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He didn't know when it changed, when he started to look at him with different eyes. But it did; it changed and sometimes he was afraid of going crazy. It was messing with his head. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw his face; his smile imprinted into the back of his eyelids. More often than not he appeared in his dreams and then he would wake up in the middle of the night and just wish for him to be here with him; in his arms.
But life wasn't a disney movie and he wasn't a damsel in distress, so the only option was trying to go back to sleep; trying to get his oh so blue eyes out of his mind, failing most of the time. He always saw them before him, glistening with joy and happiness, shining at him in the most beautiful shades of blue, making his heart race and his breath falter.
It was like he never left his mind for more than a few moments. He managed to find a way into Stephan’s heart over time. Slowly but steady he worked his way into his life. They were friends for so long and Stephan never thought that could ever change but somehow he started to look at Andi differently. Suddenly every friendly hug after a competition or Andi burying his head into his shoulder when losing a FIFA game against Markus made him feel warm inside. He wished the touches would linger longer, he wanted to bury his nose in Andi’s soft hair and just constantly have him around and it really freaked him out at first. He never looked at a boy like that before but Andi managed to turn his world upside down. No parameters applied when it came to Andi it was like his brain was running on low battery in his presence only managing to think about how perfect the other was.
And since he discovered his feelings for his best friend another feeling was constantly filling his mind. A feeling Stephan never thought would ever play that big of an role in his life or his relationship. In none of his past relationships he ever found a reason for jealousy but now he could feel it creeping up his spine whenever he spotted someone touching or hugging Andi for too long, no matter if it was a teammate or a fan. He just hated the thought of other people having their hands all over ‘his’ Andi although he knew how crazy that was since the younger one wasn't even his boyfriend to begin with.
Nevertheless he couldn't stop himself from frowning as he saw Andi running into Wanki’s arms on the TV in their changing room. Wanki was lifting the younger one up and jumped around a little with him in his arms before placing him back safely onto the ground and pulling him into a tight hug and Stephan felt like someone was stabbing tiny pieces of glass into his heart. He hated himself for being jealous. His best friend was clearly overly enjoying himself and he should be happy for him and celebrate his awesome weekend or better his awesome past weeks but instead he was sitting sad and lonely in their changing room, hiding away from him and the rest of the team.
On the TV Wanki was just letting go of the young bavarian and oh what would have Stephan given to be the one receiving the blinding smile that Andi was just giving to his older teammate. Stephan felt the cold surrounding his heart and sighing he got up, his legs feeling ten times as heavy as normally after a competition but somehow he knew it wasn't because of the physical exhaustion.
~
In moments like these Stephan hated the fact that they were sharing a room because he couldn't get away from his best friend. It was basically impossible to find a place where the other one wouldn't find him and ask him what's wrong so he decided on not even trying to find a place to hide. Instead he just flopped down onto his side of the bed in their room as soon as they reached the hotel and put on his headphones, trying to block out the world around him.
Which worked perfectly fine until Andi came in only half an hour later and with a smile as bright as the one little kids have on christmas and stopping in his tracks as soon as he saw the older one laying on their bed with a frown on his face. Without another word he flopped down beside Stephan and grabbed one of his headphones and pulled it out of his ear, drawing an annoyed sound from his roommate, which only made him chuckle.
“What is wrong? I know your jump wasn’t perfect, but believe me Stephan, there gonna be better days again and you know it!” Andi’s calm voice and the hand on his upper arm made Stephan turn his head into his friend’s direction and suddenly he was met with a pair of blue eyes directly in front of his brown ones and a soft smile and he felt his heart skip a beat. Andi’s face was so close to his that he could see the small dark blue speckles in his iris and he could smell the familiar freshness of his shower gel. He didn't know how long they laid there just looking into each other's eyes but Stephan could feel the heat creeping into his cheeks and before he could do something he most definitely would have regretted Andi suddenly jumped off the bed and into the direction of his suitcase, acting as if nothing had happened.
“Get changed, we go out, celebrating and yes you have to!” With those words he disappeared into the bathroom and left behind a still red-faced Stephan who got up sighing and dragging himself over to his suitcase to find something passable to wear for a night out. The image of Andi’s blue eyes and their weird encounter on the bed still occupying his thoughts.
~
Stephan was standing at the bar, the beer in his right hand slowly getting warm as he watched Andi and a few of his teammates dance in the middle of the big room. He could feel the effect the alcohol had on his body but he was far away from feeling drunk.
They were invisible here, no one was paying attention to them, no one knew them here and it was good like this because most of his colleagues were already somewhere between tipsy and full on drunk and stuff like that really wasn't meant to be seen by the public eye.
He let his gaze run over the crowd again, spotting an already quite tipsy Andi hanging off of Wanki’s neck as they tried to dance to some kind of half slow half fast song together. Their heads were far too close together for Stephans’s liking and he hated the fact that Wanki’s left hand was placed on Andi’s lower back while they goofed around. Markus and Karl were drunkenly cheering them on as Wanki pressed a sloppy kiss onto Andi’s cheek and Stephan finally had enough.
Slamming his bottle of beer onto the bar, he banned himself a way to his drunk teammates, grabbing Markus at his shoulder and screaming over the music into his ear.
“I am tired, I’ll call a taxi and go. Do you want to stay or come with me?” Just as Markus opened his mouth to probably tell him to just go because he wanted to dance some more and have fun, Stephan felt a tight grip on his arm and and he was brought face to face with Andi who was looking at him angrily.
“What is your fucking problem, Stephan? You are trying to avoid me as much as possible and your mood is constantly as bad as someone has died. What the hell is wrong?” Behind the anger he could see the worry in Andi’s blue eyes and suddenly he grabbed the younger one at his wrists and pinned him against the wall behind them, fixing his gaze with his. He could feel the other one’s rapid breath on his face.
“YOU ask me what my problem is? You really wanna know? Well that is my fucking problem!” Without another word he pressed his lips against Andi’s, feeling his best friend tense up, crowded against the wall, before going pliant under his hands and pushing himself up from the wall into Stephan’s touch, moving his lips slightly against the older ones. Stephan didn’t know how long they stood there kissing but his stomach was feeling warm and fuzzy and his hands were alternating between roaming over Andi’s back and playing with the strands of soft hair in his neck.
They just broke their kiss as they heard drunk catcalls from their friends, Markus slapping Stephan onto the back and bawling something incoherent as Stephan could feel his face heating up. With a careful glance to Andi he could see that his best friend didn't look less embarrassed but there was something in his eyes that made Stephan’s heart race again and before he could react the younger one grabbed his hand and dragged him into the direction of the entry while informing the others: “Seems like Stephan and I have something to talk about. See you tomorrow guys!” And with that they got welcomed by the cold wintery air.
~
As Stephan woke up the morning after the first thing he noticed was the warm body cuddled into his side, sleeping peacefully and suddenly the whole evening and what happened crashed back onto him. He really kissed Andi. His best friend. Was he insane or what? But Andi just kissed him back, even kissed him again before going to sleep and then cuddled into him, telling him that they would discuss everything in the morning and now he was still laying here besides Stephan, sleeping.
Just as Stephan’s brain started to map out horror scenarios, he felt the body beside him move and Andi opened his eyes, smiling at Stephan.
“Well, that was an...eventful evening!” Stephan couldn't believe how chill Andi was about all of that, while he was nearly going crazy out of worry he fucked up their friendship forever. But just seeing the younger one’s smile calmed him down enough to box him against his shoulder.
“How can you be so relaxed about that? I mean I just kissed you in front of basically everyone.” Andi just shrugged and buried his nose into the side of Stephan's neck, making goosebumps rise on story Stephan's arms, before answering.
“I don't know. I guess I just knew there was something there, at least I wished and if I wouldn't have been such a coward I would have kissed you before you did have to take such dramatic measures, you little drama queen.” His teasing tone was giving him away and without thinking about it Stephan answered: “Your drama queen!”
“I guess I can live with that, but now shhh because I really need some more sleep. It’s not even seven yet!” Stephan could feel his heart race even faster as he heard Andi speak so casually about it as if it just had to happen like that. At the same time the younger one already had cuddled himself against Stephan's side again and was drifting off back to sleep as he felt Stephan press a kiss into his hair, which made him smile, trying to move even closer, wanting to touch as much of Stephan as possible.