Chapter Text
The party wasn’t really funny.
Sehun walked around the big house while dodging dancing drunk people, a half empty can of beer on his hand as he looked for Zitao. He was the one that wanted to come for the party, actually. Because even if they weren’t part of the cool kids, we are allowed to have some fun once in a while, Sehunnie. And Sehun agreed to come, either for being a nice person or for shutting Zitao up.
But now Sehun regretted coming to the party. He knew it was a big deal to Zitao, who crushed on the party host Luhan for years, but he was really bored. And alone. He wished Kyungsoo agreed on coming too, to make him company. Maybe they could get a little drunk together and then laugh at some stupid cat video on Sehun’s Tumblr.
Instead, Sehun walked around by himself, sipping cans of beer from time to time and hoping he would find Zitao soon so that he could leave the party quickly. The thing was, Sehun couldn’t find Zitao anywhere. After his fifth can of beer, Sehun asked himself if Zitao finally got laid with Luhan and where did he put his pink sweater. Maybe he was stupid for wearing his favorite sweater during a high school party in spring, but Sehun couldn’t care less. He really loved his pink sweater.
Grabbing his sixth beer, Sehun observed the dance floor. In the middle of it, there was a little circle where the school’s cool kids danced. Baekhyun and Chanyeol rolled their hips in sync while Yoona wrapped her hair in a bun and Sooyoung fanned her face with her delicate hands. Jongdae smiled brightly, pushing Jongin to the center of their tiny circle.
Kim Jongin. The school’s biggest playboy. The boy danced sinfully in the dance floor, hip rolls and thrusts deeper and harder than Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s. Sehun would be lying if he said Kim Jongin, also known by the sexy nickname Kai, didn’t attract him. But he lied about that. Sehun refused to admit that the boy was slightly handsome. He refused the tiny attraction towards the boy.
Because he knew every precaution around Kim Jongin was not enough.
Sighing, Sehun darted his eyes away from the dance floor deciding to leave. Zitao would probably be fine without him. He left his unfinished can of beer over a table, beginning his search for his precious sweater. It was really difficult when Sehun could feel his numb body hardly move, the state of drunkenness taking over him.
After long minutes of searching and taking difficult steps, Sehun found his pink sweater thrown behind a sofa where couples were practically having sex. Sehun hugged his favorite piece of clothing and smelled it, glad that it still smelled like lavender but mostly glad that he could finally leave the house.
But as Sehun walked to the front door, he felt strong arms circling his narrow waist, preventing him from moving. He looked a bit to the side, meeting tanned skin and plush lips. Jongin looked at him with deep and beautiful darks eyes, a discreet smirk on his lips.
“Where are you going, sexy?” He asked and his voice was rough. Sehun shivered a bit.
“Let go of me, Kai.” Sehun answered, trying to get Kai’s arms out of his way but the boy’s grip was strong. “I’m leaving.”
“No, you are not.” The other simply responded, smirk growing. “You are staying here with me.”
Jongin gripped his waist harder and Sehun blamed the alcohol for liking the contact.
“What the fuck, dude?” He said instead.
But Jongin didn’t answer him. He turned Sehun around, instantly locking their lips together. Jongin’s lips were soft against his slightly chapped ones and the pressure was awesome. The kiss was rough and heated, Jongin holding his waist and going down for his ass. Sehun’s little whimper was lost in the loud party, but he responded the kiss eagerly, burying his fingers in the boy’s soft hair.
When Jongin’s hands went down his jeans, Sehun moaned loud. He was sure the other boy was able to hear that and he continued to grab Sehun’s ass cheeks with his calloused hands. The sensation was beyond incredible but Sehun knew he had to stop that as soon as possible. He just couldn’t go on with making out with Jongin in such a sexually way in front of everyone.
Finally, Sehun managed to push Jongin off himself stumbling a bit backwards. But as Sehun thought the make out session was over and that he would go home and jerk off silently, Jongin grabbed his wrist and started heading upstairs.
Sehun knew what that meant and he was deeply aroused but he was also afraid. He was sure that Jongin always did this kind of stuff, he was a playboy after all, but Sehun was a virgin. And he didn’t know if he wanted to lose his virginity with Jongin.
But as a lot of thoughts crossed his mind, Jongin closed a door behind them and started kissing him again. Quickly, the boy had his arms around Sehun again, pushing their bodies together while he kissed him senseless. It was when Jongin tried to take his shirt off, that Sehun stopped the older boy.
“What?” Jongin asked.
“It’s just-“ Sehun sighed deeply. “What are we doing?”
“You don’t know?”
“I do.” Sehun rubbed his nape. “It’s just…”
“Are you a virgin?” Jongin finally caught on.
Sehun shyly nodded. Maybe Jongin would laugh at him about it or leave him alone in the next second and Sehun wasn’t really sure what scared him more. Instead, the boy rested his hands on Sehun’s sides gently. Sehun raised his head and looked at Jongin’s eyes. He was really beautiful.
“We don’t have to do anything if you are scared.” Jongin said and Sehun was surprised at his words. He was supposed to be an asshole. “It’s up to you, Sehun.”
It was the first time Sehun heard Jongin saying his name and it was strange. Sehun really liked the way Jongin’s lips moved while saying it and the way it sounded on his tongue. But Sehun also hated the way his name fell out of the other’s mouth so sinfully. Mostly, he just hated himself for falling for Kai’s charms.
“Okay.” Sehun nodded to himself. “Let’s do it.”
In a second Jongin’s lips were back on his, moving skillfully when his tongue met Sehun’s. He licked the inside of Sehun’s mouth, dragging another long moan from Sehun. The younger boy held Jongin’s face with a delicate touch, brushing the hair that barely covered his eyes.
Jongin rolled his hips as if he was dancing again and Sehun felt his dick getting harder quickly. He whimpered in the kiss as Jongin continued rolling his hips, his crotch touching Sehun’s.
Every touch was too much but at the same time not enough. Sehun needed so much more.
When he ended the kiss, Jongin sucked his bottom lip into his mouth biting softly before releasing the swollen lip. He starred at Sehun biting his own lips at the wrecked sight of the other.
“Kai! Please…” Sehun whined, pressing himself more against the other.
“Already begging?” Jongin raised an eyebrow.
“Shut up.” He snapped.
But Jongin lifted him up, seconds later throwing Sehun on the bed. Sehun licked his lips unconsciously as he watched Jongin took his shirt off, exposing his defined stomach. The older one joined him on the bed, straddling his thighs.
They kissed more, panting for air over each other’s mouth while their hands explored their bodies. Soon, Sehun was shirtless too, Jongin kissing and sucking the pale skin of his neck and Sehun found it difficult to form proper words. So he just moaned.
Jongin gripped his ass over his jeans and Sehun leaned on the touch, searching more friction, either on his butt or on his cock. Jongin worked on Sehun’s pants, trying to open them and the younger lifted his hips of the bed to help him.
“God, how can you fit this fat ass of yours in such tight jeans?” He wondered aloud and Sehun flushed because of his words. Jongin grabbed his butt cheeks roughly, then, pushing them apart and taking Sehun’s breath away.
Jongin decided to lick over an erect nipple then, making Sehun moan loudly. He circled his tongue around it, eventually sucking the pert nub while his hands still caressed Sehun’s soft ass. He brought a finger to tease the boy’s entrance, circling and pressing down on his hole, light touches that resulted in deep moans.
“Shit, I want to fuck you so bad.” Jongin said, lips barely touching Sehun’s sharp jaw. He continued whispering compliments to Sehun while kissing his ears and neck and the younger just wanted to get things done.
“Hurry up, Kai.” Sehun demanded. “If you want to fuck my tight ass so much, fucking do it.”
“I didn’t know you were into a little dirty talk, Sehun-ah!” Jongin teased, but the arousal in his eyes was clear. “But if you want my cock that much I’ll give it to you.”
Sehun just rolled his eyes as Jongin left his place between his thighs. The boy opened some drawers and Sehun observed the way his jeans hung low on his hips, showing off a bit of his underwear. It was sexy, but all about Kai was sexy, right?
“Let’s pray I’ll find some lube here.” He said more to himself than to Sehun.
Sehun stopped looking at Jongin briefly, starring at the white ceiling. He couldn’t believe he was about to lose his virginity to fucking Kim Jongin. It was so surreal Sehun was afraid he would wake up at anytime, messing up his bed sheets because of another wet dream. But he felt everything. Everything felt real. Jongin’s touches and kisses, Jongin’s words… Even his kindness was palpable. And then it clicked on his head that that was really happening. He was spreading his legs for Kai, stupid playboy he didn’t give a fuck about, but deep down Sehun didn’t really mind. He liked it even.
And maybe, just maybe, Kim Jongin was a bit handsome.
Jongin rejoined him on bed again, a little bottle of lube on his right hand and a smirk on his swollen lips. The boy sucked Sehun’s neck more, marking it with bright red hickeys. He trailed the pale torso down, kissing Sehun’s abs as he took off the black boxers. Sehun’s dick was hard and leaking against his flat stomach and Jongin licked his lips, eyes on the member. Jongin coated his fingers with lube and Sehun spread his legs a little wider, Jongin settled between them.
“Have you fingered yourself before?” Jongin asked.
“Yes.” The other answered. “I do it sometimes.”
“Okay.”
Jongin started kissing Sehun on the mouth again, their tongues hot and wet and willing to pleasure. The older one brought his index finger to Sehun’s entrance, coating it with lube before pushing in. Sehun’s breath hitched at the intrusion and Jongin realized the boy was pretty tight, his muscles clenching around his finger. He moved the digit a bit before adding another one, his mouth still over Sehun’s who whimpered at the stretch.
“You okay?” Jongin whispered, scissoring his fingers inside the other.
“Yeah.” Sehun said, closing his eyes and focusing on the building pleasure on his lower stomach. “I think I’m used to it by now. You can add another one.”
Jongin added a third finger and kept moving them gently. When Sehun moaned loudly and arched his back off the bed, Jongin knew he had hit the younger’s prostate. He smiled a bit, touching more the muscle and teasing Sehun with light caress.
“K-kai, stop teasing~” Sehun said breathless.
“Say my name.” Jongin ordered.
Sehun opened his eyes. The request was strange since it was well known that the boy preferred to be called ‘Kai’. Just a few people called him by his real name, like close friends and family. Sehun was confused that he, the taciturn Tumblr boy, was asked to say his name.
But as he looked at the light blush on Jongin’s cheeks and at the way his pupils were blown in arousal the name slipped out of his mouth like it was normal.
“J-Jongin” He watched Jongin as his body stilled a bit. “Just fuck me.”
“Fuck.” He cursed, pulling out his fingers from Sehun’s asshole. Sehun whimpered at the lost of contact, wanting to be filled. Jongin’s mouth was on his soon, a breathless and rough kiss before Jongin said: “You sound so sexy.”
Jongin worked on his pants then, pulling out the jeans and the boxers in one go. Sehun starred at Jongin’s dick, hard and red at the tip and damn, Sehun wanted that inside of him. But as Jongin started to line up his cock to his hole, Sehun remembered something important.
“Wait, wait.” Jongin stopped at Sehun’s words. “Condom?”
“Sorry, I couldn’t find any.”
“Are you clean?” Sehun asked, raising both of his eyebrows at the other.
“Yes, I am.” Jongin answered without hesitation. Sehun studied Jongin’s face for a second and decided to trust the other. He didn’t worry himself about getting pregnant, knowing that he wasn’t fertile these days.
“Ok, go on.”
And then Sehun felt Jongin pushing in. The stretch was worse than the fingers but the amount of lube made it bearable. On top of him Jongin breathed difficultly, resting his hands on Sehun’s waist. The younger spread his legs a little wider feeling the entire of Jongin’s dick inside of his body.
“I think you can start moving now.” Sehun said in a husky voice, gripping hard Jongin’s biceps.
Jongin started a low pace thrusting in and out of Sehun’s asshole steadily. Sehun mewled softly because of oversensitive as the older fucked him on an unknown bed. He roamed his hands over Jongin’s abs feeling it tensing under his gentle touch.
When Jongin changed the angle and hit his prostate Sehun screamed and arched his back off the bed, pleasure taking over him.
“Faster, Jongin.” Sehun moaned. “P-please.”
Jongin was happy to obey, thrusting faster and harder in that sweet spot. Sehun was a mess under him, legs spread wide, dark hair messed over the sheets and mouth swollen and open, moans and ahs and Jongins falling from it. They locked eyes and Jongin started snapping his hips, cock buried deep inside the other. Sehun groaned louder, if possible, trying to meet Jongin’s thrusts with his own hips.
“Ah, Jongin, I-I’m gonna come soon.” Sehun warned.
“It’s okay.” Jongin reassured. “It’s your first time.”
He snapped his hips a little more and Sehun felt the familiar feeling in his belly, his cock hard and leaking and untouched. He was so close anything would be able to bring him to orgasm.
“Come on, Sehun.” Jongin encouraged breathless. “Cum for me.”
And Sehun came hard with closed eyes and deep moans, shooting his cum between them and dirtying their stomachs. Jongin kept thrusting into him and Sehun whimpered when Jongin came and he felt the other’s cum inside him.
Jongin pulled out after the high of his climax and laid by Sehun’s side, both of them trying to even their breaths. The older propped on his elbows looking at Sehun’s blissed and flushed face, his lips so red and his breaths so uneven and Jongin caused that. He felt so proud of himself.
“So” Jongin began and then Sehun’s eyes were on him. “How was it? For your first time?”
“Pretty good.” Sehun smiled. And then he realized what he had done and panicked. “Fuck. What did I do?”
“Calm down.” Jongin rested his hands on Sehun’s arm, caressing it. “It’s just sex.”
“Yeah, just sex.” Sehun nodded.
“I wouldn’t mind having you around, though.” Jongin said before kissing him one more time. He pulled back and smiled, getting out of the bed to put his clothes on.
Sehun followed his example, wearing his jeans again and ignoring the little ache on his body and the bubbly feeling on his tummy.
Of course there was nothing going on between them.
At school, Sehun still stayed by Zitao and Kyungsoo’s side while Jongin continued being the popular and handsome kid. Nothing changed.
Sehun knew that when he spread his legs for Jongin things would end up like that. He knew it, but he couldn’t help starring a little longer, observing a little more and always ignoring the bubbly and annoying feeling as he remembered that particular night.
Zitao would tease him, knowing from Sehun about his night adventures at the party. On the other hand, Kyungsoo would roll his eyes at Sehun’s actions and Zitao’s comments, conveniently adverting Sehun’s attention from the tanned boy.
Sometimes after a shower, Sehun just starred at the hickeys on his neck and collarbones, observing how the red slowly became purple.
When he was at school he hid them with concealer, but when the boy was alone in his room he could trace them with his fingers and remember the feeling of Jongin’s mouth over his skin. The hickeys brought to Sehun memories from that night, Jongin’s gentle touches and dirty words.
And it was such a unique combination that Sehun hated to admit that he wanted more of that.
Sehun discovered he was pregnant about a month and a half later.
Those last few days, Sehun was feeling the changes going on in his body. The way he easily got nauseous by some foods and smells that were common for him before. He started puking in the mornings and he could only eat a few things, afraid he would get sick at school or in the middle of the street.
The fear of being pregnant hit him like a truck on full speed all at once. He hadn’t worried about that when being with Kai and now he hated himself so much for being such a fool. He knew he could get pregnant yet he still fucked the other without protection. Great job, Oh Sehun.
But as the boy walked to the drugstore near his house on a hot Saturday, he told himself that no, he couldn’t be pregnant. Those mornings’ pukes and seasickness were probably just an infection and the test would prove so.
When Sehun placed two pregnancy tests over the counter, the old man behind it looked at him with eyes full of disdain and loathness. The boy adverted his eyes from the man, paying quickly and leaving the drugstore in a rush.
Sehun locked himself in a bathroom when he arrived home, holding the tests with trembling hands and apprehension in his chest. He read the instructions and opened one after taking long breaths. Sehun followed the steps methodically, peeing in a little plastic cup and placing the paper strip in it.
The two minutes he had to wait for the result were the longest in his whole life. He kept pacing inside the tiny bathroom while checking the time on his cell phone between ten and ten seconds.
When the two minutes passed, Sehun quickly grabbed the strip, anxiously observing it. The little paper had just one pink line on it.
What did one pink line mean?
Sehun took the empty box in haste, eyes scanning quickly the letters for the meaning of pink line, pink line-
Positive.
The boy dropped both the box and the strip unable to accept that that was really happening. He was pregnant. But that couldn’t be true, right? That test probably was wrong.
Sehun grabbed the second test, repeating the whole process again and waiting the two minutes before checking the result.
Pink line. Positive.
Sehun fell to the floor and soon there were tears in his eyes rolling down his cheeks. He felt so stupid and miserable, hiding his face on his knees as he cried more and more. He was carrying a fucking baby inside of him and that fact was so, so scary and brought more tears to him eyes.
“Damn it.” He mumbled to himself, sniffing and cleaning his nose on his shirt. “I’m only sixteen and I’m pregnant.”
Saying the words aloud was worse. Reality hit him in a second and then he remembered Jongin, who didn’t talk to him at school, who had sex with him, who was the father of his children. Sehun cried louder when he realized that he was probably alone in this, because it was clear for him that the other wouldn’t care about his pregnancy in the slightest.
Sehun was so fucking lost and so fucking scared.
He called Zitao in the same day.
He took his phone from the bathroom counter and searched Zitao’s contact, pressing the device against his ear. It wasn’t long after when Tao’s voice chirped on the line.
“Sehunnie!”
“Hey, Tao.” Sehun said trying to keep an even voice. “Can you come over to my house today?”
“Something happened?” The other asked, concern filling his voice.
“Can you please just come over?” Sehun asked again with a small voice. He tried to suppress it, but he let out a clear sniffle.
“I’ll be there in fifteen, Sehunnie.” Tao answered before asking. “Do you want me to bring something?”
“No, just you.”
Zitao hung up and Sehun starred at the white wall, his head filled with confusing thoughts and regrets.
Time passed quickly and soon Zitao was opening the bathroom door and finding Sehun still on the floor. He kneeled by his friend’s side bringing his attention to him. Sehun eyes were filled with sadness and confusion and Zitao furred his brows, not understanding what was going on. But before he could ask anything, Sehun answered for him.
“I’m pregnant.” He said in a whisper.
And Zitao didn’t know what to say. He starred at Sehun’s face for long seconds, his mouth opening and closing while no words were formed.
“I don’t know what to say, Sehunnie.” He began. “Did you… Did you already tell Kai?”
“No.” Sehun shook his head. “I just discovered it.”
“I don’t know what to say… I-“ Zitao repeated.
“It’s okay.” The other answered. “Can you hug me, though?”
“Of course, come here.” Zitao said and in an instant his arms were around Sehun’s thin body. He caressed the younger’s back while Sehun’s breath hit his neck in regular intervals. Sehun clutched at Tao’s shirt, burring his face deep in the crook of the other’s neck as if that would resolve everything. After a while, Zitao was able to hear the quite sniffs and fell the wetness on his shoulder and he started to rock Sehun back and fort, like a child.
“I’m so scared, Tao.” Sehun mumbled against the white shirt. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m here, Sehunnie.” Tao comforted. “I’ll always be with you.”
They decided to tell Kyungsoo that same day. Actually, Zitao convinced Sehun that Kyungsoo wouldn’t stop being friends with him because of a baby and soon de smaller boy was in the center of Sehun’s room, looking unsure and confused.
The other two boys were in Sehun’s bed, Sehun between Tao’s stretched out legs. The younger boy adverted Kyungsoo eyes, eating furiously a big piece of chocolate cake instead of talking.
“So…” Kyungsoo began and Sehun shoved another piece of the cake inside his mouth. “You want to tell me something. What is it?”
“I’m pregnant.” Sehun mumbled, head turned downwards and mouth full of food. He hoped Kyungsoo hadn’t heard him.
But as he slowly looked at Kyungsoo and his owlish widened eyes, he realized that the other had heard him very clearly.
“Are you serious?” Kyungsoo asked, walking to the bed.
Sehun nodded as he felt Kyungsoo sitting on the bed in front of him and then he felt Kyungsoo’s fingers lifting his chin up. Sehun met the elder’s eyes and there were acceptance and worry in them. The boy hugged him and Sehun felt happy as Kyungsoo caressed his hair and Zitao touched gently his waist.
“Are you eating well?” Kyungsoo asked, not breaking the hug.
“Yes.” Sehun laughed a bit.
“You aren’t drinking or smoking, are you?” He asked again.
“No!” Sehun protested, hitting Kyungsoo lightly.
The three of them laughed together and there, with his best friends in the end of a Saturday afternoon, Sehun was able to forget about his new problems and how to deal with them. Sehun felt nice.
“So, who wants some chocolate cake?” He asked, exchanging glances between Zitao and Kyungsoo. Both boys shook their heads.
“I want some!” Sehun exclaimed. “I’m so, so hungry!”
Sehun starred at Jongin in the cafeteria, anxiousness building up in his chest. It was lunch time and the tanned boy chatted with Chanyeol with a bright smile on his lips. He unconsciously placed a hand over his belly, starring at his lunch. Everything there made him feel nauseous, the smell of recently prepared food made him want to puke.
It had been two months since he and Kai had sex and the summer vacations were near. By now, only Tao and Kyungsoo knew about the baby but Sehun wanted to tell Jongin before the vacation. Even if the guy would be an asshole about it – which was high likely – Sehun knew he deserved to know.
“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked.
“Yes, just a bit nauseous.” Sehun answered, pushing his tray of food aside. He stood up and waved off his friends’ worried eyes.
Sehun knew if he didn’t push himself to do it, he would never do it. He walked uncertain to Jongin’s table, replaying the words he had to say to the older boy. He stood by the table, some of the people there realizing his presence, but Jongin just kept talking with Chanyeol.
“Hey.” Sehun called, gaining Jongin’s attention.
Jongin looked up and down at him then, recognition slowly setting on him. He raised an eyebrow at Sehun’s greeting, encouraging him silently to go on. The table was silent and Sehun was uncomfortable with all the attention on him and Kai.
“Can I talk to you?” Sehun managed to say.
“Yes.” Jongin answered but made no move to leave the table.
“In private.” He added and heard a few giggles on the table, but Jongin just rolled his eyes and stood up, telling his friends that he would be back soon.
The two walked out of the cafeteria and Sehun saw the hope and the fear in his friends’ eyes. His own stomach did a weird flip when the two boys stopped on an empty hallway, silence greeting them.
“So” Jongin began, leaning against the wall. “What did you want to talk about? Because if you want to date me or some shit just because we had sex-“
“Save it.” Sehun raised a hand, interrupting the other. He chucked, finding it funny that Jongin was worried about him wanting to date. He was about to discover Sehun was carrying a baby. “I didn’t actually have the time to fall for you because then I discovered I was pregnant.”
If this was a joke, Sehun would laugh at Jongin’s expression because the boy’s face was priceless, plain shock all over it. But it wasn’t a joke so Sehun waited until Jongin decided to say something.
“You are pregnant!?” It came out in a squeaky voice, something between a question and an affirmation. Sehun just nodded. “What the fuck?”
“It happens, you know?” Sehun said and, surprisingly, he was calm. “We didn’t use protection, I’m pregnant.”
“How did you let that happen?” Jongin asked and Sehun wanted to slap him. The real question was: why did Sehun spread his legs for a douchebag like Kai? He asked himself that in that exact moment.
“Excuse me?” Sehun answered. “We took the risk so this is not my fault and neither yours, but I wasn’t the one dragging the other to bed and being super eager to fuck some ass!”
“Ok, whatever.” Jongin breathed deeply, messing his hair. “Why don’t you abort it, though?”
“I don’t think that this is your decision.” Sehun said unfazed by the proposition, knowing that Kai would suggest that sooner or later.
“Then why are you telling me this?” He opened his arms in frustration.
“It’s your child too, Kai. You should at least know about them.”
“Ok, I don’t care.” Jongin put his hands on his back pockets, shuddering. “You are carrying this shit, the problem is all yours.”
Sehun knew that the other was an insensitive asshole but the words didn’t hurt less. He was speechless for a second, starring at such a beautiful face, yet a horrible person.
“You’re disgusting.” He spat.
“Call me what you want.” Kai chucked. “But let me tell you this, Sehun. I’m not the one whose life will be ruined. This child will be the worst thing happening to you, get rid of it and you are fucking free.”
“Shut up, I said it’s not your decision to-“ Sehun began but this time he was the one interrupted.
“Yeah, not my decision. I get it.” Jongin commented. “The thing is, I don’t care about you and this child. If you want to keep it, then do it, but don’t get me involved. If you are a little bit smart you’ll realize that spreading this at school will be worse for you, so keep your mouth shut. I have this school around my finger, don’t try to be clever, ok?”
“Enjoy your little kingdom, Kim Jongin. Time flies.”
Jongin snorted and turned to leave.
“It was lovely having sex with you.” He said over his back.
“It’s a shame I can’t say the same.” Sehun shot back.
“You were moaning like a slut, shut up.”
And then he was gone.
Sehun watched Jongin’s back as he turned back to the cafeteria, heading to the opposite direction. He entered the first bathroom in the hallway, locking himself in one of the stalls and sliding to the floor. He was crying copiously, trying to suppress the ugly sobs and sniffs. How could someone be like that? Sehun cried more, remembering Jongin’s words when they fucked and he hated those words. He hated the hickeys that were already replaced by pale skin. He hated the still vivid touches in his mind.
He hated Kim Jongin.
Sehun scratched harshly his neck trying to forget the memories of reddish marks, scratched with force his chest wanting to erase the feeling of soft lips… His body convulsed with anger and Sehun hid his face on his hands again, wetting them with tears of anger and regret.
He left school earlier that day.
Kyungsoo and Zitao had found him in the bathroom, still alone and locked in the stall. Zitao hugged the crying boy while Kyungsoo cursed Jongin without stopping. He got a cab from the school to home, his eyes and nose still red and his head suffering a terrible headache because of crying.
When Sehun opened the front door of his house he realized his mom was home, arriving from work earlier than usual. Sehun could hear the television turned on, his mother on the couch, sipping a cup of wine and eating tiny slices of cheese. He smiled at her, knowing that she rarely could rest because of busy schedules.
“Sehun?” She said, turning a bit on the couch. “You are home early.”
And when he would answer her, the woman gave him a closer look, realizing her son had puffy and red eyes. She quickly placed the cup on a little table and walked to her son, embracing him in a comfy hug.
“What happened, honey?” She asked gently, stroking the dark hair on his nape.
And Sehun broke. He broke at her kindness, starting to cry all again. Her hug got tighter and Sehun felt safe in her arms. She smelled just like his favorite sweater, like lavender. But there was more, something bitter that stood beside lavender so nice and Sehun wished he was a baby again so that he could sleep in the woman’s arms.
He hated himself so much for spoiling her rare moment of relaxing, further more to give such news to her. She raised him so well and now he was pregnant at sixteen. He was such a failure as a son, and he was so afraid to lose his mother’s love because of that one mistake.
“Mom, I have to tell you something.” Sehun forced himself to say.
“Ok, honey.” She said sweetly. “Come here, let’s sit on the couch.”
Sehun starred at his lap, felling her mom’s gentle eyes on him. He took deep breaths, trying to say the simple but difficult words. She was so patient and after what looked like hours, Sehun looked up and into her eyes. All he could see was love.
“Mom, I’m…” He started, pausing for another deep breath. “uh… I’m pregnant.”
For his surprise, the woman’s eyes just widened a bit before going relaxing again. He always admired her for being able to analyze any situation before overreacting.
“For how long, honey?”
“T-two months.” Sehun answered in a shaky breath. “I discovered a while ago and I’m so sorry, mom, I’m a horrible son, I’m sorry. And it was just once and I lost my virginity to him and I told him about it and he’s an asshole and… And I hate him so much.”
Sehun was in tears again and the woman was quick to hug him again, whispering nice things to calm him down while wiping his tears.
“You are a wonderful son, Sehun.” She reassured. “Don’t apologize, you don’t have to.”
“But-“
“No buts.” She said chuckling and Sehun allowed himself a little smile. “Now, what about this boy?”
“I hate him.” Sehun mumbled. “He said so many awful things to me today and he doesn’t give a damn about the baby.”
“Won’t he take responsibility?” She asked.
“No, he’s a popular guy and I know that I’ll suffer in school when my belly starts to grow and he can make it worse.” He briefly explained.
“What about his parents? They need to know!” She protested.
“No, mom!” Sehun disagreed. “I want to be alone in this, I don’t need him hating me and the baby more. I don’t want this stress. I actually don’t want him near my baby.”
She sighed deeply.
“Ok, I think this is your decision after all.” She ruffled his hair and Sehun smiled. “Honey, take a long and relaxing bath in the bathtub while I prepare something for you to eat. And then we are going to the doctor. After all, we have a baby to take care.”
“Mom, what do you think dad would say if he was still alive?” Sehun asked when they were waiting at the doctor’s clinic.
“I don’t know, Sehun.” She answered. “But I know that he wanted grandchildren. Lots of them. Maybe he would be in shock, but I think that, in the end, he would be ecstatic about it.”
“Hum, I hope so.” Sehun said with a smile.
Summer vacation was nice.
Sehun stayed mostly at home, stuffing himself with lots of food. He still got sick some mornings, but his mom spoiled him more than usual which was nice. His belly was more prominent by now and Sehun caught himself starring at the roundness of it at the mirror for hours.
He got sentimental over French movies, Woody Allen’s well written scripts and Wuthering Heights, crying silently on his own until his mom would serve him lemon ice cream.
He liked to take long showers. He would fill the bathtub with cold water and stay hours inside, washing and rubbing his tummy while listening to soft instrumental music and felling the soft movements in the water.
He sometimes woke up at four in the morning, starving and craving for a vegetarian sandwich or Chinese food. He would put some music on while cooking and his mother would scream at him, asking for silence. Then Sehun would turn the music off, singing for himself and wondering if his baby could hear him.
Zitao and Kyungsoo came over a lot. They would play video games together and Sehun would get frustrated when he lost. And then Kyungsoo would get all motherly over him, saying that he was stressing the baby with all that fuss. Zitao liked to talk about his recent relationship and Sehun liked to hear his friend rambling about Luhan like a fanboy.
It was in the end of summer vacation that Sehun completed four months. He went to his usual appointment at the doctor and when the young woman gave him the news that his baby was a girl, Sehun almost fell to the floor. His mom tried to discreetly wipe a tear and Sehun smiled brightly, eyes locked at the computer screen.
That day, both he and his mom came back home with identical smiles on their lips.
Sehun laid on his bed, his white shirt pulled up, showing his growing belly. He caressed it gently, drawing different patterns over the pale skin. His mind was clear, no conflicting thoughts annoying him. Just him and his baby girl in peace.
“Today the doctor said it would be nice if I chatted with you for a bit.” He said, not stopping the gentle touches. “I don’t know what to say, though. I discovered you are a girl today… But I still have to choose a name for you. I want a pretty name to a pretty girl. Because you’ll be the cutest, the fluffiest girl of all times.”
“It’s so strange. You are not even born yet, but I already love you so much. Maybe it’s a crazy connection between us; after all you are inside my belly… Leaving this aside though, there’s something important I want to talk about with you, little girl. The last couple of days you only let me have bubble tea and peaches. And yes, I love bubble tea but I can’t live with just that. And the peaches! Like, I literally eat them all the time. Do you know how much they cost? What I’m trying to say is: you could accept some other things, right? Ramen? What about pancakes? Maple syrup all over them, oh my god I need it!”
Sehun looked at his stomach briefly, playing with his belly button.
“Well, school is starting soon and I’m actually so afraid. I’m afraid of what people will think about me and you, you know? Your other dad goes to the same school but I don’t know if you’ll meet him one day. It’ll probably just me, you and your grandma. I bet you’ll love her; she’s the best person in the world. And then there’s Zitao and Kyungsoo that I bet you’ll love too.”
“What can I talk about now?” Sehun sighed and licked his lips, his hands still over his belly while the sun started to set. “I like dogs. I always wanted a puppy, but we couldn’t have one because dad was allergic to them. Would you like to have a puppy, baby?”
And then Sehun felt a light kick inside of him. He sat up on his bed quickly, trying to feel something again. He got up and walked out of his room to the kitchen where his mom read a magazine and sipped an orange juice.
“Mom!” He chirped. “We should get a puppy!”
“What?” She raised an eyebrow, confusion on her face. “Why this all of a sudden?”
“I was talking to her…” Sehun pointed to his belly. “And I was talking about puppies and then she kicked me! She wants a puppy too!”
She laughed, amused by her excited son who just felt the baby kicking.
“Ok, I guess we can get a puppy.” She agreed and Sehun threw his arms up in the air, screaming a little in happiness. “So, are you hungry?”
“Yes!”
“What do you want to eat, honey?” The woman inquired, closing the magazine and leaving it over the counter.
“Pancakes!” The boy answered brightly. “And milkshake!”
The first day of a new school year came quickly and Sehun was extremely anxious about it. He sat in the passenger seat of his mother’s car, glancing worriedly at the school’s gate.
“It’s going to be alright, honey.” The woman said, placing a hand over his knee and caressing it gently. “Just stick around Zitao and Kyungsoo, ok?”
Sehun just nodded, his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. He wore a baggy black shirt, trying to hide his growing belly but he knew it was getting pretty obvious by now. He breathed deeply, opening the car’s door and stepping out of it.
“Bye, mom.” He waved at her. “See you later.”
“Bye.” She replied. “Love you.”
Sehun watched the car as his mother drove away, gathering the courage to enter the school. As he walked in the hallways, Sehun knew that some people were giving him strange looks, questioning themselves about his round belly as they still failed to realize that he was pregnant. He found Zitao and Kyungsoo on his class and they chatted lightly while Sehun ignored the curious eyes on him. Eventually, his eyes met Jongin’s and there was something in those dark brown orbs that Sehun couldn’t indentify, the elder’s eyes shifting from his face to his stomach. But Sehun just ignored it and adverted his eyes, laughing at something Zitao just said.
The comments were not long in getting started.
After the students realized that he was pregnant all kinds of judgment were thrown at him. Even the teachers now looked at him with some pity and resignation behind their eyes. There were multiple kinds of people that judged him in that fucked up school.
There were the ones that pitied him. The girls that whispered ‘I wish I wasn’t on his situation’ as he passed, the teachers that shook their heads in a silent disapproval and the others that said ‘poor boy, spoiling his life so soon’.
There were the ones that hated him and enjoyed saying the mean words. The ones that called him a slut and shouted that he getting pregnant was a fair punishment for bitches like him.
No one dared to touch him, tough. His friends were always by his side and even if Kyungsoo’s stare wasn’t able to shut them up at least they were away from him and his baby.
And then there was Jongin. Jongin, who looked at him with slightly worried eyes but laughed when someone bullied Sehun. Jongin, who Sehun ignored and feared the most. Jongin, who avoided him at any costs not exchanging words with the younger. Jongin, the playboy and the father.
They met at a bathroom once in the middle of October.
He was past five months by now, his belly big and prominent. In no time he would be completing six months and he couldn’t believe his baby was so close to being born.
Sehun was washing his face with cold water when the bathroom door opened. He glanced briefly towards it when he didn’t hear more noise, stopping on his tracks when his eyes met Jongin’s.
Jongin was frozen as well, eyes widening as he realized they were alone in the bathroom. They just looked at each other for some silent minutes, before Sehun wiped his face with the sleeves of his grey sweater. The tanned boy opened his mouth to say something but closed it quickly, unsure of how to act in front of Sehun.
Sehun just snorted quietly, walking past Jongin and out of the bathroom before the other had the chance to say his name. He didn’t want to remember Jongin’s voice or hear his stupid words. All he wanted from him was distance.
They were having lunch at their usual isolated table while Zitao talked about Luhan’s university and the fact that his boyfriend’s roommate was a total dick.
“I miss him so much, Sehunnie, you have no idea.” He whined between spoons of soup. “I miss cuddling Luhan!”
“Tsk, I hate these people so much.” Kyungsoo commented clicking his tongue when a girl gave Sehun a dirty look.
Sehun just shuddered still eating his apple in silence. Tao agreed silently with Kyungsoo, complaining about the fact that people couldn’t mind their own business.
“I met Jongin in a bathroom today.” Sehun blurted out, spiting an apple seed that got into his mouth.
“What?” Zitao asked surprised while Kyungsoo started at him with wide eyes.
“Did he hurt you?” Kyungsoo finally inquired.
“No, we didn’t even talk.” He explained. “I think he was trying to say something? I don’t know. Maybe he’s a little guilty after all, but whatever. I just walked past him. Just seeing his face makes me want to punch him. Uh, I hate that asshole.”
“Idem.” Kyungsoo said and Zitao nodded by his side.
“I’m thinking about dropping school off.” Sehun said and his friend’s eyes widened again.
“Are you trying to kill us today?” Tao squealed, placing a hand over his chest.
“What the fuck, Sehun?”
“I want to give full attention to her when she’s born and I can’t just leave her with my mom because she works almost all day.” Sehun stole Zitao’s apple while talking, biting it and taking his time to begin again. “I want to be by her side for everything, you know? And it’s not a big deal, I can apply to college later when she’s a bit older.”
“I think it is a big deal, but I support your decision.” Kyungsoo said and Sehun flashed him a smile.
“Did you talk with your mom about it?” Zitao asked.
“Yeah, she was just like Soo. She didn’t like it, but agreed in the end.” Sehun giggled. “I’m so young yet. I can do whatever I want.”
“I have the feeling that you’ll be a horrible father.” Kyungsoo teased.
“Hey!” The younger protested. “I’m going to be the best father ever. I already am.”
The three of them laughed a bit before Sehun cleared his throat, bringing back the attention to him.
“To the good news.” He started smiling. “I’m arranging a little get together at my house this weekend. And you guys are supposed to bring presents for my girl.”
“Oh my god, yes!” Zitao jumped a bit on his seat, a little too much excited with the idea.
Sehun’s house was filled with family and friends.
People talked and ate little sandwiches and even if some of his relatives didn’t approve his pregnancy, Sehun was happy everyone was there. He chatted with lots of people, smiling brightly while telling stories about his daily routine.
Kyungsoo talked with his mother and Sehun smiled every time they turned their overly worried eyes at him. After a few minutes Sehun heard the doorbell ringing and was quick to open the door, smiling largely at the sight of Zitao and Luhan there.
“Come in, come in.” Sehun said, stepping out of the way for the couple.
Zitao hugged him carefully, shoving a big shopping bag on his hands. Sehun opened it eagerly, quickly looking at the various pastel baby clothes Zitao had bought.
“Oh my god, there’s so many things in here!” He exclaimed. “Thanks, Tao!”
Sehun hugged him once more, turning his attention to a slightly awkward Luhan.
“Hey, Luhan.” Sehun said with a smile. “I’m glad you came.”
“Yeah, university break started a little earlier so I’m back.” Luhan answered. “Here it is her present.”
Luhan handed him a little gift wrapping, which Sehun thanked with a large smile.
“You didn’t need to bring something.” He said politely, already opening the package.
“Of course I needed.”
It was a stuffed animal. A little cute deer with a huge face compared with the body. Sehun smiled again at Luhan, who smiled back.
“I love it, thanks.” He said. “I’m sure Taeyeon will love it too.”
It had taken a lot of time from him, but Sehun had finally decided his baby’s name. It was simple and beautiful, people always praising him for the choice.
The meeting continued smothery and eventually the four young boys went upstairs, Sehun eager to show his friends Taeyeon’s room. It was a guest room which Sehun transformed in his child’s room, buying new furniture and changing the decorations.
The soon to be bedroom was still void of furniture, paint cans and little portable ladders scattered across it. One wall was still an old white while the other three were recently painted in a comforting and warm yellow.
“I’m painting it.” Sehun said. “It’s nice, kind of relaxing.”
“You should be careful in those ladders.” Kyungsoo pointed out.
“Mom insists on painting the higher parts.” He explained.
“Yellow is a nice color.” Luhan commented.
“I’m thinking about doing some lavender bushes around the room.” Sehun began again. “Like she would be in a lavender field… Remember when I did that graffiti workshop?”
“You have something with lavender, right?” Zitao teased, knowing about his friend’s little obsession.
“What can I do?” Sehun shuddered. “It smells nice and it’s also cute.”
The four boys stayed in silence then, watching the multicolored sunset through the window. The orange was printed on the yellow walls, some spots of red and pink and purple. Sehun sighed silently on the chilly room, enjoying the calmness of the moment as well as the subtle movements inside of him.
“I can’t believe this is my last day in this fucked up school.” Sehun commented during lunch.
“I’m actually kind of jealous.” Zitao said.
“So you won’t come back after Christmas break?” Kyungsoo asked.
“No, thank god.” Sehun smiled. “I’ll be waiting my baby patiently.”
“Patiently?” Zitao began. “You whine all day about how you want her born already.”
“You can’t blame me.” Sehun answered, swallowing a mouthful of food. “I just want to hold her.”
“Technically…” Kyungsoo said smiling playfully. “You already are holding her.”
“In my arms.” Sehun rolled his eyes.
“We’ll miss you.” Kyungsoo added, this time smiling genuinely all warm and affectionate.
“Yeah, school will suck without you.” Zitao said.
“I’ll miss you guys too.” Sehun smiled. “Are you going to visit me, aren’t you?”
“Of course.” The other two answered together.
Oh Taeyeon was born in February 21th.
The labor was difficult but Sehun didn’t feel any of it, too anesthetized to care. His mom held his hand the entire time, whispering encouraging words though she was the one with tears in her eyes.
Sehun cried too. He cried when a nurse brought Taeyeon to him and he was able to hold her for the first time. Silent tears were in his eyes as he watched the girl sleeping peacefully while caressing the few dark hair over her head. She was so tiny and delicate, Sehun never wanted to loosen his hold on her.
“I love you so much, Taeyeon.” He whispered to her, kissing tenderly her forehead. “So, so much.”