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"What triggers it?" Enjolras questioned one morning after a very interesting night of love and passion. He traced the scars littered on Grantaire's body gently, showing each one equal amounts of affection and care.
"Self hate... every time my parents call or send something, I want to do it. Every time we fight, I want to do it. Every time I mess up, I want to do it. Used to be that every time you put me down, I did it. That's where I got this one." Grantaire sat up, exposing the gashing scar on his inner thigh. "This was when I went to the hospital because of it. Remember our fight at the Musain and how you told me-"
"I remember that night... we all waited at the hospital for hours and Combeferre had to calm me down... You never told us what you were in for..." Enjolras traced the scar with his lips, murmuring an apology and kissing it to prove his apology valid. Grantaire shuddered, eyes screwed shut and hands fisted into the blankets under them until he realized that little drops of warm water were dripping on his scar.
"Enjolras- are, are you crying?" Grantaire gently pulled him up by his shoulders, wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb.
"I did this... I caused this... and, I'm... I'm so sorry..."
"No, none of that," Grantaire shook his shoulders, snapping his attention back to him. "Listen, it was your fault... but it's okay now. It doesn't matter. It's a battle scar... and it shows you that I'm winning this fight. I will win this fight against myself. For you, I'd cross oceans. For you, I'll beat depression, and self harm."
Enjolras still had heavy tears rolling down his cheek when he kissed Grantaire hard on the lips, explaining all of the things he didn't know how to say.