Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Maki’s fate had been decided a long, long time ago. 

Long before she even had a name in fact. When she came out of her mother’s womb a girl, her future was set in stone. 

There was an old saying that men and women were given very few paths that they would be able to walk on in life. It was the concept of destiny, of innate privilege or disadvantages. A pig raised in a barn would never be able to survive like the wild hog who grew up in the forest. Releasing the animal from its captivity would only lead to its eventual demise. Similar to how wild animals took generations of gene selection and training to domesticate. It was natural selection. 

A cruel truth of this world.

Women like Maki were like livestock, unable and unsuitably equipped to handle the harsh reality of this world. Maki wasn’t weak, far from it, but she had been sheltered and isolated her whole life. Preventing her from learning any life skills that could’ve given her any of the agency a common woman was able to possess in her day to day life. She never allowed herself to dwell on it however, because her circumstance was far more favorable than to the average common woman’s. 

“You can either be a proper wife, or an improper whore!”

That’s what her mother had screamed at Maki during one of their many tiffs. Though tiffs didn’t seem like the right word, screaming matches were more accurate. For as long as Maki had been alive, she was discontent with the way things were. With the expectations placed upon her, and the way she was required to live her life. 

In a rebellious fit of rage when Maki was fifteen, she ran away from home. She left everything behind, her money, status, lineage, and even her sister. All in search of a better, freer life. 

Foolishly, Maki’s idea of the common woman’s life was a plain but liberated one. They might have not been able to afford the luxuries of the Zen’in’s caliber, but they were unrestrained by the rigid expectations of womanhood. She’d gladly give up any gold or fine silk kimono to live a more modest, but unconfined lifestyle. Maki couldn’t have been more wrong. 

What she really saw were girls younger than her waving men closer with filthy promises on their hushed lips in exchange for monetary gain. Women being treated like second class citizens, stricken down without warning or reprimand. She couldn’t even get into major cities like Edo without a male escort. 

This wasn’t freedom, it wasn’t even close. That’s when Maki realized that all a woman could be in this world was used. If she was to be used, she would at least like a decent meal to go with it. 

So she ran back home with her tail between her legs, and received quite the beating by her parents for her sudden disappearance. 

Her father was lashing out, occasionally landing blows while screaming. Maki wasn’t even registering his words or physical abuse, it all blurred together at some point. All she could see was her sister’s, Mai’s, face. Her sister was fighting back angry tears. Mai had every right to be mad at Maki, she had left without warning, leaving her in what was seemingly a worse place to escape for a better life. Maki couldn’t help but frown, feeling like her own feelings of resentment were justified. Mai never desired something better, she never fought back. 

Even if Maki fell face first into a pile of shit and came running home the fool, at least she tried to change her fate. At least she took charge of one thing in her small, little, insignificant life. Mai never had the gall, even when Maki asked her to run away together.

That’s when it dawned on Maki. If there were only two things in this world that a woman could be, a proper wife versus an improper whore, then where does that leave Mai? If it were up to Mai, she would never grow up, and stay the trivial Zenin Clan girl she has always been. Mai has been able to find genuine happiness like that, the joy of the small moments just enough to satisfy any urge for something more. 

Life wouldn’t be so fair however, and Mai couldn’t remain stuck in limbo forever. Not without something being given up as a result at least.

So when the twins had turned eighteen, Maki had struck a deal with her Uncle Naobito. 

Maki always had a strange relationship with the current Clan Head. At times he was cruel and careless, screaming at his nieces to fetch him more sake, or taunting Maki for her foolish act of bravado a few years prior. He would always say that she acted so tough and jaded, but in reality she was as spoiled and comfortable as any noble princess, and to drop the act. Maki can’t imagine there are as many happy princesses as the fairytale books portrayed if this is how real princesses were treated. 

But other times her uncle was somewhat kind and patient. Maki had begun to recognize these emotions and actions as pity. Maki and Mai had always been mistreated within the Zen’in Clan, even with all their refinery and luxury, they were still looked down upon by their own family. Their father’s hatred was the worst. 

He resented the girls for squandering his chance at becoming Clan Head, and for being his only children while his brother had numerous healthy and strong sons. So every once in a while, every blue moon or so, their old geezer of an uncle would help the girls out, or do a random act of kindness. Whether it was just getting his son, their insufferable cousin Naoya, off their back, or buying the girls fashionable scented oils he just claimed got mixed in with another shipment ‘accidentally’. 

Or how he would turn a blind eye when he would catch Maki up in the very late hours of the night, honing her sword skills. Very unbecoming of a proper lady, if any potential suitor were to find out, it could very well impact her marriageability. 

Not even a suitor, but her own father and mother would raise hell over Maki even holding a blade. But he never once said anything, no comments, no private scolding, nothing. Maki decided not to say anything either when she found an assortment of new training weapons and tools in the small shed she would use that previously weren’t there before. If her uncle wanted to keep it an undiscussed secret, she was agreeable to that. 

He was sometimes so thoughtful that it made Maki forget what an absolute scumbag he truly was down to his core.

Still, when Maki had approached him in private shortly after her eighteenth birthday, she had very high hopes that her pleas could reach the sake drunken man. 

“Don’t marry Mai off.” 

Naobito sputtered over his sake cup, obviously not expecting Maki’s words. “What are you talking about?”

Maki brought her hand to her chest and raised her voice, loud and confident. “Use me instead. Whoever you need me to be with, just let Mai off the hook.”

It was unheard of. Every eligible noblewoman had to get married off eventually. If she didn’t, there were always rumors about her appearance or maybe even her fertility cycles. But Maki knew Mai wouldn’t care about all that talk, as long as she could continue living as she always has. 

“Do you know what you’re saying, girl?” Noabito’s voice was stern and sombre, trying to get Maki to realize the weight of her words.

Maki lowered her head in the most lowly position she could demonstrate to her Clan Head. Normally she would be disgusted at herself for offering him this level of humility, but now it was imperative. “I do. Whatever marriage contract becomes the most advantageous to you, use me. Just let Mai live life as she always has, unmarried.”

There’s no doubt that when the time came, Naobito would have probably married the twins off to a notable, but humble samurai family or influential merchant Clan. Not wanting to use the girls as political pawns for the Zenin Clan’s gain, but Maki was now giving him the go ahead. 

With the one condition that Mai remained untouched. If Mai was able to steal pockets of happiness in this life that she lived, then Maki could certainly find a way to do the same as a wife to whatever warlord or tyrant she’d be betrothed to. 

“Whoever. Wherever-” Maki felt her voice crack, and winced to herself. She didn’t want her resolve to seem weak. “Just please, allow Mai to remain an untouched daughter of the Zenin Clan!”

“Raise your head, girl.” Maki slowly lifted her gaze until she felt her back straighten, staying silent the whole time. “Your sister will resent you forever. You know that, right?”

Maki gave a wobbly smile. “She already does.” 

Mai has never forgiven Maki for trying to run away, and maybe there was still a part of Maki that resented Mai for not leaving with her. But no matter how much grief and hate simmered on the surface, Maki loved her sister. She would continue to love her throughout all her life, even if Mai felt nothing but anger towards her. Doing this wasn’t about how Mai felt, but what she needed. If Maki couldn’t survive in the outside world, Mai would most certainly perish, and marriage was out of the question for her. This was the best and only option they had.

“You really are a foolish girl, Maki…” He almost sounded, disappointed…?

There were a few moments of stifling silence before Noabito spoke up again. “I’ll have everything arranged, but know this…” Maki held her breath, suddenly feeling the weight of her decision. “I could call on you tomorrow, six months from now, or even a year.” 

It was true, Maki was now a rare chess piece for Naobito to use very sparingly. 

“But when I do, you must come.”

Maki nodded solemnly, already feeling the weight of her duty. Everything was now officially out of her hands. It was like she signed her name on a contract with a demon, selling her soul.

“Now leave to fetch me sake! I can’t bear to look at your face, it irks me!” Naobito swung his heavy hand towards the doors behind Maki, and she just lightly rolled her eyes before wordlessly bowing before excusing herself. 

“Thank you, uncle…” She had to give him at least a bit of respect for helping her with such a selfish request.

Naobito just shook his head solemnly. “Don’t thank me, child. Please..”

That was almost two years ago now, and Maki felt everything rushing back to her like ice cold water hitting her skin as her obnoxious cousin stood at her room door. 

“What…?”

“Daddy dearest asked for you. You deaf or something?” Naoya seemed uninterested as he focused on cleaning his ear with his pinky finger, he must have already said it, but Maki automatically tunes him out most times.

 “The old man wouldn’t tell me what for, said you’d understand.”  

Maki readjusted her lavish kimono from where it had been resting on her shoulders, nervously clawing at the hem. She was just about to apply her makeup and do her hair for the day, it was almost perfect timing. 

Naobito never asked for the girls, especially not Maki. He would just make demands of them when he would find them in the halls. Her cousin had to at least be curious. 

Naoya suddenly leaned more into the room, still hanging onto the door frame with his hand. “Why’s he calling on you? You try to run away again?” 

His eyes glittered with interest, probably at the thought of Maki being reprimanded or punished again. Though Naobito certainly wouldn’t damage Maki like her own father did. Even to that tyrant, domestic and paternal discipline could only go so far. 

Maki narrowed her eyes at Naoya, obviously not far enough if her uncle still managed to raise the world’s worst man. Maki refused to answer him, or even meet his gaze, far more concerned with the smoothness of her long hair than entertaining the bastard. 

Maki watched the man glower from her mirror on her tatami level vanity as she ran an expensive wooden comb through her hair. She didn’t have enough time to react before Naoya came stomping inside the room, making a grab for Maki’s long hair. 

“You look at and address a man when he’s speaking to you, bitch!” Naoya pulled the ends of Maki’s hair close to his face as the derogatory term slipped out of his lips easily. 

That was the thing with Naoya, most of the time Maki’s indifference to his abuse never phased him. Other times it hit his ego like a blade, feeling the need to exert some kind of physical force to prove his ‘superiority’ over her. Maki brought her hands up to her hair and dug her long fingernails into Naoya's wrist.

“Let me go, Naoya!” she snapped angrily. 

Maki never allowed herself to cry in front of the man. When Maki was a child, she quickly figured out that crying and begging wasn’t going to stop Naoya from pulling her hair or kicking her down. If anything it spurred him on. The bastard got off on making women seem infinitely smaller than they already were. As soon as Naoya figured out that Maki was going reactionless during his abuse, he started targeting Mai. 

Now that got under Maki’s skin like no other, and whenever she’d lash out at Naoya for it, he got exactly what he wanted.

It didn't matter anymore. As soon as Maki was gone, he’d get bored of Mai and focus his efforts elsewhere. He even said it himself once, that Mai was no fun to ‘tease’, if you call what he put them through ‘teasing’, because she was so compliant and meek. Maki was a challenge, but even the hardest challenges weren’t enjoyable if you couldn’t beat them.

Soon it will all be behind her now.

Naoya shook Maki’s head with her hair to garner her attention, his face once contorted with anger slowly began to morph into one of glee as he leaned into Maki’s space. 

“I heard the Shogun’s men are here,” Naoya's eyes tried exploring hers, as if they’d tell him a secret he wasn’t privy to. His tone grew mocking. “What the hell could they want with you?” 

Her heart skipped a beat at the mention of the Shogun. Naoya had said it was his men, and not the man himself, but still.. 

Maki sincerely hoped that she wasn’t being called for what she thought she was. 

The Shogun wasn’t an old man, but he was quite a few years older than Naoya himself, in his late thirties. Though she was sure he was leagues beyond her cousin maturity wise. He ran a country after all. 

Maki tried to control her expression, she always knew there was a possibility that she’d marry an older man when making that deal with her uncle, but she tried not to think about it before. Now the possibility seemed too real. 

No, it was too soon to make assumptions yet. There was virtually no reason for the Shogun, who has notoriously remained unmarried for years, to suddenly decide to ask for a freshly twenty year old bride from an almost dying samurai clan. An influential daimiyo or General seemed a more likely match for Maki than the Shogun. Especially with her–

Why was she getting ahead of herself?

Maki tightened her hands on the base of her hair where Naoya had her pinned. “I guess I’ll find out when I go to Uncle Naobito myself. Now let me go.” Maki wasn’t going to entertain him any further, already prying the man’s hands away. Naoya spat some curses at her once he realized it wasn’t possible to pry out any more information and dropped Maki with a thud.

“He said to come dressed in your finest, so cover up that scar.” Was all her cousin said to her before slamming the door shut. Maki instinctively jumped at the sound, wanting to yell curses at the man for handling her stuff with little care.

Her perfume and makeup laying on her vanity rattled with the vibrations of the door, reflecting her own shaky mental state. 

Maki delicately brought her hand to her right eye, pressing against the long line that traced its way from her browbone to her cheekbone. Looking at herself in the mirror felt embarrassing, blood rising to her cheeks. Maki’s hair was askew, losing the silky quality it once had with the way it was roughly handled and pulled at, and her face…

Maki didn’t like dwelling on her face. The scar her father gave her was shallow enough to hide with a thin layer powder or even a thicker, paint based foundation. When Maki was fifteen, she couldn’t care less about how beautiful others perceived her to be, but everything changed just two years ago. Ever since then, Maki learned how to whiten her features with cosmetics, and to cover any of the rough texture around the thin scar. She couldn’t allow the possibility of anyone outside of her own Clan seeing her bare face, it would spell disaster for her marriage prospects.

Sometimes Maki would wonder why her father even scared her face as a punishment for running away if all he wanted of her was to be a proper woman. A proper bride. Why would he doom her to a life of shame and hiding herself? Making the possibility of finding an auspicious union even harder…

Maybe the man didn’t care for his daughters at all. Maybe he truly hated them. Maki wouldn’t put it past Ogi Zen’in. Maybe watching his daughters struggle and fumble through life was therapeutic for the man so full of hate and malice.

Like she was ever going to let that man win. 

All her father would ever see when he looked at Maki was someone insignificant, and in a world that doomed women to a fate no better than livestock, she wouldn’t allow herself to be seen or restrained within his lines, even if it doomed her to a loveless marriage. If anything, the scar on her face encouraged her further. 

Maki grabbed her makeup brush, and began to paint.

Maki’s slowed steps across the cold wooden floor didn’t stop her elaborate kanzashi from clinking against one another. She felt so heavy. The finest silk kimono she owned wrapped around her, tailing at the end and dragging along the floor like a metal weight. Even her head felt heavy, forcing her gaze downward as her elaborate hairstyle and weighted hair ornaments guided her head to a natural slump. This was the most dressed up Maki has ever made herself. It feels almost unnatural. 

Turning the corner, Maki could see her mother and sister anxiously whispering amongst each other in hushed tones at the other end of the hall. Their faces paled upon seeing Maki’s lavish form, dressed in refinery and guilt.

Their mother looked the most conflicted, her eyes darting from the room where the Shogun’s men were and Maki, there were even guards in front of the room door. Seems she was just as clueless as Maki, but that wasn’t completely true. Maki wasn’t clueless, she had a very confident idea as to what fate awaited her on the other side of that door. 

If Mai didn’t know any better, she’d say that her mother almost looked cornered for her. Almost…

When Maki finally got to her sister and mother, who were standing in her way to block her path, Mai impulsively lashed out. “What is going on?” Her eyes raked over Maki’s dress and hair, growing wider with horror every passing second “What are you doing…?”

Her hands were shaking, and her voice cracked at the edges, revealing her anxiety and girlish mannerisms that she never grew out of or matured from. Maki felt her hands clench at her sides. Her sister wouldn’t survive a day as a wife, being married off, sold, used. It only steeled Maki’s resolve further.

She would remove this burden from her sister’s life.

Maki fixed Mai with a cold glare. It made her feel guilty for addressing her beloved sister so harshly, but it had to be done if Mai were to step back and allow Maki to pass. 

“My duty.”  

Mai let out a small gasp, her face twisting in hurt and betrayal. She looked like there was more she wanted to say, more she wanted to do. But Mai stood there frozen in shock as Maki pushed in between the two women to continue down the hall. 

It killed her, it really did. But she didn’t have a choice, she never has. When would Mai get her head out of the clouds and finally realize that? Finally face reality?

Suddenly, Maki was pulled back by a strong hand gripping her wrist. Maki hissed and was ready to yell at her obstinate sister for refusing to let her leave, but was met with the strong force of her mother’s heavy gaze. For the first time in many years, Maki went cold under the harsh scrutiny of her mother’s ire. 

Maki wiggled her wrist in an attempt to free herself, but her mother only tightened her hold.

“Mother, please–” Maki felt her voice crack just slightly. She hated it. She hated how her parents still made her feel like a little girl. “–let me go.”

Their mother narrowed her eyes slightly, as if trying to search into Maki’s own. Trying to find some secret, undisclosed emotion. Maki didn’t know what she was supposed to be feeling, ideally nothing at all, was there a right way to feel about being sold off like cattle to the highest bidder? 

After a few moments that felt like torture, Maki’s mother finally let go of her wrist and stepped forwards to help Maki readjust her kimono. Maki almost thought that her mother would stop her, tell her not to go, anything at all. Anything to prove that she felt an ounce of affection for the girl she bled and suffered for to bring into this world. 

Instead, all Maki got was,

“Remember to smile.” 

Her mother titled Maki’s chin up, forcing her attention to be solely on the woman in front of her. “Demurely.” She added on at the end, reminding the younger woman of her place.

Maki wanted to frown, to cry, to scream. It seemed Mai didn’t feel too different as she let out a pained gasp at her mother’s words, probably expecting something different. 

But why even bother to expect anything from her parents at all? 

They didn’t exactly have the best track record.

Maki’s mother stared her down, still holding her in place by her chin. She raised her eyebrows expectantly. Maki swallowed her pride, which she was all too comfortable with doing lately, and gave her mother a soft smile. The kind of smile one would expect from a docile and well bred noble woman who has known no struggle in her life. It didn’t reach her ears, not even enough to show off her dimples, but it was enough to fool anyone else. 

Anyone else that wasn’t also a woman, that is. 

Maki was finally freed after her mother deemed her expression believable enough. “Just don’t embarrass yourself. Your father would be quite displeased..”

She had to fight the almost instant frown that threatened to appear on her face. Maki just bowed deeply to avoid being scolded for her face and making eye contact with Mai. As much as Maki likened Mai to a coward, the only coward right now was herself. 

Slowly raising her body up, Maki kept her eyes trained to the ground as she turned around. Walking away, she could hear her mother and sister whispering amongst each other. 

“Mother, you can’t just let her–”

“Quiet! Someone will hear you!”

Mai just kept talking, her tone growing panicked and scared. “The Shogun’s men! They’ll take her away, and we’ll never see her again–!”

Their mother whispered something back, but by now Maki was too far away to listen in on their conversation. She wanted to stay back a few moments more, to stop her pattering heart and shaking knees. This was the worst time to be second guessing herself, she had so much confidence just a few moments ago!

Everything felt so real as she stood in front of the two samurai who guarded the room that no doubt held her uncle, father, and some of the most influential men in the country. She couldn’t tell what the samurai were thinking with the way their faces were obscured with armour, a display of authority, but they didn’t move an inch to rush her inside as Maki very obviously did everything in her power to stop herself from falling into hysterics.

Maybe they pity you. 

That was ridiculous to imagine, what woman wouldn’t glow with pride at the offer being presented to her right now? Or rather what man thought that marriage wasn’t something a woman chased with reckless abandon on the daily?

Maki lowered herself to her knees in a sitting position before nodding slightly to the samurai above her. They took the direction before motioning with their arms into sliding the shoji door open. She kept her eyes trained to the ground as the chattering voices began to carry out from the room.

There was an abundance of noise, then suddenly silence. Maki took this as her cue to bow deeply, her forehead hitting the ground. 

Lifting her eyes, Maki was met with the gazes of her uncle and father waiting patiently for her to enter the room. Her own zabuton was already arranged at her uncle’s right side, slightly pushed back, as a woman should be seated. 

She was never on equal grounds with any man.

Maki lifted herself up and quietly crept into the room, bowing deeply to the Shogun’s men seated on the opposite side. From the little bit that she saw, they were a pair.

A pair of messengers.

Maki still refused to let her eyes wander too much before seating herself slightly behind her uncle. Even then, from the corner of her eyes, she could see her uncle and father dressed in their finest regalia. They even fashioned their two swords slung on their hips like the samurai of old.

She always thought them old fashioned and too stuck in their ways. The kind of samurai her uncle and father were are no longer needed in the current times of peace and prosperity. Like soldiers without a cause. 

“She truly is a beauty. A wonderful bride befitting the Shogun’s heir.”

Her attention was snapped back to the front when one of the two messengers decided to speak. She tried to not let the comment on her appearance rattle her too much, it wasn’t devious in nature. 

Maki flashed the men a small, quiet, demure smile. They glowed with pride at her small act of sweetness.

Men liked it when women smiled. But not a wide, toothy, genuine grin. Just a subtle upturn of the lips, it invited pleasantness and gave an impression of docility. 

The messengers themselves looked like a slimy duo. One stump and fat, his eyes raking over Maki greedily with no sense of decorum. The other scrawny and long, his eyes strewn into judgmental slits that seemed to peer at her with a critical gaze. These were the kind of men that made Maki recoil on instinct.

Wait…

What was it they just said?

The Shogun’s heir?

“I wasn’t aware the Shogun had a son.” Her uncle questioned, his brow raising slightly. She had that exact same line of thought.

One of the messengers, the fat one, laughed deeply. “Not by blood, no! But the young heir is his fellow kinsman and was quite the formidable samurai back when the Shogunate was still bringing stability to our blessed islands.”

He was young? And evidently strong too. 

Maki felt her intrigue piqued.

Naobito breathed a deep sigh, his surprise dripping from his tongue. “Just who is this boy warlord?”

“Why Yuta Okkotsu, of course.”

Maki felt her blood turn cold. Whatever relief she felt at not marrying the Shogun himself, or that apparently her husband to be was not an old man entirely vanished at the mention of his name.

Yuta Okkotsu.

Not all legends and rumors are true, and it was in bad faith to believe words that you couldn’t confirm yourself. But this was entirely different…

Lord Yuta Okkotsu wasn’t a man, but a demon. 

Barely eleven when he first shed blood on the battlefield, blood that wasn’t his own. It was unprecedented. Not sending children to war, that has never changed. But said young child tore through enemy lines, defeated legendary ronin, and conquered land under the Shogun’s name. 

With his military prowess he earned himself a title among his peers and the praise of the Shogunate. 

Among samurai, he was honored and decorated. Envied even! Maki could even remember her own uncle and father talking about some young talent that had retained the Shogun’s interest many, many years ago. 

To men like her father, Yuta Okkotsu was the perfect man. Strong, he was a decorated veteran after all. Young, but had experience. A title. Recognition. Ambition, vast amounts of it for a man of his station. 

But to women like Maki…

She’s heard the rumors. His dark, soulless eyes. His crude and foul temperament. He doesn’t even view women as a valuable conquest, the only battlefield he cares about is one stained in blood.

He’s a monster! 

A merciless warlord! 

One did not gain the Shogun’s favor, let alone become his heir for righteous deeds alone. Not only that, but it was said that he’s hideous. He’s rumored to have a disturbing scar that mangles his face and makes him look akin to a wild beast. 

Not that Maki could talk much about scars, but at least she could hide her imperfections. 

If that were the case, why wouldn’t they match him with an older woman? A woman who was more well equipped to care for him akin to a mother rather than a lover! Why did Maki have to suffer this fate?!

Best case scenario, Lord Okkotsu just wouldn’t care for Maki. Mainly ignoring her besides fulfilling his martial duty of siring an heir and showing no interest in his wife, leaving Maki to idle away on her lonesome. Maki didn’t even want to imagine what her days would look like if he took a liking to her. Boredom and loneliness were far more favorable to the other possibility…

Her train of thought was interrupted by her uncle Naobito, who cleared his throat. 

“I remember Lord Okkotsu, it seems he’s climbed quite the ladder…”

The Shogun’s messengers laughed, like squawking parrots. “He’s a visionary that the Shogunate has recognized as worthy to lead our land into a prosperous new era…” She doubts they actually thought that highly of a man so much younger than them holding so much power, but two messengers were in no position to doubt the wisdom of the Shogunate. 

The skinny man motioned to Maki with his fan, “Princess Maki here should be honored to have such an engagement offered at her feet. Lord Okkotsu wouldn’t take just any bride, you know…”

Maki bowed deeply to prevent anyone from seeing her face. She felt like she was on the verge of tears.

“I am eternally grateful…” Her voice was soft and light, betraying not a hint of emotion.

This was entirely her own decision. 

She never had to do this. 

To agree to this.

This was never about her though, it was about the benefit this marriage could bring her family. None of this ever had anything to do with Maki’s own feelings and desires. 

Maki felt a familiar wave of nausea wash over her, it made her think of Mai. If Maki was feeling like this now, Mai would certainly never survive. She was such a hypocrite, scolding her sister in her head over facing reality and duty, when she was shaking in her robes when facing that very same responsibility. 

“I can attest to my daughter’s chastity, and her cycles are in perfect sync with the moon.” Her father’s voice pierced the air, making Maki shoot up to look at him. She hated when her father would act like he cared even an ounce for her.

It felt gross hearing her father talk about her purity and cycles, he had no right to know something so intimate, let alone share it with a room full of men. 

A room full of men that stared her down like hungry vultures on fresh, dead meat. Did her mother share those facts about her womanly health with her father, or maybe he coerced it out of Mai?

Maki just began to tune out everything spoken of around her, it’s not like her opinion mattered anyway. It was easy to dissociate, to ignore the wandering eyes and booming voices. All discussing her future, her body, her autonomy, her happiness. 

At one point, numerous engagement gifts were presented to her.

Jewelry.

Kimonos.

Painting materials.

All tasteful items that any high born noble woman would enjoy, but Maki found no joy in her presents. Or her union for that matter.

She only found herself tuning back in when she heard her uncle Naobito set her fate in stone with his damning words.

“It’s settled then. The wedding will be held here in three weeks. Then Maki will leave with Lord Okkotsu to Edo.”

The first thing Maki did was throw up.

She barely properly excused herself before running to her room and throwing her head over the private engawa and releasing the contents of this morning's breakfast all over the green grass. Anxiety pumped through her veins as she could feel her makeup melting off with the thin layer of sweat building up on her skin. 

It had been so easy to swear herself away just two years prior when facing her uncle, but now the fear that she should’ve felt then was racing back to her with a vengeance. She truly had no survival instinct…

As if on cue, her room door slid open. 

Maki attempted to regain her composure in a panic before turning around to reveal Mai standing at the doorway. 

Relief flooded Maki’s senses, already turning away. “Oh Mai it’s just you… Close the door behind you, please..”

Maki didn’t have enough time to process the sound of the door slamming shut because Mai grabbed a fistfull of her hair and pulled. Maki yelped in pain, her confusion preventing her from fighting back. Mai didn’t just pull, she dragged. Dragged Maki all the way back from the engawa until she was forced to lay down on the tatami of her room, struggling to break out of her sister’s grasp. Mai walked around until she stood directly over Maki, leaning down.

“Mai, what are you–!” Rage and fear simultaneously swirled in Maki’s stomach. She wanted to strike her sister for treating her so cruelly, but was confused and scared as to why Mai was acting in such extremes. 

“You think I wouldn’t find out?!” 

Whatever words Maki was formulating in her defense died on her tongue.

“I had a really informative chat with Uncle Naobito just now. You’ve been real busy these last two years!”

Maki stammered, partially due to her panic and the increasing pain of Mai pulling at the roots of her hair. “Mai, I–”

“No, Maki! You don’t get to say anything right now!” 

“I did it to protect you! You’ll never have to marry now!” Maki ignored her sister’s demands, trying her absolute hardest to reach her. Why couldn’t Mai just appreciate the incredible sacrifice Maki was making for her happiness?!

“I never asked you to do that!” Mai cried. 

Suddenly the tension on the base of her hair was released and redirected to pushing Maki’s face down. Mai held Maki in place with her hand, forcing Maki to make eye contact with her sister. It was excruciating, watching her sister drop wet tears down her cheeks. 

“Do you want me to congratulate you? Is that it? For your auspicious engagement to the Shogun’s heir?” Her voice was mocking and cruel. Condescending. As if Maki was a child making a foolish mistake that was obvious to everyone else but herself.

Mai’s voice began to grow raw and hoarse as she blabbered on, her tears finally getting the best of her. Maki didn’t know what to say. What could she say? Mai let out a ragged breath before using her free hand to reach behind her back.

Mai’s face suddenly went dark, her tone serious. “It doesn’t matter though…” Her hand slowly began to retreat from her back, was she holding something…? “Even that monster wouldn’t want to marry you if I ruin your face–!” 

Maki narrowly avoided a sudden flash of light making contact with her cheek. A thuck sound echoed right beside her ear, and Maki took a couple seconds to process the fact that Mai had just attempted to take a knife to her. Mai screamed in frustration before tightening her grip on Maki’s face and attempting to tear the knife out of the tatami mat. 

Panic swirled in Maki’s gut and she began to struggle under her sister’s weight. Her sister couldn’t be serious! Was Mai genuinely trying to ruin her engagement by cutting up her face?!

“Stop–!” Mai yelled.

“You’re crazy!” Maki screamed back.

Mai finally let go of Maki’s face when she sunk her teeth into her hand, hard. Mai hissed and snapped her hand back, simultaneously dropping her knife, more of a dagger at second glance. Maki immediately grabbed the blade and threw it towards the back of her small inner garden. Mai gasped, her eyes going wide as Maki staggered backward, her back hitting the wall. 

“Why couldn’t you just let me do it?!” Mai screamed, holding her bitten hand like she was personally offended.

What the hell was she talking about?! Mai had gone senile! 

“What?! Cutting up my face?!”

Mai glared at her sister, rage brewing and seeping out of her pores. “Why couldn’t you just let me get married?! We could’ve married some merchants or samurai and lived normal lives! Together!!”

Maki felt her own anger bubbling. Everything she's ever done was for Mai, yet she’s never given Maki an ounce of appreciation. Nothing was ever good enough for her, not speaking up for herself, not running away, not even Maki getting married in her place. Maki never wanted to do those things! She was just as scared! As terrified! She was just as much of a woman as Mai! But Mai never saw that, she always found a way to redirect blame onto Maki when her life wouldn’t go the way she wanted.

It pissed Maki off. 

It made her so incredibly mad.

She was going to marry a tyrant for her, and Mai didn’t even appreciate it!

“I did it for you! Because you're my sister! Because I love you! Because I know you could never be a wife!” Maki could feel the words coming before she had a second to rethink, 

“Because I know you could never be with a man!”

Mai’s eyes widened and her words escaped her. “I– No–! That’s disgusting! I don’t– I’m not–!”

Maki could only look at her sister in pity and anger. When would she stop lying to herself? 

She had noticed it many years ago. It wasn’t unusual for a young woman to not take too much of an interest in men, but it wasn’t Mai’s lack of interest that caught Maki’s attention but her redirection of it. The way Mai’s eyes would trail on the courtesans and geishas that would occasionally visit the Estate during large parties or dinners. It wasn’t appreciative. It wasn’t even exploratory. 

It was hunger. 

The kind of hunger Maki would recognize in herself whenever she’d watch the traveling samurai her Clan would host train in the main pavilion of her family’s home, or their dojo. There was always a reason Maki would volunteer to be the one to come and offer tea or towels to the young men. She would appreciate the way the men’s muscles would flex with each wide swing of their sword, or the sweat that would glisten on their rough and worn skin. She’d always have to leave as her face grew hot, and Maki didn’t want any accusations on her purity just because she had wandering eyes. Maki may have always fought against her fate, but she was still a human woman with feelings and desires. 

Desires that her sister evidently didn’t seem to share. 

Mai continued to sputter out excuses, threats, anything that would decrease her shame. But Maki met her sister with no judgement, no hate, no rejection. It’s who Mai was, and she would be a cruel older sister to allow her to subject herself to a life she could not live. At least not happily. 

It would be torture for Mai. A test of endurance unlike what Maki would ever have to experience in her lifetime married to a man.

Maki extended her hand out, an olive branch. 

“Mai…”

Tears were readily flowing from Mai’s eyes now, she ran her fingers through her hair in frustration and pulled at the roots. 

“Why why why? How!” 

Maki felt too weak to give much of a reaction through her face, “I’ve always known…” Mai opened her eyes to make eye contact and allowed Maki to shuffle closer. “Please, let me do this for you.”

‘Let me make this sacrifice’ is what Maki wanted to say.

Mai would never be able to live her life to the fullest, especially not with her interests and preference, but this was the best she could get in this life.

In this world.

As a woman, being unmarried is the closest to freedom she could ever be. Maki would gladly put herself in chains if it meant her sister could fly free.

A strong force suddenly enveloped Maki, crushing her whole body. It took a few seconds to process that she was being hugged. Mai was hugging her… She didn’t even register the wetness seeping through her kimono until those very same cold tears began to flower from Maki’s own eyes. 

The two sisters continued to embrace each other through their sobbing. 

“You never had to…”

Maki just squeezed Mai tighter as more tears spilled. 

“Yes, Mai. Yes, I did.”

Maki didn’t know what to do with herself. 

She’d probably brushed, and rebrushed her hair a million times by now. Folded and refolded the clothes in her wedding trunk probably a quarter of a hundred times, and reorganized every piece of jewelry and makeup product that she owned a dozen separate times.

Safe to say, Maki was nervous. 

This time tomorrow, she’d already be married and would be preparing for bed. 

Her wedding bed.  

Maki had to stop the instinctual gag that was forced out of her, or rather came to her all too naturally. 

Maki was no stranger to sex. Or rather she was well educated on the matter even if she’s never felt the touch of a man. 

Ever since she was a little girl, the only time she ever felt her mother softly brushing her hair would be while her mother monologued about Maki’s eventual martial duty. 

When Maki reached a certain age, and experienced her first blood, her mother sat her down and went into excruciating detail over the ‘twelve positions’, and how Maki should please her future husband. That was around the time that Maki began having dreams of running away from her fate, the fate of every single woman ever born onto this earth.

She’s sure in some other universe. Some other lifetime. Sex was supposed to feel intimate. Maybe even romantic.

In some other version of her life, she fell in love with a man. A strong man. A man that didn’t break a sweat lifting her off the ground and used his gifts to protect her and their community. He’d be romantic and gift her flowers and fresh fruit. Her husband would play with their children outside, never failing to give them the affection children so desperately desired from their parents. 

When he’d lay her down on her back, she wouldn’t feel afraid, but readily accept the love he had to give her. It wouldn’t hurt, maybe even feel pleasurable. He’d be gentle, caressing her body throughout, whispering words of affirmations and praise. She’d feel close to her husband, sharing such a vulnerable act of intimacy, and he’d take care of her. 

If she were lucky, she’d see stars, and finally touch that floating world so many talked about. 

Her husband would love her.

Maki would be loved.

What a ridiculous dream, it was almost pathetic.

Her dream was to be cherished.

Maki didn’t even realize she was crying until a wetness fell onto her hand, staining the back of her palm. There was no way she’d ever achieve such a dream now.

A knock at the door startled her. 

She instantly assumed it was Mai, before the voice on the other side spoke up. 

“Maki, dear? May I come in?” Her mother.

Left with no choice, Maki quickly wiped her cheeks, trying to remove any sign of weakness from her face. “Enter.”

There was a small pause before the shoji door slowly began to slide open to reveal her mother peeking in. She was holding what seemed to be a small basket of items in her hands. Stepping in, she closed the door behind her silently before making slow steps towards Maki sitting on her futon.

Maki took a moment to examine her mother. She was dressed in a plain yukata and her hair was tied back in a simple updo, far more casual than Maki was used to seeing her mother. Her face was the same however, pensive and restrained. Like she was holding back her emotions. Maki always assumed it was disgust she was hiding when looking at her daughters.

“I bought you some hair oils. It might be cold on your trip to Edo, you don’t want your hair to dry out, do you?”

Maki’s eyes widened marginally, it was a very thoughtful gesture for her mother to do. Almost a little uncharacteristic. But when could she possibly find the time to oil her hair properly before she left? She already bathed for the evening, and her wedding night was tomorrow. There was no time before she left for Edo the next morning. 

As if answering her questions, her mother reached out her hand, offering it to Maki. “I had the servants prepare us the bathing house–” When did her mother have the authority to do that? “–We could bathe together, if you’d like.”

The bathing house was traditionally used for groups of people, and had to be painstakingly pre-prepared by servants before use. Just why had her mother gone to such lengths for just the two of them? More importantly, why was Maki’s mother even extending such kindness and caregiving now? She had Maki’s whole life to show her the love of a mother, but it was never once given to her. No matter how hard Maki tried to win it over.

Maybe it was guilt.

Seeing her oldest daughter be married off finally allowed her to see Maki as her child and not just her curse. Maki frowned, she wasn’t going to give in to her mother’s pity party. Sympathy parade. Whatever she wanted to call it.

She didn’t deserve to make herself feel like a better person the night before her daughter got married after neglecting and starving Maki of the love and affection she so desperately craved her entire life.

However, Maki felt her will slipping as her mother’s facial expression began to sour pathetically. “Maki?” She sounded wounded and afraid, like she’d shatter at Maki’s rejection. 

The very same rejection Maki has been dealing with her entire life. 

Maki’s mother flexed her hands around the basket she was holding, her gaze downturned. “It’ll just be for a small while, I know you must be exhausted.” 

Maki felt her heart soften.

Who cares?

Who cares if Maki were to spend these last few uneventful hours being taken care of by her mother?

She had nothing more to prove to anyone in this family.

Maki couldn’t even find it in herself to care about giving her mother closure, she just wanted her hair hydrated and smooth before she left her childhood home for the rest of her life.

“Sure. We can take a bath.” Maki’s voice was plagued with indifference.

Her mother immediately snapped her gaze to her daughter, a small smile threatening to quirk at the corner of her lips. It was probably the most positive emotion Maki had ever seen her mother express, and it was barely a smile.

How sad.

The two women almost immediately began making their way towards the bathhouse. Apparently the one Maki’s mother prepared was one that was set quite a walk away from the main house, not intended for everyday use. Maki might as well have been dragging her feet compared to her mother, who seemed to walk with a skip to her step. Under any other circumstance Maki would have smiled to see her mother so happy.

All it made Maki feel right now was mild rage.

Unsurprisingly, when they got to the bathhouse, there was no one there. There really shouldn’t be, considering the late hour. Maki didn’t wait for permission to enter the changing area or to receive confirmation before removing her clothes. 

All she wanted was to get her hair treated, relax in the hot water for a few minutes, then head back to bed. She certainly wasn’t going to allow her mother to keep her any longer than she’d already had. The excuse was easy, Maki wanted to rest fully before her wedding tomorrow morning. Her mother couldn’t possibly argue or lecture Maki on that. 

There was some rummaging behind Maki, and she had to assume that was her mother getting out of her own clothes. 

Strangely enough, this was one of very few times Maki has ever bathed with her mother. Even as a little girl, Maki was cleaned by servants, and her mother certainly didn’t oil her hair or practice elaborate beauty treatments with her girls. It was just another side effect of being the unwanted daughter, or being a daughter in the absence of a son more accurately. She’s sure if her father didn’t abuse and beat on her mother so heavily for her “failure” or if she had a brother, that her mother would’ve been loving and maternal towards her daughters as they grew. The twins could’ve had a thousand bath times just like this.

But alas that wasn’t the case. All the resentment her father felt bled into her mother, and that feeling of discontentment festered for years. 

Maki finally slipped off her last layer before folding it neatly to store away. She was grateful to not be wearing any heavy jewelry or clothes when her mother came for her. It felt like she was having to constantly perform for the last few days as more and more of the Shogun’s people have showed up for the wedding tomorrow. Apparently the Shogunate himself had promised to be here to witness his heir’s union. It made Maki’s stomach churn at the thought of so many powerful eyes on her.

A light cough brought Maki out of her thoughts. “Are you ready, dear?”

Maki turned to face her mother, who had changed into a thin servant’s bathing yukata in contrast to Maki’s nakedness. Her mother held up a wooden comb and a small dark bottle Maki could only assume was filled with hair oil. “I thought we could do your hair first, before we bathe.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.” It did make Maki feel a little bashful to be so bare in front of her own mother, but her mother’s usually critical eyes didn’t stray from Maki’s face.

“Then I’ll grab a stool.” Her mother disappeared into a small side room and Maki wasted no time in entering the bath area.

Warm steam and a sweltering heat were what greeted her skin and wrapped around her body. Maki had to admit, she loved the baths, even if she rarely ever got to enjoy the water like this. She carefully walked over to the large bath in the center of the room, dipping her toe to test the temperature. The water was hot, so it would be warm by the time they finished with her hair. Maki smiled, that was perfect, and the bath itself was large enough to allow quite a good distance between Maki and her mother. 

They could sit comfortably on opposite sides of the bath and not speak a word to one another. Now that was a fantasy if Maki ever knew one. 

The sound of the shoji door sliding open attracted Maki’s attention, and she found her mother dragging in a small stool. Soon enough Maki was sat down by the chiding of her mother, and her hair let loose from its constraints. 

Her mother hummed while running her long finger through Maki’s hair. She always prided herself on her hair, it was one of the things that made Maki feel particularly beautiful. It was long and dark, nearly reaching her lower back. Maki always spent at least an hour every morning styling and treating it. 

It was a feminine interest that she sometimes felt embarrassed to share with others. It made Maki feel vain, like she was obsessed with her own image and beauty.

As if reiterating her own thoughts, her mother spoke, 

“You’ve always had such beautiful hair.”

The flattery felt unusual and almost insincere. Though her mother wasn’t the kind to use flowery words or lies, there was certainly no reason for it now, so she just let her mother talk. Maki stayed silent as her mother ran the light oil through Maki’s ends. She continued to speak through the silence, “And you’ve matured into such an alluring woman. Lord Okkotsu would be a fool to not be enthralled by your beauty come tomorrow.”

Maki hasn’t actually seen her soon to be husband, and likewise he has never seen her. She only knows he is unpleasant to look at due to an ugly scar on his forehead, and his rumored soulless eyes. She could recall some of the gossiping her aunts and cousins were engaging in that Maki would just happen to overhear. 

“He’s a brute!”

“A merciless warlord!”

“Apparantley, he didn’t even spare the women and children of the lands he would conquer for the Shogun.”

“I heard he garnered the Shogun’s interest because he had mastered the perfect executioner technique by thirteen…”

“He’s hideous!”

“I can’t even imagine being the wife of such a monster!”

“I hope for Maki’s sake he isn’t as cruel on their wedding night–”

Maki squeezed her eyes shut, trying to banish the unpleasant memories and subsequent thoughts that followed from her mind. 

There was no use in thinking about it now. There was nothing she could do to possibly prepare herself, because she had no idea what she was getting herself into. Maki could only wait apprehensively to find out what kind of man her husband was, even if all the rumors and gossip were pointing in an extremely unfavorable direction. 

Maki felt her whole body shiver as her mother began to run the wooden comb through her hair. She didn’t even know why she was shaking, her body was warm from the steam, and the sensation of her hair being tugged on by the comb was pleasant, but why did she feel so scared? Maki brought her arms to wrap around herself and cover her chest, tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

She was strong. Maki was strong. That she knew for a fact.

Maki wasn’t the kind of woman to hide or shy away from adversity or fear, but she also knew when something was out of her limits. 

This was out of her limits.

No amount of reassuring herself would help.

It didn’t matter that her body was made for this.

It didn’t matter that she would have to endure much more pain in childbirth.

She was scared.

Maki was scared for her wedding night, she was scared to have sex.

Tears began to silently fall from Maki’s eyes, and her shoulders hunched in on themselves. She’s sure her posture looked horrendous from her mother’s perspective. 

Did her mother feel like this? Was she scared on her wedding night, or the nights leading up to it? Did she tremble when she laid down? Or was she resigned to her fate?

Has Maki’s mother ever felt any physical pleasure in her entire life? Did her father even touch her mother anymore?

Maki was starting to think that the idea of pleasure was just something made up by the masses so that women wouldn’t stop having children.

As more silent tears fell down Maki’s cheek and she began softly whimpering to herself, her mother spoke up. “It gets easier…”

Maki immediately straightened her posture and quieted her whining. She mentally prepared herself for the verbal lashing she had incoming, but was stunned when all she received were more hushed words. 

“Your body will get accustomed to it over time…” Her mother kept combing her hair comfortingly, like she was reciting a bedtime story. “The first time will hurt the most, unfortunately. But after a few more tries, you’ll be able to go numb, and dissociate completely.”

Maki felt shock permeate through her bones at her mother’s words. Speaking so openly and plainly. Trying at any level to bring Maki an ounce of comfort about her impending doom. 

“Tomorrow night, don’t resist. Don’t be difficult. It will only cause things to be prolonged, and more painful. I don’t want that for you.”

Her mother’s voice suddenly grew stern. “So please, as my daughter, do this right and listen to me for once.” Maki felt hurt prick at her heart as her mother lectured her. No matter how much Maki claimed to feel nothing for her parents, she has always silently yearned for her mother’s approval. 

It was depressing to see that the only way Maki could gain it was by laying on her back, just like her mother had when she had married Maki’s father.

There were a few moments of extended silence before she felt a breath ghost over her ear and her mother’s whispering voice prickled the back of her neck. Maki didn’t even realize her mother had leaned in, tucking Maki’s hair away from her face.

“Tomorrow night, you will serve your husband tea, and you will slip a fine powder into yours. It will slowly numb your body, and by the time you are on your back you will be numbed from the waist down. If all goes well, you’ll fall asleep halfway through. Do not ask questions now, I will answer everything in due time.”

Suddenly, Maki’s mother leaned away and went back to regularly combing her hair. As if she didn’t drop some of the most critical information Maki has ever heard. Her heart hammered in her chest, and Maki wanted to ask a million questions. What did she mean to slip a fine powder? Did she possess some kind of drug? Would it just numb Maki, or paralyze her? Would she wake up the next morning if she passed out?

How did her mother even get a hold of something like this?

Why would she give it to Maki?

Could it be that some part of her mother actually cared for her?

That she cared for her enough to go through such lengths to ensure that Maki didn’t feel pain on her wedding night? Tears began to earnestly fall from Maki’s eyes, and she felt her mother’s hand rub soft circles into her back. It was the closest thing to love that Maki has ever felt from the woman.

Before long, Maki’s hair was delicately tied back, and they were soaking in the water. Maki didn’t sit away from her mother like she had originally intended, but sat right next to her. It felt strangely intimate, and Maki couldn’t find it in herself to pull away. After a few moments of silence, Maki’s mother finally began to speak.

“The water should muffle our conversation,” Her shoulders visibly relaxed, and she leaned into Maki. “I apologize, I didn’t want to risk the chance of anyone overhearing.”

Maki nodded a few times, not wanting to make any unnecessary noise. Even in the dead of night.

Her mother took that as a hint and continued speaking. “I will give you the powder when we go back to your room for the night. Keep it on your person at all times, you will be in a different room tomorrow night.”

So Maki couldn’t just store it in her room in her own personal tea set. That was good to know.

“You will arrive at your room before your husband, it is imperative that you immediately start making tea.” Her mother’s tone started to grow into a lecture, but Maki didn’t feel shunned or criticized. She listened intently. “Do not wait to offer to make tea, there is a possibility he will deny it, and you will have been robbed of your chance.”

“And do not even think about slipping it into his own drink. It is nonlethal with no lasting side effects, but he will not be able to perform his marital duty for the night, and it will raise suspicions on your actions.”

Maki’s mother pursed her lips, “Besides, I’m sure a man of his caliber is already adept in tasting for poison…” So it was poison. Even if it was a minor one… Maki was honestly impressed!

Her mother’s eyes grew sad before Maki could process all the information. Maki felt her hand be grabbed and squeezed. Not comfortingly, but like it was a lifeline. 

“I can’t protect you for what is to come tomorrow. It has to happen. But I can protect you from the worst of it…”

Her mother continued, “It may hurt at first, you might not even feel an ounce of pleasure.” She ran small circles into Maki’s hand, “You will be expected to bleed… As proof of prior chastity and current consummation.”

Bleed! Why would she bleed? Was the act really that brutal and painful? Maki felt her skin grow cold even while submerged in the hot water.

“I assume your chastity remains intact?” It sounded less like a question and more of a slight accusation.

Maki felt her face flush, “Mother–! Of course it is!” How could she even think something like that? Maki has barely ever seen men outside of her family, let alone been able to establish a relationship with any of them.

Maki couldn’t help but blanche as her mother began to laugh. It was a small, giddy thing. It only occurred to Maki now that this was the first time she ever heard her own mother laugh…

“I’m sorry for the accusation, I just wanted to know if we had to fake anything,” Maki wondered how you’d even fake something like bleeding on your wedding night. Her mother brought her hand up to cover her curved lips, her eyes glinting mischievously. “You were always just so fond of watching the young samurai train in the dojo when you were a teenager…”

Maki went from mildly flustered, to full on mortified, her cheeks were probably akin to red tomatoes by now. It only made her mother laugh even louder, her small giggles turning into full belly laughs. “Oh, dear! There’s no reason to be ashamed!”

Nope. Full of shame. Drowning in it actually!

“You were a young lady finding yourself! I wasn’t going to scold you for finding someone you're interested in…”

Maki perked her head up from where she hid it in her hands, “Someone?”

Her mother nervously fidgeted with her hands. “I assumed… that there was someone– for a long time in fact.”

“I thought there had to be a reason for you to be visiting the dojo so frequently besides just curiosity and girlish wandering eyes…” She gave Maki a hint of a smile at that last part. “Some of the samurai frequented our dojo quite consistently, and would trail their eyes on you with equal measure.”

This made Maki blush, she never noticed that some of the men would also stare at her. Not that she was much to look at just a few years ago. She was probably the first presentable woman they’d seen in ages.

“I had let myself assume that you’d taken on a lover.”

Lover.

That Maki had taken on a lover…

It was an absurd idea. Maki loved to stare and daydream sure, but she knew her place. And it certainly wasn’t being bedded before her wedding day. She was mostly scared of being caught staring and facing her mother’s wrath, and now she learned that her own mother assumed she was already laying on her back for some nameless samurai!

Maki didn’t know if she should be delighted or offended.

“Your father started thinking so as well…”

Maki’s breath hitched, and a familiar fear began pulsing through her veins.

“But I convinced him otherwise, and that I was tailing your every move like a hawk. But secretly, I hoped you had found someone. I wished for you to be falling in love…”

“Mother, I–”

“Please, let me finish.”

She relented, and let her mother continue.

“I never doubted your purity, and I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise. I had just secretly hoped that you were falling in love with a man, and that he was also taking his own measures to see you frequently. If that were the case, you could have convinced your uncle to let you marry him…”

Her mother gave a weak laugh, her dreamy expression fading. “But that wasn’t the case, evidently.” A small frown found its way to her lips, and she looked much more like the woman Maki has known her entire life. “I just wanted you to be happy, Maki… I’m so sorry with the way everything has turned out.”

Maki wanted to provide comfort, to tell her mother that it was alright, but she had no words. A part of Maki was still in shock that her mother had been working in the shadows discreetly for so long to ensure a chance of Maki finding happiness, and now it was thoroughly squandered.

Why couldn’t she have shown this level of love and care for her daughter throughout her entire life? Or just publicly?

“I talked to your uncle…”

Maki stayed silent and dug her fingernails into her hand. Mai had reacted terribly to finding out the truth behind her engagement. What would her mother say?

Silence, and then…

“You are a good daughter.”

Maki snapped her neck to the side, her eyes round with shock. Her surprise only furthered as her mother continued. 

“You are an extraordinary sister… What you are sacrificing for Mai is–” Her words failed her, as a wet choke was let out instead. Maki craned her head just a bit to find out her mother was earnestly crying. Maki allowed her hand to fall onto her mother’s shoulder, grounding her.

After a few seconds to recenter herself, she gathered her composure. “I’m so sorry, Maki. For everything. My words must ring hollow by now, but I must say it anyway,”

“I am so proud of you. Giving birth to you and your sister are my greatest achievements.”

Tears were now also flowing from Maki’s eyes, all she could seem to do tonight was cry. Everything, all the resentment, all the hate, all the misgivings evaporated when faced with her mother now. A small part of Maki wanted to scream. That this was all just a big show to make her mother feel like less of a shitty person before never seeing Maki again, but she held on to the hope that deep down her mother did care for her. She held it like a vice.

Maki wrapped her arms around her mother, hugging her with such a strong grip that she’s sure bruises would form. 

“I love you, mama…”

Her mother hugged back with even more force. Finally saying the words Maki has so desperately wanted to hear her entire life.

“I love you too, my precious girl…”

Maki felt something akin to relief wash over her at that moment. 

The day passed by in a flash.

Not that there was anything for Maki to take particular notice or care for.

She was dressed in an elaborate hikifurisode. The colors were the traditional white with gold and red accents in the shape of cranes and symbols of fertility. Maki felt numb as she was rushed through the motions of being dressed and made up. A few of the Clan Elders would coo and awe at Maki in her dress, remarking on how beautiful she was, to remember her facial expressions, wishing her well, all things a woman would expect to hear on her wedding day.

Yet Maki couldn’t find it in herself to take in any of their words.

Mai had given Maki the biggest hug possible before she went out to wait for the ceremony to begin, even her mother showed up. It wasn’t too emotional when wishing her mother well, unlike Mai, who was sobbing and wailing in Maki’s arms. But Maki could still see her mother’s eyes waver with emotion when Maki was presented to her. 

Her mother leaned forward, her hands reaching out to adjust Maki’s kimono collar. She didn’t miss the way her mother’s fingers slipped underneath, feeling for the small medicine packet she had given Maki in her room last night. Her eyebrows softened when she felt it tucked in her collar securely, and gave Maki a soft smile.

Maki gave her mother and sister’s hands a firm squeeze before she left to wait for the ceremony. 

She had to admit, when Lord Okkotsu, her soon to be husband was presented to her, she didn’t hate what she saw. The rumors and gossip on his grotesque scar were greatly overexaggerated. Maki had completely expected the upper half of his face to be completely unrecognizable, or maybe even covered. But not only was he completely uncovered, but very distinguishingly human looking, not a hideous monster.

The scar itself was thin, but long, encompassing his entire forehead. If Maki didn’t know any better, it resembled a surgical scar, not one earned in battle. Though she’s sure he had many battle scars on the rest of his body, one’s Maki couldn’t see right now. Maki wondered if she would ever spend enough nights with him to begin to memorize their placements.

The rest of Okkotsu’s face was a lot softer than what the whispers had described, but she knew what it was, he was young. It was extremely uncommon for a man of his age to have such a high ranking position and know battle as personally as he has, he was only a few years older than Maki herself. The worry wrinkles of war and the blank eyes looked uncanny on such a young man. It was almost like his lips were permanently curled in a tight lipped frown.

Maki can’t blame him, she can’t imagine that he was too thrilled about marrying a woman he’s never met. She also couldn’t personally understand what made someone so young so jaded, at least first hand. 

Even with everything, Maki still couldn’t help but find Okkotsu a little handsome. 

He would be a lot more handsome if he at least attempted to smile as they went through the motions of the ceremony like Maki painstakingly was, exchanging sake cups. But there was an allure to his dark, inky hair, and matching black eyes. Maki found the question dancing on her tongue, how he got such dark circles under his eyes. It made him look like a sleep deprived princeling, not a seasoned war veteran. She’s sure in some other life, in some other world, she would’ve found him attractive and struck up conversation. Probably teasing over his dark circles, or maybe even discussed swordsmanship. Maybe in some other world she could’ve been the one to teach Yuta Okkotsu how to wield a sword…

Unfortunately, Maki didn’t live in that world.

When dinner came, they didn’t exchange a word between each other. The only significant interaction they had was when Maki was struggling to walk up a set of stairs with her long kimono, and Okkotsu held her hand to stabilize her as she scrunched up the fabric. It was gentlemanly, and made Maki’s cheeks paint the faintest of pink, but she wasn’t about to let her guard down.

The entire day and evening Maki spent observing. 

Analyzing.

She didn’t know what kind of man Lord Okkotsu was, and many of the rumours she had heard or been shared with about his appearance were already proven false. What else was there that could possibly be disproven? Or perhaps underestimated? 

He did seem to take very little interest in Maki individually. Only ever addressing her directly when going through the wedding rites. Maybe he really did have very little interest in women or romance, just like what many have said. That would be a dream come true for Maki.

But there was also the other possibility, the possibility that Lord Okkotsu was short tempered and brash. It was probably one of the more popular rumors she’d heard through the grapevine. That battle and war had hardened him from a young age, and that he has no control of his actions when he gets angry. Maki wanted to believe it wasn’t true, but she knew the aura of someone holding back intense feelings and emotions. While she watched her new husband eat slowly, she could feel the iron clad bars of control and self-restraint permeate off of him. 

Maki prayed he was holding off his nerves and not his rage. 

Rage that would inevitably be directed at Maki herself. She wouldn’t let herself become the fool, she wouldn’t let down her guard.

Maki only realized after a few moments that she had been staring when Okkotsu anxiously darted his eyes away from his food to her. It was a flicker, barely there. Maki was sure she could convince herself it wasn’t there, that it didn’t happen, but her eyes were too good for that. He looked uncomfortable. 

Uncomfortable around her. 

Around her staring.

Maki felt her face flush wildly upon the realization and she immediately brought her eyes to her own plate, refusing to look up. Embarrassment coursed through her and Maki tried to fight off the shame. Was Okkotsu peeved with her now? Did it only aggravate him further?

Hesitantly, Maki lifted her eyes to see what kind of expression her husband was wearing. She was startled to find his eyes meeting with hers, and the faintest curl of the corner of his lips, a smile. Not only a smile, but his eyes, they regained a shine and were scrunched up mirthfully, like crescent moons. He wasn’t just smiling, but laughing. Silently, but a laugh nonetheless. 

He looked cute. 

Now that was embarrassing for Maki to admit. She was too far beyond the age to find men cute. 

Handsome, sure. 

Attractive, absolutely. 

Sexy? Depends on the situation. 

But cute? That was childish and immature. 

She was a grown woman for crying out loud! Cute was the kind of word Maki would use at fourteen to describe the errand boys that would sell produce on the street, not her husband. Maki could feel a flush fighting its way through her pale makeup and jerked her gaze away, she prayed that Lord Okkotsu couldn’t tell the difference.

Maki could hear a light sigh escape the man next to her, and she tried to not let the sound make her heart flutter like it did.

It would be so easy for Maki to romanticize her situation right now. To sensationalize every smile, laugh, and gentlemanly gesture that her new husband performed. All because she was desperate for the rest of her life to not be half as bad as she imagined it. Maki wanted to be happy, so deeply. 

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Maki flicked her eyes towards Okkotsu. Gone was his somber and serious expression, he was now sporting a genuine and soft smile as he ate. Maki had to admit, he did look handsome when he smiled. It was a view Maki certainly wouldn’t mind seeing everyday, even if there was nothing else between the pair.

Her romantic bliss was almost entirely destroyed when an attendant came to whisper in Maki’s ear that it was time to prepare for bed. Looking outside, the moon was already hanging high in the sky, and it mirrored the shattering of Maki’s fragile heart. She had completely forgotten about her wedding night, so wrapped up in the day’s processions. Maki stole one last glance at her husband, the man she had already started building a carefully crafted image of in her head. Would it all be shattered by the end of the night?

A shiver ran down her spine.

From the corner of the room, Maki could see her mother waiting for her near the entrance of the dining hall. With a deep bow, Maki excused herself from her husband’s presence. 

“Excuse me, Lord Okkotsu. I am to prepare for bed.”

The honorific felt heavy and acidic on Maki’s tongue, she hated it. Even though Maki had been so easily referring to her husband by his title in her own head, addressing him with that same respect with her verbal words felt degrading. Like she was his military subordinate and not his wife. Though there wasn't much of a difference between a subordinate and a wife in this world. 

Maki couldn’t see what expression he was making from her bowing position, and she avoided his gaze as she lifted her head. She didn’t want to know what expression he held at the moment. No answer would be good enough for Maki.

Disgust? He found her repulsive.

Satisfaction? He was just as bad as every other man Maki has personally known in her life. The kind of man who viewed women as less than.

Neutral? He didn’t care for her at all.

That was hilarious. Just a day ago, Maki thought it would be the best situation if her husband didn’t care for her at all, emotionally or physically. That she was just left alone to rot in a ridiculously expensive fortress for the rest of her days after having a child or two. Maki used to love the idea of her husband barely sending her a second glance in the evening when they’d share dinner. Maybe even sleeping in separate rooms. 

But now, nothing could sound worse.

Maki didn’t want to be a trophy on a wall. A painting people only stared and remarked at before moving on. She didn’t want to go unnoticed, undesired. Maki was a human with dreams and wants. Maki always wanted to travel and see the world, to go on a hunting trip, to ride a horse, refine her swordsmanship, and so much more she doesn’t even know is out there. She wants to share that with somebody. 

In a perfect world she could.

Now she feels as if she never can.

Maki walked away from her table in silence, not daring to glance at her husband. She was terrified at what she might find. What was that saying, ignorance was bliss?

Her mother gave Maki a pitying expression as she neared, her hand instinctually extending to squeeze Maki’s own. Her expressions changed right back to neutral just as fast though, at least in front of so many powerful people. 

Speaking of, Maki could hear the Shogun himself laughing loudly with some Zen’in Clan members. He certainly wasn’t the mature, visionary that unified Japan that Maki thought he’d act like, but she was too stressed out to care. She could see the Shogunate chatting with her uncle, who was very obviously drunk, as he waved his arm around animatedly. They looked like a couple of fools. 

But Ogi Zen’in, her father, wasn’t engaged in conversation at all. He was staring directly at Maki, his eyes hard and stern. As if he was looking right through her emotional armour and right into her very soul. His gaze was full of hate. It made Maki feel claustrophobic and scared. Like she was fifteen again, her eyes widening in horror as her father brought his blade closer to her face–

Maki felt a tug on her hand, “Come, I’ve prepared your room,” Her voice was soft and nurturing.

It snapped Maki out of her spiraling, her father’s control on her lessening.

Her mother prepared her room? It was touching to imagine her mother personally putting so much care into Maki, even if it was through the worst possible scenario. Why couldn’t they have begun to foster a better relationship before Maki was to leave?

Still, Maki clutched her mother’s hand even harder.

Through the corner of Maki’s eye, she could see her sister casting worrying glances towards her as she left the room. Mai probably felt an immense amount of guilt right now, but it didn’t matter. This was the best outcome for everybody…

True to her words, Maki’s wedding bed was located in a room not often utilized by the rest of the Clan. It was a luxurious and expansive room only used to host special guests, or weddings. 

Weddings like Maki’s.

There were a few servants who followed behind Maki and her mother, but Maki waved them off. “I’ll manage on my own. Thank you.” The servants exchanged a few skeptical glances between them before leveling Maki with a neutral stare. 

“Very well. We’ll be right down the hall should you need anything, my Lady” One of them, the head maid, said. Looks like they weren’t all too keen on leaving Maki completely on her lonesome. Unfortunately, Maki understood. 

Finally, with a small semblance of privacy, Maki opened her room door. 

The room was indeed much more refined than her regular sleeping quarters, she can imagine why it was so rarely used. There was a large futon placed in the center of the room with a thick kakebuton layered on top, big enough to fit two people comfortably. The moonlight filtered in through a rounded window, casting its blue sleeves all over various walls. There were also kimono racks for clothes and a tea set along with a small firepit in the corner. For warmth. Maki could also see a vanity with various drawers set up, probably for her jewelry.

Even though they were to only spend one single night in this room, there was an insane amount of care put into the experience. Allowing for everything to be as comfortable as possible. Maki was entirely expecting just a single futon and nothing else, since that is all this night was really for, but it wasn’t like that. There was a spot for Maki to hang her clothes, not for them to just be ripped off and tossed to the ground. There was a spot for her precious jewels, not allowing them to be scratched on the tatami. 

It warmed Maki’s heart that her mother had put so much thought and care into this. Ensuring that Maki was as comfortable as possible.

Before tears could threaten to spill from her eyes, Maki was taken aback by the sound of a match being lit and the light of a fire slowly filling her peripheral vision. Her mother was lighting the small firepit, fanning the flame until it was a smoldering simmer. Just enough to provide warmth and to prepare a pot of tea. Maki shuffled over to the small floor height table holding the tea supplies and brought the heavy iron pot to her mother who thanked Maki with a small nod before setting the pot to warm. 

There were a few moments of heavy silence as they stared into the flickering flames of the fire, her mother finally cleared her throat. “I guess I should leave and allow you to undress…”

Maki nodded solemnly, “Yes, you should…”

Her mother dusted her knees before pulling Maki upright by tugging on her upper arm. “And remember–” Her face contorted between stern, loving, fearful, and finally grief. However, her voice didn’t betray her, sounding as unfeeling as ever. Just in case anyone was listening in. “–to first serve your husband tea.”

Maki understood the secret message underneath as her mother pressed her palm against where Maki had stored the medicine pouch with her sedative. Maki backed away and bowed deeply to her mother, “Yes, I understand.” She lifted her head. “Thank you, mother…”

Tears gripped at the corner of her mother’s eyes, and Maki couldn’t stop herself from lunging forward to hug her. Maki should hate her. Maki should resent her. She did nothing for Maki for years, never once showing love, or care, or devotion. But Maki couldn’t find it in herself to hold a grudge, not right now. Right now, she would greedily absorb every ounce of affection her mother offered her. Even in the form of a simple hug.

After a few moments of squeezing one another, they finally separated. Maki wished her mother well as she staggered out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

With lightning speed Maki began to undress, taking off her heavy layered garments and neatly hanging them on the standing hanger in the corner of the room. Maki didn’t know how much time she had until Okkotsu came to the room, she wanted to be completely prepared by the time he entered. She didn’t want to have to use any slight of hand tricks to avoid being seen pouring something into her drink. 

Maki undressed all the way to her juban, ensuring the elaborate pieces of her kimono were properly taken care of. She walked over to the fireplace to ensure the water was beginning to boil. There were enough bubbles and steam to suggest so, and she delicately placed the hot iron pot on an insulated pan, ensuring the wood of the bedside table did not burn. The kind of tea Maki had required a boiling temperature, or it wouldn’t steep correctly. 

The rich and woody scent of the mixture of herbs hit Maki’s nose, and she found the smell pleasant as she poured the leaves into the pot. This tea was for those with a matured taste and palette, personally it was one of Maki’s favorites. She hoped the powder wouldn’t make her drink any more bitter or sweet, she’d like to enjoy her tea at least. Maki reached into her juban to pull out the medicine packet.

It was a small paper pouch, straight from an apothecary from the looks of it. Maki wondered how her mother, who rarely left the Zen’in Estate grounds, could even get her hands on this. She used her long nails to claw at the glued hem of the paper and slip it open. The powder was gathered in the middle, and Maki was careful to not spill a single grain as she poured it into her cup. The powder itself was a bright white, probably colorless when dissolved. Her mother really had thought of everything.

Maki looked into the tea pot. It still wasn’t the right color. 

That was fine. Maki could wait a few minutes longer, she made sure to dispose of the paper packet in the fire. Her husband probably had to wave down and talk to multiple egregious wedding guests before he could actually get away from the celebration. Maki was grateful she didn’t have to do that.

Maki allowed herself to dissociate as she plucked her fine jewelry from her hair. She didn’t really know why she’d put so much care into placing them into the many vanity drawers, this room was only for the night after all, but it made her feel more grounded. Like she was home. 

Technically this was her home, and she’d never see it again after tonight. Maki would leave Kyoto for good and head to Edo. To live with her husband, and never see her family ever again. She’d never thought that she would be sad to leave the home she grew up in, or this city. To think that just five years ago she ran away with reckless abandon at just the prospect of a better life. Not once looking back on the people or places she’d leave behind.

But now as Maki prepared to finally leave, permanently, she couldn’t help but feel her heart break at the reality. She really would miss this place…

Or rather, she’d miss someone.

Before Maki could dredge for too long on her sister, the door to the room slid open from behind her. They were the heavy steps of a man. “I’m entering…” A soft voice rang out, almost too light. Maki almost snapped her head back, believing that such a melodic voice couldn’t possibly belong to her new husband. But the reflection in her mirror proved her wrong, it was him, eyebags and all.

Maki instinctually panicked, she still hadn’t mixed her tea into the powder sitting in her cup. He arrived at their room so much faster than expected. Maki could only pray that he wouldn’t examine the tea set as she pretended to poke and prod at her appearance in the mirror while watching her husband like a hawk as he took off the heaviest of his garments. He treated each and every one with a meticulous amount of care and grace.  

Okkotsu was calm so far, taking his time to undress, sometimes throwing a glance Maki’s way. She would always try to avoid eye contact and sheepishly look away whenever he’d do that. He certainly didn’t seem like the kind of man to be rough or cruel, at least currently, with the way he wasn’t demanding Maki’s attention or pacing around the room impatiently. If anything it looked like the silence and temporary solitude eased him. 

Maybe this night could be methodical, almost boring. Something forgettable that Maki would’ve felt foolish for taking a sedative over, but that was impossible. She’d always remember her first night, her first time. 

A silly part of herself wanted to enjoy it, to feel pleasure. Now that was truly imprudent.

Maki finally decided to face the music when she’d removed her earrings, only leaving her hair tied back in its updo and her makeup on. She had briefly considered taking it off, but decided against it last minute. She didn’t want to show the man her facial scar too early, if ever. That would only lead to problems. Even if her husband sported a much more prominent and unattractive scar compared to Maki’s own, a scar on a woman was damning after all.

Maki made her voice go light and airy as she turned around, “Allow me to serve you tea, Lord Okkotsu.” It was phrased as a statement, not a question. Her husband had no choice but to accept her offer lest he deny his wife’s hospitality and risk being seen as rude for it. Maki wasn’t new to this game. False docility could get you everywhere as a woman.

As Maki made herself comfortable at the tea table, serving Okkotsu’s cup first before hers, she could see his face scrunch up with displeasure as he hung one final garment, left wearing his juban. Just like Maki. They looked so plain, not like an esteemed noblewoman or the Shogun’s heir, but just two regular people. By the time he began making his way towards the table, Maki had already poured tea into her own cup, the powder dissolving until it was invisible in the amber liquid. 

She had expected more silence, but her husband had many ways of proving her wrong. “Please don’t call me that.” Maki snapped her eyes forward, nearly dropping the pot in shock. 

Her voice betrayed her, dropping down a few octaves to its natural, deeper tone. “What..?”

Okkotsu’s eyes widened marginally, his mouth slightly agar. Maki immediately scolded herself for acting and behaving so casually. Before she could correct herself and try to put on an act to please him, her husband interrupted her. 

He interrupted her with a laugh. 

It wasn’t silent like it was during dinner. But loud and boisterous, it reminded Maki of childlike glee and innocence. Maki felt her face flush, no, she was blushing. He had a wonderful laugh, it was intoxicating. If Maki weren’t so scared for her life right now, she’s sure she’d laugh too.

Okkotsu smiled earnestly, “Please, don’t use titles with me, or feel the need to put on an act. You’re my wife, not my servant…”

Maki narrowed her eyes. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, she just didn’t trust him.

There was no reason for Maki to put so much faith into a man she’d just met. She had no desire to continue using his title, it felt like gravel on her tongue anyway. But she wouldn’t remove her formal language, though she would drop her tone and speak naturally.  

“I apologize…” She almost phrased it as a question. Maki swallowed her nerves, “How would you like me to address you?”

“–When we’re alone.” She clarified. Maki would have to continue using his title in public or in front of others, it was inappropriate to not do so.

“Just call me Yuta, Miss Maki…” 

His given name.

It felt so casual, but simultaneously extremely intimate. Like they were rushing into a level of familiarity that Maki wasn’t sure they'd earned yet. 

Still… 

Maki bowed slightly, “If you wish…” She raised her head, defiance coursing through her. “I would also like to insist you drop the Miss.” Okkotsu–, no, Yuta snapped his eyes from where he had been admiring his tea swirling around in his cup. “...Just to keep things fair.”

Yuta smiled, inclining his head in lieu of a bow. “Only if you insist, Maki…”

Her name felt foreign and almost enticing when slipping past his lips. Maki liked to think the goosebumps on her arms were from nerves and not something else.

“This tea… It’s wonderful.” Yuta took a sip more and placed the cup back onto the low table. 

Maki smiled softly, feeling genuine this time. “Yes, it’s one of my favorites. I suspect my mother chose it when preparing the wedding bed.”

Yuta reached into his kimono, and pulled out a small paper packet not unlike the one Maki had. Maki stared curiously as he ripped it open to pour what seemed like red contents into his tea. “Well then, I’ll have to have another cup after this if the lady recommends it...”

Maki watched as the tea in the cup was stained a deep red, the water thickening slightly. She downed her own drink in one go, it was bitter, she swallowed quickly. Her mouth fell wide open when Yuta made his way towards the futon and ripped the kakebuton off before spilling the red mixture onto the pristine white sheets. 

Maki felt her voice stammer, “Wh– what are you doing…?”

Yuta cocked his head back, like a puppy. “Staining the sheets?” He talked as if it was obvious! Of course he was, but why! “But I think it might be too much, don't want it to be too unbelievable…”

“What are you talking about?” Maki was thoroughly confused now, and growing a bit frustrated. Was this something about sex that her mother had failed to educate her on?

Yuta gave her a wry look, “Well I’m assuming you don’t want to have sex with me tonight, correct?”

It was Maki’s turn to gape in shock, left speechless. “I–” He was spilling red on the sheets to make it look like Maki bled. Relief is what instantly washed over Maki when she finally came to the realization. But then, confusion. 

Why?

Wouldn’t the marriage technically be incomplete if they don’t consummate? 

What would that mean for Maki?

What would that mean for Mai? This entire arrangement was only possible because Maki agreed to be in a marriage with someone powerful enough so her sister wouldn’t have to be married off.

There was nothing Maki could do if the marriage didn’t last. If Yuta didn’t want Maki as his wife anymore.

Maki raised her voice and puffed out her chest, it was a pathetic show of bravado given how shaken she really felt. “If you are doubting my ability to perform my martial duty I’ll have you know–”

Yuta’s eyes widened, and he reached out his hand to touch Maki’s face in a show of comfort. She instinctively flinched, and scolded herself with the way her husband withdrew his hand so easily. Yuta cleared his throat, his eyes soft, it almost made Maki swoon if she didn’t know any better. 

“I’m not doubting your ability to perform your duty, Maki.” He spat the word like it was a slur stuck on the back of his tongue, his voice was still soft, almost a whisper. 

“Nor am I calling you unattractive, you are stunning. Truly beautiful…” Maki blushed a little at that, she couldn’t help it.

Maki scrunched her eyebrows hesitantly, “But you won’t touch me…?”

Yuta instead reached for Maki’s hand, and she had to will herself not to flinch. He squeezed her hand comfortingly, it reminded her of her sister and mother. “I won’t lay with a woman who’s unwilling. Being willing to perform your duty and wanting to are two completely different things to me.”

“But–”

“As far as anyone else is concerned, we were intimate tonight and consummated the marriage. I won’t leave you, Maki.”

Maki flashed her eyes back to the futon, which now had the red liquid drying on top. It really did look like blood. 

It was unbelievable, she never would’ve imagined this in a million lifetimes. He promised he wouldn’t abandon her over her martial duty. That she didn’t have to lay down and take it for him…

Maki felt her eyes water, she tried to desperately fight the tears. Yuta only smiled, his eyes nervously darting between her face and the wall, “I won’t lie, I truly hope we can build an amicable partnership, and eventually become comfortable enough with one another to share intimacy, but I won’t force that from you. If you wish to be left alone, I won’t contest.”

It was too good to be true…

This had to be a test!

“But what about an heir?”

Yuta shook his head, “We have time, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. It’s not like the Shogunate is going to kneel over anytime soon.”

Maki felt a single stray tear fall down her cheek, and Yuta extended his hand as if to catch it, before deciding not to last minute. Probably because of her reaction previously. Maki felt ashamed about that now, he just wanted to comfort her…

She wiped her own face, suddenly feeling silly over her sudden display of weakness. But Yuta didn’t seem to care, that same soft smile still present on his curved lips. No way a man as patient and empathic as this could simultaneously be a feared warlord under the Shogun’s thumb, right? It was impossible. Someone must’ve replaced her betrothed last minute before anyone could notice. That was the only way any of this could be real.

“That would be–” Maki allowed herself a moment to regain her voice. “–that would be agreeable, yes.”

Maki didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with Yuta given the circumstances of their engagement, but she wouldn’t be against finding a companion in him. A partner. An equal. Even the thought of intimacy seemed entirely less daunting when faced with her husband now. 

Tonight certainly wasn’t the night, but maybe someday in the future, she would feel ready. Not only that, but it could be enjoyable. The thought was almost dizzying.

They stayed like that for a while, too close and too far at the same time, just absorbing the other’s presence. Maki could feel the tea she drank starting to take effect in her legs, numbing her. Not that she needed it anymore. Yuta still hadn’t let go of her hand…

Maki caught Yuta’s subtle change in expression and the shift in his body language before he even spoke. “We should try and undress a bit to make it more believable.”

“I can undo my hair.” Maki nodded.

“I’ll rumble the sheets then.” He seemed almost awkward then. Like he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

Maki watched as Yuta crawled back over to the futon, their futon. Maki focused on removing her hair from its constraints and slowly letting it fall over her shoulders and frame her face. This all felt too good to be real. 

Life hadn’t exactly gone how Maki had desired or idealized, but this wasn’t bad at all. Truly not.

Maki ran her fingers through her locks a few times, trying to give the impression of unkemptness. She’s sure sleeping like this would give her a bed head believable enough to mistake for an aftereffect of sex. 

Turning to Yuta, Maki saw he moved the heavy futon enough to suggest rough movement and  slightly undid the cord around his juban, leaving his chest dangerously exposed. It made Maki blush at the sight, he was muscular.

When he finally faced Maki again, she found herself smiling at him. “Ready for bed?” Yuta whispered.

“I think I am.” Maki could already feel the sedative making waves through her body, dragging her deeper and deeper in the jaws of sleep. It was only then that Maki had the horrifying realization that she couldn’t move her legs. “I’m sorry but, could you…?” 

Yuta gave her a puzzled expression before he watched Maki awkwardly shift her body with her hands. 

“Legs fell asleep?” 

Maki nodded, not feeling safe enough to reveal the fact that she had taken a drug to avoid feeling her first night with him. It would certainly bruise his ego to know that Maki thought so lowly of his character, and she wasn’t too keen on revealing secrets with the man just yet. Even with all the vulnerability he’d shown her. It’d be best to have him think her legs fell asleep from sitting in seiza for so long.

Yuta came around and gently placed his hand on Maki’s back, “May I?” Maki nodded her consent and allowed herself to slowly be lifted off the ground. It took a moment for Maki to realize she was being carried bridal style, with Yuta’s other hand hooking around the back of her knees. 

How ridiculously cliche. 

It was so easy for him to do too, he didn’t even break a sweat. Not even a grunt…

Maki had to scold herself, she was getting far too ahead of herself here.

When Maki was gently laid on her back, she felt no fear, only anticipation as Yuta crawled into the empty spot next to hers and dragged the kakebuton over her shoulders. 

“Would you like me to put out the fire?” He whispered, and Maki couldn’t help the involuntary shivers that ran through her. He was so close.

“Yes, please…”

Yuta nodded slightly before excusing himself to douce out the flames. Maki knew the job was done when the warm amber light suddenly disappeared and was replaced with the blue glow of the moon. Yuta eventually crawled back into bed, right next to Maki.

“I hope you sleep well, Maki.”

“And you, Yuta…”

They stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity before simultaneously deciding to turn faced away from the other. 

Maki shuffled her hands under the thick kakebuton and undid her own cord holding her juban together, allowing the fabric to fall open. It would be strange for her to be fully clothed, ties and all, after what was supposed to be the consummation of her marriage. She was glad that she still had strength in her hands to do the job. 

As the heavy allure of the night finally began to overtake her, Maki couldn’t help but think to herself, 

Yuta Okkotsu wasn’t a monster.