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Theron stood in the corridor, outside Commanders room. Commanders. Marnh's. He is still Marnh, Theron reminded himself. The man he used to work with. The man he had a fling with. The same man who kissed him just a month ago.
And then...nothing. Marnh didn't give him the time of day. They still worked well together, for them it was like a second nature. It took Theron some time to realize that Marnh was actively avoiding him. He was busy with orientating himself to the Alliance. He had dozens of missions going on, given was that he wasn't directly operating them himself, but he had to supervise them. He had to stay in touch with the underground and his network. There was simply so much to do.
When he finally had a moment to catch his breath, he was more than ready to have a repeat of the kiss they shared in the Cantina. Heck, he was more than ready, able and willing to have some rolling in the hay stack too. Except Marnh wasn't there. Well, he was, he was the Alliance Commander after all, he had to be there. But when Theron tried to catch him, he simply disappeared. Then again. He saw Theron coming, he left the room. One time Theron was sure he went into stealth so Theron wouldn't be able to see where he disappeared to.
It was beyond frustrating, and it made Theron insecure. This wasn't what he was expecting after that kiss...to be standing here, nerves fluttering in his stomach. He was sure he would throw up soon. The energy field that was blocking the doorway to the Commander's room was shimmering ahead of him, and all he had to do was press the alarm button and ask Marnh to have a talk with him. At least he couldn't disappear from his room, now could he? He had to face Theron. And Theron was on a mission.
He had missed Marnh, desperately. The five years when Marnh was lost was a long time, time he wanted to forget. Hearing from Lana that Marnh was safe and sound made him smile for days. But maybe Marnh was angry at him? For Marnh it hadn't been five years. He had been frozen to carbonate only months after they met briefly on Ziost for the last time. And their separation before that on Yavin hadn't been a happy one. Could there be a separation if there never was a relationship to begin with? Theron didn't do relationships. He had flings. Hook ups. Some fun. But five years missing someone daily was a long time. Five years of thinking that this special someone was probably dead tends to put your priorities straight. It had changed him, and made him to accept that he had real, deep feelings for Marnh. It was time to man up and own his feelings.
He had begun to think that maybe he was doing this all wrong, and Marnh wanted to be courted. So if he had to work his way back to Marnh's good graces, so be it.
”Push the button...push...” He told himself, and then when his finger was already pressing the button that would ring the alarm in Marnh's room, the shimmering field disappeared and Marnh was standing in the doorway.
”Damn! You scared me!” Theron startled. Wrong words idiot, quickly fix that!
“What are you doing here?” Marnh gasped.
”I wanted to see you, ask you something,” Theron answered, trying to make his voice even.
Marnh's yellow eyes were guarded. His face was blank and emotionless, like a true Sith's. Theron sighed. Now, just say the words, surely he won't say no.
”I...we...well, we really haven't got any time to catch up. I was wondering...” Theron's throat felt suddenly awfully dry ”...If you would care to have a dinner with me tomorrow? Just the two of us.”
Marnh's eyes measured him with suspicion.
”Why?” He then asked.
”Why?” Now Theron's mouth was agape. ”Because we go way back, and we used to work together and I thought you...I mean, after we met in the Cantina...”
”Alright, if it gets you out of my back! I can meet you after the strategy meeting tomorrow, is that good?” Marnh said, and his voice wasn't gentle. Theron could remember how gentle it used to be, years ago in Yavin when there was only the two of them in the darkness.
Then he walked fast past Theron, and disappeared into the War Room. Theron stood there rooted on the floor. He got what he wanted, but it didn't feel like a victory at all.
Cantina's kitchen staff was more than happy to decorate a private cabinet when Theron asked about it.
”Are you having a dinner with a ”special” friend?” The cook had asked with a wide grin.
”Oh, just a friend...we just haven't seen each other for a while.” Theron decided it was best not to mention who that friend was, and even better not to give wings to any rumors. He was sure Marnh wouldn't appreciate them.
He stood at the door of the cabinet, looking at the table. There were candles, and even a small bunch of flowers on the table. Food was waiting for them on the side table.
”Can we get this over with, I have more work to do than time to do it.” Theron startled when Marnh appeared from the bar. Marnh's face was expressionless, nothing hinting about his feelings.
Marnh sat down and his eyes traveled over the table.
”Is this supposed to be a date? Theron, don't be ridiculous!” He then snorted.
”Please, just have this dinner with me, the kitchen staff did their best to make it special,” Theron sighed and then served the food. He sat down, ready to open his heart and lay it bare in front of Marnh. He had spent the last night thinking about what he would say.
”Marnh, I know it wasn't fair when I...”
”This is human food. You ask me for a date, make staff do all this extra work and then it is not even food that I would enjoy?” Marnh said with a cold voice, looking at his plate with an annoyed expression.
Fuck. More fucks than one can count. It was human food. Marnh ate human food all the time. Theron had seen it with his own two eyes countless times.
”I...damn Marnh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you don't like human food. I've seen you eating it and just didn't think about it. Look, I'm sure there is a way to fix this, just let me...” Theron said, trying desperately think a way to save his unlucky dinner.
”Of course you've seen me eating it, I can survive with it. But we have a good stock of Zabrak foods here, because for once I'm not the only Zabrak here! I hate human food. Look, this is a huge mistake,” Marnh said and stood up to leave.
Now Theron was in panic. This was not going at all how he had planned it, and he hadn't even had a chance to explain himself and tell how he felt.
”I'm really sorry, but I didn't think about it, and I didn't want to tell the kitchen staff who was coming,” Theron tried to explain.
”So, you are still ashamed of me? You really are something. What do you want from me? No need to tell, I can guess. Well, anyone else hasn't asked that from me yet, though I'm sure it was just a matter of time. Look, I'm hanging by a thread here and everyone needs something from me. I don't have time or energy for your petty games. Leave me alone!” Marnh said with a stern voice, though Theron could see how his shoulders slumped down from sudden exhaustion.
Then he was gone, and Theron sat alone on the dinner table. He sat there for a long time, pondering if he should just drink himself to stupor and forget the whole thing. But somehow forgetting was something he didn't want to do, and drinking had to wait because next day meant a Star Fortress tour to Voss. He had to be there and in pristine condition, because every time Marnh put his foot in one of those facilities his life was in danger. Theron had to be ready for everything. When it was about work, Marnh trusted him with his life, he had no doubt about it.
Then he noticed the pretty flowers on the table. Flowers were the universal sign of an apology, weren't they?
Marnh sat down on his bed, eyeing the pile of holo pads on his desk. All that work, and it never ended. No matter how much he slaved, more just came. And then the field work. He was the one getting his hands dirty, trying to take every hit himself in order to spare others. Then there was Valkorion, nagging and ranting uninvited in his head. He had lost five years of his life. His people were scattered all over the galaxy, and only Xalek was with him. He missed Andronikos.
And then there was Theron...
He shook his head, trying to clear it. Self-pity wasn't like him. He was better than that. People trusted him and his leadership, and he had to deliver. Who else would do it? Lana? Koth? Senya? No, it was his responsibility now. They saved him because they needed him to lead them. It was his own damn fault if he wasn't ruthless and strong enough to do it without getting all sentimental about...everything. About Theron.
Thinking about Theron made him to stand up and pace restlessly around his small room. Theron had dumped him on Yavin. It had been painfully obvious to him that he had never meant anything to Theron when they met again on Ziost. He had tried to tell Theron how good it felt to see him, but Theron just brushed it aside. Well, maybe the circumstances were not the best possible for a happy reunion, but he still was unprepared for how cold Theron had been.
It hurt. It had hurt so much on Yavin, to be told that he didn't matter. That he was an Imperial and a Sith, and that meant he wasn't good enough for Theron. Like being a Sith meant he didn't have a heart that could break. He had, and he wore it on his sleeve. Something about Theron had made him to trust him, made him feel Theron and he was on the same page. That no matter what, they could work it out somehow, make it so that they could meet again. Marnh knew it would've been difficult, but they were two smart men, surely it wouldn't have been a hopeless situation. But no, Theron Shan didn't want to date an Imperial. Didn't stop him from sleeping with one. It was Marnh's own stupidity if he didn't understand it was just a fling, and took it so seriously. Allowed it to hurt him.
When he arrived at Odessen, he found the touching mail among his other mails. It was from Theron, and filled with worry. Theron wrote that he cared about him. So, when Theron arrived at Odessen too, Marnh was beside himself from joy for a moment. That led him to kiss Theron at the Cantina when they were celebrating. He was just so happy to be alive, happy to see him. For a moment he forgot his resentment.
But next day the resentment was there with a vengeance. And now he just couldn't let it go. He wanted to, of course he did. He wanted to be happy and loved, just like everyone else. Seeing happy couples around him every day made him wistful, and seeing Theron every day made the longing just harder to bear.
He had to concentrate on his work as a commander. He had to protect himself, because he had no time or energy to nurture a broken heart again. He just had to make Theron to get the message.
Next morning he woke up with a groggy head. Too little sleep again. He had to Seethe because they were going to destroy the Voss Star Fortress today, and he needed all the power his body could store. Seething made him feel a little bit better, but his headache was getting worse. He slapped a pain patch on his shoulder, put on his battle garments and made sure his pole saber was in full charge. Then he stepped out of his room.
Something crushed under his foot. He looked down, and saw a bunch of flowers on the floor. They were the flowers from the dinner table. For a second he felt a wave of warmth flush over his heart: Theron had left him flowers. Flowers! No one had ever given him flowers. It was...sweet of him.
Then he slapped himself back to reality and picked up the unfortunate bunch from the floor. He would show that Republic playboy what he thought about his empty gestures. He was so full of this crap.
He marched into the Cantina, and as he thought: Everyone was there having a breakfast. Theron, Lana, Koth and Miot were sharing a table. He marched next to their table and slammed the bunch of flowers in front of Theron so hard the petals scattered all over the table. One landed on Lana's head, and Marnh wanted to laugh hysterically. Instead of laughing, he hissed:
”I told you to leave me alone. I don't want anything from you, and if you don't believe me I...I...” And then he didn't know how to continue his threat, so he just decided to storm away instead. He didn't feel like having a breakfast anyway, and he definitely didn't want to stay and witness the stunned faces and silence all around the Cantina.
”Eh...I guess you and Commander know each other well?” Koth asked from Theron after the silence ended and the murmur around them started.
”Oh, they go way back!” Lana laughed. And then she got all serious.
”What is going on between you two? We can't have any drama in Commander's life, he has enough stress as it is. What did you do now?” She asked from Theron.
”Look, don't get all...I just wanted to talk to him, tell him I missed him,” Theron tried to defend himself.
”Well, that went well!” Miot snorted. ”He obviously hasn't missed you.”
”Oh, but he has,” Lana said softly. ”Theron was the first person he asked about when we got him out of carbonate.”
”Really, he did?” Theron asked, hope filling his chest.
Lana didn't have time to answer because Miot got a message from said Commander. It was time to show Voss some action. But when they were hurrying to the shuttle, Lana grabbed Theron's arm and stopped him so she could say what she wanted to say.
”Look, it is not my business, really...but one thing Marnh needs most right now is a friend. If you really want to be a part of his life, be a friend for him. You were friends once.” After she said that, she turned around and left in the War Room.
Friends....yes, they were such a good friends once, Theron thought. Before he fucked it all up.
Shuttle was small, Miot seemed to have a hard time not to snicker constantly, and under his tattoos Marnh was pale like a ghost. He had Xalek with him and Theron pulled Xalek aside before dropping them on the top of the Fortress.
”Look after Marnh, will you? He doesn't look good, and I would postpone this mission if he would allow it, but he won't, we know it, ” he whispered to Marnh's old apprentice.
”I will always look after my Master, Theron Shan, you know that.” The Kaleesh made a small bow to Theron and then jumped after Marnh.
Hours went. Too many hours. Theron was desperate to hear the message to start the shuttle, and when it finally came he almost whimpered from relief. What he saw when the two Sith hurried towards the shuttle's back hatch made his stomach cramp from shock: Marnh wasn't running, Xalek was dragging him along as fast as he could. Then he saw blood running from Marnh's side.
”Miot, Commander is hurt! Message to Odessen so they can prepare a kolto tank for him!” Theron shouted, and then helped Xalek lift half-conscious Marnh inside. Miot sped the shuttle and soon they jumped to light speed.
”The Exarch was a nasty piece of work, and somehow he managed to hit Marnh, nothing I could do about it. I was in front of the Exarch, trying to keep his attention so Marnh could back-stab him, but suddenly he turned so quickly I just couldn't stop him and he stabbed him,” Xalek explained.
”No kolto tank, it makes me claustrophobic,” Marnh whispered, ”I and Xalek can heal this together...and Lana is there too. I just...Seethe until...it goes...away.” His breathing was shallow and sweat covered his forehead. “I killed... that fucker,” he then grinned weakly and spat blood.
”You have to go into kolto, it will heal you and you don't have to work for it. I will be there with you, you have nothing to worry about,” Theron promised. His heart raced from fear. He had never seen Marnh being injured like that. Small scratches, yes, they all had them, and some blaster burns, but he was a good fighter and a strong Sith. Was he distracting Marnh so much his life was in danger because of it?
Marnh hated kolto tank. It made him feel like he was drowning, and he was always in a panic when they set him in. He asked to be sedated, preferably sleeping, but no, he had to be awake to press the panic button if he couldn't suddenly breath or something. Stupid machine. He and Xalek could've dealt with his wound by themselves. He would've Seethed, and Xalek would've given him power. They had done it before, but no, into kolto you go with agony.
He had to admit he was tired, more tired than he had ever been in his life. He drifted in green liquid, breathing through an oxygen mask, half asleep most of the time after the initial panic of being shut inside the tank had passed. Every time he opened his eyes, he could see Theron outside the tank. Sometimes he was sitting, sometimes he was pacing around. Once when he opened his eyes Theron was gone, but Senya was there instead of him. Senya smiled at him and lifted up a sign that said: ”Went to arrange your sick leave.” He drifted to his half-sleep state again and next time he opened his eyes Theron was there again, watching him. He felt awkward for a moment, being naked and all, but then again, he was too tired to care.
“I could have helped you if you would just allow it,” he once heard Valkorion's voice.
“I damn well rather die than let you do anything for me,” Marnh spat back. After that, blessed silence.
Finally, they lifted him out from his torture chamber.
”How long was I there?” He had to ask from a nurse.
”Two days, and now you will have a sick leave of two weeks, and that is an order,” he heard a doctor Oggurobb's voice rumble from a corner, where the Hutt was studying a monitor.
”Two weeks? You got to be kidding me. This place will fall down if I begin to take vacations! And I swear to you, Arcann doesn't take a vacation just because I will,” Marnh protested.
”I've arranged it all, now would you shut up for a moment?” That was Theron, smiling and voice full of laughter.
Marnh grumbled, but then realized he was still really, really tired and he had no strength to fight back when these bullies took control over his life. When Theron helped him to his room, he didn't know if he needed to faint, puke or kiss Theron. So he puked, because that seemed to come more naturally.
Then he slept. Suddenly he didn't have to be somewhere, elsewhere, who knows where, and he could just sleep. Sometimes he heard a Theron's voice having conversations through a holo comm. Sometimes he felt a firm hand, giving him something to drink. A gentle hand touching his hair. When he whimpered in his dreams the hand was there again, rubbing his arms and shoulders. He must've been dreaming when he heard a Theron's voice telling him everything would be alright and he loved him. Those words were like a warm blanket, wrapping him up in a cocoon of care and safety.
When he finally woke up, he was hungry and needed a bathroom desperately, but at the same time he felt peaceful and rested. He saw Theron sleeping in a sleeping bag next to his bed.
”Huh, sleeping on the floor? There would've been plenty of room in my bed and sleeping with me isn't exactly a foreign concept for him,” Marnh pondered, but then he had to go to do his business and brush his teeth that had developed a flora of their own while he was in the kolto tank.
When he came back with wobbly feet, Theron was awake. He yawned and when he stretched Marnh could see a glimpse of golden skin between his shirt and pants. He had to swallow and look away.
”Hey, you hungry?” Theron asked, smiling.
Marnh could only nod. He was terribly hungry.
”I'll call the kitchen and they will bring you something you like, alright?” Theron said, stood up and then brushed Marnh's hair with gentle fingers. His thumb touched his cheek, and made a small circle there.
Marnh could only nod again. With huge eyes he observed how Theron ordered food for them, read some messages from his pad and then smiled at Marnh.
”You feeling better? Think you could go out after we have eaten, just to take a small walk? And NO work, by the way, you don't get to step a foot in the War Room,” Theron said firmly.
”But who will look after everything?”
”We will. Me, Lana, Senya and Koth. You are on a sick leave, and you need your rest. And behalf of all of us, I say we are very sorry that none of us noticed how tired you were, and this is the result, you got hurt badly. That won't happen again. We will share your work, and you will have to learn to delegate,” Theron answered.
Marnh wanted to argue, just for the principle, but then the food arrived and he was starving. After that, he dressed up and they went for a small walk, just outside the base. They sat on the grass and watched the clouds and birds, and people bustling around in their tasks. People stopped by to tell him to rest and take care of himself, and how happy they were to see he was well again. It made him feel humble and proud at the same time. He cared about the people in the Alliance, and they cared about him.
So Marnh reluctantly yielded in having his rest. Theron was always there, unless he was needed in a meeting, but mostly he was there. Sure, he worked, but he worked from Marnh's room. They took walks, and Marnh could walk a little longer every day. They watched movies, lying together on the bed, holding a holo pad between them. They talked, laughed and sometimes they were comfortably silent. Sometimes they went to the Cantina, where Marnh was not allowed to drink or talk about work.
”You have to trust that we can survive two weeks without your presence,” Koth said to him when he tried to pry how things were going in the Alliance.
”Is he trying to talk about work? No talking about work! Bad Sith!” Theron said when he came back to the table with his drink, bringing a soda for Marnh.
”You are all coddling me and it is driving me crazy!” Marnh pouted.
Theron went all serious, and then he bend down to Marnh and whispered to his ear:
”You deserve it,” and his breath was warm on Marnh's skin and made him all hot and bothered.
That night Marnh asked Theron to come sleep next to him, it was stupid of him to sleep on the floor anyway.
So Theron did. He felt anxious and hopeful at the same time when he lifted the blanket and settled down next to Marnh. They had slept together before, on Yavin. It had been after sex, and he had just totally blacked out then. Now Marnh was there, alive and warm, and he wanted to touch him so, so badly.
Marnh turned to face Theron. It was dark, but he could still see him well enough. Theron had been there for him. He had comforted him, kept him company and made sure Marnh would finally rest. He trusted Theron with his life. Maybe he should at least try to trust Theron with his heart too.
”Theron,” he started, but stopped because he suddenly felt very vulnerable.
”I'm here, and you can't say anything that will change that,” Theron answered.
”I'm sorry if I...gave you mixed signals. When you arrived,” Marnh said softly. ”For you it has been five years, but for me it has been only a few months after Ziost. I resented you because I felt you only played with me. I was happy to see you on Ziost, but you weren't happy to see me. And that hurt me, and you ending things between us, it hurt me. Maybe I'm not much of a Sith for saying this, but I've always wanted a commitment. It was wrong of me to assume that you wanted the same thing as I, and I understand why you felt there couldn't be anything more between us.” He stopped because all his emotions suddenly felt so heavy he hardly could breath.
Theron sighed and kissed his forehead, saying: ”I was happy to see you on Ziost. I really was. Believe me, I've never been ashamed of you, I was just very confused. You see, I've never been a relationship person. You did nothing wrong. I understand I hurt you, and I'm very sorry for that. All I ask, all I ever wanted to ask after I came to Odessen, was if I could have a chance with you. Because if there is one person in this whole wide universe I want to have a relationship with, it is you. But if you want us to be just friends, I'm alright with that too. Not happy about it, but it is better than to live a life without you being in it at all.”
“There is something you need to know...” What Marnh was going to tell Theron next was even harder than talking about their past. “Valkorion...he is in my mind.”
Theron lifted his head in shock.
“He is in your head? How did that happen? I guess you didn't invite him for a little soiree voluntarily?”
“No. He did it a little after he killed Marr. Arcann helped me to attack his father, and I killed his body. But not his spirit, and now he is here making my life miserable, poking his nose in my business no matter how much I spite him. I'm sorry...I understand if it makes you second guess your feelings,” Marnh said with a little tremble in his voice.
“It doesn't. You are you. I've known you for years, and I know it is you, Darth Marnh, who I'm talking with right now, and has been all along. Has he been giving you a hard time after you got wounded?” Theron asked, worry in his voice.
“No, he has been silent since.”
Marnh moved closer to Theron. He could feel his warmth, his scent. It was all Theron, golden skin and lithe form and something deliciously masculine...and he wanted to taste him, to see if Theron still tasted as good as he remembered. So he did, and after a long, passionate kiss Marnh decided Theron tasted even better than before.
”So...not just friends?” Theron asked breathlessly.
”No, not just friends,” Marnh answered, and crawled on top of Theron. Then he had his way with him.
The rest of his sick leave was spent in bed with Theron. When he finally emerged back to work, fully recovered, rested and in love, Theron was there with him, walking next to him to the War Room. He felt he could now conquer the whole world.