Chapter Text
the smell of bitter coffee mixed with burnt unfinished cigars and cheap furniture was the smell that usually filled the practice room.
till kim sunoo joined the company; now the practice room sunghoon hid away from everyone to solitude himself, the practice room where he could shrink himself under the quiet yet eerie lights—
started smelling like cinnamon candles, started smelling something near vanilla ice perfume.
sunoo leaned his head back against the hard concrete wall, gasping for more air to fill his lungs; his eyes watching the performance he was required to show for him to be worthy to debut.
his voice cracked everytime he attempted a note that was usually out of his comfort zone, one that he only tried to succeed when no presence was there—failing everytime.
the note broke down his throat, a sharp cracked voice being let out. sunoo hadn't remembered the last time he'd been this exhausted, but it was vast. and he was running out of energy.
sunoo hadn't noticed anyone was in till he heard the loud thud the metallic door let out when sunghoon slammed the door back.
"you're dragging your voice, just give the note to someone else, sunoo-ssi."
for someone who everyone surrounding him claimed he was respectful and even used his respective honorifics, his tone usually just sounded so much like a bitch, sunoo thought.
sunghoon's posture was always with his back straighter than a ruler, if that's possible. even when he sat down, his back would never be lowered, and for someone who pretends like it's something that's always been habitual, he gets quite upset when someone notices the "habit" he suddenly acquired.
"if you're going to suffocate me," sunghoon spat "using your cheap perfume, well you might aswell learn how to do something right." the way his voice mockingly lowered in the last part like it was something embarassing, rubbed sunoo off the wrong way.
"again," sunghoon commanded.
when sunoo just brushed his command away and just pressed the demo once more, to articulate it properly in his head, sunghoon near lost his composure.
"i said, again." sunghoon repeated, which he hated doing. cracking his knuckles while putting on a facade where he was a calm patient guy, but sunoo could easily tell by the way his feet slammed the floor on a pattern, every second sunoo ignored sunghoon was harder his feet gripped to the floor, he could almost tell that beneath the shoes his toes were aching not to just stab a single fingernail out of frustration.
slowly, yet frustratedly did sunghoon get slightly closer to sunoo everytime an answer was nonexistent, he wanted to stop monitoring as fast as possible, but if bang si-hyuk sees how misbehaving his current attitude was to one of his favorite trainees was? he would undoubtedly fire sunghoon before even thinking about the post effects.
"does it kill you, to listen to me for once?"
sunghoon's head usually moved in a healthy pace, where he sorted out every sentence before he spat anything out. but with sunoo, words just came out of his mouth whether he liked it or not.
then came the creaking sound on the floor due to sunghoon's fingernails snapping around the wooden floor, roughly nudging sunoo's shoulders everytime he wasn't satisfied, which was every attempt sunoo had tried.
sunoo's exhales were loud that sunghoon was almost sure his lungs would rip everytime he took a breath in, he wasn't sure if everything sunoo did was loud or because the silence between them was so suffocating it quietened within every interaction any of the both had.
the next time sunghoon's fingers roughly dug through sunoo's shoulders, this time he didn't try to decline it. he let the feeling rattle deeper in his bones, even if it would hurt to move his shoulders during learning the choreography, which usually was his least favorite part.
his eyes moved to sunghoon's face, and for a second there, it was like it softened looking at sunghoon's eye bags.
"i heard you the first time, sunghoon" sunoo said, his voice dropping to a raspy whisper, unlike his usual cheerful voice. he refused to use something that represented respect to the other party, which he clearly lacked.
sunghoon's eyes slammed into his eyes, clearly disliking the disrespecting coming out of someone he never even had one normal conversation with.
"It's sunghoon "ssi" for you, now for the last time sing." his voice had risen an octave for the last part, the aggresive moving in his own pockets bothered even sunghoon.
"why do you hate me so much?" sunoo gasped, ruffling with his hair, pulling on seperate strands like it hurt him to speak each second to sunghoon.
the older boys eyes wandered across the room, searching frantically for words that wouldn't cause consequences he couldn't afford, each time trying to open his mouth and shutting it immediately after.
"get up, sunoo-yah." the older commanded, the chances of sunoo listening were slim but not zero. In this moment he prayed to every god he knew that he'd listen because patience is time, which were both expensive.
luckily for him, the younger responded, even if it took him long enough like he was processing the olders words and almost refusing them—something rattling when he does so, sunghoon assumed it came out of sunoo's chunky keychains, that he called "vintage" although sunghoon just thought he put them merely to make noise, like the never ending noise coming out of his own mouth wasn't enough.
"what is it?"
the excessive eye rolling after every sentence is starting to irritate sunghoon—he almost wants to poke sunoo's pretty doe eyes, and it's not like he's been running laps to sound exhausted everytime he opened his pretty mouth with his pretty lips.
"—hold your stomach when you hit the highnote, and inhale approximately 2 seconds before having to sing, you need vocal expanding, and you need to let go out of your breathy tone; heeseung hyung will explain how to, just go to him."
it almost ached when sunoo realized sunghoon was capable calling anyone in the team anything other than "ssi" or "mr" because that's the most he'd let sunoo in.
sunoo hasn't moved an inch ever since he noticed the foolish treatment was only implied on him, yet he never understood why. his vocal chords were exhausted enough from the constant chord pulling performance he had to pull everytime he spoke to sunghoon.
his knees buckled and he just slowly sunk to the floor, the air surrounding him suddenly tight. the dream of being a star kept flying away everytime sunghoon drained the energy and passion out of him.
his favorite vanilla notes disappeared due to the fact he continuously paced around the room, thinking whether he really truly wanted this or was he just bearing the constent suffering of something that wasn't his fault.
sunghoon usually thinks sunoo's naive, that he doesn't notice how sunghoon flinches everytime he sees the ceo smiling at him; he knows sunghoon wouldn't even greet him had not the pity money he was receiving for the desperate training—that sunoo was doubting.
—
the metallic click of the door unlocking at 5:00 sharp was supposed to be the sound, the sound that indicated it was the beginning of sunghoon's salvation, till sunoo hogged the quiet room it was.
he shut the door, expecting the usual smell of burnt cigarettes and coldness to hit them.
untill the agitating notes of cinnamon and suffocating vanilla slammed straight past his lungs, so potent the air dryed his throat out.
sunghoon didn't have to search the surroundings to know sunoo's presence was already in the room—that he woke up early for, expecting final solitude and peace.
sunoo hadn't left.
under the harsh buzzing fluorescent lights—that glared into sunghoon's gaze. sunoo was sat, almost sunk down on the floor. except this time, he stopped looking like the perfect doll he always attempted—it was almost a peaceful yet a sad view—he finally let his guard down but at what cost?
strands of hair kept falling on his face, they looked damp out of pure sweat in the heat—even thought sunghoon left this room fully cooled; the inches of the large room suddenly feel humid.
his face was entirely a shade of violent red that was frightening, his eyes glaringly red—his lips lacking any soet of life, just dry and pale, sweat dripping from his forehead down to the nape of his neck, embarassingly covering his face down to his knees so no one could see the mess he turned into.
the fragileness of his appearance almost hurt to watch, his knees shaking so fast it made his face look normal, sunghoon was utterly scared , watching the state the person he loathed was in, it was the only time he felt bad.
sunghoon almost rushed to sunoo, dropping his overly heavy bag, knowing the perfectionist sunghoon was, the bag was full of unnecessary necessities.
sunghoon's hands, not fully open—knuckles shoved frantically on sunoo's burning forehead
the heat radiating from sunoo’s skin was intense enough to burn through the calloused skin of sunghoon’s knuckles, if a fever was life threatening? It would be whatever state sunoo was in right now.
sunoo's body flinched against sunghoon's cold knuckles, almost rejecting the touch instinctively.
his knees tried working himself—failing, his knees buckled into a form that would definitely affect his dancing in the future.
sunghoon's eyes were so widened, you would think one's eyeballs had the access of being so brutally opened that it would fall out of his sockets. not knowing where to lay his hand around sunoo's body, whether it was his scorching hot body? or his knees that refused the thought of moving on it's own? or was it the way sunoo looked like the soul he once had faltered permanantly?
the touch wasn't tender, it was frustrated, like he thought that this would be his fate eventually—not because he was incapable, it was that he recognized someone similar to him, someone whose passion overstimulated the extent of his power.
he never noticed how uneven his breathing become until his sensory overloaded watch alerted him to steady himself.
"are you out of your fucking mind sunoo?" amidst trying to fix something permanantly collapsed apart, it was all he could spit out.
when he tried helping sunoo get up, forcing his eyes open, the red veins in his sockets matching the scarring bright white lights over them.
"stop," his tongue tried moving further, tried elaborating, but his failing body managed to get sunghoon nudged away from him.
sunghoon wasn't too fond of sunoo, but the thing he was the least fond of, was the constant refusal for help—he refused logical advice of any sort, as long as it matched what sunoo's mind was pacing at, he wouldn't take no for an answer.
"shut up." sunghoon whispered against sunoo's limping body, before managing to get a grip of sunoo's back, his knees working fast enough to get him up. sunghoon wouldn't admit it, but he smiled at the thought of the fact that sunoo's knees weren't functioning as well as his, his other hands hooked around sunoo's popliteal crease.
"sunghoon, please.." sunghoon tried his hardest not to point out the fact that he was crossing boundaries that were set without words—but his weak voice almost gave him up.
"why don't you ever listen?" sunghoon snapped, sunoo's limp body, frighteningly equivalent to a feather's weight, felt desperate for something, for once.
"if you—" he coughed "if you let them know about this, they'll take my note." he weakly pleads, his body losing composure by the running seconds—sunghoon can simply just walk closer to the door because if anyone needed that part, it was sunghoon. sunoo had every line sunghoon could ace easily, yet his own body refused to step an inch closer to the door.
"why would you even claim a part that you couldn't get right?"
"because then everyone's gonna think I'm unworthy of doing anything, sunghoon!"
the echo of sunoo's voice cracked violently against the wall, one last deaperate plead for help was what got sunghoon to finally put down sunoo on top of the only pillow in the large practice room.
sunghoon's body was acting much faster than his body, for the first time, sunoo said something that went past sunghoon's ears properly, words that he finally articulate in his head before responding with any snarky comeback.
"like you for example."
sunoo's eyebrows nudged into one look of frustration, his eyes so red yet so full of unspoken emotion.
he exhaled something similar to frustration, although sunoo was the one who couldn't even raise his head, he was feeling a whole lot of exhaustion just hearing anything that came out of sunoo's mouth—it almost made him feel guilty, in a way he'd never expected himself to feel. especially to someone whose favoritism was dug so deeply, he forgot it was a person.
"I don't think you're unworthy," the words were so quiet, so inaudible sunoo wasn't so sure he heard sunghoon properly. sunghoon patted his knees, leaning his back on the uncomfortable couch, the same couch where the opposite of it there is someone struggling to inhale air past his nose.
for the first time, sunghoon ran out of anything to say, whether it's the urge to absolutely make sunoo hate his existence, or the urge to get him into an emergency room so he could just practice for the performance that sunoo should've ached by now, 2 days felt like 2 minutes in sunghoon's hours and he needed to earn every second.
sunoo's breathing finally evened out into quiet breaths, like sunghoon's words were the only thing that could get him to rest his exhausted body.
"only that i do, i do find you unworthy of a responsibility that should've been other's opportunities."
sunghoon spat, this time it was loud when he realized that instead of sunoo trying to heal himself, he diverted into sleep he didn't need. one that would waste more time than necessary.
"fucking nepo kid."
the sound of the conditioning was the only sound that filled the room now—with sunghoon drifting into buckets of endless thoughts.
the room is framed by white, hard concrete walls that aggresively echo every rights and wrongs, like it reminds you how lacking you are at a thing.
with a sharp, impatient turn of his heel sunghoon moved away from the harsh uncomfortable couch, approaching his matte black sports bag where it was excessively large; grabbing the bag with an aggressive amount of force, laying it down with a loud thud on the floor that made sunoo audibly flinch.
—
the impossibly heavy metallic door barged open, slamming to the wall, the noise echoed back multiple times it almost hurt everyone's ears.
behind the door, was sunoo with an expression on his face no one has ever seen ever since he's decided to come into this company.
a look of pure agony and lack of patience, his hair was frayed into chaos by anxious hands—and it amused sunghoon.
the way his eyebrows furrowed into something so beautiful, an expression unlike him, made sunghoon almost lose composure, almost disregard the fact that sunoo's throwing a tantrum with his bestfriend, jungwon, being there to watch everything.
sunoo froze prior to saying anything— digging his nails deep into his skin, resulting to immense redness.
the scrambling for answers, not knowing where the beginning line of question's start, made sunghoon want to mock him for it.
his eyes lacked any of the spark—the passion in his eyes seemed nonexistent right in this moment
and it's all sunghoon could focus on.
although, every pure intentions vanished as soon as he opened his so elegant yet so ugly mouth of his.
"just—just why? why sunghoon! why would you tell them i was incapable of doing something both you and I know I'm ready and prepared for, tell me!"
despite the look of pure fury, his eyes shattering into hurt. he awaited something petty to come from sunghoon, but not a matter that could affect sunoo's career vastly.
"I do this so you don't get anything you want unfairly,"
sunghoon just so easily said, the way sunghoon smoothly lit a cigarette made sunoo want to punch out every thought in his head.
"what? what is that even—so i could tell everyone you smoke, and just say it's so you don't get anything unfairly?"
sunoo's tone was a whisper of threat more than anything else, challenging sunghoon. his eyes lowering to the relaxed posture of sunghoon, not cracking a smile but rather a mocking scoff.
he watched how sunghoon's eyes didn't panic, but the look of his eyes wasn't so cold anymore. like he realized finally not everything was going to be how he wanted it, as long as sunoo was there.
sunoo walked closer to sunghoon, not fast enough that indicates he was mad, but not slow like he was walking normally.
his knees dropped to a sitting sunghoon and glared at him, biting his lip—he knows sunghoon wasn't panicking, but not relaxed enough to not care.
"you know why i think you don't deserve anything you get, sunoo?"
sunghoon manages to crack a smile that was nowhere near friendly, burns the cigar in his hand on the previously burnt wall—due the same action.
"because you, kim sunoo get everything you want, you tell your little uncle you want something—and he listens, he obeys. why do you think you're here? in a company so high ranking like hybe?"
sunghoon spits.
"do you think it's because of your—your talent?"
"no," he finally gets up, towering over sunoo who stood up awhile ago—if he got any closer to sunghoon someone's nose would be broken and it's not sunoo's.
descending his head, lowering it enough that he could feel sunoo's breath brushing his neck.
"it's because pd nim—is your uncle, kim sunoo, you are not special."
his eyes purposefully falling to sunoo's lips.
sunoo thinks the cruelest thing happening to him wasn't the fact that he had to build a reputation that wasn't revolved around how he related to the ceo of HYBE, and being required to build and identity himself,
not the fact that sunghoon's loud mouth reminds everyone about sunoo's relations to the staff, or the fact that everytime he enters a room full of people the only one who smiles at him is sunghoon,
it's sunghoon downplaying any of sunoo's talents, because last time sunoo checked the monthly rankings said otherwise—and everytime, a little someone would score lower than him.
and suddenly a fist was in sunghoon's face.