you as an assistant, you were always very ‘helpful’ when I needed help.”

Daehyun perked up, he did ‘help’ a lot. Before he got sucked into Heeyoung’s gravitational pull, Daehyun glanced over at Youngjae, who had turned away and was shaking hands with one of the program assistants. “I’ll miss working with you too Heeyoung, you were a great boss.” He bowed and excused himself since he rudely cut off whatever Youngjae was going to say mid sentence.

He sidled up next to Youngjae again before someone else could interrupt their conversation, or ask for an autograph. Daehyun had taken quite a few pictures with some of the mothers. “Youngjae, were you complimenting my MC experience? Maybe I should start doing video blogs I can’t let this talent go to waste.”

Youngjae turned towards him, “I was going to say you did a good job since you have some experience. And you like to talk, a lot.”

“I was really nervous before you know, but I’m glad it went well.” Daehyun gave Youngjae a smile, “Thanks to everyone’s words of encouragement.”

“See,” Youngjae said, “a little bit goes a long way. Anyway, we should see if they need help.”

Youngjae had a good point, a little bit did go a long way with Daehyun. In fact, it was how he ended up in messes. A little bit of beer, just some time at the club, one round of drinks, one dance with the sexy girl that caught his eye. He had problems controlling his actions around certain situations like women, partying, sex, friends, and drinking. Youngjae had been right when he said all he did was cause problems. He had been stuck in the destructive cycle for years now. Ever since high school when he developed a taste for the wild side.

But, he could still fix things and enjoy everything life offered if he could work at it. What he needed was someone who would stick by him and keep him on track.

That was where Youngjae came in. Here was someone who recognized his actions, and wasn’t an enabler. What Daehyun needed was Youngjae to ground him, and slap some reality back into him. Youngjae sure was great at slapping.

Daehyun sucked it up and began the painful conversation he didn’t want to tell. It was now or never.

“Youngjae, before you go off to dismantle the drum set, I’ve been thinking about things, and you’re right. I’ve always been insecure and I do go after anything with legs that gives me a second look because it makes me feel better about myself. I know I’m hot now, but I think it started because my first girlfriend called me a ugly that I’ve become like this. Childhood trauma or something. Fuck I don’t know what I’m saying the self-help book said this would be easier.”

He flapped his arms, “But I really want us to be friends again. Can we be friends?” He tried to give Youngjae his most pitiful eyes and face.

“You’re not ugly Daehyun. You just need to look after yourself better. I’ve never liked watching you self-destruct. I’m always afraid I’m going to hear about you passed out and a girl took all your money and gave you herpes or something.” Youngjae shifted his weight, “And yeah, we can hang out and be friends or whatever, I wasn’t really mad at you per say. You just remind me of some bad things in my past and it scares me to look back at those times. Taking it out on you this whole time is my fault.”

“Yeah I know all about that. About your dad and what happened to your friend. Youngjae I don't think I can be sorry enough about how I've been such a complete ass."

Youngjae frowned, "How'd you know about my dad and my friend?"

"Himchan hyung told me. It's not his fault he just was trying to help me figure things out."

"You shouldn't have heard about it through him...Well it already happened. That was years ago, but it really shakes me up. And seeing you like this makes me scared it'll happen again."

Daehyun relaxed his stance, glad to know that it wasn't just something he was struggling with. "Youngjae I promise I want to get better...If you’ll help me?”

Youngjae tapped him on the arm, “Of course I’ll help you gain some confidence and get over your demons. First thing, we’ll start by not going up to Heeyoung and asking her to meet you in the bathroom for some alone time.” He gave Daehyun a small half smile.

The air cleared and Daehyun felt the mood instantly lift to something more cheerful and less somber. But the prospect of letting Heeyoung go physically pained Daehyun. “Why her? Youngjae she’s so hot.”

“Yes she has magnificent boobs. All the more reason to stop thinking with your dick.”

Daehyun scratched his short nails against the palms of his hand. “Youngjae I think I need a girlfriend to make this work. An actual girlfriend. Hey, will you be my boyfriend until I find a girlfriend to become monogamous with?”

“Don’t push your luck, and do you even know what monogamous means?” Youngjae said as he started to walk away from where they were standing.

“But you said you were worried about me. That has to mean something right? You love me don’t you, that’s why you’ve been avoiding me all these years. Come and let me love you Youngjae!” Daehyun grinned and chased after him.

“Go away freak.”

“Freak is just your way of saying you love me isn’t it?” He laughed and wrapped his arms around Youngjae’s back. “You really love me Youngjae!”

Youngjae struggled within his arms. “I regret everything,” he said.

//

“Say kimchi!” the amateur photographer said – a random person walking on boardwalk at almost six in the morning whom they’d asked to take their photo.

They all squished together and shouted kimchi for the photo, and then broke up grumbling about being so close to one another. The sea breeze blew their hair around their faces.

Daehyun kicked a small rock at Youngjae, “Why are these two minors with us again?”

Junhong pouted, “Hey, I gave you my extra girl’s generation photocard.”

“Because I’m investing in Jongup’s future and Junhong is a mini Yongguk,” Himchan said while walking back with the camera in his hands. “Picture turned out great.”

“Hyung, I don’t need to be invested in,” Jongup complained, “I can make my own decisions.”

Himchan looked up from the camera screen, “Sure you can. When you stop zoning out and talking about robots with angel wings, then I’ll reevaluate. For now, listen to what hyung tells you.”

“You’re more like a teen than them Daehyun, sure you weren’t held back a few grades?” Youngjae asked jokingly.

Daehyun raised his fist in the air, “You want to find out?”

“Bring it.” Youngjae taunted him by sticking out his tongue, and Daehyun proceeded to chase him around the boardwalk. They went around and around each other in the misty air.

Yongguk rested his legs, sitting on a close metal bench that overlooked the beach and sea. He lit up a cigarette and gazed out at the sunrise. Soon, they would have to head back to the concert venue nearby, they only had a thirty minute break before starting rehearsal again, but their manager let them come out to watch the spring sunrise. The weather was cold and damp; however, Yongguk didn’t even feel it.

“Thanks,” Himchan said, and then he stole the cigarette right out of Yongguk’s mouth.

Yongguk sputtered out some remaining smoke from his lungs, “Thief,” he coughed out.

Himchan exhaled, hot air brushing past Yongguk’s ear.

“Takes one to know one.”

Yongguk turned his head and gave Himchan an exasperated look, grabbing the cigarette held between his long fingers and taking it back since it was rightfully his. “Don’t say some corny shit about how you stole my heart or how I stole yours.”

Himchan squatted down behind him and crossed his arms on the top of the bench, “Wow, way to ruin our beautiful moment with the sunrise and the fresh air and my handsome face.”

“Is it too late to kick you out of the band?”

“I’m taking the mattress and the kids and half your money.”

“I’m replacing you with Jongup.”

Himchan stood up, “You wound me.”

Yongguk patted the spot on the bench next to him, “Here come sit with me for a few minutes.”

Quietly, Himchan walked over and sat down next to him, rubbing at his arms in the chilly morning air. Yongguk took Himchan’s hand closest to his in his own, holding on to his burning cigarette with the other. Himchan slid in closer to him; their shoulder’s touching.

Maybe he didn't know how things would work out, or how long the band would last.

But, he couldn’t ask for anything more.