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After Supergirl went down and didn’t get back up, Maggie was sure it was over. The Girl of Steel had fought valiantly, but the alien was too strong, too tough. Out of the corner of her eye, Maggie saw her girlfriend gather herself, get her feet under her, and Maggie’s hand reached out a second too late.
Alex landed hard on the rocks and scrambled through the brush as J’onn swooped in. Skidding to a stop, Alex stood over the fallen superhero with her weapon out, protecting her, as the alien uncoiled and rose over all of them.
“ALEX!” Maggie was not surprised the scream came from her throat; what surprised her was that it didn’t seem to have any effect on her girlfriend, the woman Maggie had just said ‘I love you’ to the night before. Alex stood there, unbroken, unbowed, and utterly unafraid, as she emptied a clip into the alien and then calmly reloaded and fired again. There was the subtlest of nods, and J’onn leapt into the air just as a barrage of missiles unloaded from the sky. Maggie saw Alex duck when the shooting started, but then smoke from the ordnance obscured the river bed and drifted on the wind, stinging Maggie’s eyes.
When the smoke cleared, Alex was there, by Maggie’s side, but she was holding Supergirl, telling her quietly, “I got you, I got you.” Alex brushed hair back from the battered superhero’s face so gently, so tenderly, with a look in her eyes that Maggie had thought was reserved only for her.
Tears were falling freely from Alex’s eyes, and pain and fear was naked on Alex’s face. Watching them, Maggie felt like an outsider, like the outcast she had described to Alex that day they met, and she realized that no matter what she and Alex shared, there would always be someone ahead of her in Alex’s affections. The fact that it was a blonde, beautiful hero with superpowers was just the icing on the cake.
“Maggie?” Alex’s gaze was fixed on her now, concern etched onto her face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I was smart and stayed out of the way.” Her words were sharper than she intended, and she saw Alex wince as they hit home, the muscles in her jaw tensing.
J’onn landed beside Alex, giving Maggie a red-tinged glance before speaking. “Is she okay?”
“She’s hurt bad.” Alex could barely get the words out. “We need to get her back to the DEO.”
The alien nodded. “I’ll take her. Get Maggie out of here. I’m not sure how long that barrage will keep him on the defensive.”
Alex nodded, letting the alien take the superhero in his arms before hurrying to Maggie, grabbing her hand and directing her out into the desert. “You heard J’onn, come on.”
Maggie didn’t resist exactly, but she didn’t rush headlong either. “What about the alien? If he…”
“Superman will be here shortly,” Alex assured her as she lead Maggie over the boulder-strewn ground, glancing back to make sure that the alien was not coming after them.
A helicopter was waiting for them, and it took off as soon as Alex pulled Maggie into a seat and secured the safety rigging. Alex’s hand was still holding hers, warm, solid, and human, and Maggie had a million questions but couldn’t ask them over the sound of the rotors. Alex’s eyes were troubled, but she tried to reassure Maggie with a small smile, squeezing her hand. Maggie could tell Alex’s mind was a million miles away, or at least as far away as the DEO, and an ache settled in her chest.
They landed at what looked at an old abandoned airstrip, and Alex hurriedly unhooked herself and then reached out to unhook Maggie. “I got it, go,” Maggie yelled, and Alex flashed her a grateful smile and mouthed, “Thank you,” before ducking down and scurrying out under the slowing rotors.
It was a different base, an entirely different secret lair, and Maggie wondered how many they had as she wandered down a long hallway toward a set of huge blast doors. A short woman with dark hair and brilliant green eyes dressed in the usual black DEO uniform walked toward her just as Maggie stepped into a control room that was bigger than detective bullpen at the NCPD. Maggie gaped at the monitor suite, slowly turning in a circle to take in the whole space, stopping when she spied a flash of silver in a dark corner. “Is that a spaceship?”
“I’m Major Lane.” The agent spoke up from behind her, and Maggie jumped.
“Detective Sawyer.”
The other woman assessed her for a moment before nodding and indicating a hallway off to the side. “Vasquez, you have the con. Agent Danvers is just down here with her… with Supergirl.” Maggie wasn’t sure what the other woman had almost slipped and revealed, not sure she really wanted to know.
Major Lane showed her to a waiting room where she could see Alex through the glass, a blue lab coat thrown on over her tactical uniform, directing the efforts of people around the table where Supergirl lay, unmoving and still.
“Is she, is Supergirl, ok?” Maggie was surprised at the surge of something that rose up in her as she thought about the alien who had captured her girlfriend’s heart.
“We hope so.” The green eyes that regarded her were concerned, everyone so concerned about the superhero. Who was supposed to be invulnerable but had to be rescued by a human, by her girlfriend, and Maggie had never felt so lost before. Who is she, she wanted to scream, what is she to Alex? And why did the way they looked at each other shatter her heart every time?
“Maggie. Lucy.” Alex had come into the room, her hair disheveled and a smear of dirt across her cheek. She looked so beautiful that Maggie wanted to cry.
“Alex,” the smaller woman said, reaching out and giving Alex a hard hug, one that Alex returned. “How is she?”
“Stable.” Alex let out a long breath. “I think.”
“Good. I’ll let Susan know.” With that, the major left the room, leaving them alone.
“Who, who is she?” It didn’t come out as a scream. It barely came out as a whisper, the lump in Maggie’s throat making it hard to speak.
Alex glanced back at the woman on the table, and then faced Maggie, guilt etched on her face. She sat down beside Maggie and took her hand. Maggie let her even though she was screaming in her head. “I’m sorry, “ Alex began, and Maggie felt like the shards of her broken heart were eviscerating her. “I should have told you a long time ago. I, I was trying to protect you.”
“From the fact that you love someone else?” Maggie couldn’t keep the bitterness from her voice or the tears from her eyes.
She heard Alex sigh, and the hand holding hers tightened painfully. “I do love her.” Maggie tried to wrench her hand away as Alex confirmed it, but Alex held tight. “Maggie, she’s my sister.”
Shocked, Maggie’s head shot up. “Your….”
“Sister,” Alex repeated quietly.
“What? How?” And then finally, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Alex squeezed Maggie’s hand. “Give me a few minutes? I need to check on Kara and then we’ll go somewhere and talk.”
Numb, Maggie nodded and then let her head fall forward as Alex left the room, the thoughts flowing through her head too heavy for her neck. Kara. Her sister Kara. Supergirl.
It was longer than a few minutes. People came in and out of the observation room, but Maggie didn’t notice anything until Alex caught her chin and raised her head, her fingers caressing and soft on Maggie’s cheek. She had changed into a pair of jeans and a leather jacket over her black tactical shirt. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
Alex pulled Maggie to her feet, and Maggie surprised herself by wrapping the taller woman in a desperate hug, clinging to her, her breath rattling in her chest in imitation of the tears that didn’t fall. Alex’s arms were warm and strong around her shoulders, alive, human, and there, right there, with Maggie.
Memories of the night before, relaxing on the couch, the two of them talking, laughing, before Maggie had laid her head on Alex’s lap. Dim streetlight coming in through the windows softened the angles of Alex’s face, and the light touch as she had played with Maggie’s hair wrested the three simple words from her. Maggie saw when Alex recognized the words, the way her eyes brightened and all the breath left her lungs. She had leaned down and kissed Maggie until they were both breathless, eventually shifting until she was laying on top of her, their bodies melting together until they were lost in each other.
But Alex hadn’t said the words back, and now Maggie understood why.
Her grip on Alex finally eased, and Alex’s fingers combed through her hair so Alex could see her eyes. There was love there, and concern, but the sadness that always seem to lurk beneath it all was at the forefront. “Come on, let’s take a ride.”
The motorcycle wasn’t either of theirs, a loaner from the DEO, like the helmets and the gloves, and Maggie felt clumsy as she climbed on behind Alex. The headlight illuminated the road in front of them, the black desert night surrounding them like a tunnel, and Maggie clung to Alex as they roared down the road.
She had no idea where they were or where they were going; she just held tight and trusted Alex to get them there, which was starting to feel like a really fucked-up metaphor for their relationship at this point. Maggie couldn’t pinpoint when that happened, when the dynamic shifted from awkward and shy Danvers chasing after her to Maggie being in so deep she could barely breathe when Alex smiled at her.
Light was just beginning to streak the sky when Alex pulled into a wind-swept parking lot by a small stretch of beach. Still not saying anything, she caught Maggie’s hand and pulled her through the heavy, wet sand toward the roaring surf. Dawn was finally breaking, bringing the new day, and it felt a little like waking from a nightmare. Finally, Maggie stopped, her fingers slipping from Alex’s, refusing to go one more step. “What the hell are we doing here, Alex?”
Alex didn’t turn, standing silhouetted in the light from the rising sun, her hands sliding into her back pockets and her shoulders tense beneath her leather jacket. “I come out here sometimes to think. I guess, I dunno, I wanted to show you.” She sighed, her head falling forward and her hair obscuring her features. “I was fourteen when Kara came to live with us. She was this little lost girl and this powerful alien, all wrapped up in this confused package.”
“She was afraid of everything, and she didn’t know her own strength, and she had to go to school, be normal, fit in.” A mirthless chuckle reached Maggie’s ears. “She had just lost her parents, her world, everything she knew, and her only family had just abandoned her with us. She needed someone.”
“And you were that someone?”
“I protected her. From the popcorn maker, from the kids at school… from being found out when she torched the lawnmower because it freaked her out. That was my job, looking after her, taking care of her, protecting her. It was easy to make her the center of my world because I didn’t have much else, especially after my father died.”
A sharp bark of laughter escaped Alex’s lips, like a cry of pain. “I thought relationships and sex weren’t my thing for a reason. That way Kara could always come first. Protecting her was my thing.” Alex turned toward her then, the sunlight making her hair blaze red and reflecting off the tears in her eyes. “This whole perfect plan got shot all to hell when I fell in love with this spunky, pain-in-the-ass detective… this… absolutely amazing woman.”
The word ‘love’ reverberated through Maggie, and she really didn’t know how Alex was able to disarm her so completely when she was ready to cling to her anger and pain.
Reaching out, Alex caught her hand again, pulling her closer, her thumb stroking Maggie’s knuckles. She didn’t push, didn’t ask for more than Maggie wanted to give, just watched the emotions play over Maggie’s face. “I have always protected her and I always will,” Alex muttered quietly.
Alex was never one to sugarcoat things, and most of the time, Maggie loved that about her. Right now was not one of those times, though. Right now, Maggie needed to recover her equilibrium, to find stable ground. Right now, she wished Alex would lie to her and pretend things were all okay.
Their hands were still intertwined between them, and that connection was solid and real. Maggie clung to that and hoped it was enough as Alex opened her mouth to speak again. “I’ve stood between her and danger more times than I can remember, but tonight… tonight was the first time I hesitated.”
Snapping her head up, Maggie searched Alex’s eyes, as if to confirm her words, and the tightness that was squeezing her heart unclenched, just a little bit. Maggie realized with a start that she had expected Alex to break up with her, that she had been bracing herself for that all night.
“I can’t lose her, I can’t lose you, and I don’t know what will happen if, God help me, I ever have to chose. Or worse, I hesitate, unable to choose, and lose you both.”
Maggie saw the anguish in Alex’s eyes, saw the decisions she wanted to make and couldn’t. She was holding on to them both, unable to let go, and Maggie could tell it was tearing her apart. “What do you want from me?” If Alex asked, she would go, shatter herself to leave Alex whole.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I just know I can’t lose you.” Alex drew her close finally, and Maggie snuggled into the warmth of her body, feeling it ease the ache in her chest. “I love you,” Alex whispered into the wind, but Maggie felt every syllable sink into her body with a heaviness that rooted her in place.
Maggie had never thought it was going to be easy, but she hadn’t expected it to be this hard. This woman, with all of her strengths, her secrets, and her fears, had woven herself into the very fabric of Maggie’s being.
“I love you too,” Maggie replied softly, breathing the words against Alex’s chest. Alex’s body sank into hers, her lips brushed across Maggie’s forehead… god help her, she wouldn’t let go of this woman without a fight. “We’ll figure it out,” she said quietly, and it didn’t sound like a lie at all.