Chapter Text
The great banquet hall was resplendent. Silver torches burned in ornate candelabras, casting warm light over tapestries that narrated the glories of Camelot. The royal table was covered in red velvet embroidered with gold, and the most influential nobles of Albion occupied their seats, wearing their finest silks and jewels.
It was Uther Pendragon's birthday.
Arthur had never thought it would be a good idea. In fact, he was absolutely certain it would be a disaster. But Merlin had insisted — and when Merlin insisted, Arthur had learned it was easier to give in than to argue.
"You promise you'll behave?" Arthur whispered to Merlin as the guests settled in.
"I always behave."
"You once set the kitchen on fire trying to make bread."
"That was an accident."
"You made the bread explode."
"I just mixed in too much yeast."
"Merlin."
"Arthur."
Arthur sighed. He was already tired. And the night had barely begun.
---
Uther sat on the elevated throne at the head of the table, with his ceremonial crown and his habitual expression of disapproval. Morgana was to his left, Gwen to the right behind her lady, and Sir Leon a few chairs down from Arthur, maintaining his composure with visible effort and exchanging worried glances with his prince.
Arthur rose, raising his goblet.
"My father. Lords and ladies. Today we celebrate the birthday of the king who saved and protected Camelot..."
Uther nodded with dignity.
"...and to mark the occasion, I have prepared a small surprise." Arthur paused. His left eye began to twitch. "My servant... Merlin... has prepared a special performance as court jester to entertain you all."
The silence that followed was deafening. After all, who didn't know and love the prince's clumsy, adorable servant? Everyone loved Merlin.
Merlin stepped out from behind Arthur, with a wide, radiant smile that promised nothing good. He wore his simplest tunic — and, for some reason, a jester's cap that Arthur didn't remember seeing before.
"Thank you, Your Majesty," said Merlin, making an exaggerated bow. "Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a trick you've never seen before!"
Sir Lincoln, a noble who always enjoyed Merlin's blunders, already half-drunk, clapped. Leon buried his face in his hands. Morgana leaned forward, a sharp smile on her lips.
Uther narrowed his eyes.
Merlin walked to the center of the hall, stopping before the royal table. His eyes met Arthur's for a brief instant — and Arthur felt a shiver run down his spine. That look meant something terrible was about to happen.
"My king," said Merlin, bowing to Uther. "I would like to present a new trick I've discovered. And you shall be my perfect victim..."
Arthur cleared his throat. Loudly.
"...I mean, my perfect assistant."
Uther raised an eyebrow. His expression was that of a man who had already seen Merlin do enough stupid things to know nothing good would come of this.
"What do you want now, Merlin?"
"It's simple." Merlin raised his hands, fingers spread. "I'm going to hypnotize you."
Uther snorted. "I don't believe in such nonsense, Merlin."
"Let me finish explaining, sire, I promise it will be fun."
Uther rolled his eyes with a drama Arthur didn't know he possessed. But he didn't interrupt.
Merlin continued, his voice low and theatrical:
"As soon as I snap my fingers..." — he raised his hand — "...you will forget that you were gay."
Snap.
The silence that followed was so absolute that Arthur could hear the blood circulating in his own ears.
Uther froze. His mouth opened. Closed. Opened again. He looked like a fish out of water.
Morgana burst into laughter — not polite giggles, but a scandalous laugh that echoed through the hall. Gwen covered her mouth with her hand, but her shoulders shook. Leon nearly fell off his chair.
Merlin kept his expression perfectly neutral.
"..."
"..."
"STOP THIS NONSENSE, MERLIN!" Uther finally exploded, slamming his hand on the table so hard the goblets clinked. "I'M NOT GAY!"
"Yes." Merlin nodded, as naturally as could be.
Uther blinked. "No, but... wait just a minute!"
"Take all the time you need." Merlin flashed a radiant smile.
"Merlin, Merlin — I've never been gay!"
"Exactly."
"No, but..." Uther gestured wildly, his face turning red. "You said I was gay!"
"I said you would forget that you were gay."
"BUT I NEVER WAS!"
"Yes." Merlin tilted his head, with the patience of a saint. "That's what I said."
"YOU CAN'T JUST SAY I WAS GAY AND SNAP YOUR FINGERS WHEN I NEVER WAS GAY!"
"Exactly, sire." Merlin crossed his arms, unflappable. "You were never gay. Exactly as I just said."
The entire hall was silent now. Even Morgana had stopped laughing to watch.
Uther turned red. Then purple. Then a shade Arthur didn't know human skin could reach. His hand found his sword.
"STOP THIS SORCERY, YOU ACCURSED..."
"HELP!" Merlin shouted, spinning on his heels and running toward the door.
"COME BACK HERE, YOU INSOLENT WRETCH!" Uther leaped from the throne, sword in hand, and gave chase.
"IT WAS A JOKE, SIRE, A JOKE!" Merlin's voice echoed down the corridor.
"I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND USE IT AS A MANTELPIECE DECORATION!"
"THAT'S A VERY SPECIFIC THREAT, SIRE!"
Arthur ran after the two of them, tripping over his own chair, with Gwen, Morgana, and half the knights right behind.
"FATHER! DON'T KILL HIM!"
"HE DESERVES TO DIE!"
"HE WAS DOING HIS JOB!"
"WHAT JOB?!"
Arthur reached the door in time to see Merlin leap over a service table, knocking trays and platters to the floor. Uther tripped over a piece of bread, nearly falling.
"SAVE ME SIRE! YOUR FATHER IS..." Merlin began, stopping mid-sentence.
"MERLIN, SHUT UP NOW!" Arthur shouted.
Merlin fell silent and hid behind Arthur.
Uther finally stopped, panting, his sword still raised. His hair was disheveled. His crown was askew. He looked like he had just fought an army — and lost.
"Sire," said Merlin, his voice now calm. "I can explain."
"Explain quickly." Uther's voice was icy.
"The trick was a joke. I used no magic — I swear on my life. It was just... a performance."
Uther narrowed his eyes. "A performance."
"Yes. To entertain the guests. You saw how Morgana laughed?"
Morgana, who was leaning against the doorframe, raised her goblet in a silent toast.
Uther took a deep breath. Then another. His hand on his sword wavered.
"You're an idiot," he said finally.
"Yes, sire."
"You could have lost your head for this prank."
"I understand, sire."
"And I'll make you clean every corner of this hall with your tongue."
"Very fair, sire."
Uther stared at Merlin for a long moment. Then, to everyone's shock, a laugh escaped his lips — a hoarse, reluctant, but genuine laugh.
"Arthur," said Uther, turning to his son. "Your servant is the most insolent man I have ever met."
Arthur sighed wearily. "I know, father."
"He deserves the stocks."
"He does, sire."
"And he's also the only person in this castle with the courage to speak such nonsense."
Arthur smiled, despite himself. "He does have that habit, yes."
Uther shook his head, sheathing his sword. "Clean up this mess, Merlin. And never do these pranks again."
"Yes, sire."
Merlin waited until Uther walked away before emerging from behind Arthur, a triumphant smile on his face.
"It worked."
"Merlin, you were almost killed."
"But he laughed." Merlin raised his eyebrows. "When was the last time your father laughed?"
Arthur opened his mouth. Closed it. He couldn't remember.
"...you're terrible."
"I know."
Arthur stared at him for a long moment. Then, despite everything, he began to laugh — a low laugh that grew until it echoed down the corridor.
"You're an idiot," said Arthur.
"You love me for it."
Arthur pulled Merlin by the arm, pulling him into a quick embrace — the kind of embrace they only shared when no one was watching.
"I really do find you amusing, Merlin." Arthur's voice was muffled against Merlin's shoulder. "But if you do something like that again, I'll let my father kill you."
"Deal, my prince."