Chapter Text
Aang’s heart was hammering out of his chest, but that was kind of to be expected when one was having an out of body experience of all of the times that they’ve lost control and almost hurt the people that they care about the most.
It didn’t help that the first time he had ever entered the Avatar State was 100 years ago, and as a result his entire culture had died out. That itself had probably given him some sort of deep-rooted issues around the Avatar State despite how useful and important it was to his survival and ability to protect the people he was supposed to protect. Every time it had burst out of him over the last few months had been unstable and out of control in a way that had put his friends in danger.
Those incidents bombarded Aang one after another. Until he was on the deck of a Fire Nation ship, the huge glowing body of the Ocean Spirit merged with himself towering over him. Aang looked to the side and saw Sokka.
He shouldn’t have been there, he should have been somewhere else, anywhere else.
Sokka’s face was a mask of terror as he looked at the Ocean Spirit, and as Aang looked back towards the glowing behemoth it was clear why.
The huge wall of water it had sent towards the ship was not stopping. Aang scrambled for something, anything, his glider, a waterbending stance, but as he looked around he realized that he was alone.
He was Sokka, and he was going to die alone.
The wave dragged him over the side of the ship and into the icy depths below. He struggled, but it seemed to do nothing. He was drowning.
Aang sat up as he gasped for air. It was just a nightmare.
At least, for him it was.
Aang needed to get out, he needed some fresh air.
He needed his friend to still be alive, but he wasn’t getting that anytime soon, so he settled for the fresh air above deck.
Katara found him after a few minutes. Maybe she was having trouble sleeping too. Aang could not blame her.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Aang wanted to forget about it, wanted it to have never happened, wanted to somehow rewind the clock so he could save Katara’s brother instead of killing him by going into the Avatar State. Katara should hate Aang, should blame him for what happened, but despite everything all he could detect from her was concern, and sadness.
“No, it was just a nightmare,” said Aang. Maybe deflection would work.
“You kept saying his name.” Drat.
“I was in the Avatar State, but I was outside my body watching myself. It was scary. I was scary.”
Katara reached out a comforting hand.
“I was with Sokka, on a Fire Nation boat, and then I was Sokka, and then I died.” A small sob escaped Aang’s throat despite his best efforts. “Because of me...”
“Aang it wasn’t your fault. You had no control.”
Aang sighed heavily, tears falling down his face. “Don’t you see? That’s the problem, Katara.”
Leaving the Water Tribe ship was rather anticlimactic, aside from Paku bestowing some magic spirit water in a special magic spirit vial upon Katara, and some waterbending scrolls upon Aang.
And then the South, and Gran-Gran had come up. “...I will inform her of her grandson’s sacrifice. It only makes sense that we repay it by helping our sister tribe regain what has been lost.”
Katara had just nodded. She seemed so stiff. It had been less than two weeks since the invasion of the North, since they had lost Sokka.
As the promised Earth Kingdom base came into view just beyond a mountain, it struck Aang that this is when Sokka would have exclaimed something like “There it is!” but he wasn’t there to do so. His body was somewhere in the ocean, probably being eaten by wildlife.
They had spent an entire day looking for his body before leaving but they hadn’t found him. They’d found the bodies of plenty of dead Fire Nation soldiers and a couple missing Northern Water Tribe warriors. Aang knew that he logically wasn’t responsible for the deaths of all of these people. He wasn’t those in the Fire Nation chain of command who had decided to attack, he wasn’t commander Zhao.
So many people had been lost because that asshole wanted to kill the moon, throw the world into even less balance, for the glory of the Fire Nation.
When the sun set that day and everyone around Aang had insisted he stop looking and get some rest, Aang had flown into the tundra just to scream. He didn’t want anyone to hear. He’d found the cave that Zuko had spirited him off to the night before and collapsed on the ground, sobs echoing around him. It was almost an hour before he’d returned. Katara had been worried.
He didn’t mean to worry her. Her eyes were red and puffy, more so than they already had been. He hadn’t wanted to see her like that again.
He hadn’t, but this was worse. The hollow stiffness that she now carried, the dark circles under her eyes. It hadn’t left over the last few days. Aang didn’t think it would ever truly leave.
But they’d needed to keep up the pace, so there wasn’t really time to mourn, or any more time to search. Aang needed to master waterbending, and find an earthbending teacher. Not to mention that he still had no idea where he would ever find a firebending master who wanted to teach him.
“I think that’s the base,” said Katara.
“Yeah.” Aang maneuvered the reins to tell Appa to descend. Appa got the message and dove gracefully, landing with a thump on a large raised courtyard in the middle of the base.
As soon as the two sky bison riders descended from their mount a man, who looked to be the General from how he was dressed, approached.
“Welcome, Avatar Aang! I am General Fong, and welcome to you great heroes! Appa, Momo, the mighty Katara.” He coughed a bit awkwardly before bowing, those gathered behind him in formation did the same.
“I had a fireworks display prepared but I received word of an untimely death among your group and it didn’t seem appropriate, my deepest condolences for the loss of your brother, Master Katara.”
“Oh, um, thanks,” Katara said a bit stiffly.
Sokka probably would have liked the fireworks.
“Avatar Aang, we were all amazed at the stories of how you singlehandedly wiped out an entire Fire Navy fleet at the North Pole.” Fong gave his beard a contemplative stroke. “I can't imagine what it feels like to wield such devastating power. It's an awesome responsibility.”
Aang’s heart was racing. “I really try not to think about it.” The cavernous space around him wasn’t helping the sinking pit in his stomach.
“Avatar, you’re ready to face the Fire Lord now.”
“What?! No I’m not!” Aang was not ready, what was this jerk’s deal?
“Aang still needs to master all four elements,” said Katara from beside him, it sounded like she thought Fong was just as dumb as he sounded to Aang.
“Why? With the kind of power he possesses, power enough to destroy hundreds of battle ships in a matter of minutes, he could defeat the Fire Lord now!” It really sounded like Fong wasn’t going to give up easily.
“I can only do that in the Avatar State though!”
“I'm well aware! Your eyes and tattoos glow and you're able to summon unbelievable power. Without you, we'd be slaughtered before we even reach their shores.” Fong looked at the map beside him drawing a finger from his base to the Fire Nation Capital. “But with you leading the way, as the ultimate weapon, we could cut a swath right through to the heart of the Fire Nation.”
It was a terrible idea, possibly the worst idea ever in fact.
“I can’t control it though! I don’t even know how to trigger it, let alone make sure I don’t hurt or kill people, even my allies!” Aang was having a hard time not openly shouting at General Fong, as it was, his voice was still fairly raised. He really didn’t like yelling.
“So, it's decided then. I'll help you figure out how to get into the Avatar State and then you'll face your destiny.” He was really really stuck on that terrible idea.
“No, nothing's decided. We already have a plan. Aang's pursuing his destiny his way.” Katara sounded angry.
“Well, while you take your time learning the elements, the War goes on. May I show you something?”
Aang let himself be led to the window begrudgingly. “That's the infirmary, and those soldiers are the lucky ones. They came back. Every day, the Fire Nation takes lives. People are dying, Aang! You could end it, now. Think about it.”
The injured soldiers were a sad sight, but Aang wasn’t particularly swayed. He could do just as much damage to the General’s forces as he could potentially help them. He needed to master the elements, and master the Avatar State before trying something so foolish, and he was nowhere near either.
That night, in the guest quarters they'd been assigned, Katara turned to Aang and spoke. “I don’t think we should stay here. There’s a right way to do this and General Fong seems determined to push you towards something reckless.”
“No, you’re right.” Aang sighed. “I think we should leave in the morning, might as well get a good night’s sleep and some supplies.”
“Thanks Aang, I’m glad you agree.”
Aang’s eyes stung slightly. There was no way he wouldn’t have.
He swallowed his feelings down, and got up to blow out the lamp.
The next day they got up bright and early. Breakfast was army rations, but anything they didn’t have to stop and cook themselves was welcome, and the porridge while being mass produced slop was still tastier than the uncooked rations they’d had on the Water Tribe ship. Luckily there were two different pots to choose from, one with chunks of mystery meat and one with mushrooms, or Aang would have likely been relying on rations again.
The meal they’d been served last night was fully vegetarian and very nice, nicer than Aang had eaten in a while, but he’d had a hard time eating it.
Breakfast was marginally easier to stomach if only due to hunger.
Requisitioning supplies from General Fong’s quartermaster went over smoother than it could have, there were some questions, but they were minimal.
Unfortunately word seemed to travel fast though because as they were packing up Appa to leave General Fong approached.
“Leaving so soon? But I had so many ideas to help you unlock the Avatar State, you could at least humor me by trying one or two.” He stroked his beard again.
“General Fong, listen, I thank you for your hospitality, and your idea is, well I understand why you’d want to use the Avatar State, but I don’t think it works like that. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trigger it on purpose.”
“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”
“I’m sure. I can only reach the Avatar State when I’m facing genuine danger.”
“I see, I was afraid you’d say that.” General Fong slipped into an earthbending stance and the ground below Katara’s feet started to swallow her, before Aang could do anything she was up to her knees.
Katara struggled. “I can’t move!” She stared at Aang with panic in her eyes.
“What are you doing?! Don’t hurt her!” Aang gathered a large gust of air and sent it straight at the General, but he easily countered, throwing up a wall to block it.
And then Katara sank further into the ground, yelping out as she did so.
“Stop it! Get her out of there!” Aang really wished he knew anything about earthbending right now.
“The only way to stop me is to enter the Avatar State,” General Fong yelled back. Drawing Katara even further down as he did so.
“Aang, I’m sinking!”
Aang ran up to Fong, around the barrier he’d erected, Fong immediately erected another barrier, but only at half height. He was still watching Aang.
“No, I don’t want to fight you, I don’t want to kill you! You need to stop!”
“You could save her if you were in the Avatar State.”
Aang was on the ground now, begging “You don’t need to do this!”
“Apparently I do.”
“Aah! Please!” was all Katara could gasp out before the earth swallowed her. She sounded terrified.
Aang stood up, and his tattoos started glowing, and then he blacked out.
When Aang returned to his body he had learned quite a bit more about the Avatar State.
There was also a fair bit of destruction. Aang felt bad.
Thankfully nobody appeared to be hurt except for the General though, Fong had what seemed to be at least a few broken bones, but would live. His men were already rushing to help.
Katara rushed over to Aang as he collapsed, she must have been freed sometime during his Avatar State rampage, thank the Spirits.
“I’m sorry Katara, I hope you never have to see me like that again.” Aang felt truly terrible.
Appa and Momo were completely unscathed, but understandably rattled. Nobody else tried to stop them as they finished packing.
One of Fong’s subordinates did come over to ask if they still wanted an escort to Omashu, Katara declined before Aang had to.