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(Y/N) wasn't having a fantastic time.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. She was surrounded by her coworkers and best friends. Prentiss was already very drunk, and that was always fun. Hotch had brought Jack with him, and you always liked talking to him about the new superheroes he liked, the two of you always arguing about what was the best: Marvel or DC. Derek had shown up as a surprise at JJ's New Year's party, alongside Savannah and Henry. Rossi was having agrand time chatting up one of JJ's single aunts. JJ was the perfect host, making sure everyone was having a great time, and a filled glass. And Garcia never left (Y/N)'s side, worried about her recently single friend and how she was doing after her breakup, at this time of the year no less.
(Y/N) was fine. Actually, more than fine. She was actually surprised at herself, being so fine after getting dumped by her boyfriend of a few months one day before the last day of the year. Garcia thought that the youngest girl of the team was trying to be brave, putting on a tough face in front of people so they wouldn't know how hurt she was. But the truth is, she wasn't. Hurt, that is. She was fine. More than that. (Y/N) was relieved.
She couldn't quite pinpoint the why but damn, she was happy that after being so heartbroken post-breakups all her life, she was finally getting a bit more emotionally stable. Or at least that was what she thought.
But she wasn't having a fantastic time. It was okay, to say the best. If she was being quite honest with herself, (Y/N) was a bit upset that Spencer wasn't there. I mean, obviously JJ had invited him, and if he had planned on attending the party, surely he'd be there already, being responsible and punctual and all that. So (Y/N) assumed he had other plans, but what could they be?
Maybe Spencer had gone to Vegas to spend New Year's with his mother. At the thought of that, (Y/N) unknowingly smiled. He had a great relationship with her, and they had gone through so much already. The thought of him spending an important holiday with his mother made her happy. Because it was exactly something that would make Spencer happy. But then again, he would've told people he was going away, right? So maybe he wasn't spending New Year's with her.
Oh, god. Did Spencer have a girlfriend and was spending the turn of the year with her? Dear lord. That would explain a lot of things. Like why he had withdrawn from (Y/N) for a few months, probably busy being with this woman. And how, after the breakup, he was nowhere to be seen. He was one of (Y/N)'s best friends and he hadn't been there for her at a time she needed, so surely there was an explanation.
A girlfriend. Of course. He had been too busy with his new relationship to even pay attention to her. The thought of that made (Y/N) frown, even though at that point Garcia was telling a funny story about a failed relationship she had when she was younger. But why thinking about Spencer with a girl was making her feel so... bad? A true friend would be happy to see him with someone after all he went through, specially with his love life. So why wasn't she? Happy, that is. Which she wasn't. She was... angry, sad. A little jealous.
'Oh. Shit,' she thought. She was a lot jealous. A true friend wouldn't be jealous. The only person who would be jealous would be a person who had feelings for him. And (Y/N) didn't have feelings for him. Did she? No, that cannot possibly be true. They were friends, they did everything together and there was no one else she was more comfortable with. There was no one else she was more comfortable with.
'There's no one else,' she thought. 'Shit. I'm in love with him. Shit, shit, shit.'
(Y/N) needed to breathe. Garcia had now moved on to talking about celebrity crushes and had no idea what was going on inside (Y/N)'s mind. Dear lord, she was in love with Spencer. That would explain a lot. Like why she was so relieved after her relationship ended. Why she wasn't heartbroken. Not at her breakup, and yet a little at the thought of Spencer with someone else.
It was close to midnight and he was still nowhere to be seen. The party had moved on to JJ's lawn, to get a good look at the fireworks at the turn of the year. Inside the house, (Y/N) told Garcia to go ahead and be with the others, she would be right there. But the truth was she needed some time. Some alone time to figure out what was happening, to get used to being in love with her best friend. Should she tell him something? Maybe not if it turns out he does have a girlfriend. But if he doesn't, she should say something. Right? Would he even be interested in her? Would he shove her away? Withdraw himself one more time? (Y/N) couldn't bear the thought of him not talking to her, not being her friend. But she needed to be brave, because what if? What if he felt the same? What if he didn't but not just yet? What if he, they just needed some time to figure stuff out?
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"TEN." (Y/N) heard everyone shout and stared at them, sighing. She should go outside, celebrate with them, but at same time she just wanted to be alone, to think about these feelings she had just discovered. These new, exciting, terrifying feelings. Well, were they new?
"NINE." Everyone was happy, she could see that much. Of course they were all surrounded by loved ones, and (Y/N) sure loved her friends. But now... It was like something was missing. Someone, actually.
"EIGHT." She thought about the new year, about how the last one had been a crappy one, but she looked at the future with an uncertain optimism, if there was such a thing. If that year had taught her anything was that she should be careful, think things true. Always the rushed one, the multitasker.
"SEVEN." Breathe, (Y/N). Be more calm, take time with things. With life. With people.
"SIX." Forgive yourself more. For the things you did and for the things you didn't do. There's no point in beating yourself up for the relationship with someone you weren't in love with. Or for the toll taken in your relationship with someone you did love. Breathe.
"FIVE." Love yourself more. Why did you get in a relationship with that guy in the first place? Were you just lonely? Unhappy? Learn to be alone, to be surrounded by silence. I know the quiet makes room for sad and scary thoughts. Let them in.
"FOUR." Wasn't Bukowski that said, "If you're going through hell, keep going"? The only way out is through.
(Y/N) sighed and heard the door open quickly.
Spencer.
He looked disheveled. His hair was a mess, and still lovely. His tie was crooked. He looked out of breath, like he had just run there, and he looked like he was searching for something.
"Spencer," (Y/N) said, with a light smile.
Then he looked at her.
"THREE."
There was something about his eyes, an intensity she had never noticed before. An intensity that was never there. The way he looked at her was like he was seeing her, all of her. As if he could see her mind, know her feelings, like he could see so much of her that it would be less uncomfortable for (Y/N) if she was actually naked.
"TWO."
He made his way to her abruptly, and quickly. His long legs taking but a few steps until he found himself in front of her and cupped her face. His hands were freezing, and perhaps that was why they were shaking.
"ONE."
He kissed her. His lips crashed into (Y/N)'s without so much as a warning. It took her a fraction of a second to understand what was going on. To notice that while his lips were cold, his tongue was warm. To hear the happy sigh that escaped his lips while they kissed. To feel one of his hands go from her cheek to her waist, closing in the already not so big distance that separated the two. To feel the other hand move from her cheek to the her neck, his thumb caressing her so gently. But when she did, understand what was going on, that is, she was sure that they were no need for fireworks outside, in the sky.
Her hands went straight to his hair, so naturally as if she had thought about touching them and feeling them between her fingers all of this time. Her hands were warm on his cold face, that by the second they kissed, began to warm up a little. All of him was warming up at her touch. And although (Y/N) had been indoors all the party, she could swear all of her was warming up at his touch as well.
When they finally broke the kiss, the kiss that (Y/N) wasn't sure she was desperately thinking about for the last minute or for the past year, ever since she joined the BAU, Spencer smiled and said, "Happy New Year, (Y/N)."
(Y/N) chuckled. "Happy New Year, Spencer."