Chapter Text
Martin wakes to the sound of an annoyingly loud alarm in his ear, joined by his fellow members' voices screaming at him to wake.
He checks his phone, 8:17 am, great he got a whopping 3 hours of sleep last night, and his day is filled with rehearsals.
It takes a second for him to realize where he is, he has fallen asleep working on music, again in fact the 3rd time in the past week.
He’s been slammed with work since their comeback is approaching faster than he would like, Martin’s the most burnt out he’s been his whole career.
Don’t get him wrong he loved being an idol, he trained for years for this but sometimes he wonders if choosing a different career path would’ve been a better choice.
“Martin, seriously we have to leave for rehearsal in 30 minutes!” James screams from the kitchen, with a slight tone of annoyance only noticeable if you listen closely.
He only fully registers the words after he hears the door being opened. It’s Juhoon looking calmer than how other members sound.
“How late were you up last night?” He sounds groggy and has a quite careless expression, but Martin doesn’t think twice recognizing his members usual mellowness.
“Only up until about 5, but what’s new? Why, what time did you go to bed?” He was really only asking to make small talk knowing the older likely didn’t go to bed later than 12.
“Hm, guess?” Juhoon said with the sound of a slight grin in his voice, just the sound of the tone made Martin feel unreasonably bothered.
“I’ll be jealous so I may as well keep my guess to myself, why are you so gleeful on this shitty morning?” Martin says with a bit of an annoyed tone.
“You seriously need to get up, we have rehearsal in like 20 minutes.” Juhoon states, avoiding the question, firmly but somehow still slack. His words sound concerning laid out on paper, but Martin knew he was trying to tick him off.
They’ve been going through a bit of an angsty patch, but Martin was a bit confused because they’ve always been known by fans and their peers as quite a bit of a close pair. Maybe that’s why he found it so annoying, it’s like with the flip of a switch Juhoon decided that his main goal for this comeback was to get on Martin's nerves any way he could.
“Like you care.” Martin says. Of course he secretly hopes he does otherwise he wouldn’t say anything.
“Yeah you’re right I don’t, go back to bed not like you’re helping us in the studio anyway.”
Martin was actually a bit hurt at how easily the degrading words came off the others tongue.
“Just get out Juhoon, I’ll be out in 5.”
Juhoon just left without saying anything slowly but somehow intensely clicking the door shut behind him.
“Fucking asshole” Martin whispered to himself.
When he finally decided to rise from his bed he retreated to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.
He was met with a locked door, and he could only imagine who was on the other side.
“Come on Jju, get out you know I need to get ready.” He was met with no answer.
“Oh my god Juhoon seriously!” He stumbled over to the couch to sit lazily, and rubbed his eyes.
He felt dead, how was he gonna get through rehearsal, James was gonna kill him for staying up so late again. I mean what else was he supposed to do, he’s never been so stressed about work in his life-
That thought was abruptly interrupted by the sound of Juhoon's voice, “Earth to Martin" he stated with his usually careless energy.
“Oh my god, finally.” Martin waltzed into the bathroom and shut the door with a little more force than necessary, now he only had about 15 minutes to get ready since Juhoon’s mission of the day was to waste his time.
He emerged about 12 minutes later, and to his surprise they left without him with no warning.
*****
Martin walked into the studio and was met with the glares of his members.
“You’re 10 minutes late again Martin.” James said with a stern voice that almost sounded concerning if he listened hard enough.
“Yeah I know that.” he responded impatiently.
James just turned around and continued to count through the choreo.
Martin tried to keep up with an upbeat attitude, but eventually just gave up.
His movements were a bit slurred and slowed down almost as if his limbs were intoxicated while his brain was forced to keep the pace.
“Okay, we aren’t really getting anywhere, how about a 30 minute break?” James stated after going over the same 8 counts for about 20 minutes.
“Sounds good to me!” the maknae said, with a sarcastic sounding enthusiastic tone.
“Yeah, whatever I'm just gonna stay here and go over the choreo, thanks though” Martin said refraining from eye contact with the older member.
“i will too”
Martin whipped his head to the side, surprised to see Juhoon staring back at him with a wide grin on his face.
“Okay then, you guys coming with me? I’m just gonna go downstairs, it’s hot up here.” James said.
“Is that even a question?” Seonghyeon said with a slight eyeroll
Seonghyeon, Keonho and James all walked out of the room, leaving Martin and Juhoon there alone.
“Why did you stay, you know the choreo?” Martin said, his eyebrows glowing closer as he awaited his answer.
“Hmm, I don’t know? Am I not allowed to go over it?” Juhoon said snarkily, making Martin grow angrier.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean? Why do you care so much?”
“I don’t, I was just asking, Jesus”
“Sounds like you do”
Hearing him say this made Martin grow so angry he felt he could punch Juhoon with no remorse.
“God Jju, what's your problem with me? What did I do, all of sudden it’s like you hate my guts! I just don’t understand” Martin replied, throwing his hands in the air while Juhoon just stared blankly at him, showing no emotion.
“There’s no problem.” Juhoon said, remaining calm.
“Bullshit, these past couple weeks it seems like your main goal in life is to piss me off.”
He paused for a second, but after receiving no response besides his blank stare he continued.
“I just… I don’t know I miss how we used to be.” Martin said, staring at the ground sadly, feeling a bit embarrassed for such vulnerable words coming out of his mouth in such a tension-filled environment.
“What exactly do you miss? Me praising you for every little thing, and acting like you’re the sun and I’m the planet revolving around you? We’re not fucking dating Martin.” Juhoon snapped.
Martin physically felt his heart clench at the last part, but only because he knew it was true. He wanted Juhoon, he had since he saw him for the first time while they were still trainees, but he couldn’t have him no matter what he did, it just wasn’t possible to date and uphold their Images as idols.
That’s why Juhoon’s recent behavior hurt so bad, Martin was starting to think maybe Juhoon liked him too, up until a few weeks ago.
“That's not what I said,” Martin said, still looking at the ground.
“Whatever Martin.” Juhoon walked over to the door, and left.
Martin wanted him to hesitate, look back, maybe even just a change in pace, but he did nothing, just walked straight out of the room as if Martin were never in it.
After the door shut Martin felt a heavy lump in his throat, as if barbed wire were wrapped around it.
He knew he couldn’t keep doing this, he needed to get over Juhoon, as quickly as possible.
But before he started to think on how, he was interrupted by the sound of heavy, chaotic footsteps.
His members met back in the room, each of them sharing a conversation about something useless.
“Everything okay Martin?” His elder asked, with a hint of concern in his voice.
“Yeah I’m good, thanks James.” Martin avoided eye contact and trotted lazily over to his spot in the formation.
*****
Later that night while his other members hung out in the living room, Martin retreated to his room using the excuse of being tired.
As he plopped down on his bed he started to rethink his conversation with Juhoon.
“We’re not fucking dating Martin!” Replayed in his head over and over again.
He couldn’t help but let the tears he’d been holding all day spill over the edge.
Salty despair drenched his face, he couldn't remember the last time he cried like this.
He fell asleep like that, laying on top of his duvet, his pillowcase soaked in sweat and tears.
*****
He woke up a couple hours later and checked the time, 1:24 am. He also felt his stomach grumble, so he decided to get up and get something to eat.
He retreated to the door quietly, careful to not wake his younger bandmates.
When he reached it, he opened it gently, closing it behind him promptly, making sure not to slam it.
When he turned around to walk to the kitchen, his eyes caught a glimpse of a figure standing in front of the other bedroom door.
Martin grabbed the closest thing to him that could be used as a weapon, and started creeping towards the figure.
As he came closer, he tried to get a good look, but it was no use as the lights were off.
He crept up behind the figure and almost passed out when it turned abruptly and faced him making direct eye contact.
Martin lunged at the figure and successfully latched onto its waist, throwing it to the floor.
Martin was on top of the figure holding it down like his life depended on it.
Oh my god, it finally happened someone leaked out dorms adre-
“Martin what the hell!”
Martin woke up a bit to the sudden sound, only to realize after a couple of seconds he recognized the voice.
He opened his tightly shut eyes, just to see Juhoon staring up at him, not looking too happy about the situation.
Martin wanted to just melt through the floor right there, he didn’t even want to respond, and admit the humiliation of tackling one of his band members as if they were a burglar.
“….are you gonna get up or what?” Juhoon asked, impatiently.
“Oh, uhm yeah sorry”
Martin got up awkwardly standing and scratching the back of his neck, hoping to relieve some of the tension in the room.
“Did you seriously think I was like a burglar or something?” Juhoon asked with a slight smirk on his face.
“Just shut up! You would’ve too, you were just standing there like some creep!”
Juhoon just laughed. Straight up laughed in Martin's face. Martin could only look offended, because he knows If it were the other way he would act the same way.
Martin just looked at the floor and picked at his fingernails while Juhoon continued to laugh.
“Bro, are you kidding, you're actually upset?” Juhoon said, still partly laughing.
Martin didn’t answer, he was so embarrassed, of course he had to give Juhoon one more reason to laugh or pick on him.
He felt a lump start to form in his throat, he didn't want to cry because he was embarrassed, he wanted to cry because he never thought Juhoon would treat him like this. Ever.
He felt small teardrops start to moisten his eye, but not enough for tears to fall.
“Oh shit Martin, I’m sorry it was just a joke” Juhoon said the smile he was wearing proudly moments earlier slowly wiping off his face.
“It’s fine Jju, I’m going back to bed.”
“No wait I’m sorry, are you crying?”
Martin didn’t answer, he didn’t want to talk to him, to be seen crying over something so miniscule. So he just walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
He sat on the toilet and held his face in his hands and just started to cry, he didn’t fully understand why, but he let himself sob uncontrollably in his hands.
He was interrupted by the door opening, also being reminded that he forgot to lock it.
“Martin, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Juhoon said, a small frown forming on his face.
“Jju it’s not your fault, I’ve just been overwhelmed lately”
Martin didn’t understand why Juhoon all of sudden cared about hurting his feelings, when it’s all he’s done for weeks.
“I’m sorry Martin,” Juhoon said, just looking at the floor.
“It’s fine Jju I don’t really wanna talk to you right now though” Martin said looking up at the smaller boy. “Just get out please”.
“Okay” Juhoon said, he was about to leave when he turned to tell Martin something. “We need to talk though, meet me at that cafe tomorrow around 1?”.
“Fine,” Martin said, mostly just to get him out of the bathroom.
Strangely, after he left, Martin was flooded with a sense of relief.
Maybe from briefly chatting with Jju, or maybe just from hearing him sound genuinely sorry.
Whatever he didn’t have time to stay awake and ponder about it, he hadn’t gotten a good-nights sleep in months.
The only thing he could hear in his head was, I need to get over him
He retreated back to his room, and laid down falling asleep almost immediately.
He’ll figure it out tomorrow.