Chapter Text
Junkrat had to admit, the first twenty-two minutes of being in Overwatch wasn’t too bad. Sure there was an actually bloody monkey wearing glasses which not a single one of the tossers cared to explain, but overall, not too shabby. It was a chance to legit go legit this time. Well, as legit as something could be when it wasn’t supposed to even exist anymore, but the Junkers weren’t exactly picky. Also, they didn’t exactly have room to be picky even if they wanted to with the whole “jail or join us” junk the fuckers put on them. Still, a meal ticket and a guaranteed roof over their heads wasn’t something to spit at.
“Although we are not a sanctioned organization, Overwatch still operates under a strict set of rules which all operatives abide by-”
The monkey, ape, whatever he was, kept talking but Junkrat wasn’t paying attention anymore. The room they had been sat in was mostly made out of metal, pretty good metal at that. Junkrat bet that none of the Overwatch folks would notice if he took just a tad bit of it for his bombs. Besides, he and Roadie were part of the grand ol’ team now, weren’t they? And what do teammates do if not share their-
In the middle of his thought, the clock struck minute twenty-three.
“-Romantic and or sexual relationships are strictly forbidden between members of Overwatch.”
Out of all the things Monkey Man had said, this one sentence was the only one which got past Junkrat's mental barricade of his internal rambling and managed to explode right inside his head like one of his own bombs. Junkrat was glad the ape was turned around at that moment, otherwise he would’ve seen the way the two Junkers glanced towards each other, Junkrat himself mouthing a string of words that would make anyone not from Junkertown faint, or hurl, or maybe both.
When Monkey Man turned back around, still blathering on about rules, Junkrat was doing his best impression of what he thought someone paying attention looked like, which mainly involved nodding his head far too fast and making the frequent ‘uhuh’ sound. Roadhog, on the other hand, had the glass of water he had been given up to his mouth as if he was drinking, despite the fact his mask was still firmly pulled down over his face.
Nailed it.
“Winston!” someone called from somewhere in the base. Oh, so that was his name. Good to know. “Winston could ya come here for a tick?”
With a slight smile, Winston turned away from the two of them and made his way to the door. “Give me just a second, gentlemen.”
As soon as the door clicked shut, Junkrat jumped up from his seat as if he had placed one of his concussion mines right under him. “Roight, time to go,” he said, grabbing his bag from the back of his seat. “Too bad we can’t stay. Coulda made something real nice out of all this.” Gesturing around to the room, Junkrat only turned back when he realized Roadhog had yet to move. “Oi, Roadie, you coming? Probably don’t have much time till that bloke comes back.”
Sighing, Roadhog remained still in his seat. “We’re not leaving.”
“Mhhm, mate, you heard the fella, didn’t ya?” Junkrat was pacing the room at this point, his peg scraping across the floor. Suddenly, he stopped in front of Roadhog, hunched over even more than usually and mimicked Winston’s voice. “Blah blah blah blah, no romance or sex shit, blah blah blah.” The impression was terrible, even Junkrat knew, but it got the point across all the same. “Less you forgot, we fall into both of those categories and they certainly ain’t gonna make no exception for us.”
Gently setting down his glass, Roadhog leaned back in his chair, the resulting groans from the seat echo throughout the room. “The agreement was join them or go to prison.They won’t let us get far.”
Junkrat started to pace again, running his hands through his patchy hair and mumbling to himself. Roadhog was right. They still had a bounty out for them, there was no way the bastards didn’t know about it. He was almost surprised that Overwatch gave them a choice at all, most folks would take the twenty-five million and not give a flaming shit about recruiting. Well fuck. Pouting, Junkrat threw himself down onto his seat.“Why couldn’t the tossers told us the rules of being in their shite club before we joined, huh?” he hissed. “What are we gonna do? Cause I don’t know bout you mate, but I’m not gonna let a couple o’ pricks end,” he paused, gesturing between them. “Us”.
“No,” Roadhog said without hesitation. “No they won’t.”
Time was running out. Winston was going to be back any minute. What were they supposed to do? They really didn’t have many options. Junkrat couldn’t really imagine the two of them just shaking hands and acting like all the fucking and I-love-yous never happened between the two like a couple of blokes after a quick shag. Honestly, he would have thought that Overwatch would be abso-fuckin’-lutely thrilled that he and Roadie were together. It could have been a lot worse in Junkrat’s opinion. Hell, things would be a roight mess if they were at each other’s throats all the time, in the un-sexy way, rather than simply being together.
For a second, Jamie’s brain processed through what he had just thought, sparks flying in his mind trying to light. Finally, the fuse was struck and with it came an idea.
“Why don’t we hate each other?” he blurted as if the statement needed no added explanation.
Even with just a tilt of his head, Roadhog conveyed such a wide range of emotions all without removing his mask. “What?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,” Junkrat rambled, giggling between words. “Listen, around all the Overwatch lot, we throw around some insults, call each other some names, make ‘em think we can’t stand each other. Then behind closed doors . . .” he wiggled his eyebrows and it earned him a soft chuckle from Roadhog. “It’s perfect. All we gotta do is keep it up til the drongos realize that they need us. By that point, they aren’t gonna mind what we do cause we’ll be too valuable to loose!”
It was such a Junker mentality. Make yourself such an asset that people wouldn’t try to stab you in the middle of the night to steal your dirty water or trip you while running from some other person trying to stab you to steal your dirty water. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Junkrat wasn’t sure, he had never had a group to betray him in the first place. Neither had Roadhog for that matter. Or at least he didn’t think so. For the longest time, they had only had each other. Well until Overwatch ruined everything.
Finally, after what seemed likes hours, Roadhog nodded with a grunt. “Alright.”
With a grin, Junkrat planted a kiss on the side of Roadhog’s mask only to be met with a gentle push back. “People who hate each other usually don’t kiss,” he stated.
Rolling his eyes, Junkrat plopped himself back in his seat. “Pfft, could just tell ‘em it’s an Aussie thing. Kissing your enemies and all.”
Roadhog didn’t even say anything. Just sat there and stared at Junkrat til he relented.
“Fine, fine,” he huffed, throwing his hands in the air. “None of the fun stuff.”
With timing that the two Junkers couldn’t have planned better, Winston came back into the room at that moment to the sight of Junkrat scrunched up in his chair scowling and Roadhog apparently emotionless, sitting still and silent.
“Sorry about that,” Winston said as he glanced between the two. “Now, do either of you have any questions?”
“Oi, yeah, I got a question for ya,” Junkrat piped up with a raised hand. If they were going to pretend to hate each other, best start to right then. “Got any ear plugs or something. Cause this heifer here snores like nothing else and if I have to share a room with this-”
“Oh you don’t have to share a room, I assure you.” Winston interrupted. “You both will get your own rooms.”
Next to him, Junkrat could hear the dangerous creak of Roadhog’s chair as his grip on the seat tightened. He hoped Winston wouldn’t notice. Junkrat also hoped that Winston wouldn’t notice the way his own eyes darted around the room, trying to pick something to anchor himself that wasn’t Roadhog. This was fine. Absolutely fine. They were both adults. They could sleep apart. Easily. No problem. Overwatch was safe. They wouldn’t just let any random tosser who knocked into their base. Probably. He and Roadhog would be perfectly fine without each other. Yep. Fine.
“Good. I won’t have to hear your voice anymore,” Mako said suddenly, voice gruff. He didn’t even look at Jamie as he spoke.
It was just an act, Jamie had to remind himself. It was just an act. He didn’t mean it. With a breath and frown, Junkrat turned back towards him. “Well you’re not exactly a fucking delight to be around either, ya cunt.”
The room when oddly silent, the only sounds muted and dull and coming from somewhere far off in the base. It was like they were underwater.
“Okay . . . ” Winston trailed off, pushing his glasses up his face. “I’ll show you to your rooms now.” Junkrat couldn’t imagine what the gorilla was thinking. Hopefully it was something along the lines of how much he and Roadhog obviously hated each other. On the other hand, there was an equal chance that he was thinking about bananas, so he just had to hope it was the first one.
As they were led to their respective rooms, he was pretty sure the other members of Overwatch were watching him. Well, he couldn’t exactly tell with some of them, like the fella wearing a pair of shitty looking red sunglasses, but even if he wasn’t staring, he still seemed like a cunt. In response Junkrat sneered at them and pulled down his bottom eyelid with his middle finger like the perfect gentlemen. By the way some of the faces watching them contorted in confusion, he would say his point was well received. Perfect.
Finally, they arrived at a plain door lined up next to a dozen other plain doors. All metal. Didn’t look too strong. He could probably make short work of one the walls and just connect his and Hoggie’s rooms through less conventional methods. Junkrat let out a giggle at the thought. The Overwatch blokes would have to try a lot harder to actually keep the Junkers apart.
Handing Junkrat a small piece of paper with a string of numbers on it, Winston explained how he’d have to type in the code into the keypad whenever he wanted to get into his own room. Despite his bloody awful memory, Jamie wasn’t too worried about remembering the code. He could always just knock on Roadhog’s door and get the code from him. That or go through the hole in the hall he was making as soon as the fucking monkey actually left them alone.
However, any thoughts of blowing up Overwatch’s walls went up in smoke as he watched Winston say goodbye and then lead Roadhog to his own room. His own room not right next to Junkrat’s. His own room in a different fucking hall.
Silently, Junkrat watched as Roadhog lumbered away from him. This was fine. Completely fine. Totally fucking fine. Who cared if he and Roadie weren’t in the same room or the same hall or that they were going to have to pretend that they hate each other for months? Not him. Nope. Jamison Fawkes didn’t care one bit. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost didn’t notice Mako briefly pause before he turned the corner, and while Winston was looking away, formed his hands into a little heart for such a brief second that a misplaced blink would have made him miss it.
Turning bright red and giggling like nothing else, Junkrat did the gesture back just as Roadhog disappeared from sight.
Yeah, this was fine.