Chapter Text
Loki had simply vanished after that night.
Or he might as well have. No one had seen or heard from him for months. According to Thor, even Hemidall couldn’t find him.
Still, it was no time to sit idle. The god of mischief wasn’t the only threat on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s horizon so work went on, though everyone’s tacit assumption was that he was planning something grander and more destructive than ever before. It was just a matter of when.
The sense of foreboding lay heaviest on Natasha.
Loki was somewhere out there with an advantage over her, all due to her own stupidity. She’d been so sure that she could use him as a quick sexual fix but he’d overwhelmed her, drowning her mind and pouring her into her body. He’d made her feel, and that was too great a risk in her line of work.
But she still couldn’t get that night out of her mind. Loki had figured out exactly what made her unwind and giving into something so simple and raw had been more thrilling than she could have imagined. How could she have known he would twist her hate into some sick kind of intimacy?
Hate was still safer than love. She’d been looking at Clint again, wanting to be in love with him and wondering why she wasn’t. He was a good man despite his past, and understood her better than anyone - she even trusted him. He was smart, attractive, and funny, and she wanted to want him, there was no reason why she shouldn’t.
In the end it was his unshakeable trust that left her cold, his blind confidence that she could overcome her ledger and be more. Whenever she turned to him she ran up against his optimism, and she knew she would do something to disappoint him eventually. The pressure was too great, so she kept him at a safe distance.
But when Loki had pulled her down to his level and ripped off her mask she’d begged for him, a violent, insecure maniac. What was wrong with her?
Because she wanted him again. She craved his body, his mouth, even his cruel whispers in her ear. His ability to see through her terrified her and yet she knew he could take her beyond, knew that he would get her off again and again even if it was just to feed his own ego.
And admittedly she wanted revenge as well. She was determined to use his own arrogance to trip him up, and his confusion would be almost as sweet as his moaning, because she had every intention of fucking him senseless first.
She knew this line of thinking was unprofessional.
She was almost grateful it was impossible to seek him out. It gave her time to get a grip, to assure that the next time she saw Loki, she would have the upper hand.