Work Text:
Excerpt taken from the public recording of the inquisition of the Archangel Litheroy, Archangel of Revelation as transcribed from a personal interview with the Archangel Dominic, Archangel of Judgment and Head Inquisitor:
…
"Please explain how you and Andrealphus came into contact."
"I was on Earth, in my human vessel of course, in New York City, investigating their secret underground tunnel system. To be precise, I has finished my preliminary investigation, and was relaxing in the bar, seeing if there were any small misunderstandings that could be brought to light. Andrealphus was there in a human vessel.
"We recognized each other's symphonic disturbances immediately, and looking to avoid a Celestial showdown that comes with two superiors on opposite sides meet, we didn't confront each other immediately. Andrealphus though did approach me in my human vessel and asked, 'What's your sign?' He did not actually express interest in my astrological proclivities, but I understood the intent behind his words and answered his real question: 'I would accept a sexual encounter with you.' I don't know why, but he seemed disappointed by my response. Nonetheless he did agree to a sexual encounter.
"Andrealphus then took me to a near-by hotel, which currently functions as a lair for his servitors, and says that he has a special room prepared. By special room of course, he meant a room built especially for the seduction of angels..."
...
"And what other acts did you commit with Lust during this egregious error in judgment of yours?"
"Then the Demon Prince Andrealphus inquired as to whether I would like an enema performed before we went any further. Curious as to what this "enema" was I requested both clarification as to what exactly an enema entailed, what purpose it served, and whether it was a commonly-enjoyed sexual practice among humans.
"And what did Lust say then?"
"Andrealphus evaded my answer to the first question, explaining that he would prefer to show me, which was in fact true, if an evasion to the question itself. To the second he explained that it mainly served to increase human enjoyment and clean the body of rectal effluvia before intercourse, and that within several human sub-communities, the performance of an enema is a time-honored sexual practice. Well, that was the Truth of what he said, his actual words were much less communicative. He actually said..."
"Please, Archangel, in the face of the Truth, Andrealphus's words are irrelevant. Continue with the events of that encounter."
"I said yes, of course. Sex is just another part of the Labyrinth that just needs to be exposed and brought to light. Andrealphus seemed disappointed again. However, he told me to lie down on my back, as one of his servitors prepared the enema.
"I assumed that the lying on the back was the position in which I would receive this enema, and so I sat and watched the servitor prepare a salt water solution and then place this solution in what appeared to be a rubber bag with a tube attached. A nozzle was attached to the end of the tube. I inquired as to whether the nozzle would be inserted into my vessel's rectal cavity. Andrealphus, who has rather poor communication skills—he has not responded to any of my requests for further information—answered that of course it was.
"The nozzle then was inserted into the rectum of my vessel and the liquid contained in the bag—the salt water solution heated to the temperature of 104° Fahrenheit (40° Celsius, 313° Kelvin)--moved slowly into my vessel's colon, which elicited in me a pleasant fullness. I asked again if this was a commonly-enjoyed sexual practice among humans or if this were an earthly pleasure that could only be fully enjoyed by a celestial. Andrealphus reassured me that this is an entirely accepted sexual practice that all humans on earth enjoyed.
"He was lying of course about every human on the Corporeal plane. But the sensations aroused in my vessel were indeed pleasant. I could describe those in further detail if you wish."
"No, Archangel, that will not be necessary."
…
After an extended inquisition of the Archangel Litheroy, the Archangel Dominic has determined that despite what can only be described as an massively egregious lapse of common sense, the lack of which has yet to be recorded in Yves's library until today, the Archangel Litheroy has been found not only loyal to the Host but also that his experiences with the Demon Prince Andrealphus, Litheroy actually remained in loyal service to his Word of Revelation.
The Archangel Dominic did reprimand the Archangel Litheroy and order him to never consort with the Diabolicals again. The Archangel Litheroy expressed his most sincere apology, for Revelation has no other kind, and made a vow to never consort with any Diabolical again. The Archangel Dominic accepted both of these, and as such no further investigation shall occur.
This document, as personally embarrassing as Judgment finds it (Revelation, it seems, has yet to understand embarrassment on any but the most hypothetical levels), shall be archived in Yves library and publicly accessible to any angels who may wish to read it.