Chapter Text
… It would seem that, despite all of his best efforts–the blood, sweat, and tears that he had put into trying to prevent it from happening… The worst fears of Suzuki Satoru had come to fruition.
The servers for his all-time favorite game in the world… were shutting down for good.
To some, that might seem as though he was overreacting. But to Satoru? This game was his life–his very soul itself. Outside of the magical, adventure-filled worlds of Yggdrasil, he was a bottom of the barrel salaryman who was nearly pushing 50 in his age. He simply didn’t HAVE the luxury to advance in his career–though it was damn sure not for a lack of trying on his part. For you see, out in the real world, he was heavily discriminated against by his peers for not having a ‘quirk’.
That is to say, some form of supernatural ability that around 80% of the global population was born with. At least as far as Japan went, anywhere and everywhere that a quirkless person could be treated like shit in some form or another, you could be 99% certain that the people around them would actively go out of their way to make them miserable. Such was unfortunately the consequence of just how obsessed the nation’s people were with the idea of being a professional superhero…
But that was a story for another time.
For the moment, Satoru–or as he was known in the game world, ‘Momonga’ was sitting in the council room of his guild’s personal base of operations, talking with 2 of his guildmates about just how shitty their current situation was.
“… And… and they’re really just gonna… cut you off, just like that…?” gasped an incredulous HeroHero, whose avatar was that of tar-black slime monster.
The 3rd member of their little group, and by far the youngest by a mile at only 19 as of last week, nodded glumly to confirm the slime’s question. The player ‘M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean’ looked mostly human at first glance, but one look at his pointed ears and green-tinted skin would clue in the astute observer that he was in fact, a type of spiritual heteromorph.
“Y-Yeah… Pretty much.” the Chaos Genie sniffled. “I… don’t know what I’m gonna do, guys… not without Grandpa to help me get his company back…”
Momonga’s heart went out to the kid. Especially with everything that he’d done for the guild of Ainz Ooal Gown over the past decade and change of its existence. In the world of Yggdrasil, he wasn’t just any old person. No… he was the grandson of the game’s very creator.
With the long and successful history of Yggdrasil spanning back over 60 years, Hakuro Midoriya had naturally accumulated a vast amount of wealth from both the game’s subscription fees, and the numerous Cash Shop items he had made available for purchase on its digital storefront. And from the very moment that Gr33n had been born, Mr Midoriya had made it his personal mission to spoil the boy rotten to his core.
At age 8, he had gotten Gr33n-Bean implanted with the neural interface needed to play DMMO games, along with a VR chair rig to use at home.
At age 9, the 2 of them had joined up with the freshly founded guild of heteromorphic players like themselves, roleplaying as the ‘big, bad monsters’ that humanoid players labelled them as.
At age 10, Gr33n had freely poured billions’ worth of Yen in birthday money to fund the guild’s expenses for high-level raids and boss fights.
At age 13, Mr Midoriya had caved to his grandson’s request to do collab events with pre-quirk media franchises–unexpectedly resulting in a MASSIVE boom of players and revenue.
At age 15, Gr33n had finally saved up enough money to buy the (deliberately overpriced) World Level Item ‘Endless Strive’ from the Cash Shop. And with another absurd purchase on top of that, was able to make the W.L.I. infinitely reusable, thus eliminating the level 100 cap from the guild permanently.
At age 16, Mr Midoriya had publicly named M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean–or rather, ‘Izuku Midoriya’ as his successor and inheritor to everything that he owned, the rights to Yggdrasil included.
… At age 18… Gr33n’s grandfather was… was kidnapped by a band of villains, who beat the man so badly that he was put into a permanent coma…
And now, a year later, at age 19… Midoriya was being stripped of everything by the Board of Directors, in what was essentially a hostile takeover of his grandfather’s company. So now, the Guild was not only losing one of its founding members and closest allies… but they were also losing their one and only escape from the hyper-quirkest reality that they lived in.
Snarling with rage at the mere thought, Momonga slammed his fist on the council table and roared, “Damn them, those greedy bastards! Who do they think they are, stealing all of your grandfather’s hard work for themselves!? This is total BULLSHIT!!”
Posting an angry emoji in the game chat, HeroHero let his own fury be known as well, given that his body would only splatter against the table if he hit it himself. On the other hand, Gr33n-Bean let his avatar’s head fall into his arms with a tired sigh that he was far too young to be making.
“… I… thanks again for all of your help in the court cases, guys…” he muttered dejectedly. “I know that we didn’t win back the game rights in the end–even with Grandpa’s Will for supporting evidence, but…”
Raising his head up again, Gr33n sent them a crying-face emoji in the chat in lieu of his avatar’s inability to make facial expressions.
“… If nothing else, I’m glad that you and the others all showed up one last time before the servers go down for good. One last ‘hurrah!’ from everyone with some fun dungeon raids, even though some like Ulbert quit the game years ago.”
Out in the real world, Momonga could feel his lips curl into a bittersweet smile at the mention of their guild’s very own World Disaster. Despite his very best efforts as Guildmaster to mediate the demon’s many arguments with the World Champion Touch Me, their once friendly jabs and quips had eventually progressed into genuine barbs laced with malice, leading them both to say things to each other that could never be taken back.
But even so, they had set their differences aside for a time, once Momonga had informed them of Gr33n-Bean’s situation. In the final weeks leading up to today’s shutdown, they and all the other 41 members–Momonga included–had shown up to go do anything they hadn’t yet completed in the game. After which, they had each said their heartfelt goodbyes to the kid… then logged out for the last time.
HeroHero sighed, saying, “Well… I… You have no idea how much I wish that I could stay here forever, but…”
“… It’s time for you to go, isn’t it?” Momonga sadly guessed. “Can’t you stay until the final shutdown, HeroHero? Just a little bit longer…?”
Gr33n-Bean nodded rapidly, a ‘praying’ emoji popping up above his head that was quickly followed by a dog face to affect the image of ‘puppy-eyes’.
“Yeah! Come on, Hero!” the genie begged. “Please!?”
Chuckling fondly at him, HeroHero reached a slimy tendril over to his right to pat Gr33n-Bean on the head, who squawked and playfully batted it aside with his hand.
“Sorry, kid. No can do…” he said, shaking his ‘head’. “I gotta get up at 4 in the morning to head to work. The boss says it’s because we’re ‘on a tight schedule’, but I’m pretty sure it’s just a bunch of BS to get me to do some extra stuff without paying for overtime…”
All 3 heteromorphs felt the sour note that settled on their tongues, equally fed up about the poor treatment that quirkless people such as them were constantly hammered with IRL.
“But… If nothing else, you can spend this last little bit of the game enjoying the ‘birthday presents’ that me and the others left for you! Ha ha ha!!” the slime teased, causing Gr33n-Bean to whine in utter embarrassment at what he was implying.
See, it was kind of an open secret among the guild that the genie player had a ‘thing’ for monster girls–sometimes rivaling even their resident Birdman Pervert with how fascinated he was with the concept. Now… granted, it had only very recently evolved to include them in a more… ‘adult’ sense, as it were.
Up until Gr33n had turned 18, he hadn’t really seen them in the same light that Peroroncino did. Rather, the genie player had seen them in the light of his hyper-fixation on quirks in the real world. He would gush for hours upon hours about how good each race of heteromorph could be as a pro hero IRL if you let him. And as a way to satisfy his fascination with them, Gr33n-Bean had used his nearly bottomless pockets to create a veritable ARMY of custom NPCs all to himself–each one meticulously handcrafted to handle a certain task, should he ever take any of them outside of the Tomb.
… Of course, that never really happened in the end, given that he typically preferred to use them like a bunch of giant teddy bears instead. Even after Pero had egged him on to get the special ‘18+’ Account Upgrade from the Cash Shop, the genie player STILL hadn’t gotten frisky with his creations, despite him having every right to do so as their creator. And now, to add fuel to the fire, his guildmates had gone behind his back to reprogram the Tomb’s other NPCs to adore him like he was… was… some kinda…
Isekai protagonist, or some crap!!
“Dude, whyyy…???” Gr33n-Bean whined, his voice a few octaves higher with embarrassment.
“All I did was say that Solution Epsilon was pretty! Why did you change her settings to make her wanna marry me!?”
HeroHero only snickered, very much enjoying the mischief that he was causing the poor guy. Momonga rolled his eyes, glad to at least have this final moment of merriment before they parted ways. And so, after just a few more words shared between them…
‘HeroHero has logged out!’
… Momonga and M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean were alone in the council room, with nothing to occupy their minds but the silence of their once thriving guild base. The weight of their memories here, both good and bad alike, were almost too much for them to handle. The Chaos Genie and Overlord stared at each other for a long minute, a million different words passing between as the clock ticked ever-closer towards the server shutdown.
After a long while, Gr33n-Bean sighed and said, “So… One last tour of the Tomb, for old time’s sake?”
In his heart and soul, Momonga would like nothing more, in the twilight hours of his dream game…
As weird as it was to say, Midoriya was going to miss these poison swamps that surrounded the Tomb. They had been the first of many challenges that he and his guild had faced, waaay back when it was only a random dungeon that Nishikienrai had scoped out for a potential HQ location. And over the years that he had been a part of this amazing band of misfits they’d formed, it hadn’t just been a base for him…
… It had become a second home to Midoriya and his grandfather, in more ways than one.
“Well… If nothing else, at least I’ve already got a job sorted out IRL.” he thought, weakly attempting to look on the bright side of things. “It isn’t that game-dev job that I wanted to have with Grandpa’s team, but… it’ll pay the rent, and put food on the table.”
Heading down the stairs to the Tomb’s first floor, Midoriya’s bitter grimace melted away into a bright smile once he caught sight of the guild’s first line of defense: a level 100 True Vampire NPC named Shalltear Bloodfallen.
“Shalltear, [Halt]!” he commanded her using the–well, command phrase.
Just as she was programmed to do, Shalltear froze in her tracks, standing stock still with a calm smile on her face as Midoriya approached her. Spamming a heart emoji in the chat box, the genie player bent down and threw his arms around her slim waist–hoisting her into the air and spinning her around like one might do to a younger sibling.
“Ha ha ha ha! Oh, it’s SO good to see you, my little Blood Rose!” Midoriya giggled, rather childishly for his age. “How’ve you been doing, hm? Have you been keeping out the mean, nasty little human pests like a good girl…?”
For a split second, he could have sworn that the vampire’s cheeks had turned a rosy pink at his baby-talking, and that her lips had curled up the tiniest fraction more. But before he could focus too hard on it, Shalltear’s expression was back to its pre-programmed state.
“Well, that’s weird…” he thought. “I’ve been seeing a lot of those graphical glitches lately. What’s up with that?”
His musings were cut short by a boisterous laugh behind him, the undead Overlord he’d been walking with thoroughly amused by the boy’s typical shenanigans.
“Sh-Shut up, Momonga!” Midoriya whined. “Quit laughin’ at me!!”
Composing himself, Momonga wiped an imaginary tear from his avatar’s eye socket, saying, “O-Oh, please, please, forgive me for that! It’s just that you are so criminally adorable when you are babying Shalltear like that. If I didn’t know any better about how Pero programmed her, I’d say that you 2 would make for an amazing brother-sister duo!”
Midoriya felt his nose wrinkle at the mention of the bird man’s perverted machinations. Long story short, beneath the picture-perfect appearance of this vampire girl, lay an even BIGGER pervert than her creator who would do all manner of utterly heinous things behind closed doors. And if that wasn’t already bad enough, Peroroncino’s final, twisted idea of a ‘birthday present’ to him had been to make Midoriya the object of her lustful affections.
“Oh, puh-lease!” Midoruya huffed, protectively holding the shorter NPC close to his chest.
“As if I would EVER sully this perfect little Rose with any untoward intentions! Isn’t that right, Shalltear?”
With a goofy grin on his face IRL, he spammed more heart emojis in the chat box, each one punctuated by a quick peck on one of Shalltear’s cheeks. Giving her one last happy squeeze, Midoriya set her down and ordered Shalltear to [Resume Patrol] as he and Momonga departed for the lower floors…
Completely unaware of the dopey smile that Shalltear had, as she stumbled along her designated patrol route like a love-drunk school girl.
… But regardless, the Overlord and Chaos Genie made their way through floors 2-5 just fine without further interruptions, only briefly stopping on 4 and 5 to visit their respective Floor Guardians. When they reached the 6th floor, however, Midoriya had them take a detour towards the giant tree that a certain pair of dark elf twins called ‘home’.
“Aura! Mare! There you are!” he chuckled upon seeing them inside the tree. “We’ve been looking all over for ya!”
Although they briefly glanced their way at the sound of his voice, the twins didn’t stop their programmed routines to clean their home until Midoriya gave them a direct order to [‘Approach Us’]. Throwing his arm around Aura’s shoulders, Midoriya gave the NPC a rough noogie with his other hand. But with Mare, he was much more gentle with his affections, only giving the elf boy a soft ruffle of his hair.
“What the… again with the blushing!” he thought, giving his head a firm shake. Once again, the glitch was gone before he could really get a good look at it.
“Is something wrong, Gr33n-Bean?” Momonga asked from behind him. “Is your headset too tight?”
“No, no, it’s not my headset. Just thought I saw something, is all…” Midoriya muttered back, admittedly unconvinced of his own words.
Swiftly pushing those thoughts aside, Midoriya took to babying the twins just as he’d done with Shalltear earlier. Internally, he thanked the high heavens above that their creator, Bukubukuchagama, had gone in a far more wholesome direction with her edits than what her lecherous brother did with the vampire. Where Shalltear would view the genie player in a whole bunch of ways that he REALLY didn’t want to think about, Aura and Mare would instead see him as an honorary uncle, or an older brother. And if he was being entirely honest? He vastly preferred this programming change to the one that Pero did.
“Aww, look at those chubby widdle cheeks!!” Midoriya cooed at Mare. “I swear, they make me just wanna…!”
Bringing his hands up to Mare’s face, he grabbed them both and squashed them around like they were globs of Play-Doh. He was an only child outside of the game, so he’d never gotten the privilege of doting on a little brother or sister like he was with the elves–and he was going to savor every last bit of this before it was ripped away from him for good.
Clearing his throat, Momonga said, “Uhm, not to interrupt or anything, but we only have another hour before the midnight shutdown. Best wrap it up before we lose our chance to visit the other floors…”
Glancing back, Midoriya grumbled sourly at his playtime with the twins being cut short, his hands still idly messing around with Mare’s squishy face as he sent an annoyed emoji to the undead.
“Oh, fine!” he petulantly huffed. “Way to be a buzzkill, Momonga…”
Although he scoffed at the friendly jibe, Momonga said nothing more as Midoriya brought the twins in for a big group hug with both of his arms.
“I know that you pair of munchkins can’t really hear what I’m saying…” he whispered into their ears. “… But I want you to know that I love you both so, so much. You are every bit the little siblings that I wish I could have outside of Yggdrasil. I am proud to have known you, and I am proud to have known your mother as well…”
Pulling back a little, he planted a soft, tender kiss on each of their foreheads, a crying emoji over his head to substitute the very real tears that were leaking from under his headset.
“… And most of all, I am proud beyond all measure to call you my family.” he said, clearer this time.
Doing his best to not choke on his own words, Midoriya squeezed the twins tight, burying his face in their hair as a tidal wave of emotions crashed through his heart.
“… Goodbye, you two… I will never forget you, for as long as I live in the world beyond this one… this, I swear to you from the bottom of my very heart and soul.”
With no small amount of reluctance from him, the genie pulled away from the twins and turned back to Momonga, who put a supportive hand on his shoulder as they left the treehouse behind. And although the Overlord did order them to resume their normal routines… Strangely enough, the dark elves refused to move an inch from where they stood.
Despite every part of their internal code demanding that they go back to cleaning up their home… they steadfastly remained where they were. And if one were to look closely at this time, they would see how their arms were trembling at their sides–fists clenching and unclenching in a steady rhythm. See their quivering lips, as if they were struggling to form a sentence. Then, from the corner of Mare’s eye…
A single, solitary tear fell down to the wooden floor below.
Sighing with a heavy sense of sorrow, Momonga led M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean through the final stretch of the Tomb’s 8th floor with one hand, the other clenched tightly around the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown as they walked. He had said it before, but this whole situation they were in was total bullshit, in every sense of the word!
“Damn those greedy, selfish corpo-rats…” he internally snarled. “I’d bet every last coin we have in the treasury that somebody hired those villains to take out Mr Midoriya, so the Board of Directors could swoop in like the vultures they are.”
Alas, such was one of the many unfortunate parts of reality for the world they lived in. If somebody had a strong quirk with good potential to be a pro hero, a scandal like this would have the cops and news all over it for MONTHS. But with neither Hakuro, nor Izuku having any quirk at all? It was barely a blip on the radar, ignoring the vitriolic emails from some very angry players to the company’s new management team.
“The fact that those emails received more attention from the news than Mr Midoriya’s kidnapping… It will never NOT piss me off.” his mind hissed, venom oozing from every word.
Sighing again, Momonga pushed that aside for now, refocusing on the present situation. Leading his young guildmate through the gateway to the next floor, the Overlord was almost immediately struck by the overwhelming lights and sounds that one typically reserves for somewhere like Las Vegas. For you see, as part of his agreement to continually fund the guild’s expenses, Midoriya Sr had requested that he have–at minimum–an entire 4 floors’ worth of space all to himself and his grandson to do as they pleased with. And despite a few initial arguments against it, the guild had eventually relented in the end.
Thus, one of Ainz Ooal Gown’s most lucrative sources of income… was born.
In the Great Tomb of Nazarick, floors 9 through 12 were essentially just a single, MASSIVE all-in-one casino and resort styled after 1940s and 50s America. From the decor, to the NPC staff, to even the dress code for the guild’s heteromorphic customers, it was all quite the snazzy and high-class place for people to lose all of their gold in a couple hours of enjoying themselves.
“You know, sometimes I still can’t believe how you convinced everyone to set this all up.” he off-handedly remarked as they passed a pair of scantily-clad succubus waitresses.
“… Or how you managed to keep Peroroncino away from all of your NPCs…” he muttered, awkwardly coughing when he felt a rough jab to his avatar’s ribcage.
“Eh. I have my ways…” Gr33n-Bean answered cryptically. Gesturing ahead of them, he said, “Come on, Miia’s office is right up ahead. I wanna see her again before we get booted out of the game.”
Nodding, Momonga followed him up a set of stairs to the floor’s VIP area, and then through a doorway labelled ‘Staff Only’ that was guarded by a pair of burly minotaurs in black suits. After a few winding turns through the hallways, they found themselves in front of an ornately decorated door with golden trimmings. A marble plaque to the door’s immediate right was engraved with the words, ‘Miia–Casino Manager, Floor Guardian and Pit Boss’ to indicate who occupied the office.
Knocking on the door, Gr33n said, “Miia, it’s me and Momonga! We’re coming in, okay?”
Entering the passcode on the nearby keypad, Gr33n-Bean opened the door to the office, beckoning Momonga inside with him as he did so. A short distance ahead of them was a red-scaled lamia NPC, who was ‘sitting’ on her coils behind a polished walnut desk. She was dressed in a crisp business suit, her scarlet hair tied up into a bun. In her hands was a large stack of papers–no doubt the recent financial records of the casino that she was assigned to manage.
“Hey there, gorgeous…” Gr33n-Bean began, his tone bearing a false confidence as he strutted up to her with an exaggerated swagger.
“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in here, stacking papers all day? Hmm…?”
Momonga couldn’t help but groan at how cheesy the young man sounded, yet found himself smirking in good humor about it either way. If ever there was an NPC that Gr33n had created that Momonga would call his ‘favorite’, it would have to be this one right here, who was the first of hundreds more to come in the genie’s obsession with monster girls.
“… Hang on, is… Is she blushing…?”
Rubbing his face on his robe sleeve, Momonga saw that she was indeed blushing up a storm.
“That…That’s not normal, right?” he thought to himself, discreetly pulling up the command window with the Guild Weapon to check her settings.
But the programming hadn’t changed, much to his bewilderment.
“Hey… Gr33n?” he asked, “Am I… Are you seeing her blush, too?”
“Eh?” The genie looked at him, then turned to Miia… Only to find the blush gone. “Dude, are you feeling alright? Maybe it’s just another glitch–I’ve been seeing a lot of them lately.”
Momonga stared for a moment, then shook his head.
“Yeah… Yeah, the servers coming down must be causing errors.” The skeletal player said firmly, watching Gr33n place a large kiss on Miia’s cheek.
As the genie walked away, he failed to notice as the lamia’s face went nuclear, and he had to shake his head furiously.
“Just a bug. Has to be…” he muttered, turning to follow the genie.
Gr33n paused, and sighed.
“You know what? Screw it. Miia, [Follow Us].” he ordered. “We’re going to the throne room. May as well let her be with me in our final moments together.”
The lamia stilled, placing the forms in her hand on the desk and trailing after them. Heading back the way they came, the players and NPC took a shortcut through the staff areas to reach a large elevator, which they rode down to the bottommost level of the Tomb’s casino. If the casino’s first floor only had a small VIP loft, then this last floor could be considered the most exclusive area of the whole establishment. Although reluctant to do so at first, Gr33n had eventually been convinced by his grandfather to make this floor into a Hostess Club of sorts, where high-paying patrons with money to burn could play games to win some time with one of the lovely ladies that worked down here.
… Now, with the genie being so jealously protective of his many NPCs, he had subtly rigged a majority of the games on this floor to be in the Tomb’s favor. Although they did sometimes have to let their patrons win some time alone with the girls in order to keep up the illusion, M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean was never exactly ‘thrilled’ about people getting handsy with his creations…
… His… His creations… that… were… looking… at him…
“… Okay, I swear to GOD, if this game is haunted or some shit, I am going to call an exorcist to purify my VR rig!” Momonga thought, more than a little alarmed at the smoldering bedroom eyes they were giving the genie.
Gr33n flinched when he also noticed the stares, flicking his eyes over to where Momonga stood next to him.
“… Momonga? Did you or the others fuck with their programming, when I wasn’t online…?” Gr33n asked tersely.
“Uhh… No. No we did not…” he mumbled back, feeling his real body shiver in his chair.
“Let’s, uhm… Let’s just keep going…”
Nodding, the genie stuck close by his side as they made their way through the Hostess Club–a hundred different spells on their tongues in case… whatever the fuck this was turned out to be some kinda last-minute invasion from another player mind-controlling the women. Weirder plots had been cooked up in the many years they’d played, so the guildmaster wouldn’t put it past a dedicated troll or griefer to try it. Granted, said troll would likely wish they were dead when Gr33n found out where they were hiding…
“I just hope that nothing too weird happens nex–GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY!!”
Coming to stand before them was an absolute giant of a woman with dark-tan skin, the singular black horn emerging from her forehead clueing him in that she was a high-level ogre NPC. Dressed in an erotic red corset and boots combo, the former’s bra cups seemed to be a few sizes too small for her frankly ridiculous bosom, and left absolutely nothing to the imagination.
“M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean, just what in the HELL have you been reading from Peroroncino’s porn stash!?” he practically squeaked, frantically moving to cover both the genie’s and his own eyes with a hand.
“What the–hey!” Gr33n yelped, swatting his hand away. “Would you cut that out!? It’s just Tio! She’s harmless!!”
As if to prove his point, Gr33n walked forward and hugged the ogre’s huge leg, either oblivious or uncaring to how dirty it looked when he nuzzled his face into butt cheek.
“See?” he snickered back. “Like I said, totally harmless. In fact…”
Casting [Fly] on himself, the genie floated up to her eye level and threw his arms around her shoulders, more or less dangling off of ‘Tio’ like he was a green monkey.
“Tio, [Carry Me] and [Follow Momonga].” he ordered her.
Without a word–because she couldn’t speak, obviously–the ogre wrapped her muscled arms around her creator, nestling his much smaller frame snugly within the cleavage of her corset.
“Lead the way, Guildmaster!” he gestured grandly with a hand, whilst he wriggled himself deeper into the NPC’s breasts like they were the most comfortable things in existence.
“Time’s a’wasting! You still wanna see the throne room again, yeah?”
“… This guy, I swear…” Momonga grumbled internally, his earlier concerns about an intruder long-forgotten after THAT little display.
Regardless of his gripes, however, he nonetheless led them down and through the 13th floor–the personal living quarters within the tomb–without any further… ‘distractions’ from a well-endowed NPC woman. At last arriving at the throne room’s enormous doors, Momonga opened them with a wave of his staff. Creeeaking open on its heavy hinges, the intricately carved mural parted to reveal one of the Tomb’s crown jewels in the far back: The Throne of Kings. Stretching high up to the ceiling above, the single mass of carved obsidian was a trophy awarded to the guild for clearing the dungeon on their first attempt.
The World Level Item granted whoever sat upon it the ability to remotely view the statuses of every allied player and NPC in the Tomb, from the safety of its innermost stronghold. In addition, the user could also sacrifice a small sum of gold to activate a multitude of booby-traps that were scattered throughout the guild base, as well as command a small army of fodder POP monsters.
Doing his damn level best to not tear up at the memories that bubbled up… or smack his guildmate for making goo-goo eyes at his NPCs, if he was being honest–Momonga walked down the red carpet to the throne and took a seat on the World Item. Although he still wished they weren’t in this position to begin with… The guildmaster was content, in a certain sense.
He had gone on some amazing adventures.
Met plenty of fantastic people during his 15 years of playtime.
And, perhaps most importantly of all, made friends that he would cherish to his dying days, and for however long after that when he was peacefully resting in his grave. Sure, this guild had its ups and downs over the course of its existence–its high and low points, when they took down a tough boss, or had one of its members quit. But… that was the beauty of it, wasn’t it?
“Just a merry band of quirkless misfits, escaping from our shitty lives in the real world to live out a power fantasy of being the ‘monsters’ that everyone else thinks we are…” he thought, his melancholy seeping into every fiber of his body.
“… But what a wonderful adventure it has been, while it lasted.”
Glancing up to the top right of his HUD, Momonga sighed when he saw the time. 11:30 PM. Just 30 minutes left, until all of their hard work would be gone for good… Bringing a bony hand to his face, he pinched the space between his eyes where his nose would be if his avatar was a human. Momonga–no, Satoru was tired, physically and mentally.
“I still wouldn’t miss this for the world,” he privately mused. “But I at least wish that I also didn’t have to get up at 4 in the morning for work, like HeroHero does. My shift at the office is going to suck…”
Dragging his hand down his face, Satoru blinked when he caught the flutter of a white dress in the corner of his vision. Glancing to his right, he saw the designated Overseer of the Tomb’s Floor Guardians–a beautiful demoness named Albedo–standing serenely next to the throne.
“How long has she been standing there?” he muttered to himself.
Tracing her line of sight, Satoru noted that the Overseer was looking straight at where Gr33n-Bean was sitting on the floor to the throne’s left, both of his NPCs currently snuggled up to the genie through the use of what was probably a custom command phrase that he’d cooked up at some point.
“No way… Is she… jealous…?”
Waving the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown towards her, Momonga opened up her settings menu–the red flames in his avatar’s eye sockets greeted by a WALL of text that seemed to go on forever.
“Geez, Tabula. Learn to take it easy, will ya?” he scoffed, equal parts impressed and annoyed at how thorough his guildmate was.
Scrolling his way down, down, down for close to a minute, Satoru eventually made it near the bottom of Albedo’s character bio, where its most recent addition stared him right in the face.
“What in the goddamn… ‘Albedo is, without any ounce of doubt in her mind, absolutely smitten with M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean in every possible sense of the word. Her greatest wishes in life are to be his dutiful wife and consort, bearing as many or as few of his children as he wishes, in addition to ensuring his lineage spreads far and wide across all the lands and all the many races that may inhabit them’…”
… Okay, laying it on a little thick there, Tabula!
“… Oh, God, there’s more…” he groaned under his breath. “Ugh… ‘In order to better achieve these goals, Albedo has formed a coalition between herself, the Pleiades Battle Maids, and M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean’s own creation Miia the lamia to support his ever-expanding acquisition of new harem members in any way they feasibly can’.”
Satoru could feel a headache coming on, and it wasn’t just because he was still awake at such a late hour. He skimmed past the next, like, five more pages detailing how she and the Tomb’s other women were head over heels for the genie, before he just got fed up and skipped to the very end.
“… she has an uncanny, supernatural ability to sense where her Beloved is at all times, on top of understanding his emotional state in its entirety, so that she might better serve him as his loving wife.” he read aloud to the empty throne room–
“Wait, WHAT?!” Gr33n shouted, making Satoru blink and remember the boy was still in the room. “That’s… I can’t…”
“Yeah. Yeah, I get it.” Satoru sighed. “Here, let me just…”
Using his administrative rights as the guildmaster, the undead player opened Albedo’s character bio and wiped away that last part of it. Tapping a finger on his chin, Satoru considered what to type instead for a moment… then snapped his fingers when a light bulb went off above his head.
“Albedo loves to dote on M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean as if she were his flesh and blood mother, much in the same way that he adores Aura and Mare of the Tomb’s 6th floor.” he said as he typed on the interface’s keypad.
Gr33n visibly flinched at his words, and if it were possible in the game, Satoru was certain that the genie’s green skin would be shifting to a bright cherry-red at this time.
“She will seek to fulfill his every whim and fancy, no matter how absurd or outlandish it may seem–” he continued.
“Wha-eh–Momonga, STAHP IT!” the genie whined, burying his face in his hands.
“–and is positively enamored by the thought of him granting her a legion of ‘grandchildren’ to spoil as much as she does to him.”
“Please, have MERCY!!”
“Yet, whilst she does indeed wish to have children of her own with Gr33n-Bean, she is content to wait as long as she must for the young man to feel ready to court her–lovingly raising however many other children that he might have as the ‘Grand Matron’ of his ever-expanding collection of wives in the meantime…”
Gr33n paused, saying, “Uhh… Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad–”
“… Then, when the time finally does arrive, she will eagerly accept his love with open arms. She will regularly urge him to make use of her body any time and any place that he so desires, in any conceivable way that he might desire, hoping beyond hope that M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean will bless her with his progeny.”
“Alright, THAT’S IT!!” the genie bellowed, abruptly standing from Tio’s lap.
“I’m gonna get you for this, you bony sonuva BITCH!!”
Ordering his girls to stay put, Gr33n-Bean teleported away in a flash of light to… God knows where in the Tomb. Satoru was about 5 seconds away from sending a [Message] to ask where the hell he’d gone, but was stopped short when a notification appeared on his HUD.
<Congratulations, Player: ‘Momonga’!> the system message read.
<Your World Level Item: ‘The Throne of Kings’, has been upgraded to possess Dev-Kit functionality–including, but not limited to; Access to the Creative Mode menu, Command Code Access, Unrestricted Access to all Cash Shop items for free, and our patented Asset Creation software!>
… What.
“Ha ha HA! I have RETURNED!!” Gr33n declared victoriously, holding some sort of gizmo high overhead as he warped back into the throne room.
“And with this device, I now have access… to unlimited POWER!!!”
Pointing the gizmo at Satoru and the Throne, the genie fiddled with it for a few seconds–
–and from the World Item he sat upon, a deafening horn sound erupted, his headphones damn-near blowing out his eardrums in the real world.
“AAAGHH, what the FUCK!?” Satoru screamed, slamming his palm’s to the side of his avatar’s head.
“Gr33n, what the HELL did you do to the Throne!?”
Cackling like the rotten little shit that he was, Gr33n-Bean explained, “I-I grabbed our Ouroboros ring from the Treasury and asked the Devs to give it God Mode access!”
“Yeah, I GOT that part!” he snapped back. “I was talking about that-that… Horn thing that just happened! How did you do that!? Is it because of that gadget you’re holding!?”
“Eeyup! Sure is!!” the walking turd rapidly nodded. “In exchange for the God Mode privileges you get, I can decide to use this little remote here to screw around with the Throne whenever you’re using it! Watch this!!”
Fiddling with it some more, Gr33n-Bean played a series of increasingly obnoxious sound effects–culminating in an echoed fart noise that bouced around the cavernous space of the throne room’s grand expanse.
“Are sound effects the only thing you can make the Throne do…?” the Overlord sarcastically groaned, pinching the space between his eyes.
“Well, I’m glad you asked, my dear guildmaster!” the genie replied with a devious edge to his tone.
“Now, for the pièce de résistance of the Throne of Kings’ final upgrade…”
Snapping his head up, Satoru saw Gr33n slam his hand down on a large red button at the remote’s bottom, and reached out to try stopping the genie–but he was already soaring through the air in a tall arc by the time he did.
“… The one, the only, the ejector seat!!” Gr33n-Bean finished, doubling over with uproarious laughter when Satoru landed flat on his face near one of the throne room’s massive stone columns, the Overlord’s long robes sprawled out around him to reveal his bony bottom for all to see.
Removing his face from the floor, Satoru gave his head a good shake, then rolled over so he was facing back towards the Throne–and more importantly, towards the cheeky brat who thought that he could pull a fast one on the undead player.
“[Boosted Magic: Slip]!” he encanted, a small magic circle appearing before his outstretched palm.
Beneath the genie’s feet, a similar magic circle formed, causing Gr33n-Bean to slip and tumble down the Throne stairs like he’d stepped on a banana peel. Although he didn’t take any HP damage, his younger guildmate glared daggers at Satoru through their headsets–flipping off the Overlord with one hand, which he gladly challenged with both of his own. The 2 players silently stared at each for a long while… then erupted into uncontrollable laughter, rolling around on the ground and holding their bellies tight. Despite it all, it felt good to have this last bit of fun together, even as the clock ticked down the final seconds to midnight…
10… 9… 8…
Except… when the Hour of Reckoning finally did arrive…
7… 6… 5…
Neither of them were kicked out of the game, back to their shitty lives in the real world.
4… 3…
No…
2…
Instead, the Overlord and Chaos Genie…
1…
0.
… Felt an almost imperceptible shift in the air, the normally dull physical senses of their avatars suddenly becoming far more… ‘Real’.
“Ha ha ha, ha ha… ha… ha… Hm?” Satoru hummed, finally noticing that he wasn’t back in his crummy Shinjuku apartment, even though their time with Yggdrasil should be up by now.
“What is… Did the Devs decide to push back the server shutdowns?” he muttered, only to blink as he realized that his voice was different.
“What the–my voice! Why is it so deep, all of a sudden?”
“H-Huh? What was that, Momonga?” a somewhat boyish voice said from the base of the Throne.
Pushing himself up to sit on his ass, Satoru shuddered when he felt the elegant silk glide across his skeletal body. Across from him, M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean was doing the same, his lips still curled in a smile despite the obvious confusion that was written across his face.
“Wait a minute… facial expressions…?” he thought, his mind racing at a mile a minute. “Is this a new patch, or something? Our avatars could never do that before!”
Quickly standing up, Satoru waved his hand in a downward motion to open his settings menu, yet nothing happened when he did.
“I can’t open my menu, Gr33n.” he said, his worry creeping into his tone. “I think something might be wrong.”
Springing to his own feet, Gr33n-Bean encanted “[Call GM]!” to get help from a Game Master. Again, nothing happened, despite how that emergency function should typically bypass all other restrictions or errors to contact the game's Support Center.
“Oh… Oh! OH! Ohh, crap!!” Gr33n squeaked, yanking on his curly hair with both hands. “Don’t tell me we’re in some kinda–frickin’… Sword Art Online type of situation!”
“My Lords, is everything alright?”
“WAAAAAGGHH!!!”
Satoru’s jaw dropped, while the boy rocketed up a mile high into the air in fright–the sheepish Albedo by the Throne covering her mouth with a gloved hand, her cheeks a rosy pink from startling the genie.
“Oh! Please, forgive me, Lord M!ghty_Gr33n-Bean!” the demoness spoke AGAIN, her hands cupped to her mouth. “I did not mean to frighten you!!”
Moving on autopilot, Satoru frantically ran to where his guildmate was falling with his arms outstretched, only just barely managing to catch the genie with a desperate dive to the ground.
“Gr33n! Are you okay!?” the Overlord yelped. “And… what the hell kinda Looney-Tune ass reaction was that!?”
Before he could say anything else, Satoru felt a wave of unnatural calm wash over him, easing his panic back into a much milder note of concern for the young man…
“Wh-wh-what, and who, and why, and HOW!?”
… Who, by contrast, was freaking the FUCK out.
“Y-Y-You’re talking!!” the genie stammered, pointing a shaking finger at Albedo. “H-How the fuck are you talking!? It shouldn’t be possible! The game isn’t advanced enough for that!”
In a flurry of motion, Gr33n was back on his feet, hauling Satoru up with him by the collar of his robes.
“How is this happening, Momonga!?” he demanded. “This shouldn’t be possible! Right!? Right!? RIGHT!?”
“S-s-t-o-o-o-o-p sha-king ME–E–E–E–E–EE!!” Satoru blubbered back, his bones rattling around like a bunch of maracas.
Abruptly dropping him like a sack of bricks, Gr33n-Bean quite literally turned white as a sheet from head to toe as a dreadful realization seemed to come over him. Slowly, painfully turning his head in the direction of the Throne dais, sweat poured down the genie’s face in droves as he looked towards the room’s other NPC occupants.
“… Darling?” Miia spoke, her face downturned with a concerned frown. “Is there something wrong?”
Spreading her arms wide, Tio next offered, “Do you wanna cuddle some more, Sweetie? Me and Miia are all yours, for as long as you want!”
The scream of utter horror that ripped its way out of Gr33n’s throat rattled Satoru’s whole body with its sheer volume–the 3 monster women all visibly recoiling at the way his skull and eyeballs popped out of his head with it.
“Momonga, RUN FOR IT!!” he shouted. “Run away! RUN AWAY!!”
Turning on his heel, Gr33n-Bean’s legs became a blur as he did a ‘burnout’ on the carpet, then charged clean through the throne room’s doors with his body–leaving behind a cartoonish outline of himself in the solid stone.
“IT’S AN ISEKAAAAIIIII!!!!”
To be continued…