Chapter Text
'CAP' SENT A MESSAGE TO 'IRON DICK' AT 7:32 PM
Cap: Tony. We need to talk.
iron dick: if this is about the toaster, i'll buy a new one
Cap: Why is that your name?
iron dick: shut up mOM
Cap: I am not your mother. That... would be weird.
iron dick: i can hear you walking to the kitchen. don't be mad
Cap: Tony. Where is the toaster?
iron dick: ...
iron dick: i'll buy a new one
Cap: Where is it Tony?
iron dick: in the workshop
Cap: I'm guessing it doesn't look like a toaster anymore.
Cap: I can hear you laughing, Tony.
iron dick: sorry. no, it doesn't look like a toaster anymore
Cap: What's so amusing?
iron dick: username
Cap: What?
iron dick: penny in the air
Cap: ?????
iron dick: ...
Cap: OH MY GOODNESS TONY NO WHAT DID YOU DO
iron dick: penny drops
Cap: Tell me you didn't build a metal... thing.
iron dick: say it
Cap: No.
iron dick: s a y i t
Cap: TELL ME YOU DIDN'T BUILD A METAL DICK TONY.
iron dick: you said dick
~~~
IRON DICK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT 'ASSEMBLE' AT 7:34 PM
iron dick: steve said dick
sassypurpledude: pics or it didn't happen
IRON DICK SENT A SCREENSHOT
sassypurpledude: oh my fucking god
don't test me: t o n y
iron dick: yeah
don't test me: w h a t
iron dick: lmao
sassypurpledude: i can't believe he did that oh my g o d
Cap: I came here to have a good time, and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.
iron dick: DID YOU????? JUST????
sassypurpledude: THOR, BRUCE, GET OVER HERE
angry science: @clint why are you screaming at me through the glass?
don't test me: ^
angry science: ... i hate this family
don't test me: no you don't
angry science: i do
angry science: 100%
hammertime: Why am I required?
sassypurpledude: read up, thor
sassypurpledude: also your useRNAME YES
angry science: no
angry science: don't
angry science: why is this happening to me?
hammertime: I did. I don't understand most of what is going on, but I suppose congratulations are in order.
don't test me: huh?
hammertime: Congratulations on building a metallic phallus, Tony.
hammertime: Tony?
don't test me: where did cap and tony go?
sassypurpledude: ''''metallic phallus'''
sassypurpledude: im dEAD
sassypurpledude: did you find them nat?
sassypurpledude: nat??
don't test me: DISGUSTING.
don't test me: I'M WITH YOU BRUCE I HATE THIS FAMILY.
angry science: 10 points
angry science: let me guess
angry science: making out
don't test me: I SWEAR THEY WERE GOING UP BASES LIGHTNING FAST
angry science: 20 points
sassypurpledude: ugh god they're so gross
iron dick: i'll see y'all later
don't test me: please no
angry science: pLEASE N O
sassypurpledude: what, is cap not gonna say goodbye? ;))))
iron dick: he's a little busy ;))))
sassypurpledude: gay
iron dick: ;)))) u kno it ;)))) also lol u can't talk
hammertime: :)))) Why does it have so many mouths?
~~~
'SASSYPURPLEDUDE' SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT 'ASSEMBLE' AT 3:29 AM
sassypurpledude: let's just take a moment to appreciate that today, tony stole a toaster, made a dick out of it, made dick say the word cap, witnessed cap memeing, then fucked cap because he memed.
angry science: 'made dick say the word cap'
sassypurpledude: sHHUT UP BRUCE IM SSO TIRED
don't test me: then sleep???
sassypurpledude: ✔️Read at 3:29am
don't test me: i'm coming into your room and knocking you out
sassypurpledude: I AM SLEEPING AS OF THIS VERY MOMENT GOODNIGHT MISS ROMANOFF
don't test me: lol goodnight
don't test me: bruce?
angry science: doin it
don't test me: doin what, exactly
angry science: what the cool kids call 'sleeping'
iron dick: y'all are nERDS
sassypurpledude: sHUT UP LONELY STARK
iron dick: you are a petulant child at three am
iron dick: also??? lonely??? which of us has a boyfriend sweaty????? :)))))
sassypurpledude: SHUT UP
don't test me: SLEEP YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET WHEN YOU HAVENT SLEPT
Cap: What is going on? Why are we all awake?
angry science: who's the little spoon? we can't trust tony
Cap: Tony is.
Cap: Why am I answering this
angry science: 30 points
angry science: ANTHONY STARK YOU'RE A FILTHY LIAR
sassypurpledude: wait is thor the only one asleep?
iron dick: i guess?
sassypurpledude: are you thinking what i'm thinking, meme1?
iron dick: i think i am, meme2.
sassypurpledude: PRANK PRANK PRANK PRANK
iron dick: PRANK PRANK PRANK PRANK
angry science: does thor actually sleep tho?
Cap: Nat?
don't test me: i dunno lol
don't test me: why me?????
iron dick: rly bitch
iron dick: you know like everything about us
iron dick: except whether thor sleeps or not????
don't test me: :P
sassypurpledude: should we write something on his face
sassypurpledude: or like
sassypurpledude: make a bunch of origami hammers and put them all around his room
iron dick: i vote the second one tbh
angry science: ugh that's so much work tho
iron dick: tru
don't test me: we could just print out loads of pics of hammers and stick them everywhere
angry science: genius. brilliant showstopping. incredible.
Cap: Sounds like a plan.
sassypurpledude: who are you and what have you done with steve rogers
Cap: ????
sassypurpledude: :D
Cap: I don't understand that reference.
sassypurpledude: i know
sassypurpledude: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯