Chapter Text
There is a specific stress reserved for entering the Medical bay and finding the Captain of the Enterprise there. For one, it wasn’t planned out which told Leonard McCoy that Kirk fucked something up and was here. The issue with that was how they had just gotten Jim back from, well, being dead. And McCoy was just fine not seeing that man again anywhere near Medical for a good long time.
However, with a quick glance over, Jim wasn’t actually hurt. Not that Leonard could see anyways. He still approached the Captain from where he stood beside a biobed, giving him a guiding push to sit down on it. Words didn’t need to be shared, Leonard didn’t actually even need to do any scans, he knew what was wrong the moment their eyes met. Both shades of blue locking and holding that until Leonard gave a small nod of his head and turned away to grab his PADD.
No machines would be activated; nothing would be used to scan Jim. This was off the record, for lack of a better term. Because this was a situation that should have passed like a phase.
Should have.
“Can’t breathe.” Jim finally spoke up, earning a glance from McCoy. The Doctor nodded his head, setting aside his PADD and stepping forward while crossing his arms.
“You’re having an anxiety attack.”
As if those words were only triggers, his condition continued to sink from there. Jim slumped down at bit, hand coming up over his throat. “Can’t breathe.”
“Come on, lie back. It’ll pass.” It had to, anyways. Leonard’s hands were at Jim’s shoulders, gently pushing him back onto the bed in encouragement to lie him down. The Captain’s hands moved to his chest, fingernails digging in as if trying to claw through invisible restraints holding him together.
He was triggered, Leonard assumed. Maybe someone brought up his death, that was likely to trigger any poor bastard. Jim always bounced back, though. Well, almost always. There were a few nights when he was contacted by the Captain, having nightmares. McCoy would offer some creative drug, but it would be turned down in favour of him going to Jim’s room instead. Not doing anything (well, he’d poke around through Jim’s stuff for entertainment) just being there was enough to put Jim back to sleep. Loneliness desperate to be avoided, especially after that being all he felt when dead.
Near two days later, Jim was back. For a phase, it was having a Hell of a time trying to pass. They spoke more that time, Leonard’s patience wearing thin at Jim’s rebellion on some use of medication.
It was worse, enough so to actually inspire a brief touch of panic in Leonard. Visible shaking, feelings of nausea, he was near gasping for air.
“Jim? Jim, tell me what’s triggering this.” Leonard pressed for the near fifth time in the past two minutes, continuing to urge Jim to speak. He was trying, his lips moving to frame words together. Leonard only shook his head, looking down with a soft exhale. “Alright, it’ll pass.” There was a brief pause before he was adding more. “Does Spock know about this? I figure he must if you keep ditching the Bridge.” That earned a nod from Jim, showing that Spock was aware. Well, that’d make some sense. For the Gamma shifts McCoy had, Spock was probably being called to the room instead.
“I’ll be okay.” Jim spoke up after a moment, catching Leonard’s attention from a few feet away. He looked over and nodded his head in agreement, not speaking up since it looked like Jim was only speaking to himself. He would, too. Nothing, not even death, stopped this guy for that long. Trying to get his bearings back couldn’t be that hard.
Right?
“McCoy to the Bridge.” Spock’s voice pulled him from his daze, his attention turning to his comm.
“What is it, Spock?” And he hoped on every last aspect of his soul that Spock wasn’t about to reply on Kirk’s deteriorating condition.
“The Captain is unconscious.”
Dammit. Leonard was moving, albeit far too fast considering it wasn’t like Jim was going anywhere anytime soon. There was still the panic that he wouldn’t get there in time. That something would get the Captain before he could. Upon stepping onto the Bridge, Jim was indeed on the ground, but awake. Leonard approached and crouched down, this event now going public and permitting the use of devices to take in vitals. Racing heart, spike in blood pressure, as well as a rise in respiration rate. Anxiety attack, again. Leonard put away what he had brought, looking to meet Jim’s glazed over eyes. That was…new. It seemed he was catching Kirk after the attacks, and that he never thought to consider that Jim was having episodes.
So then, what was his trigger?
Leonard was looking around, avoiding most gazes as he did so. Nothing appeared different, maybe a few less members on the Bridge than usual, Spock might have sent them off. Leonard ended with looking up at the Vulcan towering over them, his own breathing sped up. “Did you see anything that caused this? Or heard anything?”
“Nothing, Doctor McCoy. I was just about to step off the Bridge when he collapsed.” Spock offered what felt like useless information. McCoy huffed out a breath, looking down.
“Alright, help get me to his room. We’re going to have to find something to change this.” On cue, Spock knelt down, his strength far exceeding Leonard’s. In fact, the CMO didn’t have to do anything but watch as Spock took Jim’s arm around his neck, standing up and keeping the Captain close. Leonard stood up as well, following behind on their way down to Jim’s quarters.
Upon lying the Captain down, Kirk appeared hardly coherent, and certainly not enough so for them to stick around. Both Spock and McCoy had turned to leave when a soft noise caught the Doctor’s attention. He stopped, grabbing Spock’s arm to stop him as well as he looked back to the bed. Jim was turned on his side, looking down at them with a steady expression. One hand raised, fingers extending out towards them as if to keep the Officer’s there. McCoy’s gaze turned to Spock, both realizing it at about the same time.
Jim was abandoned.
That had to be the trigger. Considering Spock leaving the Bridge being what collapsed the Captain. So he just…couldn’t be alone? Strange, it was near impossible to get alone on this ship. Aside from sleeping alone (it made more sense now because Jim would contact McCoy or Spock to stay in his room at night) he would always be around the crew anywhere else. Was it just…that horrible? Leonard didn’t think on it, instead turning back towards the bed.
“My shift ended awhile ago, I’ll stay here for now.” He announced softly, but Jim heard it anyways. His hand moved a bit, shakily turning to point at Spock.
“I should be on the Bridge now that Jim is not.” Spock offered, appearing to take a step towards the door. Leonard looked over, frowning a bit.
“He wants you here, can’t you find someone else to take the helm for now?” It was a long shot, and Spock would probably pick work over sitting around to comfort Jim.
So it was surprising when the Vulcan again looked at Jim before giving a small nod of his head. “I’ll make the call.” He stepped out of the room, which wasn’t necessary but it bought McCoy a moment to talk to Jim as well as see his reaction to Spock disappearing from view.
“Bones.”
“I’m here.” Leonard stated flatly, approaching the bed and crossing his arms. “Is that it, Jim? Do you need one of us to stick around at all times?” It sounded like he was prompting for an order to be given, but he was purely curious.
And Jim nodded his head, looking up at the Doctor.
Leonard inhaled through his nose, looking away after making eye contact. It wasn’t natural to see Jim like this, so broken. And all it could really remind him of was seeing Jim. That’s all. A dead friend again. And he would be damned to ever let that be the case again. He looked over at the door opening, Spock entering the room and approaching the bed while clasping his hands together behind his back. He stood beside Leonard, both of them looking down at the Captain looking back up.
They could have all stood there for near an hour if Leonard hadn’t spoken up. It was just…awkward. He didn’t like standing over someone’s bed. “What do you need us to do, Jim?” Might as well raise the offer.
“Just…stay.” It was stated with him sounding almost ashamed. Well, in fair justice, he was being selfish.
But didn’t he get that chance for once? Leonard animated then, turning to grab his chair and pull it closer to the bed. He lowered down to it with a breath, looking up to Spock in waiting for his action.
The Vulcan appeared unmoved until Jim scooted away from the edge and patted it. And that was the moment Spock nodded his head slightly and sat down, facing towards Leonard but looking straight at Jim.
“Thanks.” Jim smirked slightly, looking entirely at ease and much more steady than before. That was a comforting sight, one Leonard enjoyed seeing more than anything at that moment.
“Selfish bastard.” He remarked, reaching a hand out to smooth Jim’s hair down a bit-something that always annoyed Leonard to the point of wanting to fix it.
Also something he did when this happened before.
“Doctor McCoy, I think that statement is-“
“Spock, I was kidding around.” Leonard cut in, looking over at Spock and meeting eyes. “I know he deserves to be selfish for once.”
There was another period of silence, in which Spock now appeared the uncomfortable one. And he was first to speak up on it. “What can I do?”
Perhaps he just felt useless, watching McCoy’s gentle movements making Jim’s eyelids heavy. Jim held a hand up, holding it towards Spock and causing McCoy to freeze with eyes on the hand. He then looked up at Spock, the Vulcan appearing entirely transfixed on the hand.
“Captain, me taking your hand would be considered-“
“Take his hand, Spock. Whiny bastard.”
Leonard knew exactly what it meant. And he was shocked to see Spock’s hand move forward, his fingertips brushing to Jim’s before an intertwining of fingers. There, wasn’t so hard, was that? The room was again quiet, Leonard’s last words still feeling like they were echoing around from the abrupt stop in conversation. He was watching closely, watching Jim’s eyelids fall heavy.
When he appeared asleep, Leonard withdrew his hand and slowly stood up, looking at Spock. “You have things under control; I’ll be back in a bit. This is my chance to sleep.” And he wasn’t about to fall asleep beside Jim with Spock there. “Call me when you need to head up to the Bridge, I’ll come back in.” Because he figured it would be a long night.
Spock nodded his head to Leonard, and the Doctor moved to the doorway, giving one glance back in before stepping out.